Throughout high school, there was a boy who I met and fell for. I was a shy girl, who couldn't talk to the boy I liked. I could only ignore him. This was because I knew I would somehow manage to embarrass myself, then blush extremely; further embarrassing myself. So I ignored him believing that avoidance was better than embarrassment. That's the type of person I was. I regret how I was.

Both of us were freshmen in high school. Grade 9 is when we met. Where we met? The first day of school in French class. It was the first period on our schedule, which would always put me to sleep. That is, until I got moved to sit next to you. We spent classes passing each other notes, making jokes, and helping each other with our work. You made me self-conscious, you made me distracted, but you also made me look forward to going to school everyday.

In grade 10, we were lucky enough to have one class together: math. The sad thing was, the teacher made us sit in alphabetical order. You sat in the middle, while I sat near the back. You got to sit next to a pretty girl. Feminine, funny, and able to make you laugh, different from how I could. You laughed so brightly with her. I had to witness it everyday. That math class; I hated that class. Did you know it was the first class I almost failed? I guess I'm to blame since all I did was sleep. But if I didn't, I became jealous. And jealously was what made me talk to you less. Slowly, the year was coming to an end. So was the chance of us becoming closer than we had been before. Instead of our distance shrinking, it was lengthening. We had drifted away when our second year ended.

Grade 11: like the number 11, the space between us was evident. We rarely talked since we didn't have any classes together. As the days past, I thought of you less and less. Instead of watching you, I watched the leaves fall off the trees; the snowflakes fall down from the sky. Then the snowflakes turned into raindrops, and it was already April. Still from then on, we didn't talk.

September came so fast. We were already in our final year. Even though it would be the last year that I could see you, talk to you, tell you how I have always felt about you: I couldn't. Every time I passed by you in the halls, I couldn't wave to you, I couldn't look at you. I always wished you would start a conversation with me. Surely I'd respond back, but it never happened.

Then it was graduation. And just like prom, we basically ignored each other. When did it become so normal for us? We used to be close, we both wanted to talk like we did before, but it was too late. We got used to the distance between us. This was our new normal. But when I think back and remember the way you had looked at me while I was leaving graduation... I'm sorry. You wanted to say goodbye, but I ran away. I hate goodbyes. I dislike tears in my eyes.

But here I am, facing this stone. I'm kneeling here, forced to say it. I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry, with vision so blurry. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you how I felt, I'm sorry we couldn't mend the broken relationship we had. I'm sorry that I ignored you, I'm sorry I couldn't wave hi. I wish I faced you earlier. I'm sorry I'm only here now. I'm sorry you can't hear my confession in person. I'm really sorry. I loved you all this time, but now, I have to say goodbye.