‘There will be one day when we will part from each other, right?’

 

 

‘We’ll never separate. ‘

 

 

 

That’s what you always told me. Whenever I felt insecure and asked you this, you would answer the same. You would gently cup my face and kiss my forehead while whispering comforting words and I would close my eyes, concentrate on the soft tingling the contact gave me and believe in you. Us, DBSK, the Rising Gods Of The East would always be together right?

 

 

You liar.

 

 

Do you still think about me? Do you still remember? We were so happy when all five of us were together. I was the umma, you were the appa and Changmin was our little baby. But we were torn apart by our agency. All of us were suffering from our slave contract, yes, you too, don’t deny it. I didn’t want to leave you and Changminnie behind. I really didn’t. But I was forced to file a lawsuit before I would lose myself.

 

I was tired and saw myself turning into a monster. I walked around with the idea for a long time, but I didn’t act on it until Yoochun and Junsu came to me. They were about to cry and that’s when I snapped.

 

The unfair distribution of our profit, the schedules that came without our permission, the ridiculously long contract and the unannounced extensions of it. It just all became too much for us.

 

So at the 31th of July 2009, we submitted an application to the Seoul Central District Court regarding the fact we wanted to nullify our contracts with SM. At the end of the lawsuit, we were forbidden to speak again.

 

I probably can’t imagine anything close to the pain you felt when you heard that. Did you cry? Did you get mad? Did you scream in frustration? Did you believe it? Or did you do all of this?

 

So in the end, it was me who broke our promise.

 

And even though I don’t regret leaving SM, I regret leaving you and Changmin. More than anything.

 

 

~ I Never Lost Faith ~

 

 

There will be one day when we will part from each other, right?’

 

 

‘We’ll never separate. ‘

 

 

That’s what I always told you. I remember how often you came to me and asked that question. I would always answer the same while cupping your face with my hands and kissing your forehead. I enjoyed the shivers that went down my spine while doing that. You believed in my words. I did too. Us, DBSK, the Rising Gods Of The East would always be together right?

 

 

And yet, you left me.

 

 

I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you, Junsu or Yoochun at all. We were treated like objects. We didn’t get a fair amount of our profit. We barely had time to talk to each other because of our busy schedules. We were so tired that as soon as we arrived back in the dorm, we all fell asleep. It was the only way to keep going.

 

I hated my life back then. I hated our life. I didn’t seem to enjoy my job anymore. The only thing all five of us lived for were our loyal Cassiopeia , who always supported us no matter what. I wanted to quit. I wanted it so bad. But I was scared. Of what? I don’t even know?

 

Of disappointing our fans, I think. Of hurting them. Of our agency, maybe.

 

And in the end, you, Junsu and Yoochun tied the knot. The three of you filed a lawsuit at the 31th of July 2009, I still remember the date clearly. Why did you do it? Simply because you were the one who had enough guts to do so. You were the one that realized that our fans wouldn’t be happy if we suffered like this.

 

The lawsuit carried on for years until the solution came. You, Junsu and Yoochun won and left the company while me and Changmin were left behind. The three of you became JYJ while we carried on as DBSK.

 

With the lawsuit, we were forbidden to speak to each other again or have any other kind of contact. It broke my heart. I screamed, I cried, I couldn’t believe it. How was I going to survive without you? I loved you, more than anything in the world and now we were told not to see each other again? It was too bad to be true. But it was.

 

I never stopped watching you. I would grab every opportunity to watch anything JYJ-related, from MV’s to photo shoots to dramas. Everything. It hurt to know that the three of you were often unable to make an appearance on TV. All because of the lawsuit…

 

Seeing your face made my heart swell up in happiness. You were doing well and I was so glad to see that. You were happy and smiling and that’s all that mattered to me.

 

But I can’t help but wonder… do you think about me too?

 

 

~ I Never Lost Faith ~

 

 

Time went by. I never stopped thinking about you

 

Me, Junsu and Yoochun always caught every opportunity to watch or listen anything DBSK-related , from interviews to MV’s to photo shoots to dramas. Everything. Seeing your face made me want to cry and smile at the same time. I could see that you and Changminnie were being treated better. I still worried about you though. Did you eat well? Did you sleep?

 

I felt so happy whenever I saw you smile and laugh. My heart exploded when I heard your voice. Junsu and Yoochun often had to hold me, otherwise I would jump to the TV and hug it. They were having a hard time too. All of us wanted to see you again. All of us dreamed about standing on stage as five once again.

 

If that could happen, just once more, than I would be the happiest man alive.

 

We saw each other once at an event. It was only briefly and we weren’t allowed to talk. All we did was flash each other a little smile and hold back our tears and urges to run and hug each other (I mean all of us and not just you and me). That little smile held so much meaning to both of us.

 

It was a greeting, a how-are-you, a  long-time-no-seen, a scream to each other and a sad goodbye all in one.

 

Oh, how I wished for this damn thing to stop…

 

 

~ I Never Lost Faith ~

 

 

Years passed by and my and Changmin’s contract with SM had ended. We didn’t renew it and DBSK disbanded. All of us were in our thirties now. JYJ had also disbanded. Now we were no more than just a memory, a legend.

 

  Every once in a while, a rookie group talked about us and how we were a huge inspiration to them. How we had changed the music scene and were, true to our name, really the Rising Gods Of The East. It made me smile.

 

Me and Changmin hadn’t been the same since the lawsuit. Even though we put up an act in front of the cameras, as soon as we arrived home we would look at each other sadly. We missed DB5K more than anything.

 

It was a cold day in December, the 26th of December to be exact, me and Changmin went shopping together.

 

It was an emotional day for us. Today, it was 20 years ago Dong Ban Shin Ki debuted with Hug. Memories were crashing down upon us and in order not to lay in bed and fight back tears all day, we decided to get out. It was the second day of Christmas, so there was a lot to do in the centre of Seoul right now. People were smiling and singing. Everyone was happy and it even cheered us up a bit too.

 

We ate delicious food and bought lots of cool stuff before heading to the big Christmas tree that was just a few blocks away. We wanted to take pictures of it, stare at it and make a wish.

 

We arrived after a few minutes of walking and awed. But the thing that caught most of my attention was the figure of a man, staring up to the top of the tree. Looking at his back, his hands were folded.

 

That back... it seemed so familiar...

 

My breathing stopped for a second.

 

 

'Changmin... look...'

 

 

Changmin looked at the man too. He grabbed my arm and squeezed it hard, but I was too busy staring to notice the pain.

 

 

'Isn't that...'

 

 

But I had already started running towards the man. I resisted the urge to just grab his arm and spoke to him instead.

 

 

'Jaejoong...?'

 

 

The man turned around and my heart skipped a beat.

 

There he was. Kim Jaejoong. My Jaejoongie. He had grown even more beautiful over the years. He still had his cuteness from years ago too. I finally saw him, spoke to him for the first time in years. He stared at me for a while before stuttering out:

 

 

'Y-Yunho?'

 

 

He was shaking. His eyes were big and tears welled up in them. Without another word, he fell into my arms.

 

 

~ I Never Lost Faith ~

 

 

I couldn't believe my eyes and ears. Jung Yunho was standing in front me. I was shaking. Was this another dream?

 

When he flashed me a smile, all the emotions I had held in for so long came out. I fell into his arms and started bawling. I didn't give a damn about how people looked at us right now. I was with my Yunnie again and there was no one to tell me to stay away from him anymore.

 

 

'I missed you so damn much! Every time I saw you on TV, I just wanted to jump through the screen, right into your arms. And now you're here in front of me again! I don't think I can handle this.'

 

 

He just wrapped his arms around me and hugged me.

 

 

'My Christmas wish finally came true...'

 

'Jaejoong hyung...? It's really you...'

 

 

I looked up and saw Changmin. He was staring at me, tears rolling down his cheeks. I started bawling even harder, if that was possible, and tore away from Yunho to scoop him up on my arms.

 

 

 

I definitely can't handle this...

 

 

'Changminnie! My baby! Umma missed you so much! Did appa take good care of you?'

 

 

Changmin, whose voice was cracking due to his crying, hugged me back and said:

 

 

'I missed you too! Don't worry, appa took good care of me. But he missed you even more than I did.'

 

 

Yunho looked away shyly. Suddenly, his arm was grabbed by someone. He turned around.

 

 

'Junsu... Yoochun...'

 

 

Yoochun and Junsu were each crushed in a bear hug. Changmin tore away from me and fell into their arms too. By now, all five of us were crying and a big group of people had gathered around us. They took pictures but we didn't care.

 

 

'Guys?' Yunho asked. 'What do you think about a family portrait?'

 

 

We all agreed and went to stand in a line. Me and Yunho were in the middle and our children were on each side of us, with our -not-so-much-of-a-baby-anymore Changmin in front of us, being backhugged by umma and appa.

 

We all had ugly, bloated crying faces but right now, we couldn't care less. The Rising Gods Of The East were back together and that's all that mattered.

 

And we had reunited on the day of our debut. Could things be even better?

 

 

~ I Never Lost Faith ~

 

 

It was late when we walked out of the centre. We had agreed to stay over at Yunho's place tonight. There was a lot of stuff we needed to catch up about each other and what would be better than a sleepover to get that done?

 

The five of us were walking side by side, with Yunho and me in the middle. We were holding hands and smiling at each other.

 

 

'Yunho?' I asked.

 

'Yes yeobo?' he answered, making me feel all fuzzy inside.

 

'How did you keep going on for all these years?'

 

 

He smiled at me. 'That's simple. I never lost faith. Did you?'

 

 

I smiled back. 'Me neither.'

 

 

He suddenly stood still and cupped my face. Butterflies exploded in my stomach. Yunho leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. I kissed him back. I had missed this so much. His lips against mine, his touch, his words, everything.

 

When he pulled away some time later, we heard clapping. Yoochun, Changmin and Junsu were all smiling at us. We smiled back at them.

 

It's funny how in all those years, none of us have changed. We were still completely the same except for our appearance. Our bond, our friendship hasn't changed either. Everything felt just as back then. As if we never left. Yunho's feelings and mine haven't changed either. I looked at him once more and I finally realized it.

 

 

We were never apart

 

 

A tribute to DB5K and YunJae. I hope you liked it and that I didn't get anything wrong (I'm new to the fandom, but like I said, I always have had great respect for them). But most of all, I hope you enjoyed it.

 

XOXO Chanti