AN: Hey! Sorry about not posting for a while. I'm a student and I work two jobs, so I'm pretty busy. I do plan to update more frequently though. Once again, I disclaim that I do not know any of these people personally nor do I think this is what actually went down. I am just writing a fictional account lightly based on real events and news stories concerning the girls. I love SNSD and Jessica and wish them both success.

****

As sunny Seoul poured into the soshi dorm, Taeyeon buried herself in her bed, head on about 2-3 pillows blankets pulled over half of her head. She hadn’t left her room since they got back from rehearsal yesterday, and it was 1:30 pm the next day. Nobody checked in on her, they understood she wanted to be left alone. Normally, she would appreciate that and relish her solitude. But no, this time she was left alone when the weight of the world was on her shoulders and while she isolated herself, she still wanted to reach out...figures the only time the members weren’t on her back was when they all had stuff on theirs as well.

    Yet Taeyeon completely understood. She understood exactly why they weren’t checking in on her. She understood what it was like to want to mull over something alone. She understood why they were taking the time for themselves. They barely have time to themselves at all, so naturally, especially when also dealing with a situation as big of this, they want to be in a safe and solitary environment to mull it over and feel more at ease.

    She buried herself further. She felt like a monster, going deeper and deeper into her cave, instilling fear in the other members by her reactions around Jessica she struggled with hiding. She was never the actress type, and she hated herself for it. The other members were probably alone, Taeyeon thought, feeling scared of what she would think or feel if they said they wanted Jessica to stay, scared of her instinctual look of ‘Why? What the hell is wrong with you?’ Scared of upsetting their leader. Taeyeon punched a pillow.

    Even within her, Taeyeon was fighting her built-up anger and frustrations at Jessica for a small flickering desire to want to keep Jessica in the group. Why couldn’t she get along with her like everyone else could? Taeyeon gritted her teeth and threw one of the pillows off the bed.

    She was trapped, as always. Trapped in so many thoughts and emotions she couldn’t express because she had too much power over the group, but not the kind that most people seek after. This type of power was more of a curse, and each year Girls’ Generation grew more and more popular, Taeyeon could feel herself sinking deeper and deeper, and she would continue to do so until their inevitable end.

    Maybe with one restraint taken off, I could get a gasp of air. Taeyeon decided as she bit her lip, rolled over, and tried to sleep off the stress.

    ***

    Jessica sat awake on the couch in her and Tyler’s New York luxury hotel room at 12:30 AM, going over pamphlets from colleges they visited that day. Parsons,The Art Institute of New York, Fashion Institute of Technology, Pratt… Jessica’s head was swimming. She could think of so many different aspects she liked about each of them. She wasn’t even done touring colleges yet. While she was mainly interested in attending college in New York City, she also wanted to check out Los Angeles, London, and Seoul…

    Seoul, because even though her fantasy was to reside in the Big Apple whilst being a student, she should still check the area out so she could be closer to her members and continue her responsibilities as a Girls’ Generation member. Her modelling and acting jobs were also something she was interested in continuing. She had a feeling she wouldn’t be able to attend college in New York and be in Girls’ Generation at the same time, but she thought she’d indulge in the idea as much as she was able.

    I probably don’t have that luxury, Jessica thought to herself with a small scowl. Considering I’m in ‘deep trouble’. As soon as she had seen the text Hyoyeon sent Tyler, she immediately texted her demanding an explanation. Instead all she had gotten back from Hyoyeon was ‘I love you’. Weird. Shortly after, she had texted Tiffany.

    ‘What Hyoyeon means is that you missed our fanmeet rehearsal and that didn’t put you in good graces with our manager and some of the other girls...’

    ‘So who else is mad at me besides Taeyeon?’ Jessica had texted back.

    ‘Uh...I’m not really sure.’ Tiffany had responded. ‘It’s been sorta quiet around here. As long as you apologize when you get home, I’m sure it’ll be forgiven.’

    ‘Alright, thanks <3’ Jessica had sent, only to receive a ‘<3’ back, and that was the last time she had texted a member. She looked at her phone. No new messages. While she loved and trusted Tiffany’s words, she had a feeling she was undermining the ‘deep ’ Hyoyeon brought up. She just wanted someone, any of them, to send her a text message and make her feel a bit more at ease. She was feeling the thorny vines of being in Girls’ Generation tighten around her whilst being so close to what she wanted, she could taste it. And yet she loved the sensations of both dearly.

    “Come to bed?” Jessica looked up to see Tyler, who had entered the room in a bathrobe, looking rather sleepy. “It’s pretty late. We have one more full day here tomorrow and plenty more to do.”

    Jessica smiled and neatly put the pamphlets on the coffee table. “Sure,” She said and extended her hand. As Tyler grinned softly and took it, she felt her worries vanish, left swirling around her phone, as if repelled by him.

***

    “Wanna go to church?” Sooyoung had texted Siwon. About ten minutes after he had texted her back ‘Sure,’, she was at his doorstep.

“Forgive me for saying so, but you look tired.” Siwon commented as he donned sunglasses and a cap, and they walked to the car.

“I’ve had to do a lot of praying, and a lot of thinking.” Sooyoung said in a low voice, staring at the pavement as she slid in the car.

A look of worry swept over Siwon’s face as he slid in the seat next to her. “Are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, I’ve always been. I am blessed. I am relatively loved. Even though I get few lines I’m still the funniest member in the group, probably.” Sooyoung chuckled lightly. “No. Not me, but someone else, someone I care deeply for, I am concerned for them.”

“Why is that?” Siwon asked.

“Because they may have their blessings taken away, everything they’ve worked very hard to achieve. They haven’t been very thankful lately, but I wonder whether or not I should really condone any sort of harsh consequences upon this person.”

Siwon paused to think. “Does this person deserve them?”

    Sooyoung stared ahead, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t think I can answer that. I’m biased. I will never feel comfortable taking major action against this person.”

“I see…” Siwon’s eyes turned towards the window in thought. “Is it just you and this other person in this situation?”

“No, it isn’t entirely up to me.”

Siwon had a hunch that this was a conflict within Girls’ Generation from that. “Then think about how this concerns everyone else, that’s what I’d do.”

“That’s what we’ve been told to do…” Sooyoung sighed and rested her chin on her hand. “But it bothers me that I can’t get rid of my bias, even when it concerns everyone else. I’m being a hinder to everyone else involved.”

“I wouldn’t say that, isn’t it normal to feel what you are?” Siwon stretched and leaned back. “I think that shows how deeply you care for the person involved, and I would simply try to give everyone else the same respect. When push comes to shove, you must decide who is more deserving, and while your love and care are wonderful qualities, right now they need to take a backseat. You must be decisive.”

“I’m only good at that when it comes to food,” Sooyoung pouted.

“And even then, you’re likely to cop out and choose everything.” Sooyoung got a laugh out of that, and they arrived.

The sermon today, with convenient irony, spoke to Sooyoung on a personal level. She had made the right decision to go. It was about change, and the words spoken were what she needed to hear.

“You cannot stop change from happening around you (Sisney, ‘It’s Time for a Change’),” The preacher spoke. “But you can either adjust to change or resist it. The word of the Lord said: you’ve been in this place long enough.”

‘Adjust or resist, huh?’ Sooyoung thought to herself. ‘Would giving Jessica leave be adjusting, and keeping her in the group resisting?’

“God said: ‘It’s time for a change.’ Is anybody ready for a change? Is anybody sick and tired, of being sick and tired?”

‘I’m certain some people are. Actually,’ Sooyoung reflected on Taeyeon’s facial expressions from the previous day. ‘I’m sure some are about to break.’

“Am I talking to anybody who’s tired of going around and around the same old problems every day? God said you’ve compassed this mountain long enough.”

Sooyoung bowed her head and paid close attention to the rest of her sermon, while her background thoughts whirred rapidly.

‘You know,’ Sooyoung thought to herself. ‘Maybe I should take Taeyeon to church sometime.’

***

Jessica ran into place onstage, giving her hair a nervous flip over her shoulder and assuming her cute princess-idol smile. They made it! They were at the Tokyo Dome, to a sold-out audience, ready to take a walk down Soshi Lane and give it their all. She could feel her heart pounding out of her chest, and her smile faltering due to her nervousness.

She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned slightly to the encouraging smile of Tiffany, who didn’t say anything other than give her an encouraging nod. Jessica beamed back at her, pumped up more than ever. Curtain up!

As the music for ‘Flower Power’ started to play, Jessica immediately noticed that something was wrong, very wrong. The audience was dead quiet, no screams or cheers whatsoever. She squinted her eyes to get a better view and noticed that everyone present was a middle-aged stone-faced man or woman in a highly-fashionable tailored professional suit. They all had notepads and all eyes were on her.

Some pursed her lips at her, some were scribbling in their notepads furiously. She saw a collection of flashbulbs go off at her, and due to Tiffany’s odd lack of opening vocals, she could hear distinctly loud murmurs of:

“What on earth is she wearing?”

“Is she dressed for an iParty display?”

“She expects to be taken seriously in the fashion world?”

    “It could be cute if she chose a different color.”

“Or used less abrasive materials. What an eyesore.”

“James Bond roller disco? What an...interesting first impression.”

Jessica bit her lip, humiliated at the thousands of fashion critics looking her over in disapproval. She tried to hide behind Tiffany but immediately yelped and jumped back as she and the seven other members suddenly pulled pistols on her.

“Why aren’t you singing?” Tiffany hissed.

Jessica stammered, eyes bulging in fear as tears and sweat ran down her face as she backed slowly to the side of the stage. “I-i-it’s not my p-part yet…”

“Idiot! You’re supposed to carry the first act by yourself as proof that you’re committed to Girls’ Generation!” Sooyoung glared at her.

“Don’t tell me you forgot again!” Yoona facepalmed.

As Jessica struggled to speak, feeling choke and close up, with no initial reaction but to sink to her knees and start to noiselessly cry, the murmurs suddenly grew louder and turned into ‘Boo!’s.

Instinctively, she looked up to her members, only to find that Taeyeon had stepped forward and was pointing her gun directly at her temple. Taeyeon steadied herself, shook her head and sighed at Jessica, and pulled the trigger.

Jessica jolted up in bed screaming, causing Tyler to nearly fly off of his side, as he quickly picked himself up and instinctively ran to console her.

***

Tiffany closed her pink Macbook, and straightened herself up. “Enough Polyvore for one day,” She thought to herself, recognizing the call of her tummy. She stood and tippy-toed over to her door, pulling it open to find Sunny, fist frozen in midair, as though about to knock.

She pulled herself together and smiled. “Wanna be my dinner date, Fany?” She asked in a low voice, as if she had to be quiet.

Tiffany smiled. “Sure, let me get my purse.” Decked out in sunglasses, fashionable jackets, and handbags, they headed out of the dorms and to a high-profile grill.

“I’m honestly not that hungry, so we can skip the hotpot if you want.” Sunny said as they got their bottle of wine.

“Sounds good to me,” Tiffany agreed. They ordered and their waiter left them to conversation.

“I don’t want to kick out Jessica,” Tiffany said after a few minutes of silence.

Sunny gulped down her wine and then breathed. “Thank goodness, me either. That’s actually what I wanted to talk about.” She looked at Tiffany with worried eyes. “I know lately she’s sort of been drifting, but I have more faith in her. I think she’ll return the effort ten-fold later.”

“Yeah,” Tiffany said with a small smile. “I think she’s more focused on this right now because it’s new, and to be fair, what she’s wanted for a while. It’ll keep her busy sure, but I can’t imagine a song or anything Soshi-related without Jessica.”

“Me either.”

    Tiffany smirked. “I think you wanted to go out to discuss this because you didn’t want Taeyeon to hear.”

    A sad look crossed Sunny’s face and she sighed. “I love Taengoo. I love her lots and I want her to be happy more than most other things, but… I really don’t agree with what manager-oppa proposed. I don’t want it to come off as a betrayal to Taeyeon.”

    “I feel you there,” Tiffany said, uncertainty written all over her. “Taeyeon’s my best friend. But Jessica’s also up there in the top. I want to support both of them. This is really hard…”

    A few more minutes passed and then Tiffany spoke again. “I think we should stand by our feelings.”

    “What about Taeyeon?” Sunny asked immediately.

    “I have faith in Taeyeon as well,” Tiffany said. “I don’t think she’ll hate us for it. She’ll disagree, but she’ll understand where we’re coming from. I doubt Taeyeon expects everyone to feel the way she does.” She twirled a strand of hair, deep in thought. “We can’t give up on Jessica. As a singing group and as her friends.”

    Sunny smiled, reassured. “So we can safely say Sica and our Soshi bond as we know it is worth fighting for?”

    “Absolutely,” Tiffany smiled her bright-as-jewels beam and then it flickered out as soon as it came on. “Though...it’s not entirely up to us. I’m not sure how some of the other members feel…”

    Sunny turned somber at that comment, and tried to brush it off and made small talk with Fany over ribs and wine.

***

    Tyler’s alarm went off at 5:00 AM on the dot, and he rolled over and brushed a hair off of the woman who was currently sleeping in his arms. “Time to get up, my queen.” He murmured.

    Jessica groaned and shook her head, burying herself deeper into Tyler’s chest.

    Tyler sighed and chuckled a little. “No, I’m serious, unfortunately.” He gently pushed her off of him and stood up. “You’ll thank me for waking you up later.” He pulled the blankets off of her. “See, we have a very important breakfast in about four hours, and, knowing you…” He rolled her over and shook her a bit. “You’ll want all that time to get ready.”

    “Why didn’t you tell me yesterday?” Jessica sleepily yawned, stretching out to put her head on the pillow.

    “Because I wanted a breakfast with Michael Kors to be a surprise.”

    At that, Jessica’s eyes widened and she sat up instantly. “No!”

    “Yes,” was all Tyler said. “I’m pretty sure most busy designers do not like to be kept waiting. So I took all precautions necessary to make sure my queen’s first impression on an actual designer would likely be a success. And…” He bent down and kissed her on the cheek. “She is very hard to get up. I tried to get a lunch with him, but he’s a very busy man.”  

    “Oh my God,” Jessica breathed and launched up, throwing her arms around Tyler. “Thank you so much!”

    “So are you awake now?” He grinned at her.

    “Yes!!!” She yelled, lightly bouncing off the bed and towards the bathroom.

***

    “Just one, ten minutes, the time when you become mine,” Yuri cooed as she moved and danced with the Wii controller with effort and skill.

    “The men are crying because they’ve been deceived by my innocent tricks,” Yoona chimed in as she mimicked Yuri’s movements with her own cute little charm.

    “Baby, you’re being shaken by a different charm! Have some courage, come to me, you know you can have me!” They belted together, finishing the song in perfect unison, ending the Lee Hyori song they just did on Just Dance.

    “Eeesh, screw Girls’ Generation.” Yuri joked. “We’ll become Double-Y and be adorable visual dancers with sweet vocals and rapping.”

    Yoona laughed. “That would be quite early two-thousands of us.”

    “We’d even have a nostalgic appeal going for us! We’d be like Shyne,” Yuri turned her attention towards the TV screen and grinned. “Aaand I beat you! Again!”

    “Stop!” Yoona held up her hands and walked towards the Wii. “I swear I’m turning this off.”

    “But if you don’t stop playing, how are you ever going to beat me?” Yuri teased.

    At that, Yoona stopped and Yuri could feel her flare up. She turned and glimmered at Yuri, a determined fire rekindled in her eyes. “Pick a damn song, Yul.”

    Yuri laughed for a while at Yoona’s expression and then turned back to the screen, before a thoughtful and conflicted expression came to her own face. “Do you think Jessica ever says ‘Screw Girls’ Generation’?”

    “No, Yuri, she’s not as flaky as you,” Yoona joked and Yuri picked up a pillow from the couch and thwacked her with it until Yoona fell to the floor giggling.

    “Eesh! No, okay? I don’t think any of us would.”

    “She’d be the most likely to though, and have it not be a joke,” Yuri added before Yoona could make another smartass remark, plopping down on the ground next to her, snuggling the pillow to her chest.

    “You think so?” Yoona cocked her head, rocking back and forth, grabbing her feet. “Taeyeon seems like a good contender to me too.”

    “Yeah, but Taeyeon would walk on burning legos for the sake of the group.” Yuri pointed out. “Would Jessica eat a bag of cucumbers for Girls’ Generation?”

    Yoona paused for a minute. “She’d probably agree to eat one.”

    “A bag, Yoona.”

    “We’d negotiate for Jessica. We don’t want to make our soshi sister suffer.”

    “But Taeyeon would suffer without a second thought. Jessica would expect us to negotiate. Who is more deserving?”

    After a moment, Yuri looked at Yoona and felt herself falter when she noticed Yoona’s surprised and almost offended blinking face. Yuri groaned and dug her face into her fists. “Dammit, what am I saying!? I love Jessica! Why am I harping on her so much?!”

    “Maybe because you love her?” Yoona suggested softly, and moved closer to Yuri, giving her a nudge with her shoulder. “You love me as a sister, and you harp on me all the goddamn time. If I were doing something you didn’t like, you wouldn’t hesitate to throw all the pillows on your sofa at me with a full-blown list of why I was being stupid.”

    Yuri sat on that thought for a moment and then breathed. “That sounds like a solid guess...I guess. It still feels weird though.”

    “That’s the universe telling you that you’re annoying when you nag and whine like that.”

    In a flash movement, all the pillows on the sofa were pelted at Yoona.

***

    As the car the street where the breakfast meet-up was to take place, Tyler gave Jessica a once-over and smiled. “I know I questioned your choice in outfit earlier, but you indeed look like a fashionable young woman.”

    Jessica was so nervous she couldn’t even smile back at him. She fiddled her fuschia Michael Kors polished nails nervously and looked down at her grey flats. She knocked her black denim-clad knees together and looked up anxiously at Tyler. “I don’t know if I can do this, are you sure you can’t come with me?”

    Tyler shook his head. “My queen, I feel, should make her own statement. Plus, this is a meeting of business. People generally don’t bring their significant others, unless it’s for dinner.” He leaned over and squeezed her hand. “You can do this.” He gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek, to avoid smudging her lip gloss, and she got out of the car, took a deep breath and entered the establishment.

    After a minute with the hostess, she was escorted to a private, exclusive table with a view of the city and a stout man in a black blazer waiting, who immediately smiled upon seeing her. “Hello!” He said and stood up to shake her hand. “When your boyfriend said that you were considered a fashion icon in Korea, he wasn’t kidding.”

    “Hello, it’s very nice to meet you,” She managed to finally get out in a perky yet restrained tone as she shook his hand and sat in the seat across from him. Without thinking, she blurted out “How do I look?”

    Michael laughed. “I like you already,” He gave her a once over. “Overall, I like what you’re doing. I think you’ve done some research, you seem to be using my black trouser rule and you added a bit of glam with your fuzzy yet very chic black and white sweater, as well as your nails, ooh!” He stopped and suddenly gave her a smile. “Come now, that’s my nail polish, isn’t it?”

    “It is,” Jessica nodded with a small smile as she took her sunglasses off and gently placed them on the side of the table.

    “Yet you mixed and matched,” He continued, “You gave it a laid-back easy-looking appeal with your ponytail. The sunglasses asserted confidence when you walked in, which added y. Though, I must say, I also like the look without the sunglasses on you. Your boyfriend said you were one of the most beautiful women in Korea. I can definitely see that. But,” He gave an ‘eesh’ sound and looked at the lower half of her face. “My dear, you’re going to be eating. You do not need the lip gloss. But that’s my only critique.”

    “Dammit,” Jessica bit her lip in frustration and nodded, still smiling. “I see, not exactly practical.”

    “Can I start you off with a drink?” Their server arrived and inquired, with a friendly and professional smile. Michael gestured to Jessica to order first.

    “I suppose I’ll have a glass of water and a glass of your orange juice, please.”

    “A glass of water for me as well, and your chamomile tea. I have way too much energy for a Sunday,” He joked.

    “Right away,” He nodded and left them to their discussion.

    “Actually,” He looked up at her. “It almost looks like you dressed to impress me.”

    “Sort of,” Jessica laughed a little.

    “Hmm, what would you have worn if you weren’t trying to impress me, but wanted to look fashionable for this particular occasion? Be honest.” He held up his hands a bit. “I’m not super-mean, you know. I’ve only said nice things to you so far, haven’t I?”

    Jessica paused before proceeding with caution. “Sunglasses, but a different pair, a white T-shirt, a light pink blazer maybe, trousers, and tan sandals. I’d have put my hair down and I’d probably have a french manicure.”

    Michael nodded in acknowledgment. “Not bad, that seems a lot more you. Cute but with class. That’s your style, huh?”

    “Yes, it is.” Jessica honestly admitted, and grinned a little. “But I like this too. It makes me feel confident.”

    “That’s what I go for in my fashion choices. Bold, making a statement. You go for more subtle things, cute, yet conservative. I’m not sure if it’s personality difference or cultural difference, possibly both. What I’m saying is, I wouldn’t have berated you for showing up in the latter ensemble. I might have had more tips for you, but that’s why you’re here isn’t it?”

    In a strange way, that set Jessica more at ease as the server came back with their drink orders. “Do you know what you’d like to eat?”

    Jessica ordered a very small healthy breakfast with her K-idol smile that made the server even falter a little.

    Michael Kors winced. “That’s it?”

    “I’m in a girl group, so I need to keep tabs on my physique.” Jessica explained.

    “I know, I know, but come on!” He chuckled. “My dear, you are not even fashion fat. You could fit into any of my model-size outfits no problem.” He turned to the waiter and ordered significantly more portions of food. “Also,” He added. “A basket of croissants with a butter and jam assortment for me and this lovely lady to share.”

    Jessica laughed. “I won’t be able to fit into my costumes!”

    “Nonsense, you’ll dance it right off!” Michael laughed with her as their server left them to a much more relaxed outing.

***

    As the night sky loomed over South Korea, Seohyun was up, staring at her computer monitor, occasionally stopping to take sips of water to think to herself. She had been in her room since dinner, carefully orchestrating a letter she would never send. It was addressed to Jessica, but she was writing it for herself.

    Unnie, I’m scared. I know the tensions have been high and I feel as though the center cannot hold and everything we’ve dreamt and worked hard for will topple over. I don’t want any of us to fall or get hurt. We all love what we do, and I admire you especially. You’re ambitious, you’ve always been.

    Seohyun paused, taking another sip of water. Didn’t she deserve to stay in the group based on that alone? Jessica deserved this. Seohyun didn’t think that her wanting to be a designer wasn’t a selfish dream, and she certainly didn’t think it wasn’t an impossible one either. She could see Jessica sitting in as a high profile designer at a runway, giving her seemingly cold-glances towards the models.

‘Which dream was stronger?’ Seohyun thought to herself. Out of the corner of the eye, she glanced at her college degree hanging on the wall. Seohyun had some extensive dreams of her own, and even she wasn’t sure which one she should pursue yet.

Jessica seemed fairly certain of herself, in Seohyun’s eyes. She admired her. She envied her. And more than that, she felt a strange respect towards her. Seohyun had a million thoughts a second, she didn’t know what to think.

And then, as though electrified, she typed out her thought vomit rapidly on the keyboard, nonstop for a full half-hour. She printed it out, and reread it, highlighting certain parts and going over it over, and over again, until it hit 10 PM and she carefully put it on her nightstand and tucked herself into bed. After a good cell regeneration, she’d look it over again and make a final decision on what she thought.

***

“So I did a quick Google on you too, once Tyler mentioned you’re a celebrity.” Michael continued as he took a sip of his tea. “You’re a member of the most popular girl group in South Korea? That’s quite a statement. I also see you’ve done some modelling work. Your photoshoots were certainly captivating.”

“Thank you,” Jessica giggled bashfully. “It doesn’t sound like much, but that group and the music industry have been my entire life for as long as I can remember. I know those eight girls like they’re my sisters. Actually, some of them disapprove of my being here at the moment.”

Michael frowned. “Why is that?”

“They feel it gets in the way of our promotions.” Jessica took a bite of her toast. “But I think I can do both. Though add my modelling, soundtrack, acting, and hopefully student life on there, I can also kinda see why they’d be worried.”

“That does sound a bit ambitious,” Michael bit his lip, looking at her “But I’m sure Beyonce could do all that. Do you think you’re on her level?”

“No, not nearly!” Jessica laughed.

Michael lifted up a finger, halting her. “Bit of a tip. In the fashion world, you must be confident. Even if what you just said is true, try to give off the impression that it isn’t.”

Jessica giggled as she took a sip of her water. “I’ll try,”

“Where are you interested in attending college?” Michael asked following suit with his water.

“I did a college tour of New York City yesterday, and my top choice is the Fashion Institute of Technology.”

“Ah! I went there for a while. It’s a good school. However, wouldn’t it be hard to attend school in New York City, and still be a member of a group based in South Korea?”

Jessica took a drink of her orange juice, giving herself time to think. “That’s the problem,” She finally responded. “A few members in my group also wanted to go to college, but they went to university locally, so it was alright. Maybe my desires are a bit unreasonable.”

“I can’t help but think it would be impossible,” Michael concluded while picking up a portion of egg with his fork. “Can you go on hiatus?”

“That’s not a bad suggestion,” Jessica pondered. “They let male members of groups go on hiatus for mandatory army service. However, it would be a rather long hiatus for a main vocalist, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it were hard for me to return when I’m finished. I could always just go to school in Seoul.”

“You could, you could. Seriously consider which career path is more important to you, and let that take its course. Obviously, try to figure it out before the next open semester starts, so you can still enroll in the school of your choosing, if you choose to go to school. Now then,” He paused. “Do you have any ideas for the fashion world you wanna show off?”

Jessica was reaching for a croissant, but she stopped and brightened up at that. “Sort of! I’m still in development, but I’m thinking of calling my fashion line Blanc, and-”

“Your fashion line? Blanc?” Michael’s nose crinkled. “Firstly, why not Jessica Jung? You have a name I could easily see as a brand label.”

“I just feel weird having my name as my brand label- no offense!” She quickly added as Michael chuckled at that.

“Ah, well, bit of advice: I’m fairly certain I’ve heard that brand name before. I could be wrong, but consider changing it. And secondly, aren’t you rushing a bit? I’d seriously advise you to be an apprentice for a designer or work for one first, because launching right into your own label is risky. You never know if the public truly will buy, or how the state of the economy could be while you’re trying to make progress. That aside though, do you have any designs for it?”

“I’ve recently launched an eyewear line for it,” Jessica reached into her pocket, pulling out her smartphone while Michael raised his eyes in amazement at her full-throttle attitude. She reached over and showed him pictures. “Here’s the sunglasses I currently have available.”

Michael nodded approvingly as Jessica slid through photos on her touch screen, however frowned at a few pairs, suggesting she edit the designs a little to make them look less like ‘movie theater 3D glasses’, which she couldn’t help but giggle at.

Michael smiled at her as he settled back into his seat. “You have potential. I’m glad I met with you. I hope to see you behind the scenes in the fashion world.” He paid the bill, stood up, and shook her hand. “Jessica Jung, I wish you the best of luck.”

“Me too,” Jessica thought to herself as she bowed out of habit and thanked him for the opportunity.

***

“Take us to a club, Chaffeur Charlie!” Miss A’s Min proclaimed in a faux hoity voice.

f(x)’s Amber rolled her eyes and played along. “Only if I don’t have to wait in a car this time.”

“Cha-amber can’t wait in the car!” Hyoyeon giggled, lightly sipping from a glass of champagne. “He’s my date after all! Supposedly the ugliest member of Girls’ Generation or whatever can’t get a f-ing date, you know? So I have to date the chauffeur while everyone else dates a drama actor.”

“Shut up! You’re a babe!” 4Minute’s Hyuna shouted and gave her a hug. “Hotyeon, if you will.” She stuck her tongue out at her as Hyoyeon gave her a cheesy grin, hugging her back. “Easy for the hottest Kpop female ever to say, but I’ll take it.”

“No self-degrading in my car!” Amber called back, stealing a worried glance at Hyoyeon from her mirror. She knew her fellow Korean idols were no stranger to alcohol, but Hyoyeon was hitting it before they even arrived to wherever they were going. Something was up.

They pulled into a private parking area for a high-end nightclub as Min and Hyoyeon let out several excited ‘whoo!’s. Giggling, the three girls got out of the backseat, ready to go have a good time, and Amber seized the opportunity.

“Yo Hyo, I just remembered Ailee left some really good brandy with me if you want some. It’s not really my thing, so you can pre-game as much as you like.”

“F yeah! Let’s do it!” Hyoyeon happily went over to Amber, prepared to follow her to the trunk of the car.

“Not in the mood for brandy,” Hyuna shrugged and turned to Min. “Wanna meet them inside?”

“Fine by me,” Min replied, already sauntering off to the entrance. Hyuna waved to the other two girls and fast-walked in her heels to catch up to Min.

Amber reached over to the passenger seat and pulled out a bottle of highly expensive brandy. Hyoyeon started to reach over with a ‘Sweet! Thanks,’ but Amber gently tugged it away, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not actually going to give you any. It’s Ailee’s. She left it with me by accident.”

“Then why even offer?” Hyoyeon frowned and asked a little too loudly.

“Cause I’m not about to draw unwanted attention towards you and whatever it is you don’t want to think about.”

Hyoyeon stopped and faltered for a minute. “There’s nothing. Really. Like, I don’t even understand why you’re doing this.”

“And I don’t understand why neither you or Krystal can seem to admit that you’re worried about Jessica.”

“Oh jeez Amber, why even bother talking to me about anything if you’re just going to fill in all the blanks yourself? I can just drink and have a good night.”

“You can have a good night. And you can have a better night if you don’t make it about trying to escape a problem. And,” Amber reached over and pulled out a plastic bottle. “You can have some water. I can’t stop you from cope-drinking, but I can stop you from getting dehydrated. And I can tell you that I love you. We all do. So don’t worry so much and focus on being a good friend.”

Hyoyeon stared at Amber with a stone face, untwisting the water bottle cap. “But should I be a good friend to Taeyeon or Jessica?” She muttered.

“Don’t be a ty friend to either, be the blunt girl they need, and the one that’s currently giving me a hard time.” Amber joked with a soft smile. “I don’t know what’s going on, but y’all are a group and you go through tough sh--. You have a fail-proof record of making things work. So chill, everything will sort itself out.” She grabbed Hyoyeon’s arm. “Let’s go dance.”

Hyoyeon allowed a small laugh. “I do enjoy that type of thing. Drinking and dancing.”

“And I’ll dance with you so much that you’ll barely have time to drink. Let’s go!”

***

Jessica sat on the balcony in her hotel room, staring up at the stars, finally having a moment to breathe alone. Her bags were packed, Tyler was on a conference call, and the cool breeze swept against her damp legs. She crossed them and tightened her bathrobe a little. This was so nice, so tranquil. This was nothing like back at home. She wanted to live like this, hearing her love’s voice and the sound of traffic from below, and the beautiful muddled night of lights.

She closed her eyes and imagined it. This was their penthouse, and she was a well-respected designer. She and Tyler Kwon lived as a power couple in peace, no reality TV show about them, and minimal paparazzi. She’d design where she felt safe, travel to promote worldwide, and even hang out with the girls. Her girls. They’d get together and put on shows whenever they all felt up to it, wearing costumes designed by the fashionistas of the group: herself, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, and Sooyoung. It’d be less about the money and more about the passion.

It was a lovely dream, but totally unrealistic.

What was realistic was her professions: her desired and her current, and as she turned to the eight individually wrapped Tiffany & Co. boxes near her luggage, she knew she wasn’t ready to leave behind her current yet. She had a bright present and a possibly even brighter future ahead.

She breathed and smiled. “I am the luckiest girl in the world.”

--

SERMON CITING: Revivalist Sisney, Terry. "It's Time For a Change." Sept. 2010. Sermon.