Have you ever played that game 'you are now aware you are breathing'? If not, it's a pretty simple game, so basic in fact that that one may struggle to even call it a game. It's more of an annoyance really. But for now I shall call it a a game.

What happens in said 'game' is that you or someone else will be going about their normal every day existence blissfully unaware of the fact that someone is about to destroy that tranquility with one simple statement.

"You are now aware you are breathing."

And just like that, in one short sentence the next hour of your life has been ruined.

How? You may ask. Well, try it for yourself. Try and breathe without being conscious of every single inhale and exhale.

Next you'll try to control your breathing. Maybe you'll try to slow it town, or try to not breathe in at all. You will go on for as long as you can restricting and obsessing over your breath until the obvious and terrible truth hits you. You are powerless. No matter how hard you try you just cant stop being aware of your breath.

It's maddening, but in some cruel twist of fate the more you try to ignore it the more acutely aware you become.

Eventually of course you will forget about it, you'll get distracted by the TV or a friend or by schoolwork and once again you will become blissfully unaware of your own oxygen intake. You will also forget all about that evil little sentence. It will disappear into the deep recesses of your mind waiting for a perfect moment to resurface. Like some twisted version of 'the game' you never agreed to partake in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a lot of ways this horrific experience of a 'game' reminds me of love. Or rather, one sided love. More specifically a crush you know you shouldn't have, and really don't want to think about.

The first time your brain pipes up with that harmless little sentence you can physically feel the dread sinking in your stomach. You can try as hard as you like to take it back and deny the thought ever happened. You may even try to trick the little voice inside of your head that it's just confused. That you didn't mean it. That you most certainly do not. Because you can't and don't and won't. But there it is. Lingering there. Hanging in the air like a tit in the breeze because on this day you were stupid enough, or brave enough, or maybe just damn careless enough to let yourself finally put it into words.

"I think I like him."

And there it is. Your new source of a million light years worth of anguish.

Maybe the breathing game is slightly better in this respect, since at least breathing is an integral part of life, whereas having a crush on literally the most inconvenient person on earth is somewhat more... counter-productive.

And you try, and try, and try to ignore that stupid statement that flits around your head of its own free will. Making itself known at really rather inappropriate moments.

I mean really, is there any need to remind me of all the dumb things I've said to him in the past week? And does it have to be at 4 am when I have to be up in two hours? I'd really rather someone scoop out my eyes with a teaspoon than have to relive one more minute of this torture.

Oh but it gets worse. If it weren't enough to want to scoop my own eyes out he'll then do something so sickeningly cute or sweet or maybe even both if he's in a truly sadistic mood, that I'll want to bite off my own face from sheer !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. If you get what I mean.

There's not really a word for that angry, squishy feeling you get when someone you adore does something so cute you're not sure if you want to punch them or kiss them. But it also makes you feel all warm and happy inside and makes you do that face. You know the one. The one where your lips form an 'O' shape and your eyes squish together (although that may be from the way you're squishing your cheeks together with your palms... who knows, I'm not a scientist I'm not qualified to know). All I do know is, is that there should be some sort of law against being that cute. It's not good for my health or my mental stability.

It's not like I'm obsessed with him though. Don't misunderstand. That's why I feel its like the 'breathing game'. One moment I will be going about my usual business happily unaware of my feelings. They have been happily pushed to the back of my head where all the other I do without noticing lives. Like breathing, pumping blood around my body and remembering to not notice my nose.

However, in one fell swoop of a misplaced thought my feelings will crash into me and I will become 'aware', which of course means that no matter how hard I try to not think about him, he ends up being all I can think about.

His smile for one. I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful smile. It lights up his whole face. And I really don't give a if that sounds cheesy or like a bit of an overused line. His smile is stunning and I will never get over how heavenly it makes him look.

His voice is another thing. I can get lost in his voice quicker than an English person gets lost in Welsh place names. It doesn't even matter what he's talking about really, his voice will always just seep right into my bones giving me warmth and comfort. If I were to liken his voice to anything it would be a strong, fine whiskey on a cold winters night. Full of warm feelings and comfort and just enough of a kick to probably make me say something stupid.

I never wanted this to happen. I can't even remember when it started. I always admired him. But then it became more and just like that I was suddenly aware of a rather awful and impractical crush on my best friend.

~A/N~ Hey there, so yeah. this is just like the intro sort of thing, getting to know Jong a little bit. The next chapter actually has dialog and like isn't just narration. so yeah. I will upload that as soon as I have finished editing it. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think, and yell at me if there are any typo's 'kay? <3