I believe that there are only two kind of hard day in my life. The day I lose any of my family and the day I lose any of  my friend. And there are only two kind of thing that I considered hard to do, lying to my family and lying to my friend.  I have never been the type of girl who talks about everything with my friends. But honestly, when I know something’s happening or something’s about to happen to my friends, I would never think twice to tell them. And this time, I have to.

                Shooting has always been tiring for me, but these last few years my life is all about acting. To be sad or not to be sad, to get sympathy or to be ignorance, to keep my feelings hidden or... no, I have to keep my feeling hidden all the time. But today, shooting is not just tiring. It is hard. I told you that there are only two hard things to do. Well, shooting isn’t one of those, but lying is.

                It all started three weeks ago, I was so happy to go to the office. Because finally, I was meeting all my friends. Ever since some of them left the dorm, it was hard for us to meet. But ,  after a month we got to hang out. It was better since we were going to the office, which means new project yay! Each one of us greeeted each other with hugs, even playful gross kisses.

                Then that thing happened, our most reliable person, our manager, told us that there are both good and bad news. Like I said, the good news was promotional video of our latest single was decided to be made. And the bad news was it was probably the last.

                “There are few things that come all together for the company to decide this. She is no longer commited to you. She has her main priority now. It is all on you. To keep things static or to start making this dinamic. For the better of you all and for the better of her.”

                Then we realized, it was not actually all of my friends, she is not here. She is not with us. I could see those scary angry faces I have never seen before.

                “Are you kidding me?” Sunny said

                “We heave decided this. That PV will be her last shoot with you all. None of you are allowed to tell her anything.”

                “We never said yes.” Hyoyeon striked

                “You still have 3 years to go with us. You just decided to have three years more with us.”

                “Is that a threat?” Sooyoung’s eyes widened. “Oppa, after all this year, you’re threatening us now?”

                “Yes”

                “No, I’m not doing it” Sooyoung said again.

                “I never said anybody could agree or disagreee. I have no choice. You’re all dismissed. The shooting is three weeks from now. Nobody is allowed to tell her anything.”

                “Taeyeon-ah! Speak up! What are you doing??” Tiffany stared at me with her watery eyes.

                “I- I agree” Everybody stared at me with an unbelieveable look. Sunny left, and slamed the door.

                “What the heck is wrong with you?” Hyoyeon said and left.

                “Taeyeon-ah.....” Yuri shook her head in disbelief.

                “I need you to say yes. Even if nobody said yes, you have to. Because you’re the one they look up to. They know that you won’t screw things up”

                “I do screw things up. Right now.”

                “What do you mean?”

                “How are you supposed to ask a person to jump from an empty luxurious cruise?”

                “All she did in the cruise was sleeping. She had to learn to appreciate the luxurious cruise itself”

                “But she brings no harm”

                “I will tell you the truth, the company is not happy. It’s either she’s out or she’s sued.”

                “And why can’t we tell the members about this?”

                “Because they will fight back, and once you’re fighting, you won’t survive. You will be destroyed. Will you do that to your fans? I told you Taeng, For the best of you and her”

                “I’m sorry, but we have to do this.” I avoided their eyes leaving the room.

                Today, she cries. She is so into the song that she cries. Everyone acts as if nothing happened. They do believe that nothing is going to happen. Because they believe the company won’t dare. But I know for sure, It will. She comes to me smiling offering me a bite of her sandwiches.

                “Oh god, isn’t that tear so not real?” She chuckles

                “Yeah, you’re terrible at acting”

                “Taeyeon-ah! Why are you so mean! At least I know I’m not the worst, because you are.”

                “Am I terrible? I bet no” I walk away. I am terrible. I can’t lie, I really can’t.

“Thank you for your hard work!!!”  The shooting is done.

“T-taeyeon-ah, are you not okay or am I doing something wrong?” She walks closer to me, slowly dragging me towards some quiet place.

`”You say it yourself, I’m terrible at acting.” She widens her eyes.

“Was it really because I said that? I’m sorry, I was joking though, you know I am” She holds my hand.

I’m terrible at acting.

I hug her very tight as I begin to sob at her shoulder. She is so surprised, but neverthless rubbing my back calming me.

“W- what happened?” She asks. Shaking my head, I tell her not to ask me about it.

“J-just—don’t say anything, I couldn’t stand it.” She nods.

“Whatever it is, I will know one day. Just so you know that I’m always here so-“

“Don’t. Say. Anything.” She seems surprised by my high tone.

“Zipped. I won’t”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Jessica, I’m sorry”

I believe that there are only two kind of hard days in my life. The day I lose any of my family and the day I lose any of my friend. And there are only two kind of thing that I considered hard to do, lying to my family and lying to my friend. From today on, There is only one hardest thing in my life, lying to my friend who I always have considered as a family and losing her in the same day. Because I know, she won’t forgive me.