It was a slow Saturday morning and Luhan was eating instant oatmeal and watching the news. Life was boring without Yoona in the apartment, singing cheerfully and making breakfast in his tiny kitchenette. He absentmindedly checked his phone for notifications.

 

 

 

No new messages.

 

 

 

Luhan frowned. He hadn’t expected that girl to even take his number, but Yoona normally called him or at least left a message when she was away. He marked it up to sleep deprivation or jet lag and switched the television to a kids’ channel, where there was a rerun of Tom and Jerry playing, the episode where a new dog moved into the house next door and they’re forced to temporarily reconcile. His eyes were glued to the screen, his mind stuck in nostalgic memories when his phone rang.

 

 

 

Luhan almost choked on his oatmeal. For a millisecond, he hoped it was Yoona, but it was an unknown number. His heart sank a little but he picked up anyways.

 

 

 

“Hello?” His voice was  a little disappointed as he answered the phone.

 

 

 

“Meet me at the coffee shop in town square. 3 p.m.” the familiarly ice cold voice said. Luhan didn’t even get a chance to say anything before the line was cut. He spit the oatmeal still left in his mouth out and turned off the television before sluggishly walking to his bathroom. Saturdays meant pajamas and being lazy, not going out for overpriced coffee.

 

 

 

⋘⋘❆⋙⋙

 

 

 

Half an hour later, he walked into the shop. The girl was already sitting at the counter, arms crossed and wearing a pair of expensive Blanc sunglasses. Luhan made his way to the seat next to her. As he sat down, she didn’t even acknowledge his arrival and continued staring nonchalantly out the window.  He shifted on his barstool uncomfortably.  And waited. And waited some more. Finally, she looked up and straight into his eyes. Her glare pierced straight through him and Luhan felt like she was staring into his soul. He gulped.

 

 

 

“Luhan, you know you’re a total , right?” He opened his mouth to reply but couldn’t find an answer.

 

 

 

“Wh-what?”

 

 

 

“Didn’t you hear what I said?”

 

 

 

“I, uh-yes?” He stammered, his throat becoming dry. This was becoming embarrassingly redundant. Luhan, you’re a lawyer, for God’s sake, you’re supposed to be able to form coherent sentences, he told himself.

 

 

 

The barista slid their to-go cups of coffee across the bar, and she pulled a crisp bill out of her perfectly conditioned Hermès Birkin.

 

 

 

“Wait, no I can pay-” Luhan interjected.

 

 

 

She stood up and raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow at his slightly shabby wallet. “Please, save the chivalry. Your girlfriend probably needs it more than I do.”

 

 

 

He begrudgingly accepted his coffee as they walked out of the shop. She was already sipping on hers-iced coffee to match her icy cold heart, Luhan thought privately as he followed her. The wafting steam of well-roasted Arabic beans reached his nose and he took a cautious sip. “Tiffany’s favorite, huh.” he mused to himself.

 

 

 

“Didn’t think you’d remember something so trivial about someone you never loved.” Jessica remarked casually, picking some lint off her scarf.

 

 

 

Luhan sputtered. “What do you mean by that?”

 

 

 

“I’m just saying that you left Tiffany without even thinking about her feelings, you selfish prick.”

 

 

 

He was starting to get slightly angry. “That was a decision made between the two of us years ago, and we’ve been over it for a long time. You know nothing about me, or what happened.”

 

 

 

She sat down on a park bench and Luhan sat as far away from her as the cheap wood would permit. “Maybe you’ve been over it for a long time. But do you even know what kind of hell you’ve put her through for all these years?”

 

 

 

Tiffany’s tearful face flashed through his mind, and his left cheek burned, the feeling of her fingers on his skin returning.

 

 

 

She shot him a scornful look. “I’ve been friends with her since before you were still a petty crook in the streets. Don’t try that on me.”

 

 

 

Luhan bit his tongue angrily and took a long swig of his coffee. What had once tasted sweet now left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. Her words stung like salt on wounds that he thought had already healed.

 

 

 

“For Pete’s sake, Luhan. Tiffany was the immediate successor of the organization. How the hell do you think that she could’ve left with you?”

 

 

 

“Well, how could I stay if I was pretty likely to be killed next, huh? Like I said, you know nothing about what my life was like. Both of my best friends were killed the same night I left.” he retorted.

 

 

 

“Tiffany was the only reason you weren’t killed, you bastard.” She lowered her eyes behind her dark sunglasses. “I’m sorry about Jongin and Minseok. But her father knew Tiffany loved you. That’s why he left you alone.”

 

 

 

“Wait. How do you know about Jongin and Minseok?” he questioned suspiciously.

 

 

 

She took off her sunglasses and rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Like I said, I’ve known Tiffany for ages longer than you have. Do you know who the Hwangs are?”

 

 

 

“Tiffany’s extended family, the group that controlled like half of France? Like the one who was in the news a year ago because they were connected to that designer brand?”

 

 

 

She stuck out her hand. “Jessica Hwang. I own that designer brand.” Luhan was speechless. He shook her hand, noticing that her palms were surprisingly calloused.

 

 

 

“I wouldn’t have known if her father didn’t bother to kill me. He treated me the same way he treated the rest of my friends, and you know what happened to them!”

 

 

 

“Exactly, Luhan. And that’s why nobody bothered with you. Think about what would happen if  other people knew about your relationship. Tiffany’s life was already dangerous enough with her being the only daughter of a powerful gang member.” Luhan looked up from his lap and their eyes met. Jessica leaned in, her tone dangerous. “But that all changed when you left. Her father was bent on finding you and destroying the bastard that hurt his daughter. But she convinced him not to. She thought you would wait for her, wait for her to come find you. But you didn’t, did you? You have a new life now, and none of it has to do with Tiffany.”

 

 

 

Luhan looked away from her searing gaze and refocused his eyes on the concrete of the sidewalk. “She seems fine now to me, though. Tiffany never drank before, and she seems pretty good at it now.”

 

 

 

Jessica scoffed in disgust. “Thanks to you.”

 

 

 

“What do you mean? She never went out drinking with me.”

 

 

 

“That doesn’t mean you had nothing to do with it. The night you left, she went to a bar. Alone. She got drunk and wasted, because she had nothing left. She didn’t even come home that night, Luhan. We had to go out and find her. And do you know what she was doing? She was sitting in that alley where you left her. In the freezing cold. She was waiting for you to come back. Damnit, Luhan.”

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know-”

 

 

 

“You ruined it. You ruined her. An apology doesn’t mean anything”

 

 

 

“Will you stop saying that? She was my everything, but do you even understand my situation?” Luhan faced  Jessica. “Do you even understand the feeling of fear, the feeling that you don’t have much time left? My closest friends were all killed on the same night and I was so, so afraid that I would be next-”

 

 

 

“I already told you that you were never in any danger!” Jessica interjected

 

 

 

“Can you let me finish for once?” Luhan snarled exasperatedly. “I had no idea about any of that.   I was scared that, one day, the barrel of the gun would be pointing at me and I wouldn’t be able to do anything but close my eyes. You know what, Jessica Hwang? I was scared that I would die and leave Tiffany alone again. You may have known Tiffany, but that doesn’t mean you know me.”

 

 

 

Jessica was silent for awhile.  “You coward. If you really cared about her, you would have braved that risk for her. That’s a hell of a lame excuse.” Her tone seethed with animosity.

 

 

 

“Can you just stop? I cared, okay? I waited for her, but she never came.”

 

 

 

“She’s been waiting all this time. Obviously you didn’t care as much as she did.”

 

 

 

“Just shut up, okay? If the reason you called me was to complain, then I’m just going to leave.” Luhan stood up to throw away the half-empty styrofoam cup in his hand.

 

 

 

Jessica glared at him, clenching her fists. She wanted to walk away in the opposite direction and take Tiffany as far as possible from Luhan. Selfish, stubborn, stupid--the list went on and on. But Jessica was here for Tiffany, and Luhan was the only one who could do anything to help her. She swallowed down her aching pride and bit her lip half-heartedly.

 

 

 

“Wait,” Jessica grabbed his arm, and if it had been anyone else, Luhan would’ve called her expression desperate, but Jessica just looked exhausted. “I’m just trying to help Tiffany. She’s...still in love with you.”

 

 

 

“I-I know.” Luhan cleared his throat. “But I...I have a girlfriend now...I’m planning to propose soon.”

 

 

 

The silence stretched on. “Will you talk to Tiffany, at least? It’s the least you can do.”

 

 

 

Luhan nodded.

 

 

 

“Tell her to meet me tomorrow morning at the beach behind the tourist shacks.”

 

 

 

“And make her miss church? I don’t think so.” A corner of Jessica’s mouth curled upwards, and Luhan couldn’t help but marvel at the way her face lit up when she smiled. The smile disappeared quickly though.“That’s the only thing she has beside me now. I’ll send her over in the afternoon.”

 

 

 

He watched as she walked away, putting her sunglasses back on as she cut across the grass.

 

 

 

⋘⋘❆⋙⋙

 

 

 

Luhan watched the ribbons of color spreading across the sky, wiggling his toes in the sand. The fog cleared away as the strong beams of sunlight appeared from across the horizon. The soft dunes lining the supple waters were empty as Luhan marveled in the beauty of the sunrise.  He dipped his feet into the icy ocean, shivering at its touch.

 

 

 

As he stood up, a tiny glimmer in the water caught his eye. He rolled up the bottoms of his jeans and waded further into the ocean, his eyes focused on the sparkle he had spotted from under the smooth rocks. Luhan leaned over, his fingers digging into the shallow sand and grabbed a handful of it. He let some of the grains slide through the gaps of his fingers until only the shiny object was left. Luhan rubbed it on the hem of his shirt to dry it.

 

 

 

It was a small conch shell the size of the buttons on his polo shirt. Luhan smiled.

 

 

 

Two years ago

 

 

 

“Luhan, wake up! Wake up, you sleepyhead!!” A finger prodded gently at his arm.

 

 

 

“No, just another ten minutes, okay?” he grumbled, flipping over to face the other side of the room.

 

 

 

“No!! Get up right now, or we’re going to miss it!”

 

 

 

“Miss what? I’m so tired, Yoona.”

 

 

 

“Come on! It’s a surprise, please?!” Yoona whined, shaking his arm with more caliber. After a few more minutes of coaxing and complaining, Luhan eventually awakened and got dressed. As soon as he had put on his sneakers, she dragged him out the door. As they were on their way to their destination-still unknown to Luhan- he complained playfully about his lost sleep. When they finally pulled into a rugged parking lot, Yoona grabbed his hand and ran around the shacks in front of the dark sky, where the ocean crashed loudly onto the shore. She plopped down on the moist sand and motioned for him to join her.

 

 

 

“This is what you woke me up for?”

 

 

 

“Shh, it’s coming.” Yoona’s eyes were glued to the sky, so he shrugged and watched intently. Soon, thin slivers of colors appeared on the horizon and Luhan was speechless at the indescribable splendor in front of him. Yoona chuckled at his expression, hugging her knees as she watched him.  

 

 

 

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He nodded breathlessly. The two stared in silence, until the sun had risen to the middle of the sky, shining magnificently onto the surface of the water, accentuating the individual ripples.

 

 

 

“Hey, Lu, want to build a sand castle?” Yoona poked at the sand, trying to sculpt the fine sediment. He shrugged and dragged a stick around the lump, forming a small moat. After a while, people began pouring into the beach and they had formed a vaguely castle-shaped structure complete with gargoyles of grotesque proportions. Luhan watched his girlfriend, her hair sweeping over her face, her tongue sticking out in concentration. He leaned over and lightly brushed her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. She looked at him strangely.

 

 

 

“What are you doing?”

 

 

 

“Nothing,” Luhan answered, looking away, but the smile never left his face. Yoona left to go get water from a nearby hot dog stand. He crossed his legs and their eyes met. He winked and she made a tiny heart with her fingers.

 

 

 

“Is that your girlfriend?” Luhan looked up to see a young teenage boy looking at him in awe.

 

 

 

He nodded, grinning proudly, “That’s my girl.”

 

 

 

“Wooow, she’s so pretty.”

 

 

 

“She’s more than just pretty though. She’s smart, kind, funny...everything.”

 

 

 

“She sounds amazing. Don’t break up with her, I hope I can be as good of a boyfriend as you are.” He let out a small sigh, looking at the ground. Luhan stood up, brushing off the sand on his shorts, and patted the boy’s shoulder.

 

 

 

“Good things come to those who wait. I’m sure you’ll find the perfect someone.” Luhan assured him, feeling pleasantly surprised at his own words. The boy thanked him and ran off to join his gang of friends who were engaged in an intense game of water polo. Luhan turned around to see Yoona making her way back towards him, wagging the two water bottles she was holding.

 

 

 

Without warning, she stumbled and dropped the bottles, collapsing on the sand. Luhan rushed over, worried, but Yoona assured him that it was just a sharp rock in the sand. There was a tiny bead of blood that had formed on the ball of her foot. He frowned slightly and dusted off the sand to find the object that was responsible for this atrocity. It was a conch shell.

 

 

 

Luhan was about to toss it across the beach when Yoona grabbed his wrist and examined it.

 

 

 

It was a pretty little thing upon closer inspection, with a pearly luster, the shell curving delicately in her palm. She rubbed the smooth surface with the sides of her fingers, deftly avoiding the spokes lining the top of the conch. Smiling ambiently, she held it up to Luhan’s ear and he shot her a curious glance and she whispered in his other ear.

 

 

 

“They say that if you listen close enough, you can hear the laughter of mermaids.”

 

 

 

⋘⋘❆⋙⋙

 

 

 

He slipped the shell in his pocket, thinking of Yoona.  The sky was mingled with washes of soft white and grey. Luhan walked back to the shore where his shoes lay. There was no one on the beach but him.

 

 

 

A lonely seagull crowed in the distance as he sat down under a palm tree, the rough trunk scraping against the thin fabric of his shirt. He smiled, replaying memories of Yoona in his head.

 

 

 

“Is that your girlfriend?” Luhan looked up to see a young teenage boy looking at him in awe.

 

 

 

He nodded, grinning proudly, “That’s my girl.”

 

 

 

“Wooow, she’s so pretty.”

 

 

 

“She’s more than just pretty though. She’s smart, kind, funny...everything.” Luhan turned back around to look at Yoona, but suddenly his girlfriend had been replaced with an innocently smiling Tiffany, her eyes creasing cheerfully. He was too shocked to say anything.

 

 

 

“She sounds amazing. Don’t break up with her, I hope I can be as good of a boyfriend as you are.” He let out a small sigh, looking at the ground, before his expression soured.

 

 

 

“Just kidding. You’re a terrible boyfriend.”

 

 

 

Luhan staggered back, his mouth hanging open, his head reeling with incoherent fragments of thoughts.

 

 

 

“Wh-what’s happening?”

 

 

 

Luhan blinked as a raindrop splattered on the tip of his nose. Trying to shield his head with his hands, he stood up to find shelter from the rain. He crouched underneath a thick patch of densely branched trees and checked his phone. It was already six in the evening, the late autumn sun had disappeared behind the hazy clouds. The hours had slipped by without him noticing.

 

 

 

He doubted that Tiffany was still coming, but an inkling of hope (not that he’d ever admit to it) made him stay. Contrary to his growing suspicions, he noticed a figure running towards the sand, dress billowing in the strong winds.

 

 

 

Cupping his hands over his mouth, he called her over to where he sat. Tiffany looked weary, her chiffon dress was dotted with rain and the sash hung limply by her side. But Luhan noticed that she looked more relaxed than the last time he had seen her and her eyes glowed with the last embers of hope.

 

 

 

“I, Jessica told me to meet you here...” Tiffany said between huffs of breath.

 

 

 

“Tiffany, I really think I should tell you the truth.”

 

 

 

The hope in her expression scared him.

 

 

 

“No. It’s okay, Luhan. I thought about it a lot these past days and I forgive you for leaving me alone. I still love you and you still-”

 

 

 

“Actually, I have a girlfriend, Tiffany.”

 

 

 

“That’s alright, I know you have to deal with that before you can come back to me, I can wait. I promise I’ll wait.” Tiffany’s tone was desperate, because she already knew what Luhan was going to say and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to or was even prepared to hear it.

 

 

 

“I really think it’s time to move on, Tiffany. I don’t know how else to say it. I’m sorry.”

 

 

 

“I already told you that you didn’t have to apologize for the past. You don’t have to feel bad, I still have feelings for you. Everything’s the same as it was five years ago. Luhan, I’m choosing you now.”

 

 

 

“No...i-it’s not the same, Tiffany. I have a girlfriend now. I’m proposing. And we’re in love with each other.” Luhan said quaveringly, reaching into the pocket of his pants and popped open the box, but Tiffany had already closed her eyes in denial, shaking her head helplessly. When she opened her eyes, the ring glinted menacingly at her. Feeling conflicted, she backed away into the rain and stood there, her thin dress soaking all the way through and clinging to her skin. The delicately printed poppies seemed almost garish in the dreary downpour.

 

 

 

She stood and stared at Luhan, her eyes blank, feeling alienated from what had just happened. The shock had hit her with the weight of a speeding train and her mind was skipping and turning and twisting and reeling. The rain streaked her makeup and the barrage of droplets made it impossible to tell if she was crying. Luhan found himself at a loss and shifted from side to side in discomfort. It seemed like an eternity under the gray sky before Tiffany finally looked away.

 

 

 

“Luhan.”

 

 

 

Tiffany’s voice was surprisingly calm.

 

 

 

“Can I ask you one last favor?”

 

 

 

“Tiffany, I don’t-”

 

 

 

“Please, Luhan. Just one final hug? For...old time’s sake?” Her voice cracked miserably. Luhan agreed hesitantly, stepping out from under the shade of the tree branches to wrap his arms around her one last time. She dropped her head against his shoulder and he could feel her silently shivering. All at once, he felt a strong wave of guilt as Yoona’s face appeared in his mind. As he pulled away, they lost balance and stumbled back a few steps. Flustered, Luhan let go and shoved his hands into his pockets.

 

 

 

“I have to go, I’m sorry,” Luhan stuttered, running away through the rain. She watched his retreating back and slowly sank down onto the sand. The salt of her tears mixed with the rainwater running down her cheeks. Cupping one hand over the other, she opened her palm and stared sadly at the velveteen box in her hand.

 

 

 

“I’m sorry Luhan, but I can’t let you do this to us...me...” she whispered quietly, clenching her fist around the smooth box.