February 14, 2016.

I buy a bouquet of flowers at the flower shop. I head to the train station and take the North. I get off at destined station. I walk to the Jung family’s residence. I had called Naeun this morning to let her know I’m coming over. She was surprised but graciously agreed to my visit. After 10 minutes, I finally arrive at her house. I ring the doorbell. Naeun answer the door and greets me warmly with a hug.

“Hi, Bbom! Come on in!” I follow my host inside.

“These are for you, Naeun.” I give her the bouquet.

“These are beautiful, Bbom. Thank you. Please have a seat. I’ll put this in a vase. I’ll be right back.”

I take a seat on the sofa, and put my bag on the floor. I notice a face peering from the hallway. It’s Sulli. I smile and wave to her.

“Hi Sulli! Remember me? It’s Bbom!” Sulli shyly walks up to me and looks at me. I take a small stuffed teddy bear out of the bag.

“Oh look! What did I bring you today?” I give Sulli the stuffed toy. She accept the gift with both hands, and wraps her arms around the bear. I see she likes it.

“Thank you, Bbom.” I look up and see Naeun smiling at us. Naeun puts two cups of hot tea on the coffee table and sits down.

“It’s been a while since I’ve visited, and I didn’t do anything with you for the holidays. So I figured I might as well come visit today.” Naeun smiles.

“That’s very sweet and thoughtful of you, Bbom.” Naeun touches Sulli on the head, and her hand gently glides down along Sulli’s hair.

“I’ll be honest with you. I’m having a tough time dealing with Chorong’s death. We’ve known each other since we were kids and I always thought that we’ll be together. I don’t know how I’ll be able to go on with my life without her.” Naeun gives me a hug and pats me on the back.

“I understand. I think the same thing too, with my family. Sulli is so young, too young to be without parents. Without one of us. I worry that if anything were to happen to me in the future, I don’t know what will happen to Sulli.”

“Do you want me to become her godmother?” Naeun looks at me in surprise.

“That’s a very generous offer, Bbom. I don’t know if I want a to burden you with such a heavy responsibility.”

“Eunji was like a second mother to me because of her caring personality. She loved Sulli very much and I’m sure she would agree to this.” Naeun nods.

“Eunji thought very highly of you and genuinely liked you as a person. Okay, you can be Sulli’s godmother.” We both look at Sulli. Sulli looks at me and tugs on my pants.

“Do you know where my mother went? And when I can see her?” I force a smile on my face.

“Your mother, Eunji, is in a very nice place. You will see her again one day. When you’re older.” I ruffle Sulli’s head gently.

When I think about the WTC, the word ‘community’ comes to mind. The WTC was a city within a city. Each building was like a coral reef, teening with inhabitants in every corner. While the inhabitants minded their own business as individuals and carried on their daily lives, these communities grew. Beyond the loss of lives, the loss of these communities was equally devastating. Inside the walls of each building, employees worked hard and nurture their hopes and dreams for the future. Their hope and dreams extended beyond those walls, to their families and friends and neighborhoods. When I think about the loss of my community, the sudden void in my life is painful beyond words. It is as if my very senses of being and existence have been twisted like pretzels, but warped beyond any recognizable shape. How do I find myself again?

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