Finally, they have a day free from practice, only Seungri can’t enjoy it because he now has a boyfriend he needs to see to and that boyfriend is needy.  Jiyong never gets up before noon when they don’t have a schedule, but this morning he gets up bright and early, dragging Seungri out of bed and pushing him down into one of the chairs at the kitchen table.  There’s a steaming plate of overdone eggs in front of him, and Jiyong looms over one of his shoulders, looking down at him hopefully, waiting for him to take a bite.

Jiyong made him breakfast.  He got up early to toil in the kitchen and make him ing breakfast.  What does he want to be, Seunghyun’s wife?

Seunghyun never gets up early, either, but there he is, sitting with Seungri at the table like some kind of disgruntled bodyguard.  Daesung and Youngbae already left to go get an early workout in.  Showoffs. 

Seungri slides his chopsticks in hand and then takes a thoughtful bite.  He chews carefully, rolling the food over his tongue before swallowing it down. 

“How is it?” Jiyong asks.

It tastes kind of like over-seasoned rubber.  Seungri doesn’t say that though because he’s pretty sure Seunghyun will beat him with his plate if he does.  Instead, he forces a smile on his face.  “Yum.  It’s so good.”

Jiyong smiles happily, heading back into the kitchen to fetch the rest of the side dishes.  As soon as Jiyong’s head is turned, Seungri wrinkles his nose and downs half his water to wash the taste away. 

Seunghyun glares at him and points sternly down at the poison Jiyong’s trying to make him ingest.  “You eat every bite,” he orders.

Seungri pouts.  Being Jiyong’s boyfriend .  “I thought I was supposed to be on a diet.”  He stabs his chopsticks sulkily into his eggs.  Seunghyun doesn’t respond to that, though.  Jiyong’s already on his way back over.

Seungri eats every damn morsel.  He clears his whole plate while Jiyong watches him with hearts in his eyes, as if watching him chew his food is reason enough to swoon.

If Seungri thought Jiyong was affectionate before, it’s nothing compared to how he is now.  It’s all very innocent – Jiyong stays true to his word that he won’t push for anything – but that doesn’t stop Seunghyun from glaring each time Jiyong’s hand flutters along Seungri’s arm.

“We should do something today,” Jiyong says as he begins to clear the table.  “I kind of want to go shopping.” 

Shopping.  That doesn’t sound too bad.  Seungri’s been shopping with his hyungs loads of times.

Jiyong leans down and murmurs into his ear, “We can make today our first date.”

“Yay,” Seungri gushes with forced enthusiasm.  He gives Jiyong a bright smile and two thumbs up, but all he can think about is how he told Jiyong yesterday that their first date was the perfect time for their first kiss.  He slumps down in his seat.  He thinks this is what zookeepers must feel like when it’s time to feed the tigers, only there isn’t anything keeping this particular tiger from mauling him.

When Jiyong finally gets up and heads to the shower, Seungri turns frantic eyes toward Seunghyun.  “Help,” he pleads.  “I can’t take him on a date.”

Seunghyun doesn’t seem keen on the idea, either.  “I don’t like it either, but he’ll be disappointed if you cancel.”

Seungri thinks his hyung doesn’t understand just how dire the situation is.  “Don’t you get it?  He wants me to stick your  in his butthole.  I love you guys, but I don’t love you that much.”

Seunghyun’s jaw goes slack.  “He said that?” 

Seungri can practically see the dirty images flashing through his hyung’s brain.  He snaps his fingers in front of Seunghyun’s face to put a stop to it.  “Hyung.  Focus.”

Seunghyun blinks before giving Seungri a sheepish look.  “Right.”  Then his expression turns stony.  “You can’t take him on a date.”

Good.  They’re on the same page now.  “This is what I’m saying.  So how do I get out of it?”

“I don’t know, but you have to do it in a way that won’t hurt his feelings.”

Seunghyun’s too nice for his own good.  “I can tell him his lousy cooking gave me a stomach ache.”

“No.  You can’t tell him that.  He worked really hard on that.”

How is his hyung already this whipped?  “Fine.  I guess I’ll just let him stick his tongue down my throat, then.  Unless you have a better idea.”

Seunghyun’s mouth twists up in consternation.  “Okay, fine, tell him you have a stomach ache.  But be nice about it.”

“Okay,” he huffs.  Nice.  Seungri can do that.

“My love!” Seungri wails, curled up in bed, hands clutched over his presumably aching tummy.  “Forgive me!  I wanted to take you shopping so bad.”  Seungri tries to make his face look as pitiful as he can.

Jiyong’s sitting at his side on the mattress, feeling at his forehead while Seunghyun stands a few steps away, mortified at Seungri’s antics.  Seunghyun glares meaningfully at Seungri.  Cut it out, his eyes seem to say, but Seungri just smiles to himself and wails again, “While you’re browsing through the racks, promise me you’ll think of me!”

“You’re such an idiot.”  Jiyong smiles and pets his hair.  “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.  I’ll stay here and take care of you.”

Wait, what?  “No!”  Jiyong’s brows fly up at the intensity of Seungri’s refusal.  Seungri dials it back down.  “I mean, you don’t have to do that.  I know how much you love shopping.  You should still go.”

“It’s okay.  I don’t mind.”

Oh god.  Jiyong’s going to stay by his side all day and play nursemaid.  He might even try to give him a sponge bath.  .  “You really don’t have to stay.  I’m just gonna sleep so it’s not like there’d be anything for you to do.”  Please don’t stay, please don’t stay…

“But shopping’s no fun by myself…”

“I’ll take you,” Seunghyun pipes up.

Seungri jumps on that.  “See?  He’ll take you.  Problem solved.”

But Jiyong looks reluctant to leave his side.  “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.  Go.  Have fun.”  He pulls the covers up further under his chin.  “Maybe I’ll feel better by the time you get back.” 

“Okay.”  Jiyong still doesn’t look like he wants to go, but he finally gives in.  He cards his fingers through Seungri’s hair one last time before getting up and heading to the door.  “Call me if you need anything.”  Then, he beckons at Seunghyun.  “Come on, Maknae.”

Seunghyun follows Jiyong out of the room, and Seungri stretches out happily.  He’s going to have the whole place to himself all day.  Awesome.

But a moment later, Seunghyun steps back into the room.  He drops the little wishing rock smack dab on Seungri’s forehead.

“Ouch,” Seungri complains, grabbing the pebble and rubbing at the spot on his head where it hit.  “Why do you have to be so mean?”

Seunghyun snorts.  “Fix this.  I don’t care if you have to sit here and make wishes all day; I want my body back.”

Seungri rubs at his forehead some more as Seunghyun leaves again.  He scowls.  So much for his day off.

Seungri tries everything.  He wishes again and again.  Switch us back, switch us back.  He even wishes in both Japanese and English in case the rock is multilingual and being selective about its hearing. 

He finally winds up on Jiyong’s computer looking up information on body swaps, but the only stuff he finds is from books and movies like Freaky Friday.  The latter says that selfless love should change them back, but Seungri’s already shown how remarkably selfless he is by pretending to date Jiyong; he can’t think of anything that’s more selfless than that.  But he’s still in the wrong body so he’s guessing that this rock plays by different rules.

He finally gives up and sneaks one of his self-help books back into Seunghyun’s room.  He curls up and reads for the rest of the afternoon, only stopping when he hears the door to their apartment open followed by the sound of laughter.

Seungri quietly rolls out of bed and pads over to the bedroom door, cracking it open halfway to see what all the commotion is about.  Seunghyun is weighed down with Jiyong’s shopping bags, and he’s wearing a pair of oversized sunglasses with bright pink, heart-shaped frames.  He’s doing some kind of awkward dance that looks a bit like a gorilla trying to moonwalk, and Jiyong’s giggling like crazy, eating it all up.

But wait a minute.  Seungri knows that look.  He’s seen it on Jiyong’s face over and over again ever since he’s been inside Seunghyun’s body.  Jiyong looks smitten.  No, he looks absolutely ing besotted.  And to be honest, Seungri’s a little miffed.  Jiyong thinks he’s dating him right now, the emotionally cheating tart.

“Hey guys,” Seungri says, announcing his presence.

Jiyong turns his smile Seungri’s way.  “Hey, are you feeling better?”

“A little,” he says.  “What about you?  Did you have fun?”  As if he even needs to ask.

“Yeah,” Jiyong gushes, turning back Seunghyun’s way so he can ruffle his hair.  “I never knew our maknae was so funny.”

Seungri sniffs.  He’s funny.  It’s not his fault Jiyong doesn’t appreciate his sense of humor.

But it sends the point home.  They really have to figure out a way to switch themselves back before they have an accidental love triangle on their hands.

He points the problem out to Seunghyun as soon as he can get him alone.  “Are you trying to turn Jiyong into a cheater?”

“What?”

“He has a crush on you.”

Seunghyun looks at Seungri like he’s truly slow.  “Yeah…” he says, stretching his words out in case Seungri’s brain really is broken.  “I thought we already established that.”

Seungri pinches his nose and tries not smack him.  Is he the only one with any intelligence around here?  “No.  He has a crush on you.  In my body.  He was flirting with you.”

Seunghyun looks stumped.  And then his eyes widen in slowly dawning horror.

“Yeah,” Seungri says, delighting in Seunghyun’s reaction.  Now he’s getting it.  “You really couldn’t tell?  No wonder you guys needed me to get you together.  You’re hopeless.”

“He’s cheating on me,” Seunghyun says, voice faint, as if none of the rest of what Seungri said has any import.

Seungri nearly facepalms.  “Is it really cheating on you if it’s with you?”

“But he doesn’t know that!”  Seunghyun throws agitated hands out at his sides.

“I think you’re looking at this the wrong way,” Seungri tells him.  “It’s actually kinda sweet.”

But Seunghyun ignores him.  “We’re stuck like this, aren’t we?  We’re gonna be stuck like this forever.”  Seunghyun starts pacing around the room like a caged panther.  “We’re stuck like this, and I have to go through puberty again, and you’re gonna get me kicked out of the group ‘cause you can’t rap, and my boyfriend wants to cheat on me with me.”

Seungri stares as Seunghyun has his meltdown.

Then, Seunghyun comes to a sudden stop.  He whips his head toward Seungri.  “You.”

Uh oh.  Seungri yelps as Seunghyun makes a grab for him.

“This is all your fault!”

Seungri tries to run away, but his bedroom is tiny, and he doesn’t get very far.  Seunghyun claps his hand around the nape of Seungri’s neck and gives him a good shake, and Seungri hunkers down like a scolded puppy.

“Why won’t you switch us back?!” Seunghyun demands.

“I’ve tried,” Seungri wails. 

“Why won’t you just fix this?  You’ve had days.”

“I don’t know how!”

Seunghyun gives the scruff of his neck another shake, and Seungri instinctively cowers, except wait a minute, he’s in Seunghyun’s body right now, which means he’s nearly twice his hyung’s current size.

He stops hunching down and straightens up to his full height.  Then, he grips Seunghyun’s shoulders and pushes him back, holding him at arm’s length.  Seunghyun’s face scrunches up in annoyance as he tries to force his way back in, but Seungri holds firm.  Seungri’s a bit miffed at how comical his body looks as it pushes ineffectually at his hands.

Seunghyun growls his frustration.  “Give me my body back so I can kick your !”

“Even if I knew how, why would I do it now?”  Seungri thinks his hyung could really learn a thing or two about incentive.

They’re at a stalemate now, Seunghyun pushing at Seungri’s hands while Seungri holds him at bay.  Seungri should probably find a way to calm him down, though, because this switch may not last forever, and if Seunghyun does get his body back, Seungri doesn’t want to be on his bad side.

“Look,” Seungri says, trying to inject as much rationality in his voice as he can.  “You’re looking at this whole Jiyong thing all wrong.”

Seunghyun gives him a baleful look.

“Think about it.  He’s never acted like that with me before.  He’s responding to you.  I don’t think he can help it.”

Seunghyun eases back, just a bit.  He looks suspiciously at Seungri while he weighs those words in his mind.

“See?  He wants you even when he can’t tell it’s you.”  Seungri smiles encouragingly at him.  “It’s kind of romantic, don’t you think?”

Seunghyun’s still looking at him like he’d just as well throttle him, but then he steps away, mollified.  “Fine.  But we still have to figure out a way to fix this.  I want my body back, and I want Jiyong.”

“What?” a new voice interrupts.

Seungri and Seunghyun jerk their heads toward the doorway where Jiyong’s now standing.  In all the commotion, neither of them even registered the door being opened.

Jiyong’s looking back and forth between them, confused, like he can’t quite figure out what’s going on, and Seungri pales.  Just how much did Jiyong hear?

“What’s going on?” Jiyong asks.

Seungri and Seunghyun shoot each other panicked expressions.  “How much did you hear?” Seungri asks, voicing the thought he just had.

“I don’t know what I heard,” Jiyong says.  He looks at both of them for a bit while he worries at his lip, and then he asks, “Are you guys fighting over me?”

Oh god.  They are gonna have a love triangle. 

Jiyong turns to Seunghyun in Seungri’s body.  “You said you wanted me?” 

Damn, the last thing Seungri needs is for Jiyong to think he has a crush on him.  He’s already insufferable enough.  There’ll be no living with him after this.

Seunghyun’s mouth works wordlessly as he tries to come up with an explanation, but then he sends a helpless look Seungri’s way, and Seungri sighs.  He has to do everything himself.

Seungri opens his mouth to spew out some lies about how they’re practicing for the day that they’ll turn into actors, but Jiyong speaks up again before he can get any of that out.  “And what was that about wanting your body back?  What does that even mean?  Does this have something to do with the prank you guys were trying to play the other day?”

Seungri blinks down at him.  “Um…yeah.  That’s it.  We’re, uh, role-playing.  We’re pretending like we’re in each other’s bodies because, um…”  Seungri trails off when he can’t think of a good reason.  He ends it with a smile and hopes Jiyong doesn’t notice.

Jiyong notices.  “You’re doing what now?”

Seunghyun sighs.  “This is ridiculous.  I’m just gonna tell him the truth.”

Wait, what?  Seungri sees images of padded walls and straightjackets and a psychiatrist who keeps prescribing him the wrong meds.  “Hyung,” he beseeches.

But it’s no use.  Seunghyun’s already stepping into Jiyong’s space.  “Jiyong…I know this is going to sound crazy, but…I’m Seunghyun.  I’m in Seungri’s body.”

Jiyong’s brows fly up, and Seungri hangs his head in his hands.