“Jinhwan-Hyeong!”

“Hi Junhoe!” I smiled, well I smile to everyone who bumps and say Hi to me, but with Junhoe it’s different.

How different?

Well it was on our first year on college when I saw him. I was kind of intimidated to him but as days goes by I developed an unusual feeling.

Yes I developed a feeling for him, it might not be Love but I Like him and I like the way my heart feels when I say him and say hi to me.

“How was it?” He asked me looking at me intently. Or was I imagining things.

“It’s fine though I still need to put a lot of work” I said while focusing in front of my monitor. I can’t look at him straight cause after a few minutes and if I get lucky and he smile to my face will be beet red and I hate.

Why I hate it’s because of them.

“Ohhhhhh!” They all said it, and giggled at the same time.

Junhoe look at them with confusion and it’s my chance.

Knock it off!

I mouthed to them. These people, they really give me an embarrassment whenever they saw Junhoe coming to me.

“Was I missing something?” Junhoe ask while raising his left eye brow, confusion is what I can read on his expression.

“It’s nothing” I but in before they say something humiliating.

“Really? Cause it looks like there is something” he said while looking at me.

I was caught off guard and seconds felt like minutes when I look in his eyes, it overwhelming yet it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” he said to me while snapping in front of my eyes.

OH GOSH!

I thought but still I manage to act like it’s nothing.

“Aren’t you going to do something?” I asked hoping he’ll go and give something to my friends.

“Oh yeah, Yah! Lee Hi, Don’t forget our date” He smiled to Lee hi, one of my friends. And yeah don’t worry Lee Hi knows about my secret. At first I thought she’ll never talk to me but then again I failed. When she figured it out, my secret days were over.

She start to tease me whenever Junhoe was around she smiles evilly and cheeky, some other time when we eat out of school and Junhoe would tag along. She’ll say to Junhoe that he should seat right beside me cause Suhyun and Kei sill it beside her. Since Junhoe sits beside me things will be a little comfortable since Yein will sit beside me and push be to the side so, Junhoe and I will have some skin ship. It was totally embarrassing and awkward since I don’t talk when he is around me.

“Sure” Lee Hi said and wave her hands when Junhoe said bye.

“WAAAAAAAH!” Yein said right after they saw no Junhoe around us.

“I thought you’ll melt me boyfriend when you stare at him so intently” Hi said.

“You’re were all so embarrassing” I said to them, I felt like that my heart will burst in both irritation and something I can’t explain.

“Don’t act like you don’t want the scene Jinnie” Suhyun said. Smiling mischievously and then laughing after they saw my face turned beet red.

“Yah! Don’t ever act like that again in front of Junhoe ok?” I said to them.

“Why? Don’t you want it?” Kei said

“Which part should I like? Huh? You know that being like this is not a good image” I said to them while turning back my eyes to the monitor.

“That you like him! Gosh Jinnie your stupid!” Hayoung said.

“Wow! If only confessing would be easy” I said while smiling placid to what Hayoung said.

“Was it?” Hayoung said.

“Sure let’s say that confessing is easy but, what if it he doesn’t want it and he will be disgusted to me?” I said irritation can be hinted to my tone.

“Here we go again with the “What if’s” of yours” Bomi said.

“Why don’t you try, at least you tried” Kei said.

“Look I like the way we are right now and I don’t want to change it anymore” I said to them.

“Aren’t you feel any uneasy feeling when you saw Junhoe being sweet with Hi? Don’t you feel any jealous when you saw it?” Kei ask.

It hit me hard, I mean really hard. Was I? I don’t also know but when I see them I wish I was in the position of Hi. Sometimes I saw myself tearing for something so pathetic.

“Do I have any right to feel jealous?”

“So you do feel jealous” Yein said.

“Maybe, No, Yes, I don’t know” I said while shaking my head.

“Can I ask a question?” Bomi said.

“Sure, what is it?” I said.

“Have you ever Love?”

Have I? The question might be realistic but then flashes of images runs to my head. Images of a dream, a surreal scene, and a scene which I wish to happen.

“Hello! Talk with us not with your mind” Bomi said.

“Yeah, I did” I said when those images flashed back.

“Was there something that you didn’t tell us?” After Hayoung said that. Suhyun, Hi, Kei, Yein and Bomi turn towards my direction.

“Yeah was there?” Suhyun ask mischievously.

I hesitate at first. Should I tell them? Were they’re mind are open? What if they judge me? What if they won’t hang out with me again?

“First, Promise me that you won’t hate me or be disgust with what you will hear” I ask nervously.

“Knowing you’re gay isn’t an issue and whatever you had won’t and will never be an issue” Kei smiled and put a hand up showing that they promise “Right girls?”

“Of course, it’s no big deal” Bomi said then put her hands up.

Then the same with the girls after saying “yes”, “yeah” and “of course”.

“OK” I felt relax after seeing them smiling and re-assuring me that they will accept whatever they will hear on me.

“Yes I did, it was way back on High school” I relax on the couch and change my position

 

FLASHBACK: 4 years ago

 

There is this guy, actually we are three people, The Golden Kim that was most of people call us since we have all the same last name which is “Kim”.

The one with a rabbit is Bobby, it’s his nickname but his real name was Kim Jiwon, he was a transfer student and he’s cute, funny and all. And his eyes were smaller than mine.

Then the other was B.I, which his real name is Kim Hanbin. He’s the youngest yet so possessive to things he likes, he never been a show it all kind of person not like Bobby. But there is something great for being him. And that is a great talent. At first I like Bobby so much how he’s sweet and funny in a natural way

---

 

“Wait! Did they know you were a Biual?” Hayoung ask.

“No, they don’t”

“Then how-“ Kei interrupt

“If you continue to listen to my story then you’ll know how they figured it out”

“Sorry” Kei apologized then smile

“So back into the story”

 

---

I liked Bobby for how many months, but one day I was squealing when Bobby ask me for something then hug me saying I was the best.

He left me then when I saw no sign of him, I’ve gone crazy celebrating and being what not.

I said “I wish he realized that he likes me then we become an item”

I knew back then that, that was just a blurry dream but when I turned around.

I froze it might not be Bobby but Hanbin saw me. I stand straight and turned my head down, thinking that maybe my dream will just stay as a dream forever.

“Was it true?” It was the first question that Hanbin ask with what I don’t know what it was call expression in his face.

“About what?” I ask maybe I was just exaggerating things, that maybe he didn’t heard it.

“About you and Bobby being an item” I saw, I don’t know if it is disgust or something but it scares me not of what will his action be but what will the effect of this when Bobby knows it.

“Hanbin, It was—“

“So was it true? You like Bobby?” I was surprised of what he said. How did he know was the first question that popped out of my head.

“How did you know?” I was now being scared because any minute now he can put a line in our friendship. I saw him many times being like this distancing his self to things he don’t want.

“To everybody”

Was my hearing become faulty? Or was it just I was scared to admit it?

“What do you mean by “Everybody”?”

“They figured it out, Them, They, Our classmates, Then Eunji saw you one time squealing like a girl when Bobby was not looking at you”

“Was I to obvious?” I felt really embarrassed on things that I figured out. I thought I was being discreet on what I feel but then again that was just a plain thought, an illusion.

“I’m sorry” I said I was near to crying but I held it so I won’t look to pathetic in front of B.I

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I wasn’t looking at Hanbin because maybe if I see him my heart will break when I saw his expression. So I continue to look down.

“Was it only you?” I ask not having the strength to look at him.

“No, Bobby knows it too”

I felt like I was bathe with water that has too many ice. I felt numb, completely numb. No motion or anything that you can see in me.

“I’m sorry” Then I started to cry. I don’t why but maybe because I was scared.

“Its fine hyeong” another voice came out of nowhere and I recognized it to someone who had marked a place in my heart. Bobby.

“I mean it’s fine if you had feelings for me, I won’t hate you for that, you’ve been like a brother to me, you were the first person ever talk to me when I a new student here”

He smiled, I know it’s sincere but I just can’t think of something and that makes my heart heavy and made me cry a lot.

“But you should have told us being what you are” Bobby said, those smile that never leaves his face even when sad things came to him.

“I was scared that you’ll both leave me when you found out” I’m still crying and nothing can stop those tears to come out.

“I can’t hate you for being like that Jinan-hyeong” Bobby said “And how could Hanbin do that if—“ Bobby’s word was cut off when Hanbin say something.

“How could I, when you were the only person who can make my heard skip a beat?” I was surprised, was this a dream? Is he confessing? Is this real?

“Was it true?” I ask, tears stop from flowing, I don’t know how.

“That was my question hyeong, was it true that you liked Bobby?”

“I – I,” I felt defeated, cornered, judged “Yes”

“I like you too, Jinan-hyeong” Hanbin said. It was the first time I look in him. I was right it will only break my heart to see him. Pain can be drawn to his expression. I know his smiling and having his both hands at his arms but I know it was just Pain.

“We both decided to make a move on you Hyeong” Bobby said. Smile was nowhere can be seen to face.

“Decide what?” Confused, surprised, shock I don’t know what is this but it was not good.

“To confess on you” Bobby said.

“Confess what?”

Bobby was the first to answer “First listen to what will both say, Okay?” I nod since there’s no voice that came out of my mouth.

“I know you like me Jinan-hyeong but sorry, I like someone else” Bobby said.

“I know you like someone. I still remember giving a lip balm to someone in class 1, I may not know what her name is but I know you like her”

“Her? It was not her hyeong, it’s him”

My jaw literally drop or hang down when I heard it. “Him? Who? What is his name then?” It was too much to bear but I need to be strong to know the answer.

“His name is Song Yunhyeong”

Not my heart totally breaks.

“I’m sorry hyeong” Bobby said.

“Now it’s my turn” Hanbin said standing awkwardly.

“Like I said, I like – no it was more than that, maybe just maybe, I Love you Jinan-hyeong” Hanbin said still smiling pathetically.

“I loved you since the first time I saw, I know this was being stupid but please give me a chance”

I felt like I was a bad person by then.

----

 

“So technically, they both knew that you we’re a Biual and they accept” Yein said.

“It’s more like they like him Yein” Kei said.

“But I heard Bobby likes Yunhyeong, how could they like you then?” Yein said.

“Just listen okay” I said.

“Wait, so that’s the way they knew that you were Biual?” Lee Hi said.

“Technically, Yes” I said “So can finish the story?” I ask

“Yeah sure” They said in unison

 

---
After the confession I gave Hanbin a chance, a chance that I thought that will never work out. But as day goes by Hanbin become sweeter to me.

He keeps me company, whenever we say Bobby flirting with Yunhyeong he takes me to other places for me to not get hurt, he always goes to my house, he asks me on dates and that one it was when we stay at their home. Yes, his parents were comfortable seeing me in their house as my parents comfortable seeing Hanbin in our house.

We stayed in his room since we have both assignment to do. When there was anything he doesn’t get he ask me same thing to me.

I was on my 4^th question on our science assignment when I felt hands crawling on my side. I was surprised by the action I was taken away also. His hug was the warmest place I wanted to stay.

“Jinhwan-ah! Aren’t we a couple yet?” He ask while laying his head on my shoulder.

“Why? Are you bored for waiting my answer?” I ask in a bluffing manner. I smile but I doubt he can see it.

“No” He said while still laying his hand.

I smile, an unusual smile. The smile that an in love person creates. In love

I was still writing the answer when I felt his lips touches my neck. It was nice, it felt something I never felt before.

“Can I do it?” he ask me. I don’t know what he was asking but I already figured it out when I touch his arms. It’s hot, his hot.

“Yah! Take a shower!” I said. I don’t really know what to say. There was a part of me that I wanted to do it but there some part of me that was afraid to do it. I mean were still both minor so I can’t decide if I should go or not

---

 

“Then what did you choose?” Hayoung ask

“Yeah what is your choice?” Kei second emotion

“Don’t tell me you choose to cool him down”

I keep silent.

“If you want to know then listen” I said

“Ok” Suhyun said.

 

---

“I can’t your too y that my body was being attracted to it” Hanbin said.

He again attacked the same spot. I tried to hold the feeling but when he move up and my ears then I released a moan.

“Guess that you liked that huh?” Hanbin said I can’t see him but I know I was smiling.

I smiled but then I felt his hands crawled up to me again and he started to kiss the other part of my neck until I gave in.

When I already can hold it up anymore I turn around so I can face him and kiss him passionately.

---

 

“We don’t want to hear that so skip that part” Lee Hi said.

“Yeah, maybe sometimes when we were in a private place” Suhyun said.

“Sure” I said.

 

---

We were both catching up on our breath and we are laying in the bed. Well technically I was laying down on his chest when I speak.

“Hanbin-ah” I said.

“Can you ask me again if we are a couple?”

“Why?”

“Just ask it”

“Okay, Jinhwan-ah are we a couple now?” I look up to him and I saw him smiling I guess he knows what will be the answer.

“Yes Binnie-yah” I said then I nuzzled on his chest, I was being shy after what I said.

“Hey why are you covering you –“ “Hanbin-ah! Ya—“ We where both surprised when the door open and saw Bobby. But Bobby was far more shock than us when he saw us and I was laying on Hanbin’s chest.

“Sorry” Bobby said then close the door and come inside the room.

“What are you two guys doing?” Bobby said with a concerned voice.

“Why?” Hanbin ask.

“We can all hear your screams” Bobby said “I’m with your Mother and Donghyuk then we heard screams” I can feel my face turned beet red on what was Bobby telling us “I thought first it came from the neighbor but when I heard Jinhwan-Hyeong voice I already know that it was the both of you”

“Gosh how can you do it in the broad day light?” Bobby shake his head and look at the two. “Auntie was calling the both of you, she wants to talk to the two of you”

I’m dead, I’m really dead

It was all I can think of.

We dressed and go down to meet

When we were at the dining room, there is Ms. Kim and Donghyuk (Hanbin's Younger Brother)

Ms. Kim snap her fingers and all the maid in the dining room go near her.

“We need a private talk so could you all get out of the dining room for a sec, please” she smiled to her maids.

After the maids had their leave Ms. Kim gestured us to sit. Well i'm nervous so that I sit beside Hanbin.

“First, I won't disagree with you being a couple but for now I want you two to have your distance ok?” Ms. Kim said in a relax and mannered tone.

“We're sorry” Hanbin said.

“Is this your first time?” donghyuk ask us. I was surprised by the sudden question.

“Yes, why? Jealous?” Hanbin ask. It felt like an attack to Donghyuk.

“Yes, Why? Scared that I might take him away to you?” Donghyuk release a counter attack. It maybe directed to Hanbin but at the same time it had an effect to me also.

Donghyuk had a crush on me? Nah that was imposssible maybe he was just saying it to irritate Hanbin

This was the thought that popped when he I heard Donghyuk's comment.

“As if he'll come to you” Hanbin smirked to Donghyuk.

Donghyuk just rolled his eyes and walk out and bring his bag along. He stop. Then he look to us again.

“Someday Hyeong, Someday” Donghyuk said then continue to walk out to the house.

“Do you love him, Jinhwan?” I was surprised by the question since I wasn't looking at her.

“Yes, Ma'am”

“As in really?”

“Yes” It was firm but still soft since I was nervous till death

---

 

“To make the long story short, do you really loved him? Yes or No” Suhyun ask.

“Yes”

“Then where he is now?” Kei ask.

“Somewhere I couldn't reach” I said.

“where exactly?” Lee hi ask

“I don't know ok! HE just left me one day, no note, no message no nothing!” Emotions build up on my heart once agin when I remember the day that he left me.

“What if he came back, will you love him again?” Bomi ask.

“I don't know” I said.

Should I? After what he did to me? Should I?

I don't really know what to think. All I want to think is that one day maybe one day he'll comeback and explain to me.

“What if he had a reason to leave you?” That's it what if he had a reason. Bomi was right meybe he'll explain it to me.

“I wish he had” I said. My tones gets a little lower and sobs can be heard.

“I wish we can have our second chance” I said. I wish this moment to be real, not just a surreal and fantasy.

“What if Junhoe likes you” Lee hi said “What would you do if the both of them come to your life at the same time?”

I wasn't hoping but I wished that everything they say would be real and not just a dream.

What if it came true?

A thought that I was dreaming of

 

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First chapter :) was it crappy? was it jumbled? sorry if this thoughts were correct Y^Y

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