A/N: Hi all!

It's been a while, huh?

I'm now in college, so instead of doing homework, I hit upon a bust of inspiration to continue this story of eli and Kevin. Please let me know what you think/what can be improved upon.

-Riley

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So how long does this take to work? I ponder as I take a handful of Vicodin from the bottle, conveniently stored in the bathroom medicine cabinet. I swallow them, then take another handful, for good measure. I’d contemplated faster ways, like taking a bullet to the head, but thought better of it. How heartless would it be to make a mess on the way out? I just want to quietly exit. To have my family find me, dead, I don’t want to trouble them with a bloody death scene. I know what messy deaths look like, thanks to a certain someone.

Kevin. I down the second fistful of pills with a concerning amount of ease. I settle in the bathtub; the cold porcelain cocooning me in.

It’s been a year since I saw him. Albeit the most recent time was in a casket, so I guess it’s been a bit longer. The pain is still just as fresh as that day, though. I’ve so many regrets I wish I could right. But for people like me, we don’t get the luxury of second chances. My therapist said that acceptance would come, but it never did. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by since that f^cker left that I haven’t heard that thought in the dead of night, like poison in my mind

“It’s your fault.”

The worst part of all is that I know it’s true. Had I not left him, had I been strong for him, I would still have the love of my life in my arms. We could have been content with secret looks until we hightailed it out of this place. But no. I was a weak person then. I was so afraid of my parents and of them finding out that when suspicion arose, I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to make it seem to him that I was afraid of my parents, and that they held power over me. I thought I was being better somehow by sparing him the stress of two families being ripped apart by their gay sons. But I loved him through everything. Even after our breakup, when I would see him in the halls, I would feel my heart lighten a bit just from his presence. I guess I couldn’t say the same for him, though. Now he’s 6 feet under, and I’m slowly getting dizzy.

Luna was a mistake, Kevin. I wanted to prove to my parents that I was still the son they “knew so well”. What a laugh. She was so much like you, you know. I feel like you two would be best friends had things not hashed out the way they had. I guess I needed you so badly I settled on the closest thing without a Y-chromosome. But nothing could replace you. I realized that much too late though. Bile rises in my throat, the thought making me sick. 

How much time has passed? I ponder as I fight to keep the medicine down. 

“Hey Eli, tell me again what we’re going to do after we graduate.”

The fall sun beams its rays onto the roof of the school. We’re seated behind a large machine emitting a low, constant rumble. The air is warm but holds the brisk-ness of fall. The school ground is invisible underneath trees, whose leaves create a beautiful collage of browns, royal reds, and mustard yellows.

“We’ll leave here, wearing our graduation clothes and all. We’ll decide on some place eventually -which by the way you have to give me your input on, I can’t choose everything-. We’ll find a place to call our own, and we’ll become one of those gross couples that bicker over where to put the salt but still love each other.” Kevin tosses his lead back, laughing at the high possibility of my statement. He always finds the jokes about how we'll be as a couple living together hilarious. 

Without warning, my body convulses as I try to expel the painkillers, The dizziness is more noticeable now. That paired with black spots in my vision hint that the end may be soon approaching. As I blink, I see something in front of me. 

Kevin.

The lovely boy now has wide, heavenly white wings sprouting from his back. His arms reach out to me, as if telling me to grab them. I’m willing my arms to move, but my increasingly weak body is betraying me. How ironic, now that I can see him, my body won’t let me have him. Karma, I suppose. I blink again, and he’s gone. Something black is creeping into the side of my vision. A black, formless shadow. A mouth opens, and curls into a forbidding smile. The shadow moves forward, until it’s covering the entire of my vision. At that moment, I have a moment of realization. I wronged Kevin in the worst way.

I didn’t take Vicodin because I was being considerate to my family. I did it because I was weak. Until my very last second, I was, and am weak. Forgive me Kevin. Not today, I don’t expect that. But someday. Please. I don’t think I’ll be seeing you wherever you are, for I get the feeling I am going somewhere much darker than where you now reside.

“Eli, get up.”

“Mm.. Where am I- Kevin?”

“Hi Eli. We have a  lot to talk about. But we have time. It’s nice to see you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”