Diary of Kitty Hun

Original story by @MyHunhoney

00

I am a cat.

Nine lives cats, heard of it? Not all cats have nine lives.

This is, however, not necessary something good. I don’t think you fully understand this, but unless we die of unnatural death, nine lives cats will live forever. We will get into an accident, lose a life and get resurrected with our memories wiped clean, starting a new life anew.

We really start everything anew, as if nothing has happened before.

Of course, there is another situation.

If nine lives cats get overly attached to their owners, they will die soon after their owners’ death the death of their owner's love. We lose a life and start over again.

That’s why, owners are an annoying thing.

I don’t remember how old am I, but I know that I don’t have much time left. This is my last life.

Because on a certain rainy dawn, I received a warm embrace.

01

As Luhan finished his cup of coffee, picked up the sandwiches on the table and got ready to put on his shoes and leave the house, he continued to nag at me, reminding me to drink my milk, not to run about everywhere, wait obediently for him to return home after work and to not enter the study.

I sprawled out on the couch, yawned and meowed twice; my way of answering. He is extremely long winded sometimes, repeating the same stuff over and over again. I’m too lazy to answer him. He doesn’t understand what I say anyway.

Because I’m not a human. I’m a cat.

He kept the sandwiches, put on a jacket and looked at how I was sprawled out lazily. He left, satisfied.

The milk in the saucer in front is fresh and warm. The lid of the box containing fish floss is off; just opened a few moments ago. Luhan is my current owner.

Yes, Luhan is my current owner. On a certain rainy dawn, he found the ‘newly born’ and ‘abandoned’ me in the yard of this house. Most probably out of kindness, or maybe because he lives alone and needed company. Undeniably, he is really nice to me and I really like him.

I remember everything from then onwards. In such a big city of Beijing, and with Luhan being such a bright person, he somehow chose to purchase this really ancient looking house. Those that looks really native Beijing residence, no, not a siheyuan, not that big and elegant. We made our home here. Luhan treats me really well. He never forgets to buy me the freshest milk. He always leaves the lid of my fish floss off. He knows that I will eat them sensibly, at a steady pace. He is really awesome.

The only bad thing is that Luhan will not be with me at home if it isn’t a rest day and I get really bored. I know that he is an actor, like I said before, with a very bright personality. He has good looks and his acting isn’t bad. He has shown me his movies and dramas. He watched them with me, getting all excited as he watches. I know that he is often exhausted as filming schedules are very hectic. He also has to go for all kinds of variety shows and interviews and promotions. So, coffee is a necessity in his life.

Everyday seems like a copy of the first day, every day repeats itself. Extremely boring. I love clinging to Luhan when he is home for all sorts of pets he is more than happy to give me. He will run his fingers through my fur with a gentle gaze from his eyes.

He named me Hunhun*. *[T/N: Original story says Xunxun, from Sehun’s Chinese name, Shixun]

Hunhun is my name. He gave it to me. Even though I don’t like it.

Every time he calls me in his gentle voice and gazes at me with his gentle eyes, I somehow feel as if we are very far apart at that moment; separate by oceans and mountains.

That flow of gentleness, somehow, never flowed into my heart.

02

Swoosh!

The thick curtains are pulled open. The aggravating sunlight spilled against the floor, dust flying everywhere and pink petals can be seen being blown around by breeze outside. I hate such bright sunlight; really hate it, maybe because I’ve grown used to staying in the dimly lit house. It seems like all your secrets are exposed under such sunlight.

Luhan, on the other hand, was elated. He had been very busy recently but he had just finished filming a movie yesterday. Which means, other than a handful of activities, he has all the other time in the world to rest.

“Hunhun, it is rest day. Where shall we go to play?”

Luhan asked as he started wiping down the windowsill. I remained silent and he started to speak to himself.

“Shall we go to Changsha? Zhang Yixing mentioned that he will buy me the authentic spicy noodles*. Or shall we go to Qingdao? Most probably Huang Zitao is still frolicking around in Hong Kong, though. Or shall we invite Wu Yifan over for some drinks? We haven’t met in a long time. He said that he is going back to Canada for a break and it has been six months since already. It is as if he has evaporated from the surface of the Earth…” *[T/N: Original text says 扶蓝辣子, which is actually a certain spicy sauce and you can put noodles or dumplings in. Or even flour sheets.]

See? Again. He always mention all his old pals as he continues to speak to himself. He is just like an old man, muttering every day. No wonder he doesn’t have a girlfriend.

Oh yes, speaking of girlfriends, this is a very serious matter, I don’t have one either.

I don’t leave the house, so it is only natural that I don’t have one. But Luhan is so good looking and he gets acquainted with so many people at work, including those beautiful actresses. He has always been single and leads a quiet life all alone. This is the second thing I’m most curious about, after the reason why is he staying in such an old residency.

“Spring has sprung, look, the roses are blooming,” spoken full of emotions, as if to say “I am another year older.” If I can speak, I’ll surely tell him, “You’re not old at all. You’re just twenty six, not that old. Just very much older than me, since I’m just two.”

Roses, pink roses, is my third most curious matter.

Once, his friend said that “Xiao Lu is prettier than girls”. He got really mad and rebuked furiously “I am a real man.” Despite that, he has pink roses outside his window. Ha, you’re a real man. What a real man, indeed you are.

The previous owner of this residence left an entire row of rose bushes but due to negligence and Luhan’s careless ‘care’, only a single bush is left. Even the strongest cactus in the entire residence has died but only this bush remains. Isn’t that weird?

Luhan loves it, most probably due to its will to live that is stronger than cactus. Perhaps that symbolises how he is personally; having a pretty face makes other presumes that he is vulnerable whereas he is actually very tough deep inside.

Luhan is really a rather scarily tough person.

03

Alas, we didn’t eat spicy food in Changsha during rest days. Nor did we drink in Qingdao. We didn’t contact that Wu…. What’s that name again? I’ve forgotten it. He bought lots of veggies and meat, humming as he cooks, entertaining himself. Luhan suggested to bring me out to play, but when he saw me being all lazy on the couch, he ditched the idea and lazed around with me, eating his ice cream cones while I ate my fish floss.

“Why are you always so unenergetic? Are you feeling unwell? Or… Couldn’t be, Hunhun. You’re a male cat. You couldn’t be pregnant, right?” Luhan, with a smudge of white cream at the corner of his lips, had his blank and dim-wit face on. If I could, I would viciously punch his brains out.

“Are you in the heat? But you seem really obedient, so I don’t want to neuter you, it’s too cruel,” he petted me as he changes the channel on the television.

Thank goodness, endlessly, and may God bless you.

I wondered what kind of stupid things he would say next but he remained silent.

The television was showing an entertainment program, promoting a Chinese-Korean collaboration drama that has already started filming in Beijing. The actors and actresses stood in a line, fanning out around the director, all with stiff, forced smiles on their faces.

No idea what’s so nice about it. It isn’t even about him. I yawned.

When the camera panned over to one of the actor’s face, I somehow felt the breath of the human beside me became erratic.

That guy was wearing a straight cut suit, has a thin frame, arrogant face, a pair of thin eyebrows and deep enchanting eyes. A rather elegant man. This is the lead actor of the drama. When the director called out his name, his eyes curved as he smiled and greeted in broken Chinese.

Oh, I see, he isn’t Chinese.

There’s his name down there… That’s a ‘S’… ‘E’… SEHUN….

Sir-hoon?* What? *[T/N: Hunhun can’t read that well. He is a cat after all.]

Luhan knew him. I know. Why else would he be this nervous suddenly, with his brows furrowed together and lips trembling, unable to say anything.

Who is he?

04

Luhan wasn’t home this afternoon. He had an activity to attend and will only be back after dinner. He nagged at me soullessly for a bit before he left. He had been like this ever since we watched that television show that day, his soul seemingly to have left his body. I jumped up to the windowsill and watched him backing his car out expertly and zoomed off soon after.

I wandered around along the walls surrounding the residence and found myself at the back of the main house, suddenly noticing that a panel of window was actually left open.

That’s Luhan’s study. He forbade me from going in so I’ve never went in. It is always locked up tight anyway. It must be him being so out of it these days, that’s why he left the window open. As a cat, being curious is unavoidable. Thinking something alongside “He will never find out if I just do this once”, I jumped up the window and entered the study.

It is very simplistic inside. There’s a computer desk, computer, coffee mug, and on a plain display cabinet, there’s a signed soccer ball and Luhan’s trophies. There are photos in some photo frames; some of Luhan alone, with a silly smile, clutching a soccer ball, some of Luhan with his parents, some of Luhan and some other boys, twelve of them, smiling prettily. I recognised some of them, Zhang Yixing and Huang Zitao. They came here when Luhan and I first moved here. From their conversations, I found out that before he returned to Beijing, Luhan was an idol in Korea. Very famous, has a lot of brother comrades and a lot of fans who loves him.

As expected, there was someone familiar in that picture of twelve boys. That elegant lead actor in that drama, Sehun. That means, he is definitely Luhan’s friend.

He held one of Luhan’s hand and Luhan hooked his arm around Sehun’s shoulder. They look so close with each other. Just that Luhan was very very thin then, much thinner than now. That boy was also just a pure looking kid with an innocent smile and looks somewhat alike with Luhan.

Twins, I can only think of ‘twins’ to describe them. How incredible, born in two different countries, and with different age and yet possesses such similar looks, as if they are twins.

I jumped up to the computer desk, wanting to look at Luhan’s computer, but it was switched off. Deciding to leave disappointed, but I unintentionally stepped on an obstacle. That is… a photo frame faced down on the table.

Turning it over, I saw that boy called Sehun again. This is a photo of only him and Luhan. He had lost that pure innocent look from that group photo previously, now sporting stern looking brows. He looks really handsome. Just that, in this photo, he was hugging Luhan and Luhan…

Kissed his cheek.

Why is it like this?

05

It is already 12 midnight and Luhan isn’t home yet. This is a first. Luhan lives by his principles and he never returns home any later than 12 midnight.

I still have no clue what could happen to him, even after seeing that shocking picture this afternoon. I know that there is no way can I ask Luhan what went on but I think that with his condition these days, he will tell me soon.

The headlamps of a car shone in through the window. It must be him. Right when I decided to greet him by the door, I heard the voice of another man. Just vaguely and not that clear. I daren’t move and hid behind the couch to eavesdrop.

There was a loud boom! when the door was banged open to show two people holding each other, one of them leaning against the wall. With the aid of moonlight and cats’ night vision, I could see clearly, those two men are clearly kissing each other. One of them is Luhan, and the other is that man.

They looked like two swans. That man is clearly taller and Luhan tipped back his head with his eyes closed. Luhan had his arms hooked around that man’s neck and their lips seem to be inseparable. That man had one hand holding on the back of Luhan’s head and the other lifting Luhan’s chin. They kiss intimately for a very long time, a very very long time, as if they will not get tired of it. Until I heard something shattering.

That man drew away slightly from Luhan, eyes still gazing deeply at Luhan’s face. Luhan lowered his head and they both remained quiet. Finally, that man speaks.

“Don’t be afraid, we will face this together. We’ve waited for so long. You know how it is to walk along that road that never seem to end, that kind of feeling.”

“Oh Sehun, you…”

“But you still continue walking, refusing to give up.”

“…”

“Hyung. Luhan. Don’t be afraid. Let’s face it together, alright?”

I watch how Luhan leaned his head against his chest and nodded softly.

You know, that thing that shattered, seems to be my heart.

06

The next night, Luhan’s parents arrive. That man Oh Sehun is here too.

Luhan and Oh Sehun have gotten dinner ready quite earlier on. Both of them busied around the entire day. It was, however, very obvious that they were both really happy, up to the point that Luhan has forgotten that I’ve finished my fish floss yesterday and I don’t know how to open a new packet.

Luhan’s parents didn’t know that Oh Sehun is here until they arrived. They seem to welcome him visiting Luhan. The four of them sat down for dinner, chatting happily, very much like a family.

“Sehun, stop picking up food for Xiao Lu. You eat them too. Luhan is plain lazy, as if he hasn’t got hands. He has been so since he’s little,” Mama Lu said as she smiled and placed some veggies into Sehun’s bowl.

“Thank you, auntie,” Sehun nodded. Papa Lu asked, “Sehun’s Chinese is rather good. Have you studied for a long time?”

“Over two years. I worked hard studying Chinese.”

“That’s good, enriching yourself in addition to picking up a skill for work. Oh, if I remembered correctly, Sehun is younger than Luhan by four years right? So you’re twenty two this year? Do you have a girlfriend?”

Luhan raised his head and looked at Sehun. Oh Sehun replied smoothly, “No, but I have someone I like.” Right after that, he returned Luhan’s gaze and smiled gently.

“Youngsters nowadays are so weird. Some became mums and dads even before they turn twenty and then there are people like you who are still harbouring crushes. And Luhan too. You’re already twenty six and you don’t have a girlfriend. When you’re not working, you just play around by yourself.” Mama Lu grumbled. “I don’t mean to nag but why don’t you look for someone?”

Luhan fell silent and Oh Sehun stood up. Seeing three questioning looks, he spoke.

“Uncle, Auntie, I know this seems like a huge rock thrown at you but I wish to make things clear today.”

“Luhan hyung and I deeply loves each other. That’s right, it is one of those homoual relationships that you despise. We’ve been in love since six years ago. We want to be honest with you and at the same time, hope to get your blessings.”

“Even though this is hard to digest but I’m not joking. I am still young but I’ve since decided to be with Luhan for my entire life. Please, believe me.”

07

No one cleared the dishes, now cold, that were left on the table. Luhan and Oh Sehun sat amidst the dim light. Luhan had a cotton ball in his hand, rubbing medicine on gently to the bruise at the corner of Oh Sehun’s eye, his thin lips forming a straight line. Oh Sehun’s gaze never left Luhan’s face, as if he is observing every emotion playing on his face. Luhan daren’t look straight into his eyes.

Awkward. Again.

Half an hour ago, Oh Sehun knelt down in front of Papa Lu and Mama Lu and said, “Luhan hyung and I loves each other. Please give us your blessings.” No doubt, one was in shock, almost fainting, while the other was enraged. Papa Lu was a soldier with a traditional mindset. There should be nothing but anger at this kind of confession. He went over to Oh Sehun and punched the side of his face, hard. Oh Sehun gasped and, without defending himself, said, “If we can receive your blessings after you hit me, then please, beat me up.”

The furious Papa Lu went on to beat him up. Luhan threw himself forward and held on to Oh Sehun. “Dad! Dad!! I beg you, please, don’t hit him! Please calm down!”

“You think I won’t hit you, huh, you unfilial son?! Get lost!”

“Dad, please! I beg you!!”

“Hyung, let me go. Hit me, I’m okay.”

“Don’t ever dream of me approving to your relationship! A man and a man together, aren’t you ashamed, huh? Luhan, you’ve ruined the name of our family!”

Oh Sehun gripped Luhan’s hand, the one holding the cotton ball, tightly in his hands.

“Luhan.”

“Don’t say anything.”

“No, you…”

“I said do not say anything! Oh Sehun, I beg you, please keep quiet!” Luhan yelled. Oh Sehun and him looked at each other, his eyes red and voice shaking. “Don’t say anything, please…”

Oh Sehun reached out and pulled Luhan into his arms, holding him firmly, as if putting in all his energy to hold him there. He gritted his teeth hard but tears still fall from his eyes. Luhan stayed in his arms, sobbing silently.

“Oh Sehun… I love you, I really love you… But I think I can’t love you anymore…”

“I really can’t love you anymore…”

“You should leave… Please go. I can’t love you anymore.”

“Don’t get hurt because of me again. Please go.” Luhan pushed Oh Sehun away and raised his voice. “Please go! Leave!”

He squatted down and hugged his own knees. “Don’t look for me again… I beg you… Please leave…”

Oh Sehun stood there and raised a hand, as if to hug Luhan, but held himself back.

08

All these images flitted through my mind, as if there were played from a movie.

It has been two years since then already, and I’ve been living with a soulless person for two years. Luhan is twenty eight now and his life is as ever, just busier. Filming, endorsements, variety shows. Just that his break days are getting lesser. Other than coffee, alcohol has also became a necessity in his life. Just from what I can see, he kept drinking at home. Who knows how much he drank outside, somewhere I can’t see.

Living in a drunken dream*, that describes him just right. [T/N: Original text is 醉生梦死, a Chinese idiom.]

This tough guy is using work and alcohol to mask the emptiness of his love life. And I, have no idea what should I do.

Two years ago, on this night, Oh Sehun was beaten up by Papa Lu. Luhan held onto Oh Sehun and cried bitterly, until his throat became sore and eyes swollen, and begged Oh Sehun to leave. That night, that grave looking tall guy, with his bruised eye, blood tinged lips and gentle gaze, wiped off Luhan’s tears while his flowed endlessly. He kissed Luhan one last time and disappeared from this house.

That elegant and suave silhouette, left.

Presently, the drunk Luhan laid on the couch. Several beer bottles strewn messily on the table. I crouched down beside Luhan and his face. He is drunk again but he has work later tonight. I have to wake him up.

But as I on, I slowly tasted something salty.

“Xun… Xun…” Luhan whined in his sleep. Back in those days, I might thought that he is calling me, but I’ve gotten used to it already. God knows how many times has this happened. Sleep talking and everything he said is Oh Sehun’s name. His tears will slowly fall as he calls for him.

Sometimes, he’ll also stare into space in the study. He no longer forbids me from the study. He’ll hold that picture of him kissing Oh Sehun, sometimes smiling, sometimes sighing and sometimes crying, just like a madman. No, wait, he is a madman.

He is usually quite normal, when he works and he is still that friendly and courteous. He often return to his hometown to visit his parents and as Mama Lu’s wishes, ‘meet up’ with the daughter of XXX household. This house somehow became his sanctuary. He doesn’t have to put up any mask since there is no one other than a cat that somehow understands nothing. He can live a drunken life, he can cry, laugh, blame himself, get exasperated or just speak to that picture.

I think you can understand this whole situation. Luhan loves Oh Sehun and I rely only on this empty and lonely owner.

Sometimes I think that I am better than Oh Sehun. Although I’m only a cat, although both Oh Sehun and I can never be with Luhan, but at least, I can be by Luhan’s side.

I do have my useful side after all.

09

“Hunhun, eat up.” Luhan opened up a box of fish floss for me as usual. I padded over slowly and smelt the delicious smelling fish floss. I ate two mouthfuls and stopped.

“Why aren’t you eating? Are you trying to tell me that you’re sick of this now?” Luhan brushed my head, pampering me with his tone. I raised my head and looked at him. This twenty eight years old man already has wrinkles around his eyes; his gaze is always that gentle and has always been pampering me with his love. That kind of love that blossoms in the lotus gardens and able to cross oceans and mountains. However, I understood now, that kind of love is not for me actually. It is for someone else.

His love for me is just for the companionship we have for each other. He is clueless to my tiny bit of affection for him. He has always loved the other person. Even if they cannot be together, he has never transferred that love to me.

Because I am merely a cat call HunHun. My owner named me so as a relief to his feelings to Oh Sehun. That love and gentleness that crosses oceans and mountains that he showered me with is actually for someone else, mirrored onto me.

At this moment, I really want to scold him, to wake him up. You asked for this yourself. You’re so selfish. You don’t want to leave with him because you fear of ruining your career and breaking up your family. So you chose to hurt him out of our own selfishness, isn’t that so?

But I am, ultimately, merely a cat to accompany him through his slow and lifeless life.

10

Luhan seemed to have been diagnosed with depression. Although he makes no efforts to get better.

He still drinks, until his stomach bled. His pale pale face and still calls that name in his dreams. Mama Lu held on to her son’s hand, dried tear tracks still on her face, and kept shaking her head subtly.

How can alcohol numb the emptiness of his heart?

Papa Lu ruffled his hair, frustrated. He looked on at his son, hating the fact that Luhan wasn’t strong enough.

“Old Lu, stop being this tough on our son.” Mama Lu told him tearfully. “Look at him. How long can he last like this? Let him go, let him be. Sehun is not a bad boy. They can look after each other.”

Papa Lu remained stoic in front of the windows.

“I beg you, please! I still want this son, even if you don’t! I only have one son, will you pay me back a son if he dies, being tortured to death by you? Or else, let’s divorce. You can disown this son. I’ll let him be with Sehun, alright?’

“Are you crazy?” Papa Lu thundered.

“Yes, I am crazy, drove to craziness by you! My son and I are both driven crazy by you! Let me tell you, if anything happen to my son, I’ll make sure you’ll cry at my grave!’

“You!” Papa Lu is furious. “Gone mad. Everyone has gone mad!”

He left after he said, “Let him do whatever he wants! I’ll take it as if I never had this son!”

11

It is spring again.

Luhan seemed to be in a good mood. He called Oh Sehun yesterday, smiling brightly as he spoke. Oh Sehun said that he will visit the next day. Luhan nodded cheerfully and said, “Okay, okay. I’ll make you yummy food when you come. My cooking skills have improved a lot.”

As usual, I lazed on the couch and watched him bustling around in the kitchen. Light breezes blew at his bangs playfully, eyes bright with the prospect of his new life.

“Hunhun~” Luhan sat on a small stool, cracking walnuts, often throwing two into his own mouth and chewed. “Sehun said that he wants to go travelling. Where shall we go, huh?”

I didn’t say anything and he went on, as usual. “I think, let’s take a photo at Tiananmen. I’ve always wanted to go. But he says that he wants to go to Amsterdam. The vast fields are really pretty. Oh, he is a Christian. I don’t think so I’ve told you this before, right? Haha, but I don’t think so you know what Christianity is, right?”

“You know, Hunhun, if he knows that this is your name, what do you think he’ll think? Hahahahaha, I bet he would want to hit me! Hahahahahaha….”

Listening to this little old man chattering about, my eyes somehow became wet.

I trudged a couple of steps over and burrowed into his arms. Just like how I was when I first met him and act spoiled*. Even though compared to four years ago, I’ve grown quite a lot bigger. *[T/N: Original text is 撒娇, which is somewhat like aegyo. There is no specific word for it in English so I put it as ‘act spoiled’ but in actual, it is not exactly that.]

Luhan seemed surprised. “Why are you sticking so much to me? Hunhun, I’ve noticed that you’ve not been this affectionate with me after you’ve grown a bit. Why are you… eh? Hey, don’t fall asleep! Why are you so lazy?”

Luhan, don’t push me away. Don’t push me away. Let me sleep against you again, just this one more time.

I won’t pester you for long anymore.

12

Luhan, you may not know this but I’m a nine lives cat.

Nine lives cats can live nine life times. Lives could be lost due to accidents or ‘died’ due to their loved ones’ death. We will then start anew.

I know my world is very small. Just one human and you’re nearing thirty. You don’t have to live for many decades more and I’m only left with this little time remaining. You don’t need my company for your remaining decades.

Luhan, I’ve hated you before, because your love for me is merely virtual and yet I believed in you, even though all I got in return is empty surprises. You are a human and I’m a cat, and in addition to that, you only love Oh Sehun.

But I’m so hung over you and wanted to say goodbye to you when the time nears, even though I don’t know how to say farewell. I only know how to act spoiled around you and throw tantrums. Will you ever remember that you had such a little kitty accompanying you through those dark years. You gave him his name, Hunhun, and he was there to symbolically receive your love.

I saw Oh Sehun rushing into this old residence as you looked out for him at the door. He rushed in and you hugged each other tightly.

How beautiful, twins, you’re born to be together, how can you two be separated? How nice.

Then, please be with his nicely. You’ve waited for twelve years for this day and it is finally here.

That rainy dawn four years ago, you appeared beside me without any warning and gave me a home.

And at last, I’m ready to end my life.

I finally found out why you love those pink roses. Not because they are like you, but that bush of pink roses symbolises your love for Oh Sehun.

In flower language, pink roses symbolises “I want to be with you forever.”

Luhan, I want to be with you forever too.

-THE END-

Hope you guys like this as much as I like it. Again, I's not the one who wrote this, I merely translated this.I cried the first time I read it and cried again as I was translating this.