Every now and then, Tiffany would randomly think of Taeyeon. She would unwillingly fleetingly think of the girls laugh. Other days it was her smile, or maybe just flashes of her writing down in that notebook she always held close to her side.

Tiffany didn’t mind it most of the time. She knew it was inevitable to think about someone you once loved.

          “Things change okay.” Tiffany replied in a joking manner when her friend told her that she couldn’t remember her eating so much before. But when she uttered those words, something clicked her brain, as if she trigged specific memories and she saw Taeyeon. When she blinked flashes of the girl would appear. Staring across the table, her friend wasn’t her anymore. Instead it was Taeyeon laughing and smiling at her. And when she blinked again she disappeared. Then suddenly a small dull ache began to knock against her insides. She tried to hide the subtle frown that covered her lips. But again, it was inevitable.

          “You eat like a pig!”

Tiffany wasn’t feeling it anymore. She didn’t want to laugh, or play along. She just wanted to go home and lay in bed. Usually the feeling wasn’t this intense but sometimes it was. And she hated it.

By the time she was driving home it was already dark. She couldn’t get the nagging feeling of feeling like something was off. While she drove she tried not to give into the feelings. Because once she did she knew she’d be a mess. It was weird, you know? Maybe it was because the days were getting colder but Tiffany knew six years didn’t go by just for her to go back to being sad over something she had no control over.

          “Not today, baby boy.” Tiffany shook off the puppy that was clinging onto her. She threw herself onto the couch and sighed while shutting her eyes. It was funny the way life worked sometimes.

She heard a knock at her door. Grunting she picked herself up and staggered her way towards it.

          “Hell—”

          “Fany.”

          “Taeyeon.”

In that moment it was hard for Tiffany not to think that weird things really did happen. Or maybe she had some sort of six sense but it wasn’t a good thing. Taeyeon standing there wasn’t a good thing at all. It nearly made her cry. Nearly.

          “What, are you, doing here?” Tiffany was sure that she’d never see Taeyeon again, not for as long as she lived. At least not in the flesh. She still looked the same as ever.

          “I was in town.”

When Taeyeon asked Tiffany to accompany her to Korea. Tiffany was torn in two. Taeyeon wanted to be a song writer, Tiffany wanted to work in law. But she couldn’t do that over there. It wasn’t easy. But then again it’s never easy. And Tiffany wasn’t one to deny Taeyeon her dreams.

          “You were in town?”

          “Yeah.”

They never left on a bad note. But more like an unfinished one. It was becoming more apparent to Tiffany that maybe things do change. Her appetite was more intense these days. Gas prices had gone up, her hair was dyed light brown. But now she realized that some things still stay the same.

          “Can I come in?”

          “Of course.”

It wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling. But it was an undesirable one.  Tiffany stood a few feet back and watched Taeyeon walk around her house. With a suit case in hand and she had seen her like that before. It struck her heart. And that dull ache from before was becoming more and more painful.

          “How’d you get my address?” Tiffany asked her. Leaning against the wall rather stiffly she watched Taeyeon stare at some pictures she had on the wall. Wondering if she had noticed the one she kept of them together.

          “I asked around.” Taeyeon simply said. Tiffany felt tingles spread across her body. Taeyeon willingly sought her out. Although, yes they broke it off cleanly. Somewhere deep down inside she always wondered if Taeyeon felt malicious for the decision she had made to stay. Surely Taeyeon didn’t expect her to give her dream up for her, but neither did Tiffany. Thus the mutual understanding and ending of a relationship. Still though, you never know.

          “Oh.”

Tiffany noticed her lingering in the corner, and she knew then that Taeyeon had spotted the picture frame. Of them together.

          “Ah, the dodgers game from 07’.” Taeyeon let out a chuckle through her teeth. Tiffany’s fingers curled tightly. She missed that.

          “Yeah, we lost. And everyone around us were super mad and angry, yet we smiled like idiots and took that selfie.” Tiffany smiled as she crossed her arms. The thought of the memory made her heart warm.

          “I’m pretty sure someone threw popcorn at the back of our heads that day.”

Tiffany laughed, “I wouldn’t doubt it.”

Sometimes, the world had a sick sense of humor. Tiffany thought she was over Taeyeon years ago. She kept telling herself, and was somewhat proud when her friends would ask her about it and she’d respond with something along the lines of ‘I don’t even think about her anymore.’

Like, yeah, right, okay. She inwardly sighed.

Maybe it was Karma. The universes way of telling her to shut up next time and stop lying to herself.

          “You’ve really made it out for yourself, haven’t you?” Taeyeon turns to stare at her and Tiffany’s breath gets caught in for a moment.

          “I’ve worked really hard.” Tiffany nods.

          “I wouldn’t doubt it.” Taeyeon repeats and gives her a smug smile. Tiffany starts to feel the familiar feeling of endearment. She remembers how Taeyeon used to encourage her. Even in the littlest of ways. But then all that went away, well, when Taeyeon went away.

          “How are things over in Korea going for you?” Tiffany’s asks and a part of her doesn’t want to know. She doesn’t know why, but it hurt her just thinking about Taeyeon in another place, with another life.

          “It’s everything.” Taeyeon’s eyes twinkle with certainty. Like she really meant it, and she couldn’t mean it any more than she did. Tiffany wanted to congratulate her. But the words wouldn’t come out. Maybe they were caught in .

          “I’m actually in the works of maybe singing my own songs…” She looked away for a moment and Tiffany’s heart beat raced.

          “Like, debut debut? Idol-wise?”

          “Sort of. I guess, I don’t know.”

Tiffany breathed out. “Well damn. I know you have the talent for it. That’s for sure.” She then laughed, “I can’t imagine you dancing though.”

          “The album is mostly ballads and slow jams…” Taeyeon nods and Tiffany’s eyebrows raise.

          “Your own album, with your own written songs and everything.” She smiles and then the words find their way through. “I’m happy for you.”

          “Thanks.” Taeyeon sheepishly ruffles her hair in embarrassment.

Tiffany suddenly wonders, why she’s really here though.

          “You weren’t just in town, were you?” She asks and Taeyeon shakes her head.

          “I always wondered if you’d show up one day at my door step.” Taeyeon said as she sighed, “Like, someone would knock, and for the tiniest moment I’d have a mini heart-attack just thinking that it could be you. That it might’ve been you.”

Tiffany stays silent.

Taeyeon laughs sadly, “But you don’t even know where I live.” She tilts and shakes her head, then her entire body shakes and before Tiffany knows it tears are welling up in Taeyeon’s pretty eyes. “I don’t hate where I am now.”

          “I don’t either.” Tiffany says.

          “I just hate that you’re not there with me.”

          “I feel the same way.” Tiffany says.

          “Why aren’t you there with me?” Taeyeon chokes up, as she questions. Because she doesn’t know.

          “I don’t know.” And Tiffany doesn’t either.

Taeyeon continues to cry but Tiffany doesn’t know how to comfort her.

          “Do you ever regret it?” Taeyeon calms down after a moment and asks.

Tiffany feels her pride start creep up under her skin. “Sometimes.” But she denies it. “On bad days I do.”

          “And on good days?”

          “You don’t come to mind.”

Tiffany knew it hurt to hear that. But it was the truth. She knew Taeyeon couldn’t blame her. She knew Taeyeon would have wanted it that way anyway.

          “Why didn’t we keep in contact?”

          “Because you and I both knew, that’d we’d eventually drift apart.”

          “You’re right.” Taeyeon nods and bites down on her lip. Her eyes are puffy and she sniffles, and all Tiffany wants to do is grab her and hug her, possibly never let her go. “Should I go?” Taeyeon steps forward and Tiffany shakes her head.

          “Stay with me.”

Tiffany’s heart shudders and she knows Taeyeon’s does too. Because those were the words that could’ve fixed it all.

          “Okay.” Taeyeon whispers and she sniffles again. She drops her suit case and trudges over to Tiffany whom lets out a grunt when Taeyeon throws her arms around her. Burying her face in the crook of her neck Taeyeon lets her tears stream down her face. Tiffany can feel them wet her neck and she begins to tear up. She tried not to cry. She tried not to give into those stupid feelings but she couldn’t help it.

By the time morning came Taeyeon was gone. Tiffany was left alone with a small note that had a few words scribbled on it.

I love you. Goodbye.

Tiffany felt her heart sink to the souls of her feet. She wasn’t sure what to do anymore. She didn’t hate where she was at. But she didn’t love it either. She did love something else though.

Something’s were better left alone and untouched. Just like something’s were better left unsaid.

         

          “I’m going.” Tiffany hands the small ball of fur to her friend. Who looks at her as if she were crazy.

And maybe she was.

          “I think you’re being rash.”

          “I know I am.” Tiffany mutters in return. “But, it’s Taeyeon.”

 

          “Taeyeon. Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany wasn’t expecting to get by using English but somehow it had all worked out. Six months have come and gone since Taeyeon’s visit. Yet here she stood at some small apartment downtown and she felt intrusive. Particularly with all the people coming in and out of the place she wondered if she could just walk in.

          “Hi. Are you looking for someone?”

          “Kim Taeyeon.” Tiffany replied. Simply and vaguely.

The young man showed her the way inside and pointed to a room.

          “If you can talk her into coming out and socializing. That would be great.”

Tiffany smiled at him nervously. “I’ll try.” She replied in English, getting the gist of what he was saying. She knocked on the door before opening it and she spotted Taeyeon sitting at a desk in the corner with a pair of thick headphones on.

Tiffany felt like bolting. Out the door she went and she would never look back. But there was nowhere to run to.

          “Tae?”

Tiffany placed her hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder startling the girl half to death and Taeyeon froze.

          “Hi.” Taeyeon finally muttered, slipping her headphones off and pausing the music.

          “Hi.”

Tiffany sat down on the edge of the bed that was there. And she just stared at her.

          “Rowdy.”

          “Yeah.”

          “Are you really here?” Taeyeon breathed out and asked. More to herself than Tiffany.

          “In the flesh and everything.” Tiffany rubbed her hands together for good measure. Taeyeon haphazardly ran her fingers through her hair. Trying to get the knots out.

          “Sorry for the mess.” Tiffany looks around to see bags of clothes on the floor. Hair dyes in the corner, make-up tools on the floor. But the bed was as neat as ever.

          “It’s fine.” Tiffany says, “I’m sure you’ve been really busy. I hear your album comes out soon.”

Taeyeon nods slightly and looks over at the time on her computer. “15 more minutes.”

          “That’s great.” Tiffany beams a smile. But Taeyeon only frowns. “I heard you’re sort of already popular. Have your own fan-café and everything.”

Taeyeon lets her guard down and laughs with a loud snort.

          “It’s weird.” Tiffany scrunches up her nose in displeasure.

          “How’s it weird?” Taeyeon asks.

          “Because. It’s weird, because, you’re going to have people pining over you. They’ll get manufactured facts. The occasional insight to the real Kim Taeyeon. But they’ll never really know you.”

Taeyeon stays silent for a while. “I don’t intend to hide my true character all the much.” She then says with a sway in her voice.

          “I know. But it’s still weird.”

          “I suppose so.” Taeyeon sees the look of distraught in Tiffany’s eyes as they flicker. “You’ll always know me best.”

Tiffany doesn’t doubt it.

          “Taeyeon-ah! It’s out! We did it!”

Tiffany flinches as bangs on the door and walls could be heard. With cheers going on outside the room, it sent shivers down her spine. Now she really felt as if she was intruding.

          “Shouldn’t you go out and celebrate with them?” Tiffany looks over at Taeyeon and asks. But Taeyeon shakes her head.

          “I’m fine being right here.”

Tiffany moves over to sit at the edge of the bed. Her knees are almost touching Taeyeon’s chair and she purses her lips. “So, let’s hear this album of yours.”

Taeyeon smiles and chuckles out. She brings up a Korean music streaming sight and presses play on the first song. They sit there silently and listen.

          “How long are you staying?” Tiffany hears Taeyeon whisper over her own voice and it sends her heart spinning.

Tiffany knew it wasn’t the most ideal situation. Or the most ideal way to move forward with her life. But nothing was ever set in stone. If she ever wanted to go back to doing law, she could. If she ever wanted to stay here in Korea beside Taeyeon, she could. She could do whatever she wanted and maybe that was the beauty of life. There really was no one she could disappoint except herself. So why did it even matter. She’d possibly deal with the repercussions later.

          “For as long as you want me.”

Taeyeon leaned her head on Tiffany’s shoulder and breathed out. They watched her songs climb up the chart all night.

There were no goodbyes this time, only

          “I love you too.” 

 

 

---

 

*CRINGES*  So cheesy man lol but it was 3am and i was bored and missing someone so my imagination went a little haywire.