So many questions
But I'm talking to myself

It's so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said
And as I drown in my regrets

I can't take back the words I never said

Just being young and stupid
I haven't been all that you could've hoped for
But if you'd held on a little longer
You'd have had more reasons to be proud

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''You are going on the right way, Eunji. Just keep on, and remember that even the tiny things may be so much important, and even the very bright things may originally be so dark as a piece of hell!''

I've opened my eyes this morning to see that message in the weird mobile, and I almost lost my mind. It was not sent from the same number; it was not oppa who sent it, but someone else. WHO? 

I almost cried when I have finally found out that I was totally lost in a huge sea. I don't know who I am and what is going around me~ then what a life is this?

When I told Sohyun about it today, she also got bewildered and didn't know what to say. She said that the sender knows my moves; he or she knows what I do. Saying that I am going on the right way means that they found out that I've visited the orphanage I was in once in my childhood.

''The persons who know about this are known. Seungho oppa, Kim seungsaeng-nim, and the manager of the orphanage. If we exclude the manager as it is almost impossible to be him and Seungho oppa as it doesn't make sence that he sends messages from dozens of different mobiles, then we get Kim seungsaeng-nim as the only nominator. What do you think?'' Sohyun explained while we were walking on the school feild and eating some snacks.

''Don't exclude the manager because I put him as the first nominator. Then why it would be Kim seungsaeng-nim? I don't understand.'' I replied with a curious tone.

''Didn't you tell me that he started to be weird lately. You have confessed to him weeks ago and he rejected you, so why would he get close to you again unless he has something in mind?'' She tried to persuade me wisely, and she almost did. 

I got those questions on mind some days ago; why would he do it? Why would he come to me and treat me so nicely as he has never done? Why did he took me to that orphanage? And weeks before...why did he took me to that cafe to talk? Why did he followed me after that and hugged me when I was so frightened due to the explosion? Why did he insisted and forced me to return back home with him? Why did he tell oppa about my confession? Why was he that much weird throughout the last weeks? It all started in that day...when oppa was angry with me for no reason...when that weird man gave me that mobile. In that day...something different must have happened. 

I didn't give her a reply as I only wanted to think alone to try to solve things nobody may understand except for me.

Then she suggested telling Baekhyun about that; he is a techno-fiend, so he may be able to help us know the other sender.

Because it reached to that level, I really wanted to get some help from him and tell him about our secret. I never knew that the weird mobile matter would come to this level of danger. Yeah! It became dangerous for me now. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I got back home today, oppa was there. I thought that he might be sleeping on the cold floor or punishing himself in any other way, but it was the opposite. He was sleeping on my bed.

When I approached him, I saw him deeply sleeping and covering his body with my blanket. I have to admit that I fell in love with his childish self...he actually glued a piece of paper on the wall and wrote on it ''I ignore your existence, so when I found this bed in my house, I slept on it. You can do the same, too. Ignore my existence here and sleep on it if you want to!'' And he drew a big teasing face with its tongue sticking out of its mouth.

I found it so cute; this oppa knows me very well, and he knows how to make me happy. In that moment, I just hoped that- in the future- I will have a sweet husband who is exactly as oppa, but I know that I wouldn't ever find a similar one in this cold world.

Shaking his body with my two small hands, I whined like babies asking him to wake up,''Oppa~ I am hungry. Get up and make me some delicious food.''

He showed his half-open eyes and spoke in an indifferent tone,''Go make it for yourself, miss 'strange-but-beautiful' I have to sleep now.''

''Oppa~'' I whined even harder and shed tears silently as a fairy little girl. He didn't notice my bad mood till some minutes later when I got totally silent.

''Can I get close to you now? Can I hug you to comfort you, my crying baby?'' He asked queitly and innocently after getting up.

He might never know how much I was hurt by those words; and he was not the reason of course. As if a very hard wall of air was separating us, as if our hearts were setting us apart, as if the words that weren't said were keeping us away from each other. 

I wanted to reveal my thoughts as I have always done, but I just couldn't. I still hate the fact that some stupid thing like a weird mobile could divide us. It could make me hide things from oppa, the one who knows every single thing about me since my infancy.

''Oppa~ I don't hate you. No! I love you as I have never loved anybody in this whole world. You know that...right?'' He looked totally touched, and his eyes got tearful. And then he only nodded silently.

''Then why don't you answer my questions when I ask about things I really want to know about?'' My question was somehow a shock for him now that his eyes got widened a little bit. And I could see a different and odd color on them.

''Because...sometimes, ignorance may be a bliss!'' He stated, leaving me in a great state of stun. What do those words mean? Is there anything bad that may harm me if I knew about? 

''Your pain of the past...what is it? Will it hurt me if I knew the answer? WILL IT?'' I asked carefully and slowly stressing on the last two words.

I was answered by his sad and dreaming 

eyes. They said it all! I could see the pressure he was in. I could see the words that were hidden in his heart, but I was not really able to recognize them. 

The relief was totally clear on his face after I released a fake-but-well-acted laugh. And then I said in an ironic tone,''Look at you, oppa! Your forehead is washed with

sweat~''

He nervously laughed and touched his face with his shaky hands, so I used the same tone and laugh when I said,''I tricked you, oppa. See...I could take my revenge. Do you remember...that day when you...-''

I stopped chattering as he jumped up, dragged and glued me to the wall just as he did in the last time. The same eyes with more bitter looks, the same feelings but with more warmth, and the same hearts but with more growing interest. 

The only difference there was that...I didn't want him to draw back. I probably could understand his hidden words and the odd dark colors of his glossy eyes.

''Oppa...it is happening again, that thing I told you about before. My heart and my...-'' I tried to explain my condition, which was the same as before in the same situation, but he cut my speech.

''Yeah! I know. Even if you find it annoying now, I assure you that it will be so much sweet once you understand it.'' Those words of him put me through another mystery. What to understand? Why can't this oppa show me the meaning clearly without riddles?

He then pulled away and returned to his normal self as he walked out of the room saying,''Come to the kitchen after you change; I think I need to teach you cooking. You are a girl, so you have to learn cooking some main dishes~''

I ran quickly, jumped and tightly surrounded his neck with my arms stating happily and with much confidence,''You are my oppa and cook; you will be always there to cook for me, so I don't have to learn anything.''

He seemed to turn to be somehow serious; I could notice that when he said,''You are going to get married and so am I. Therefore, unless you get married to me, you will need to learn cooking, young lady!''

It sounded as a joke, but I could hardly deal with it in that way. 

''I will get married to you, then.'' I stated with a concealed giggle. I never thought that I may utter such words, but I did, and I even turned red like a small tomato under summer's sun.

He released his neck from my arms which were squeezing it and faced me stating with a handful of enthusiasm,''Will you really marry me, Jung Eunji?''

A laugh from the deep roots of my heart escaped of my mouth, and I couldn't prevent my fluffy kiss of setting on oppa's forehead.

He then narrowed his eyes and stated with a funny irritated tone,''I won't let you go anywhere, so you either marry me or stay single for the rest of your life...but with me, too.'' And then he walked out acting as ''mr. Arrogant''.

I liked that conversation very much, and I know why so. I actually feel so insecure when I hear oppa talks about our future in this way; when he says that he will stay beside me forever.

However, I felt strange. Marrying him? I have never though of that. Marriage needs love~ a different love that occurs between a man and a woman. But that is not the matter here.

I LOVE oppa...but not as a man, nor a father, nor a brother, nor a friend; I just cannot identify it. But it may be that kind of love when you feel that the other side is totally and literally your everything. 

When the newly-born baby is attached to his mother who is the source of food, care, love and life for him~it is close to that love I have for oppa in a way or another.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

''That's the whole matter. We are sorry that we hid it...but I really need your help, Beakie; I feel lost.'' It was my turn to tell the story of the weird mobile after Sohyun's introductory speech. She started with giving excuses and informing him that we have a secret we want to share with him.

We were in Baekhyun's house sitting on his bed and eating snacks that his lovely mother has served to us. 

First, he gave both of us some angry glances. Then he jumped up towards his office table saying with much interest,''WoW! So I think I will need to experience my M.M.D. Great! I have been studying it since my uncle brought it to me. It is so hard to get one here, but he could do it with his own ways.''

''M.M.D? What is it?'' That was me asking curiously.

''I think I heared this before...those letters are familiar to me'' Sohyun commented while she was filling with a small piece of cookies.

Baekhyun then huffed his mouth displeasingly and narrowed his eyes stating,''Are you kidding me guys?"

And staring at me he completed, "Ji, didn't I tell you about it when I first got it?"

"And you Soo~ I have talked about it very much those previous days. So you both were never concentrating when I spoke.'' He seemed really frustrated.

''No no~ that's not true. But you know the empty heads that Eunji and I have. You actually sometimes speak about strange things that we cannot understand or...-'' Sohyun was trying to comfort him and make some excuses, but I stopped her protesting.

''Wait! Talk about yourself, Soo. I am not empty-headed.'' I spoke my piece and looked at both of them. 

Baekhyun was still wearing the blank and displeased face of his, while Sohyun was staring at me and maybe cursing inside.

''You are not empty-headed; I didn't say that. I said that you have an empty head...both of us have~ ALRIGHT?'' She pulled a face and explained dropping a pressure on the last word.

''Does that make any difference then?'' I asked curiously.

''YES, Eunji. Now let's get back to our main topic.'' She spoke up and made a don't-try-my-patience face which I found really funny, but I tried not to laugh due to the seriousness of her expressions.

''Alright, alright. Let's forget the past, and let me introduce you to my lovely M.M.D again.'' He stood up proudly going towards his locker. And I copied Sohyun's smile.

She wasn't named the big heart of our group with no reason. She is actually the kindest and the most sensitive and considerate person I have ever met. I knew that she was doing all that for two things. 

She tried to please Baekhyun to prevent hurting his feelings, and she also wanted to cut our quarrel out so that we get to the point and find a solution for my problem. She is really a one of a kind, and I am surely lucky!

Baekhyun talked a lot about his M.M.D. We could understand that it is a device which can spy on some kinds of mobiles and may reach to others in a limited way. It unpredictably appeared to be the thing we found our wish in.

I gave him the two numbers from which I recieve messages in the weird mobile. I also told him that I knew that the first one is for oppa, but he took it stating that he may reach to some important information through it.

In the afternoon, we, Sohyun and I, bid our goodbye to him and decided to walk to my house to talk over this mystery as we are used to these days.

''I think that we have to take another step on...let's make a move!'' Sohyun suggested slowly with a low pitch and quiet tone. She seemed somehow uneasy while speaking, and that made me uncertain, too.

''What move? Don't tell me that you want us to send a message to the other number.'' I asked nervously.

''Yes! And I think you were thinking of it, too. See~ this is the only way out. We are now trapped with numerous mysteries without a single clue. If you deeply thought about it, we actually have an important tool, but we don't use it properly."

I said nothing.

"It won't harm; he mentioned your name, and he might meant to attract your attention to him. He may be waiting for your message. Don't you think so?'' She wisely explained her point of view and, of course, could persuade me. 

That's so reasonable; that person is helping me in solving this enigma. Whatever his or her reasons are, they are trying to push me to find answers for my questions as fast as possible. 

As soon as I got back home, I rushed to my room, locked the door, picked up the weird mobile and stood there looking at it.

I told Sohyun that I need some time to make up my mind, and she understood my reason. I really needed to think about it and measure the matter from its four angles or else I will regret it later.

Gazing at the weird mobile as if it is a deep black hole, I made up my mind. And with my shaky fingers I tapped the message which said,''Please mr. Anonymous~ could you help me in solving the mystery of my life?'' 

Yeah! It was short but accurate, at least for me. I was going to send it when I heard a knock on the door. I got strained and tapped the cancel button. 

It was oppa, he seemed delighted, and he asked me to join him in tidying up his room. I directly followed him to see what he was up to.

I always like it when I see oppa's smile drawn on his lovely face; it digs happiness in my heart.

As I thought, he was actually free, so he wanted to fill his spare time with something good to do. Dragging me in his activities is something I am used to, and I like it very much as I spend more time with him.

We started with the simple things and left the hardest work for the end, that was in his wardrobe. He is that kind of people who never puts things in order or make them neat. 

I suggested turning on some bop music to dance with. I thought I will do all the goofy and lively things by myself, but he was so much in the mood and led me on. 

We danced and hopped like children for a long time, and we played our party very well. It was all fine and good till oppa suddenly stopped and started squeezing his heart by his hand. 

I could see a great deal of pain on his eyes, so I got totally scared. Approaching him with tears on my cheeks, I asked repeatedly,''Oppa~ are you okay?'' He showed his smile, but I could see how fake it was and how much pain he was going through. 

I felt like dying seeing him in that situation, so I hugged him softly and patted on his back hoping he will feel better. We stayed still for some moments till he pulled away, and with smiling looks he stated,''Oppa is okay now, so don't get worried and wipe those precious little drops on your baby cheeks.''

I was just going to ask him about the reason of that, but the next scene stopped me and made me more frightened than before. Blood was going out of his mouth; he coughed really hard and the blood drew some lines down to his jaw.
 
I became shaky, my heart almost exploded due to its imaginary speed, and the tears got frozen in my eyes. He quickly rushed to the bathroom and locked the door after him, so I got really angry and started to knock as hard as I could. I even yelled and begged so that he open the door, but he didn't. He just asked me to stay in his room for seconds.

I just stood there waiting him to go out, and thousands of scary ideas came across my mind. What if he have a disease and he was hiding it from me? What if he was in real danger? 

What if I LOSE him?

That last question curdled my blood and made me mad as hell; I went on knocking the door with more force that I almost broke it into pieces. Then he finally went out with a wide smile and wrinkles between his brows.

''What are you doing, little Ji? Will you afford fixing the door if it got broken?'' He stated raising his eyebrow.

I deeply gazed at him bathed in tears and directly asked insisting to get an answer,''Oppa~ I beg you to answer my question. What's wrong with you? Are you sick?''

He paused a little paying back my gaze; then slowly and steadily he answered,''I am totally fine, and this is just a temporary indisposition. I will get much better with rest and care; I have also bought a medicine that dr. Lee has ordained. Therefore, you don't have to worry, my little baby.''
 
I could see the confidence in which he stated his words, and I wanted to trust him because I needed to see him okay. I DID believe him, but , deep inside, I knew there was something bad he hid from me.

Although he was unwilling to do it, I laid him down on his bed. I then made an easy-cooking soup and brought it to him. He couldn't protest when I ordered him to eat it and get some rest till I finish the work in his room.

There, his wardrobe was the only thing left, so I started tidying it up. I worked silently to let him have some sleep, but he was only gazing at me with kind and soft looks. I didn't make a comment about it supposing he would need some time to fall asleep.

After few minutes, I have almost finished tidying up. And when I was putting his clothes and organizing them in their place in the wardrobe, I noticed a printed picture falling on the floor. 

I lowered my body down to pick it up, and there was the surprise. It was a picture of oppa and a young brown-haired woman sitting so close to each other and smiling to the camera.

I guessed that she is his ex-girlfriend, and that made me more uncomfortable. She was NOT the one I've seen in my dream weeks ago; I was one hundred percent sure that she was not her.

The woman in my dream had a dark black hair, honey-colored eyes, cherry-like lips and a circled face. But this woman is totally different.

There was something weird jumping in my chest; something like oddness, fear and uncertainty.

When I looked at oppa, he was sleeping peacefully like a little child sleeping between his mother's arms. I couldn't find any answer for my endless questions, and I felt as if I got drowned in a puddle of lies.

And I decided...I have to trust nobody anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The eight chapter has just been delivered, and am feeling so sorry that it took so long. Exams and life's stuff never finish^^
Anyway, here the plot is going towards more mysteries and answers, too. Eunji is feeling so uneasy, but things are getting clearer, so don't worry.
Enjoy reading!
Thanks