It seemed to have become a habit of sorts to cry his pitiful self to sleep every night.

It was a cycle: wake up, eat, go to work, come back home, eat, and cry self to sleep and repeat cycle all over again.

Kyungsoo’s friends often told him that he needed to realise the cold hard facts and leave that toxicity behind. That it was obvious how poisonous his relationship had become. They were worried for him and he knew that. He also knew how bad things currently were and how selfish he was being by not letting go.

But could you leave when you were so painfully in love with one of the most perfect people on the planet? Well, the perfect person for him anyway.

He was Kyungsoo’s everything. His soulmate, his partner, his childhood and a huge part of his life.

Yes, Kim Jongin was all that and more. To Kyungsoo, at least. If you asked any other person about how he was- they’d describe him to be cold, distant and ambitious.

Kai, as his friends called him, was a budding lawyer at one of the city’s largest law firm-Park & Song. He had a bright future, known for his cut throat approach to the stand and never ending belief to fight till the end for his clients.

He was 32 years old, handsome, arrogant, entitled and engaged. To a certain Song Soon-Ja.

Yes, as in only daughter of a Mr. Song Doo-hwan, who just so happened to be one of the founding partners of the firm where Jongin worked.

Jongin was immensely attracted to fame and power, coming from very humbling origins. He had always known that he was meant for bigger and better things all his life, and if that meant pretending to be straight was one of them, why not?

Thus, it was no coincidence that he had gotten engaged. He knew how to use his handsome looks and flirtatious nature to get what he wanted from the people that desired him, and when his fiancée first laid her eyes on him, he knew how easy it would be to get what he wanted.

He certainly wasn’t going to let nothing come between his becoming a partner at the firm, and if meant schmoozing his way up the ladder, he would do so.

After all, he was meant to get the best in life, and due to all the hard work and overtime hours he logged in, he sure as hell deserved to.

Even if it meant breaking the heart of his high school love and secret boyfriend, Do Kyungsoo. Yes, secret. Nobody really knew about Kyungsoo and him. In public, he was told to be his confidante, friend and roommate.

Only their childhood friends knew of their relationship. It wasn’t because Jongin was embarrassed by his lover, rather he didn’t want his chances of getting ahead to be marred by the news of him already having settled down.

He honestly thought very little of it, happiness was something you could buy when you were at the top, and he really did love Kyungsoo and wanted him around, even if it were for his own selfish reasons.

Which brings us to the crying mess of a man lying curled up on his bed, trying to hold on to some of the little dignity he had left. After all, he was a fool in love.

You could be sympathetic or maybe even call him pathetic because of the situation he was in. He smiled through it all, when Jongin looked him in the eyes and told him he was marrying another woman. He had smiled when said woman introduced herself, kissing his beloved in front of him. He smiled through it all. People often thought of him as weak and fragile, not knowing how strong he actually was on the inside, how he kept it all together even when he was crumbling apart on the inside.

He was a year younger than Jongin, pale with narrow shoulders, and a face so pretty, that one could not help but be beguiled by the man.

 He was highly sassy and opinionated, his presence so magnetic that you could not miss him, but as certain circumstances arose, he withdrew within himself bit by bit.

He was working as an assistant chef at one of Seoul’s premier and only French restaurants. His hands seemed to weave magic in the kitchen, and everyone including his boss, knew he would reach great success.

Even after news about Jongin’s engagement had come up, his work was the only thing keeping him sane. His friends were all against Jongin, Baekhyun going as far as to call him an ‘egotistical bastard’- but he ignored their harsh words because did they not see how much he loved Kai, how they grew up together and how he had hoped that they’d grow old together too.

He sniffed, rubbing his wet cheeks with his shirt sleeve, knowing that only one thing would make him feel better in the end. The past, their past.

He knew what he was looking for, and as he fumbled around in his closet, a big smile appeared on his face. He had finally found it. Their high school yearbook, the epic beginning of their love story- a time so perfect, that if someone had told them that they would not last, they’d laugh about it in complete disbelief.

His fingers traced over the glossy pictures of smiling memories, how the transition from childhood friends to first loves became so easy for them- as if it were a part of puzzle. There was a picture of them together, where Kyungsoo was leaning on Jongin’s shoulder, with the latter smiling down at him. It was titled ‘K and J Forever’.

They were supposed to be together their entire lives, and he remembered the day they made that promise.

Kyungsoo stumbled a little