I Love You That Much

[Lissy's POV]

I can remember the first time Ryeowook sang for me.

I was ill and laying in bed, waiting and craving for sleep as Ryeowook entered through my door, a bright smile on his face as he settled beside me on a chair. His smile just always made everything seem okay, that I wasn't ill, but it was a feeling I couldn't describe without going into the mushy details.

He knew I hadn't slept for the past few days, and that I felt like I was dying from the lack of sleep- and he could see that. I looked like death from the outside, but I felt like a light feather blowing in the wind when he had so much concern about me in his eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

"Are you feeling better today, Lissy? I picked up your homework for you," Ryeowook informed me again like he did every other day.

I miss a lot of school due to my illness of insomnia and weak immune system, but Wookie never complained with getting my homework for me- to be honest, it seemed he liked dropping by my room and spending time with me, but then again, that might be my girlie fantasies acting up again.

I smiled and nodded at him as he placed the individual pages of work, naming the corresponding classes each one, on my nightstand before settling back in his seat, a bright smile on his features.

"Yah~" I weakly croaked at him, making him focus on me, "Why you so happy, Wookie?"  

He pulled his legs up onto the chair, criss-crossed, and his hands rested in his lap. "Lis, I got an audition with SM Entertainment this coming week. I'm so excited!"

I remember him singing for me the song he was planning to audition with. His voice was amazing as he hit the high notes of his self-written composition and his lower keys were just as beautiful, holding just as much power as his higher notes.

I could feel myself drift off the sleep for the first time in days as Ryeowook began the 2nd chorus to the song.

That was the last "normal" day Wookie and I had together.

After that, he passed the auditions and his schedules began getting packed up with studio time, vocal practices and stage rehersals.

He soon began missing school, having me have to it up and go to school, even though I was ill considering there was no other students at the school I was close with. I soon became even more weaker and sick, but didn't have Ryeowook by my side anymore.

He then stopped calling me, his cute texts turning from once a day to almost nothing at all in weeks on end. It seemed that Ryeowook completely stepped out of my life.

And that's how I ended up here, in a hospital filled with the gravely ill teens and adults my age. I remenisced on my life not even a year ago, and was now left alone in a hospital where it seemed I was nothing more than apart of a nurses pay check, another patient to get poked with multiple needles everyday and bloodtests every other week. I was now just living a meaningless life, and it felt I was going to die like that at any moment.

Until today.

I layed in my bed, looking out the window- what I usually did day in and day out. There was a knock on my door, something I've come accustomed to while in the hospital with dying people on the other side of the curtain. I couldn't help but think that I may be the next person to be placed in one of those body bags, considering I felt weaker everyday and didn't seem to be getting any better.   

I didn't pay attention as I heard the door open. I kept my eyes locked on the happenings outside- a place I won't be able to experience again since my immune system was literally deteriorating.

I eyed a fluttering butterfly landing on a flower bush, sighing in content. I missed the warmth and the outside beauty, the blue sky with pufy white clouds and the annoying sound of screaming kids- I would've never thought I'd miss that, but it gave a symbol of life, and, the one person I missed the most was Ryeowook.

My mom had pretty much left me in the hospital after hearing I couldn't leave anytime soon, but she still wrote me. I wasn't mad at her or anything- she had a life too, and I didn't want to hold her down just because of a sickness. I wanted her to be happy and full of life, not stuck in a hospital, watching her daughter die in front of her very eyes- it would've been too much for her.

I snapped out of my trance by a shadow catching my eye that was in my room. I looked towards the end of my bed, catching sight of a few figures- a few males.

Not just a few, more like a crowd.

I blinked up at the taller males, not sure how to react. They were all pretty handsome and wore clothes that only stars would wear. I continued to look down the line of boys at the end of my bed, curious as to why they were in my room, or if I had somehow gotten a case of amnesia and forgotten the role they played in my life.

One smiled and stepped forward, " Hello. Are you Lissy Lamoire?"

I just simply nodded as I pointed to my clipboard hanging on the wall, "Of course I am."

They all turned to the board and chuckled, "Well, we're Super Junior!"

I continued to sit in my bed, confused, "What's a Super Junior?"

A few of them had a dumbstruck look on their face, but it soon wiped off their faces as another man came out.

"We understand you have a connection with one of the members. Is that true?" He was obviously rude, but I just sat in confusion, shrugging.

I wasn't lying, to be frank. Wookie was in the entertainment industry, but we haven't been keeping in touch, for all I knew, he could be the biggest star in Korea or living in a box in the middle of Seoul. I hadn't had my cell phone, and these people, these crazy good-looking people, probably had the wrong room with my luck.

"Are you sure you don't know who Super Junior is?" Asked the rude older man, I just nodded in response. I lived in a hospital with little to nothing to do since I had hit a stage of depression, but seriously, who wouldn't if you've gotten a serious disease that'll kill you in moments if exposed to the fresh air outside?

I rarely listened to music and watched T.V, so I was stuck in my isolated room for the past year or more, just me and some books and with the same music on my iPod from when I was still participating in school and classes- which was also about a year ago.

So excuse me if I don't recall what a Super Junior is Mr. I'm-in-a-suit-and-I-think-I'm-better-than-you .

I rolled my eyes at the man's attitude, but attempted to remain polite, "I'm pretty sure I don't know what a "Super Junior" is."

"You still look the same, Lissy."

That voice.

I couldn't help as my neck snapped to the location of where the voice was coming from, but only came face-to-face with someone with a thin face and small body. He looked a little like Wookie, but Wookie always was a little chubby in a cute way, and this person was way too thin to be my Wookie.

"Lissy?"

I just looked passed his face, not sure how I should react to the familiar voice.

"Do you not remember me? Ryeowook?" He stepped in my line of vision, making me look into his warm brown eyes. I blinked as I recognized the pools of brown, always full of warmth and kindness.

"W-Wookie? I-Is that you?" I asked, my eyes squinting in confusion, wonder and a little strand of hope that this was the man that I haven't been able to kick out of my dreams at night.

He smiled, revealing the smile that only Wookie possesed, making a smile of my own tug at my lips, tears threateningly stinging my eyes.

I lifted a hand in a weak fist and hit him lightly on the shoulder, a few tears escaping my eyes as I bit my lip.

His facial expression changed to one of hurt and confusion, but he chuckled as soon as he saw the shimmer of the tears rolling down my cheeks, smiling softly.

"Y-Yah... where have you been? Not k-keeping in touch or a-anything..." I choked out, trying to hold back a bigger sob. I felt like a child, but I missed him so much, and when I'm on the brink of passing away from this sickness he returns just in time?

It felt like a never-ending drama to me with all these coincidental accidents of hurt and the flutter of happiness my heart had when seeing Wookie, but it would only hurt him in the end, coming in time for me to just leave his side permanently.

"I just got some time off, I wanted to introduce you to the members of the group I'm working with," He said softly. I groaned in response, wiping away the tears I let fall foolishly.

"Why now? You yourself don't even know what's new and different about me," I said softly so that only he could hear, making his eyes widen as if I had hit a sensitive part in him.

I needed him to leave my room.

To leave my life before it was too late.

To keep him from the pain that I was enduring at this very moment.

Of course I don't want to send him away, to hurt him, but it's better to not see him and pass peacefully without him feeling burdened about an old-friend's passing.

"G-Get out, R-Ryeowook... I don't want to s-see you," I said, holding back my sobs, a rotting feeling taking over my insides as if I was dying... how funny and twisted.

He looked at me, eyes widened, "B-But Lissy, I wanted to see you while I was in town. Why not go out with us and have a drink or something?"

I bitterly chuckled," I can't leave here. I have to stay here."

Ryeowook pouted, "Don't be so depressed, it's not that bad, let's just go."

I glared at him, something snaping in me that made my anger, hurt, and frustration out all at once. And for once in my life, I blew up at the one I cared for deeply enough to hurt myself so he wouldn't suffer.

"I can't leave, Ryeowook! Do you want me to die?! Did you just return to see me die so that you would be assured that you wouldn't have the burden of thinking about me anymore? You left me, alone, with no one, and you think I'm just going to let you waltz right back in so that you can just leave me again?!"

I had squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see the face I knew he'd have, or else I wouldn't be able to continue on with my plan. I didn't want to turn around and say ,'oh, just kidding, let's go!'

The only thing I prossessed from him before he left with his group was, "I'll leave... cause you want me to, but don't forget that I never stopped thinking about you for a second, that's how much I care for you... Lissy Lamoire."

Then he walked out, leaving me alone in my room again, in tears.

I reached over to my nightstand weakly, more weaker than usual, as I grasped a pen and paper, wiping my tears away as I wrote my heart down on paper.

---------- 4 Days Later ----------

[Normal POV]

The echos of a churches' bell rang throughout the small park Ryeowook was in, tears glistening from his eyes, his cheeks wet of not the falling rain, but of the day he had and the letter he grasped in his hand.

The rain pattered on his black suit, his hair messily combed to the side, covering his right eye, the wind tussling it softly so that no one in the park would recognize him nor come up to him.

The little piece of paper tucked into his hand tightly was stained with his tears as he read over the letter a last time, wanting to understand what the scribbled hangul said.

Dear Wookie,

By the time you receive this, I'll be gone.

But Wookie, I do care for you, more than anything in this world. You wouldn't believe the endless days, weeks and months I spent in hope that you'd return to me.

Call it childish if you will, but I did fall in love with you, Wookie. The moment you walked through my hospital door, leaving me again, I want you to know that that was how much I loved you. I loved you enough to cause you pain and forget about me so that you wouldn't burden about me.

I sit here, pale and fragile, but you've got a life, a dream, that's coming true. I want you to forget about me, Wookie....

Forget about me so that you can move on and live life. That's my final wish for you, Wookie- to live happily and forget about me, and I say this with as much love as I did before.

Goodbye Wookie.

Ryeowook's eyes stung with the sensation of fresh tears as he felt a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to find Yesung's small hand grasping his shoulder, a soft smile and look of concern spread on his face.

"Come on, Wookie, we've gotta go," Yesung softly said, looking up towards the park's lake.

Ryeowook looked out the same direction for a moment before standing up from his position, the letter still in his hand as he began following Yesung's small form back to the church.

Ryeowook slipped the letter in his pocket, but wasn't aware as it fell out to the path, being carried by the wind to the bench he sat, rain falling on the small figures of hangul, making it smudge and unreadable.

I love you that much, Wookie...