This place did nothing but just lingers torturously as an agonizing souvenir, enclosed with bitter recollections in each corners. The paint itself is sinful. A symbol with unknown schemes hidden under its coat. Crimson.

Dark orb trails down every detail of this hell-like structure, slowly absorbing the lines and cracks above. My breath hitches, similar to those athlete runners but different in a way as I lay foot on the cold surface. I stood lifeless in the very centre like a ragged old doll which is kind of ironic with the fact that I’m indeed dead in the inside. I still clearly remember the rough pull of my auburn threads as I plummet to what used to be a soft and gentle duvet replaced with red tints and rips.

The used to be pink lips everyone fawns about, was wounded and abused. Purple marks which appears to be unashamed spreads throughout the Sunkist skin. The scratches seems to be untouched. The air pierce into my lungs as I draw in a sharp breath again and again. Minseok, you must be a masochist I thought.

Since then ‘trust’ has been a stranger to me. Relying on someone is like giving them the entitlement of hurting you. I would never let them in. I can’t risk the wall I’ve built these past three years. The only reason I’m alive and breathing. And the reason why everyone hate me.

 Even so, why did I let him in? What gave him the privilege to break the wall? Him who talks to me in a husky yet mellow voice, who smiles cheekily no matter how offensive or insulting I am to drive him away. The person who fought my bullies as a result of my disgusting and foul manners towards them.

He doesn’t understand me, no, he wouldn’t understand me. The painful memory that have been carved, not just in my body, but also in my soul as I wander lost in this pathetic world. And I was stupid enough to hurt him, almost in the point of losing him as an outturn of my hatred. He didn’t deserve it like I do. My head aches with the alarming thought until reality hit me hard in the face. It wasn’t my head after all. It was my dead heart.

I ran, wherever my legs direct me. My head is filled with his name until it can no longer bear the pain. I cried yelling out for him.

I want to see his goofy smile or listen to his stupid jokes and stories even though I never really cared for any of them. I just want him. I want Luhan…

The guy who insist on being called as lu-ge because I’m special to him, although I never called him that no matter how many times he pouts and whines about it. I want him to steal secret glances at me again just so I can stare back this time and maybe see that stupid grin on his face whenever I get annoyed.

Tears were running down all over my cheeks, and my entire body was trembling. I was foolish enough to trip and fall onto the cold ground, but that didn’t stop me from chasing after him again.

I must’ve looked so desperate and helpless, and the only miracle I’m hoping for tonight is him.

But you see, luck isn’t always what you wanted it to be. You could end up like me bawling my eyes out near a lamp post till I can no longer shed a tear. All that can be heard now is my endless sniffles and constant call for his name.

“Everything ends here, huh?” I laughed or maybe I tried. I will be alone once again. I will be de-

“If you want it to”