Seoul, midnight

“Memories of us in love. Those precious days. I still can’t forget them” – Jung Yonghwa  (One Fine Day)

The song is ended, turning off the radio. It’s the seventh time he listens to that song. It’s true that he loves that song recently. He plays it over and over again as if that’s the only song he knows. He doesn’t know why the song is so attached to him. Maybe he feels exactly like that?

He locks his car which is being parked on the basement. He walks to the elevator unwillingly. He arrives at his apartment, finally after all those ing schedule. The corridor seems empty and quiet. He slowly walks through it, reaching the door in front of him. He unlocks the door and hurriedly gets off the shoes. The house is empty. Indeed. He only can hear his puppies barking. He just remembers that his parents went to Busan this afternoon and he is so lonely tonight. He sighs deeply. Well, he hates to be alone honestly. He doesn’t want to be lonely, but here he is all alone absorbs in the dim light.

He throws his jacket on to the couch, sitting himself on it. He feels so tired, extremely tired. He’s just finished his first episode of his newest variety show. He pulls a small pillow beside him, a pink-colored one, and reminisces what have happened since New Year. More variety shows, preparation for new drama, new album, also the possibility of his solo album really blows his mind. It distracts him actually. How can his brain think so deeply like that?

He hugs his pink pillow and inhales the scent of it. It smells like her. ! Who puts this thing here? He curses inside. He just realizes what he’s doing now. He hugs it as if the pillow is her. It reminds him of her, their text a week ago.

flashback

“Congratulation for your graduationJ” and sent! And a minute later, he received a message.

 “Thank you J”, she replied enthusiastically.

It feels so strange.  It’s a bit awkward. She used to give him kisses. His heart is beating so hard when he remembers that moment. He remembers he went to her apartment an hour later. He met her father and sister and talked to her inside his car. Luckily, her boyfriend is nowhere to be found. The meeting was so limited. They didn’t talk much and they didn’t have much time to spend the day together. They sunk into the silence for a while, thinking about what’s the best topic to start the conversation. He bravely said the words first, asking what she’s up to right now. Of course it’s a stupid question. He knows all her activities, just like when they’re together. She said she is busy and has to go back and forth to China. She asked the same thing. He answered it lazily yet clearly.

They remained silent again.

Suddenly she hugged him tightly, he hugged her back. He inhaled her scent deeply, secretly kissed her hair. Then he released her embrace, staring at her teary eyes. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know why it had to be like this. It’s hard. They’re no longer together but always attached to each other. It’s even hard to breath for him. A minutes later she went back to her house, leaving him like a statue.

She pops up in his mind again. He remembers how lovely she is when she attended her graduation ceremony. He cannot avoid it though. All the media tell about it, newspapers, magazines, news on TV. It’s impossible for him to reject it. They remind him of her. How can it be like this? I can get over her, can’t I? He thinks.

Unwillingly, he gets his body up, walking to his bedroom. Instead of letting the pillow on the couch, he brings it inside. He puts it on the bed. It’s her. A pink-colored pillow with strawberry scent which tortures him every day. He stares at it, trying to look for something. He narrows his eyes, looking for simple alphabets behind it. It is written “Yoona”. He sighs deeply once again.

He should have returned it to her back then but he couldn’t. Yesterday, he never thought he would lose her. He never thought they would leave the feeling hanging. He remembers the time they’ve spent together. In Japan, when both of their groups had the same schedule. They had a date together in Fukuoka. They ate together in many cafés and restaurant since both of them are shiksin. His heart pendant that was given to her, the J bracelet, the same model sunglasses, their couple beanie, and many things that they’ve invested in together. Those precious moments. It attacks him again.

He tries to remember how happy he was when he finally met his virtual wife. He tries to memorize how she gave her a bouquet of flowers. But heart cannot lies, you know. His heart cannot hide the longing, the longing of someone else. Her presence in his life again. He misses her. He misses holding her small hands, he misses having lunch or dinner together, he misses serenading her before sleep, he misses back-hugging her, he misses pecking her lips secretly. He misses everything about her. She’s too beautiful to be forgotten.

Something is stabbing his heart as if he runs of breath. “She’s happy now”, he says while holding on to the pillow. He smiles forcefully as if he’s talking to her now. He hugs it tightly again, laying his body on to the bed. His mind is thinking so hard now. He wonders what will she react if she knows that he joins the marriage variety show. He wonders what she will think if he says he is trying to forget her now.

Suddenly, something ruins his dreamland. His cellphone makes a “beep” sound. He receives a message. It’s not from her. It’s from Yonghwa, telling him that tomorrow they have to meet in FNC. He tells him an additional info, the unnecessary one.

“They say Yoona has a problem with her bf”.

“They” means her member. He really wants to smile but something prevents it. All he can do is replying it with a flat response. “Thanks, hyung”, he replies. He closes his eyes, hugging and inhaling the strawberry scent from her pillow. It’s enough for him. It’s more than enough.

“I miss you, Yoona”, he whispers.

***

I decided to add Jonghyun's part.