One
Dear Myself
6th June 2013
Dear myself,
I am going share you something that made me happy today. Something happened and I started to grow butterflies in my tummy.
I bumped this one guy at the town during my way home. A fine and cute guy actually. Did I tell you about his canine? Well it was superbly cute and adorable. I am pretty sure he has good voice too since he has cute canine. Do they relate actually? ROFL!
Finally I met my prince charming, my savior of the night, shine armor and my dearly knight. I know it was a bit exaggerated but he has what I always wanted in my Mr. Right.
He is not that tall, fair skins, cute sparkling eyes and bonus for the cute canine. Oh my, I just love his canine. Well that’s physically, naturally I found that his personality fits my preference too. I did do some stalking and checking out his social networks.
Well he was just too perfect. Perfect up to my preference. Oh dear lord, let me love this one and hopefully he will love me too. Well love is too early but like would do.
I told Nina about him, and she just can’t keep squealing over it. I know she excited too since I finally found my daytime shooting star.
Unfortunately, Nina hasn’t seen him yet. Since he is from different school, I wanted to show her his social networks, but he keeps posting something else rather than his own picture. Never mind, someday I will definitely show Nina my lovely little crush. I am sure she will absolutely proud of me.
P/S: Lord please let me dream of him tonight!
Sweet night catchers!
13th June 2014
Dear myself,
It has been a week since I last saw him. I followed his twitter, he keeps updating that he was busy with his school activities. Did I tell you guys that he is the Head of the Student Council? Yeah he got that responsibility.
I am so proud of my boy. I was hoping to bump him again after the day I met him, but better luck next time. If we really meant to be, there is nothing that could stop us. See? I did madly in love with him.
One more important thing, did I mention he has never been into any relationship before? It was weird though, he is a guy with a look and close to perfection but no love? Fortunately I have the chances all the way.
Maybe he did received confessions, but he has his own reason.
I knew this after keep on reading his conversations with his friends on Facebook. They were saying that he should start hunting for a girlfriend. However, he keeps saying that he will only find his true love once he enters college. No worry darling, I will be waiting for you.
I was on the line with Nina and she supported me all the way, plus it’s our final year. I just need to work hard in order to enter college. The bad thing is, in order to make a move I need to be close to him. To be close to him I need to get into the same college as him. How do I know what college he’ll be entered? Investigation is on! Go honey you can do it! *patted on myself*
I have exam tomorrow, need to work hard to go to college and confess!
Mission start!
Sweet dream catchers.
1st July 2014
Dear myself,
I am not feeling well today. 41 degree Celsius is not a good figure. I am lying at my bed, scrolling the timeline of my twitter and Facebook. How better could life ever be? I will keep myself updated with his activities all day long.
Sometimes, I do feel like I am much more like ‘sassaeng fans’ in a manner way. I don’t do any misbehave deeds like harming the boy but more like in virtual way. I keep myself update with his activities, keep noted for my own good and plan ahead as a step for me to get closer to him. Sounds risky and childish but I will work hard to tackle him because this feeling is so special for me since it was my very first time.
Nina called me earlier this evening, she mad at me because I have yet to text her due to my absence today. You know Nina and her nagging, it’s annoying but yeah, I love her that much and I hate that fact eventually. She said that she worried about me. * Yeah right, as if*. I told her that I was sick and she has been begging me to let her visit me today. I know that she was busy with her things at school, so I persuaded her for not wasting any time visiting me. Plus, I was getting fine. I appreciated though her unstoppable concerns about me. Bless to all people who give infinity love towards me.
About the guy, I saw nothing today in his timeline. I felt sooooooo frustrated. Maybe he was too busy with school activities and has no time to update anything. Among the days, why it must be today? When I have all day to busy myself with his activities, he has nothing to share.
Despite the gloom and sorrow, I will wait for him to post anything in his social network. Till then, my beauty sleep goes as always.
Wish me luck then, hopefully he’ll post something.
Night catchers!
1st August 2014
Dear myself,
I have to tell you something! I met him today. Oh my God! Oh my God! I could not believe this. Can you imagine? I saw him today!
He looks so stunning as always. His hair comb nicely backwards showing off his fair forehead. He was laughing so happily chatting with his friend at the coffee house. The part that I could not get my mind straight when he was laughing and his canine keep showing off.
It feels like my heart is going to burst out during the moment I saw him. My hands keep cringing and I can’t keep my sight off from him. Luckily I was alone during that time. If Nina was with me at that time, it will pressure me even more. I will not be able to control my feeling.
If only he did notice me as I noticed him. Instead, I bet he noticed that I keep looking at his direction. Fool me and my feelings. I wish that I could turn back the time and not let my feelings overflowed. I wish that I could control myself and be cool about it.
But yeah, can you imagine? It has been two months since I last saw him. It feels like fireworks keep bursting all around me.
I forgot to tell you the . When I was at the counter to collect my bubble tea, he was there too. To be honest, I have no idea that he was there as I was sure that he was still at his seat before. I keep my gaze low as he came closer.
I feel like my heart is going to burst any moment. Right at the time he started to speak.
“Thanks,” It keeps echoing in my mind, heart, and body. All of them.
My legs wobble. I could not stand straight. God, what he had done to me like seriously. My face is getting red and I am too nervous. This is the closest I have ever stood beside him.
I was in dilemma. Should I start talk to him?
‘Hey, you are from SM High right? I’ve seen you quite sometimes. Nice meeting you in person,’
N-O! That was sound like I am a stalker, well it was true anyway. But hell yeah no!
‘Hi. You’re cute,’
Psycho.
‘Spill my drink over his shirt, say sorry and treat him a dinner as an apology.’ Sounds great! Unfortunately, by the time I want to spill my drink, he left. How nice.
But I am totally a happily-ever-after princess today. I could not even let my smile slip out each time. I am a happy girl! Yayyy! Yayyy!
OH GOD! I FORGOT! I NEED TO CALL NINA RIGHT AWAY. She needs to know.
Till tomorrow! Good night toddles.
15th August 2014
Dear myself again,
This is embarrassing. The whole class knew that I have a major crush with someone in SM High. I know it was not Nina. She is good when it comes to keep the secret. I know right, she is my best girl after all. It must be some bimbos heard our conversation in the toilet yesterday.
Well ignore them. It was nothing compared to the fact that final examination is around the corner. I should get prepare and my classmates should not have teased me all the time since they probably at loss since time wasted at wasted thing right?
Gae Hwa is making me sick again with her shining ribbon clips all over her bang. I feel like pulling them out of her hair forcefully each time she calls me a day- dreamer. Whatever you say bimbo, I am not going to be affected at all. Show to the world what you got.
Nina is indeed my BFF. She snaps out of hell by the time Gae Hwa tries tease me. (Well things getting serious by the way). She is like my ultimate brother, she defends me and stand for me. Ouh, if only Nina is a guy, I would marry her right away.
School finishes and we both strolling at the town to buy bubble tea. I told Nina about yesterday incident. (Yesterday she is unreachable- she went fishing out of the town with her father and his friends- It must be hard to be the only child at the moment, her brother lives abroad). She is screaming out loud and I could sense that she is happy for me.
You know what, we both made a promise. I will be her maid of honor during her wedding and so is she when I get married. I could not wait!
Things got wrong and ended up nicely.
Night tight honey!
23rd August 2014
Dear me,
I know I can do it! Hell yeah, I made it. I scored. Well I managed to be top 50. Cool right. Last time I was ranked at 108th. Bad huh? Sure it does since there is no motivator.
Nina is awesome as always. She was ranked at 10th this year. She is cool like that. Well, she is my girl after all. I wonder if I am going to be qualified enough to enter his dream college. I hope I am fit enough.
Guess what! Letters are coming today. One of the saying that I AM GOING TO SM UNIVERSITY! Woohoo! Thank you, God. I am going to start my love life. Here I come! I am all over excited.
I believe he is the one for me. Well, if he might not we need at least to try right?
Good news, good me. Happy!
31st August 2014
Dear sad me,
Nina was coming earlier today. She told me that she is going to America to pursue her study. Yes, she told me at last. I knew something has been bothering her these few days.
Well at first I do mad at her. Why she never told me the fact that she is applying overseas college? I mean like I am her solely BFF right? She told me that her parents keep insisting her to study abroad. Well her brother Jae lives in America too. Probably, her parents want her to be independent like her brother and plus, I do have to agree she is genius and beyond great in study. She should try to experience new environment.
So as her BFF, I told it is okay to go but she needs to keep in touch with me all the time. Not to forget the promise we made. Maid of honor, can’t wait till it happens.
I am going to Nina’s farewell party tomorrow. Aunt Mae is making her famous Kimchi pancake tomorrow at the farewell party.
I am not even sure it will be tasty as usual.
Will be missing you Nina! *tears*
I hope it was just a dream. *crossed fingers*
Night.
1st September 2014 – Okay it’s not! Nina is leaving in two days!
Dear myself,
It was totally the saddest moment. Nina is REALLY going to leave me. She will be away in three days and the farewell party is more like a funeral. Aunt Mae could not stop crying during her speech. I know it’s hard to let Nina go. After all she is the only daughter. I know Nina is everything to Aunt Mae.
Everyone in the party starts to sob. I know it is going to be hard for Nina to leave us so I think I need to be strong. Plus, all she did is smile all the way during the party. Well I could see her tears glistening in her eyes though. She keeps her best to not letting any tears fall. I am proud of her.
After the party I went back with my runny nose and red eyes. I had a headache actually. I bet everyone is the same. I go through again my offer letter and found out that my registration is on the same day Nina will be leaving to America.
Oh God! What should I do? I want to send Nina off at the airport, I want to be last person who gives Nina hug and I want to at least be there for her and keep cheering her up, well I know she is sad too.
This is absolutely made me terribly sad and anxious. I am such terrible friend.
I decided to text her and she said it is fine. Well I know it was not.
God, I want to make Nina happy at least before she leaves. I still have tomorrow. I am absolute going to plan on something.
Good night. Sweet dreams.
2nd September 2014
Dear me,
First thing as I woke up today, I said this to myself, ‘Today has nothing to with tomorrow and yesterday. Today is absolute ‘Me and Nina day.’
I get my lazy to school and hunt for Nina and I was right she still in the school hallway. She is organizing her books in her locker. I am sure she is about to get rid those books.
I pulled her after she finishes. I told her that we are going to ditch school today. She is freak out for sure. We climb the school gate and I ended up fall into the gutter. Lucky me, no scar no cut. A clean fell. (Actually it does hurt a bit but as I said today is ‘Me and Nina day!’)
We went to Nina’s favorite cake house, get triple size bubble tea, ride some crazy rides because Nina is eagerly wanted to do so, so I let her while I was mentally battling my guts, we went shopping, (I maxed my mom’s credit card. I bet she is going to get me bald, but no worry I am leaving soon) and we spent the whole evening in the park we use to hang out during our childhood.
Surprisingly, I used to whine that I easily get tired whenever we both go shopping, but today is totally different. We both could not stop having our moment being captured. (Tons of wefies). I really do hope that time would just stop for a moment. I am so not letting my friend go. But we have to.
Right at the moment we about to leave, we both cried out loud and we don’t really care if the people at the park saw us crying.
Nina gave me a pendant. It’s cute. I am so going to wear this.
So long my friend. Till we meet again.
Officially ‘Me and Nina day’ has ended.
Han Nina. I am going to miss you.
Good luck to you, good luck to me.
Night love.
3rd September 2014
Dear me.
I am tired and all I ever wanted right now is sleep.
HAHAHAHA! Kidding!
Well it’s the truth though, I am tired. After what happened yesterday, I bet Nina is on board right now, listen to Bieber and having hot chocolate. That was so her.
Well me myself, I registered and get myself a dorm, (well my roommate is missing, I don’t know where she went), checking out the campus the whole day, trust me the map is not a good help, I lost like 13 times and all of those time I never get to meet my love life. How pathetic is that? Ikr.
I am sure the last time I saw him checked-in in his Facebook is where I was actually been. HAHAHAHA, okay it is funny after all it has been like decades since I last talk about him right? It has been Nina all the time and I started to miss her right now. I wonder what she is doing right now. (Oh! She’s on the plane, listens to Bieber and having hot chocolate, Duhh!)
And so after 13 times wandering at the same place, I finally get to know the location of toilet, the class for tomorrow and the cafeteria. That’s good enough.
I am too tired to think about him anyway. I just want to finish this and sleep.
Good night roommate! Don’t stay out to late.
Love, me.
5th October 2014
Dear myself,
It has been a month! Wow time flies. Miss America’s letter arrived yesterday. She sent me some pictures of her and Jae. She is getting new haircut. It’s cute. I am so not going to tell her. She will overly react if I told that she is cute with her new haircut.
Well she is totally fine live in America, I am sure she adapted well, she is intelligent after all. Well she said that someone is trying to hit on her. I mean she looks cute now, who wouldn’t? She asked me whether it is okay if she wants to try.
Oh My God, has the genius turns dumb? This is all about her. I mean like it is all her decision. She hasn’t revealed the guy yet, but I could sense that he is cute. She said that later after she is confirm that they together she’ll tell me.
Well whatever best for her. I pray for the best.
I saw him yesterday. At the field, I know he is an athlete. He has nice figure. I feel so dumb, as I was too preoccupied staring at him, I hit the wall. Thank God, no one sees me. F-U-N-N-Y!
Well at least I get to see him. Well he is famous among the girls. Most of the girls will go flaunted over him with their (probably fake) assets.
And today too, I secretly sent him a box of chocolate. I really hope that he will like it.
I am getting nervous over the thought of giving him chocolate. I bet he received tons before. Well, but it does makes me happy though. I am so excited.
Health Department called me today. AGAIN! What is wrong with them? They told me some of my checkup in my health report is missing. But I am glad though, I get to meet him.
He works at the café which few blocks away from the clinic after school end. So I might see him. If it’s in the case it’s okay to be sick every day. I get to see him every day.
Night ols! (p/s: Reply Nina’s letter)
30th October 2014
Dear me,
At last I am able to reply Miss America’s letter. It has been hectic weeks. Tests, assignments and reports are restless. I have to submit everything within this week and finally I get myself a good rest.
I replied to Nina, telling her that I am fine, busy and boring. Plus, I told her about my crush and I sent her my pictures too (including the day where her parents came to visit me, I bet she is super jealous). After that, I left hundred questions about the guy she was talking about. She really needs to spill the details in her upcoming letter.
Oh, Health Department called me again. They have been asking me to collect my health report since last two weeks. Busy and busy but today I can escape. Sure thing, after all I was about to go the library to return some books.
I hope it will be his shift by the time I go to the clinic to collect my health report. *sweet!*
Dreamy night love.
10th November 2014
Dear cherry bum,
Nina has replied my letter. I feel great.
She sent me his picture. They are officially dating now. Good for her!
His name is Luhan.
:)
29th November 2014
Dear me,
Nina called me today. She is about to arrive home soon. Aunt Mae is sick. She is probably staying over a night then flies back to America.
She is much happier now. She said that she has the best boyfriend ever. I know he would treat Nina right. Nina deserves the best.
I wish I could go home by then. I want to meet Nina. But I have test tomorrow, so I can’t. I called mom today, she said that it will be fine. She told me that I need to score this test like I did last time.
What is left, will be left. I miss everyone at home.
I need mom’s hug.
Night.
24th December 2014
Dear me,
It’s snowing. I refused to go home. Mom has been calling me few times today. She’s been telling that she wanted to see her daughter.
Truthfully, I miss home. And Nina is home too with Jae. This time she brings Luhan boy too. I wish right now I was there with them singing and chatting throughout the night.
However, I have to settle things.
Sorry, night!
1st January 2015
Dear me,
Nina visited me today. Luckily I was home since I was kind of busy nowadays. She came with her boyfriend. They really do look good together.
Three of us went to catch some movies and eat ice- cream. It has been quite sometimes since I last pampered myself. This is totally fun.
Nina said that she will stay over the night. She will be back after dinner with her boyfriend. I am lazy bum as I said I am tired. But yeah, I am tired and sleepy. But Nina forces me to stay awake so later when she’s back we could chat till morning.
Yeah right Nina. Trust me, she will be the first to snore.
Night love.
1st February 2015
Dear me,
Finally I met him in person and confessed.
I told him, I have loved him since high school. It has been like more or less than 2 years now. He seems speechless.
I told him, I don’t need reply, and I just hope that he knows that I was actually like him. At least he knows that I do exist.
He seems guilty.
I gave him the pendant Nina gave me when she leaves for America last year.
“Treat Nina nicely. Look after her for me. I know she lives in America, but I know you kind of loyal since I kind of stalk you every day back in the days, so I trust you. I know long distance relationship might be hard. But I bet Nina and you could survive. You guys fit each other. Make sure she is happy forever. One more thing, I am expecting you guys to get married, because the pendant has to be passed to Nina during her wedding and never ever give any clue about it to Nina right until the wedding day understood?”
It’s funny to see Luhan boy seems clueless and blank. I am going to miss all of this.
I could sense my tears are about to come out. This is hard actually.
It’s hard to say goodbye.
Doctor says that I need to stay hospital again. My condition is nowhere to be good. It has been three months since I keep going in and out from the hospital.
He told me that I really need to tell my family about my condition. Guess what, they came today. They knew I was in the hospital.
Luhan must be called Nina and told her about what happen earlier.
I heard mum and dad were crying hard besides me. They keep crying and praying. I feel really tired. I woke up and gave them a weak smile before I go to sleep again
When I wake up to write my diary, mum and dad is sleeping with bloated face. Nina was here too. I wonder how on earth she could be here.
Please don’t cry mum, dad. You both look ugly with puffy eyes and red nose. Nina’s too.
Hard but I think this is the last time I ever write this diary.
p/s: Nina if you ever read my diary I left a letter for you. It’s on my dressing table. Be happy and take care of my family for me.
Love, Yoon Hani
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