Although we're under the same sky at different places,
Please do not forget me

 

'Promise, you'll never leave me?'

'Carve it on a stone, I promise.'

Memories of the two of us continued to flash through my mind like yesterday's events. It's been two years. Two lonely, miserable years since she left me. What happened between the two of us, exactly? I don't know. I'm afraid I never will.

I looked at the night sky and sighed a lungful of air I didn't know I was holding. We're under the same sky. Looking at the same moon, but why do I feel so distant? Were breathing the same air, maybe that's why I'm slowly suffocating. 

She left me for someone else. I still remember the day she walked out my door. Those cold, empty eyes, longing for happiness, for love. That's when I knew, I've lost her. I lost communications with her since then. I don't know her whereabouts anymore. I know it's none of my business but I can never forget her. Not when she is the only person who had the key to my heart. 

But she threw that key away. And now, it's locked forever. Cold, lifeless and empty.

 

When the cold wind brushes against my fingertips,
I am able to hear the sound of your laughs,
I cry again because I'm lonely,
Because I miss your two eyes which reflected me,

'Tiff~ I'm cold~'

'Aish! Didn't I tell you to wear some mitts before going out? Stubborn little brat! Give me your hand'

'There! Happy? Let's go. You're the only ice princess who can't stand the cold' 

The sound of her giggle still rings in my head. The sweet melody and tone of her voice when she's speaking to me. I closed my eyes as I felt the cold breeze collide against my already rosy skin. A lone tear escaped my eyes, washing away the feelings I have been hiding. 

Do you even remember me, Tiff? 

'You have such pretty eyes Tiff~  It's a beautiful shade of brown~' 

'Hmm~ is that so? Jessi, you know what makes them even prettier? It's the fact that you can see your self in them! If you look closely, you can see your reflection! Isn't it gorgeous?' 

I will never forget the way her eyes curve up into a pair of crescent moons that glows brightly. How she grins like her favourite doll, Totoro, showing a perfect set of teeth that seems to blind me away from reality. 

She was my fairytale. I never knew she was my worst nightmare, as well.

 

Tiff, I miss you..

 

I really do..

 

The words I wasn't able to say,
Because my lips turned dry.

 

I remain here, with thousands of thoughts I can never say out loud. Everything remains unsaid, unknown.

It's ironic. My mind is empty, yet it's filled with the memories of you, us, all we've been through. 

You, everywhere I turn. You, everywhere I look. Everything leads back to you. It's driving me nuts Tiffany! 

Do you know that? 

I guess you never will..

I miss you so much, it hurts me.. 

I my lips that already dried up from the cold. The lips that you used to kiss. Your own way of trying to keep it warm and moist. Your adorable, silly self that I long for. 

I've been out here for hours. Waiting for you, perhaps? I can never be sure. 

 

Your name echoes in my head. Every beating of my heart resounds your name. As long as it's beating, it will forever search for it's rightful owner..

 

We had loved each other,
But we're separating now,
Although we're under the same sky at different places,
Please do not forget me

 

I only have one wish. Please don't forget me Tiff.. Please don't..

You can hate me, be disgusted, despise my presence, but all I'm asking for is for you to remember me.

Because forgetting my existence and the time we spent together is much worse than being separated from you.. 

 

I love you.

Please remember that..

 

The words I wasn't able to say,
Because the tears prevented me to do so.

We had loved each other,
But we're separating now,
Although we're under the same sky at different places,
Please do not forget me

I continued to sob as I walked closer to the railings. 

Am I really doing this? I guess I am.. What's the use of breathing when you're dead inside, anyway? 

I grip tightly onto the the freezing metal. My hands started feeling numb but I could care less because in a moment, I won't be able to feel anything at all..

I made my way to the other side of the aligned poles. I'm a step away from disappearing away from this world. 

Angels are meant to back home somehow, right? 

It seems like I'm missing heaven terribly enough.

A dry chuckle escaped my mouth.

I guess this is really it, huh? 

 

Maybe this way, I can watch over you, make sure you're okay. 

Maybe this way, you'll remember me.

Maybe this way, you can never forget about me.

 

Do you know who
the person who had to let you go,
As they clutched their heart?

That person is me,
Please love that person 

The moment you walked out my door. The minute you turned your back away from me, the second you walked away. Do you know what happened then? 

I cried and cried until I could no longer breath. I took a handful of medical drugs, shoving them drown my throat. Maybe I've gone crazy, thinking that the only way to run away from the pain is to escape life. The darkness took me in, and at that moment, I felt the happiest.

Hyoyeon and the girls found me on the floor and rushed me to the hospital. Relieving to them, I was alright.

But I'll tell you a secret..

I didn't want to be alright. I wanted to live in that darkness because then, I didn't feel a thing. I got to breath properly, away from thoughts of you. I was free. I was happy. I was okay..

 

When I woke up to the sight of white ceiling, white bed, with my body attached to all sorts of chemicals and machines. 

I was terrified. Afraid of living again. 

 

I never forgot about you.

So please, never forget about me.

 

We had loved each other,
But we're separating now,
Although we're under the same sky at different places,
Please do not forget me

 

I looked down and saw the city lights, cars passing by, people walking around. 

The last sight I will ever see is quite pretty, like you. 

I took a step finally allowing my body to fall into the unknown. 

'This is the best choice' I repeated.

There's no other choice. 

 

Goodbye Tiffany..
Never forget about me..
I'll be looking out for you.

I finally felt my body crash against the concrete. Screams and gasps are heard around. Although I can't heard them clearly, I know they're worried. But they shouldn't be, I chose this. I chose to be free. To be away from pain. Before the darkness takes me in again, there's just one thing I'd like to say to you, 

I love you.

Jessi.