Standing on a small cliff overlooking the ocean, I was letting the wind playing with my hair. I listened to the sound of waves breaking on the rocks.

“-Waiting for someone?”

I smiled, recognizing the voice. His voice.

“- I thought you will never show up.” I said without turning back, laugh in my voice,.

“- I was there ever since you arrived. I was just… Observing you.” He spoke in a mischievous tone.

I could now felt his presence by my side but it was not the time to look at him yet.

“- I see you brought Gaho! He seems to love playing with the birds doesn’t he?”

I smiled at the vision of my dog running after the seagulls, surrounded by sand he was raising with his tiny legs.

“- He does but don’t you remember? We used to walk him here when he was still a baby… Obviously you don’t.” I said, disappointed.

“- I am sorry Hyung, I only remember you.” He whispered close to my ear.

I giggled, he knew how to talk to me.

“- How long has it been Hyung? Since we last see each other?” This time his voice was not cheerful like it was the instant before, it was now sorrowful.

“- Two years Seunghyun-ah. Two years since you decided to leave me. And choose this place to live rather than our apartment in Seoul.” I said, letting out the pain I was feeling.

“- Hyung… It is not like this and you know it…

- I know Seunghyun-ah, I am sorry. It is just hard to live far away from you.” I quietly spoke, sobs in my voice.

“- It is for me too Hyung. But look at the landscape… Isn’t it relaxing? When looking at the ocean I feel so relaxed, I just forget everything. I always loved the ocean in Winter, you know it better than anyone. You should come visit me more often Hyung.”

I felt his hand briefly touching mine.

“- If I do will you be there?

- Always, I promise.”

A sad smile appeared on my face.

“- You made me a promise the last time we talked remember? You said the distance will never tear us apart… You did not keep your promise Hyun-ah…”

He chocked, surprised by my talking.

“- I think I did Hyung. Can’t you see? You are here now. We are together. And I know I always am in your mind. Am I wrong?”

I blushed, he was right. During these two years he never left my thoughts, even for one second.

“- I like it better when your cheeks are pink and you are smiling Hyung.”

Following his words, I gave him my prettiest smile, revealing my perfect white teeths.

“- You have the most beautiful smile in the world Jiyong hyung.

- Yours was not bad neither, it is a shame I can’t see it more often.” I .

Even if I did not look at him I could tell from the noise he was making, he was doing his “embarrassed-laughing” smile.

“- Hyun-ah… I am tired of having to search images of you deep in my mind. I have to do this every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. I miss you Seunghyun-ah. Won’t you come back to Seoul with me?”

An awkward silence took place between the two of us.

“- You know I can’t Hyung, it is impossible.  You can’t even imagine how I wish I could. I miss you too.”

I was fully aware of the fact my words were hurting him but I could not keep them for myself any longer.

“- Your absence is really hard to bear lately you know... With all the end of the year celebrations and other joyful events. You are supposed to spend these happy days with your loved ones right? So why can’t I? At first it was bearable, I was surrounded by the members, my family and friends but as time passed they told me to learn to live with it. That accepting the fact you were not with me anymore will make my life easier. They are bulls, aren’t they? Do you remember our last Christmas? You had a cold and you were not feeling well enough to go out and admire Seoul prettiest Christmas decorations? I have to admit I hated you then. I really wanted to spend a Christmas like in the dramas, the romantic ones. But the night turned out to be quite nice actually. We were both sitting in front of the window, looking at snow falling while drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows. This is my first time telling you this but it was the best Christmas I have ever had.” I said, letting the tears running down my freezing cheeks.

He sniffed. Great, I succeeded in making him cry.

“- I am sorry Hyun-ah… I should not have said that. I don’t blame you. But there is a person I can’t stop blaming. This man…

- Stop it Hyung.

- No Seunghyun. Let me say it. I need to talk about it. About this night…

- Stop it, I beg you.”

His sobs were unbearable to listen. I came closer to the cliff and I looked at the sand below.

“- It isn’t even high enough…” I whisper, not really knowing if I wanted him to hear these painful words or not.

“- High enough for… Hyung! How can you think about this? Are you crazy!?”

His hand tried to grab my forearm but failed.

“- I am not crazy, I am just hurting. I am hurting so bad Seunghyun-ah. Even though I do my best not to show it, the pain did not go away. Not since the night this man took you away from me.

- It is a very selfish way to say it.

- Isn’t it?” I laughed sarcastically.

“- He took everything away from you.

- Not everything. I still have my memories, and they are really precious to me. They are the only thing I have left from my previous life. My life with you.”

This time I let out a sob which was coming from my wounded soul.

“- Don’t you feel any hate Seunghyun-ah? Because I do. I hate this guy from drinking that night, I hate him for taking his car, I hate him for pushing our car in a ditch, I hate him from destroying my idol career and most of all, I hate him for what he made you become.” I cried.

“- Then don’t come back here Hyung. I don’t want to see you suffer. I can’t stand not being able to do anything to make you feel better.”

Despite what he was saying I knew it is not what he wanted.

“- Do you really want me gone?

- No.” He said with a resolute tone.

I managed to crack a smile.

“- I don’t want you gone but I can’t stay here any longer Hyung. I have to leave…” He sobbed.

“- No, please. I beg you. Stay with me a little bit longer.” I pleaded.

“- Goodbye Hyung, I love you and I will never stop.” He said, his lips caressing my wet cheek.

A gust of wind hit my body right after his lips left my cheek. I shivered. And before it was too late I turned back hoping to face him.

But there was nobody. Only the ocean, the waves, the wind, the seagulls, Gaho, me and… I looked down, his grave.

I squatted in front of the small and simple headstone and wiped the sand which was sticking on it. Then put down in the sand, which was now mixed with grass, a little card.

“- I could not even tell you what I came for… You always disappear at the most important times… Happy birthday Lee Seunghyun, you are my one and only love.”