The coffee is getting cold. People keeps come and go through the glass door, busy with their own business. But what is the boy doing here, gazing towards the surface of the cold black water, observing every little moves on it. Then he meets the eyes, of himself.

She won’t come.

The boy takes a sip, tastes bitter on his tongue. Then he puts down the cup as he sighs heavy.

Of course she won’t come. And he knows it.

He checks the time on his phone. It’s already more than two hours. What is he doing again?

Waiting?

The boy opens his message box for the nth times. The last message is still the same.

 

Don’t look forward to me. Been busy lately.

Take care. Don’t catch a cold!

 

The boy smiles a little, he should be aware of it. He flips his phone and shoves it into his pocket before stands up and leave the coffee shop. It’s not a waiting. He’s just wondering if she can make it. But once again, he gets nothing.

---

 

 

“Chanyeol you ! Where were you yesterday? You missed the best part of our team!”

Chanyeol ignores Jongin who shakes his shoulder hard.

“We beat those bunch of loser. I even made high score! You should’ve watched it!” Jongin shakes him even more.

“Tsk, I didn’t have the time for it. I was just feeling unwell. Sorry.”

Chanyeol puts Jongin’s hand away and starts walking, leaving his best friend behind.

“You still can’t forget her.” Jongin exclaims. “Don’t you?”

Chanyeol stops his steps right away, not turning his back. But his heartbeat is getting faster.

“She was watching the game ‘til the end tho you weren’t there. She’s such a good friend.” Jongin adds, before going away.

Chanyeol closes his eyes, going his way with lips pressed into a thin line.

---

 

 

It had become a ritual for them every night to have a deep talk ‘til late or at least ‘til one of them falling asleep. But not for tonight.

Chanyeol doesn’t call first. Once again he’s wondering. He just wanna make sure something is going not like it should to be. He’s scared. He’s insecure. About this issue but he keeps in faith.

He falls asleep hours later only to be awake again. Grabbing his phone, he lets out sigh. Blank.

No text. No call. No her voice. No conversation. Nothing.

He texts a short ‘good night’ to her, then slumps back into his bed. Can’t go back to sleep.

---

 

 

Under the same sky in some place, Nana still up. Staring at the screen in droopy eyes.

 

Good night

 

is the only text. She exhales. No matter how much she wants to reply, she can’t.

Sky becomes darker covering the night. Nana stares at the sky, hoping the other will do the same.

Good night, too.

---

 

 

Chanyeol wakes up to alarm sounds from his phone. He groans and turn off his alarm immediately. No morning call again to wake him up.

He feels like have no energy to go to school. But he doesn’t want to skip today. He needs to meet Nana.

Chanyeol rushes his breakfast, stomping on one foot to wear his shoes and grabs his bag then immediately go to school. He plans to go to Nana’s class straightaway. But when he reaches school and directs his steps towards Nana’s class, she’s not there. He’s checking every corner of the class only to find nothing of her existence. Where is she?

“Where is Nana?” Chanyeol asks to one girl with glasses near the door.

The girl looks startled. But then she just shakes her head.

Chanyeol checks his phone. Nana has never been late. He feels worried.

Turning his heels, Chanyeol bumps onto someone. The latter shrieks in shock.

“Nana!” Chanyeol shouts, he grabs both of her arms. Nana dazes on him, still not aware of the current situation.

“Come with me.” Chanyeol drags Nana away who still not fully understand what happens.

He brings her to the backyard, stops under the tree and turns her to face him. That face, that beautiful face he really misses. The face that used to give smile everytime Chanyeol looks at her. Eyes that turning into slit as she smiles. Now all gone. Chanyeol misses it. Chanyeol misses her.

He holds back the urge to hug her so hard. And when his hand is reaching out her face, Nana grabs by the wrist. Stopping him.

“Wait.”

Chanyeol’s heart sinks. He looks onto her in a slight of disappointment. His nightmare slowly crawling out and scares him once again.

Still holding Chanyeol’s wrist, Nana takes a step closer until both of their shoes touching. Nana looks hesitant. But slowly she tiptoeing to crash her lips on his. Chanyeol widens his eyes in bewilderment. What’s gotten into her?

Nana closes her eyes and stay still. Chanyeol finally closes his eyes too and grips both of Nana’s arms. Until he feels something warm, he breaks the kiss.

Is she… crying?

Nana bows down her head. Hair covering her face.

“Nana.” Chanyeol calls.

“….i can’t feel it.” She whispers in a soft voice, Chanyeol can barely hear.

He lifts up her chin, manages to look into her now teary eyes. “Why are you crying?”

Nana ends up sobbing onto Chanyeol’s chest. Albeit she knows she won’t feel the secure again, she just do it. She doesn’t have a place, or someone to clutch onto again. But Chanyeol.

“I…..can’t feel it. Ever again.”

Now he can hear completely. But he can’t understand. Completely.

---

 

 

Nana’s statement makes Chanyeol thinks. He is questioning himself. What happened? He seems already know the answer, but it’s just he refuses to realize. Or his mind tells him not to realize what’s actually happening. Or else he will get hurt.

For Chanyeol, of course he doesn’t let go. But what about Nana? He thinks of her too. Her feelings. If he forces her, she will hurt. He doesn’t want that to happen. Also he can’t let her leave. Basically, he’s the one who can’t bear with the feeling of losing her from his life.

Whatever, he keeps her anyway. Love is all about struggle what’s supposed to be yours right?

 

“Hi.” Chanyeol greets as he pecks Nana’s cheek from behind.

Nana turns her head slightly, giving a small quick smile before focusing back on her book. Well, that hurts. But Chanyeol doesn’t bother, he takes a seat in front of her. Nana read her book silently, she looks at her book and never takes a single glance at Chanyeol. And Chanyeol just watches her reading. Seems that Nana doesn’t want to make an eye contact with him. So Chanyeol calls her.

“Hey.”

Finally Nana locks her eyes on Chanyeol’s. Much more like perforce.

“Do you remember that time we first met at the book store?” Chanyeol asks.

Nana nods a little. Chanyeol smiles.

“You dropped pile of books and getting hit by yourself.” Chanyeol chuckles.

The girl in front of him lets a soft laugh. She stops reading. God, how Chanyeol misses that laugh. He then continues.

“You’re still the same.”

In a second her laugh stops. Her expression becomes firm.

“Don’t do that.” She says.

“Nana.”

“Stop trying, Chanyeol. It ain’t gonna work!”

Chanyeol shuts. He stares at the table between them. Everything seems so complicated now. He even can’t reach her anymore. She’s somewhere near, also far. What’s actually happening? Why’s she leaving him struggles all alone? Why doesn’t she try to understand him at least?

“I just-“

Nana stands up abruptly. Chanyeol watches her go, leaving him and his shattered heart.

Please don’t leave me that easily. I can’t get rid of you so easily, too.

---

 

 

Nana buries her face on her arms. She’s been crying for God knows the time. She feels so lost. Like a child who brought into the crowd and can’t find way back home. Even after she’s home, she still feels strange. She still feels insecure.

Her tears stop. At times like this, Chanyeol would always there for her. Offering warm hugs to soothe and erase her worries away. But even now, his holds won’t work. Her feeling starting to fade away like those night clouds, melting into the dark sky.

---

 

This is not right. How hard Chanyeol tries to forget her, he can’t. His gifts, letters from her, Chanyeol have been re-reading all of them. The first one when his birthday. Nana congratulated him on her letter, wishing him all the best. When his first match, she supported him through the letter and even after the match, she sent him a letter again just to tell Chanyeol that he did a good job. Nana never absent to watch his matchs.

Their first quarrel. Nana forgot to tell Chanyeol that she can’t join him to Jongin’s party because she was busy. While Chanyeol waiting for her but she didn’t come. He felt worried ‘til death. His calls weren’t picked up by her. And when finally Nana called him back to apologize, Chanyeol instead threw his anger to her. Those harsh words, Chanyeol regret it until now. And in the end, Nana was the first one to give him a letter, telling she was so sorry and she wouldn’t do that again. She really is a sweet.

Chanyeol’s phone vibrates. Jongin is calling…

“Yes?” Chanyeol picks up.

“What time is it, lazyass?! Game will play in minutes!” Jongin shouts from the other side.

Game? What game?

When Chanyeol finally realizes, he slaps his forehead and immediately get his stuffs. He’s ready few minutes later with his jersey on.

And before he go, he thinks. She will be there, right? She has never absent watching I play.

Chanyeol nods. She must be there.

---

 

 

Jongin taps Chanyeol’s shoulder as soon as the latter arrives.

“Be fast. The other team is already waiting. They don’t seem amused,” Jongin tells.

Chanyeol nods. “Sorry for being a burden.”

He makes a way towards the bleachers and drops his bag on the nearest seat. His eyes checking around the bleachers, searching for someone.

Is she not here yet?

“Chanyeol,” Jongin calls from the field.

Chanyeol signs to him he will be there soon. Taking off his jacket, Chanyeol then runs into the field. Game starts.

 

First round. Both team still having no score. But Jongin can feel his team is not working properly. Especially Chanyeol. The boy keeps miss the opportunity to grab the ball from the opposite team. He even can’t catch them. He looks not focused.

Jongin dribbles and keeps the ball from other’s reach. He stops near the ring but two boys block his way. Gazing at the ring and the boys, Jongin catches Chanyeol’s spot at the side of the ring. He can make it if he passes the ball to him.

“Chanyeol!” he shouts as he throws the ball towards him.

Chanyeol jumps to catch the ball but turns out to be failed because the ball flies over his head, bouncing out the field. Jongin touches his head in frustration.

Break time. Chanyeol steps towards where his bag is dropped on to take his water. Jongin follows him.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jongin asks after Chanyeol takes a swig from his bottle, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Sorry.” Chanyeol answers shortly, sitting on the bench. Once again he takes a look at the bleachers. Still no her.

Jongin doesn’t ask again.

 

Second round starts. Chanyeol is not getting any better. Jongin is the one who should fight at the best of him. He’s the captain, indeed. But Chanyeol really can’t be tolerated anymore. He’s spacing out. Jongin’s calls for him are ignored.

Why is she not here? Is she mad at me? Is she busy? I should call her earlier.

Chanyeol’s thought controlling his brain ‘til he doesn’t realize Jongin is already running to him and slaps him hard at his cheek.

“What-“ Chanyeol never finishes his word as Jongin cuts him off.

“What the hell are you thinking!? We’re in the middle of game why would you do that?!” Jongin seems so furious.

“But-“ Chanyeol mumbles. “But she’s not here. She should be here, right? She never absent watching my match. What if… what if something bad happened to her?”

Chanyeol starting to comprehend his own thought. He looks at Jongin, brows knitting.

“Jongin, what if something happened to her?”

Jongin collects himself before slaps Chanyeol once again. This time harder.

“Get your sanity back, Chanyeol! She’s dead! Let her go!” Jongin exclaims. He looks angry and… tired?

Chanyeol loss words from Jongin’s shouts. He bows his head, staring at the ground. He is confused. He is lost.

“What… what do you mean?” Chanyeol asks to Jongin, more like wondering. More like he doesn’t wanna accept what he heard. He knows, he knows that but.

“Let her go, Chanyeol. You hurt her,” Jongin says softly.

---

---

 

 

Today’s match was the biggest match for Jongin. The opposite team was known as strong and solid team. So that Jongin should let out all of his struggles to win. It was fine as long as he had Chanyeol in his team. Chanyeol was consistent in his every performances. He wouldn’t doubt his bestfriend’s skill. He was sure they were going to win today.

“Jongin!” Somebody called him from the bleacher. Jongin’s eyes searching through the crowd and finally found Nana waving at him.

“Oh, hi Nana!” Jongin waved back.

“Chanyeol still not here?” she asked.

Jongin looked around and shrugged to her. “Not yet. Late, maybe. As usual.”

Nana chuckled and in the end shouted a ‘fighting!’ to Jongin before the latter went away. Jongin could see from the side of his eyes that the girl looks at her phone time after time, looked worried.

Until the game was about to start, Chanyeol still hadn’t came. Jongin of course was so mad. He threw his tantrums to the rest of the team.

Nana looked at the fuss with a worry stare. She clicked her tongue and decided to call Chanyeol. Didn’t answer. Feeling frustrated, Nana stood up and walked down to reach Jongin and his team.

“I think he’s fallen asleep or something happened on his way here,” Nana spoke. “Just start it without him.”

Jongin looked unsure, but he could do nothing. So he finally asked a back up member and left Chanyeol.

As Nana sat back on her seat, she couldn’t stop feeling concerned. Actually she was so worried about Chanyeol. She wanted to find him. But it would be bad if she left the game just to find her boyfriend. Moreover this was a big match. So in the end she just sat back and cheered on her school’s team.

 

The game was over. And unbelievably Jongin’s team could make it. They won over the opposite team. Nana exhaled of relief. She reached Jongin and congratulated him.

“You guys are awesome!” Nana praised.

“Thank you, Nana.” Jongin flashed a smile. “Do you want to join us?”

Nana shoke her head, politely rejecting Jongin’s offer to join them celebrate the winning.

“I think I need to find Chanyeol first and scold him.” Nana chuckled.

After bid a goodbye, Nana walked outside while reaching her phone.

“Chanyeol has been so annoying and being a burden to his team. He should pay for all of this.” Nana smirks.

She typed on her phone.

 

Don’t look forward to me. Been busy lately.

 

Nana paused her steps. She frowned at her text.

“Am I a little bit too rude?” she thought.

After a short contemplating, she typed again.

 

Don’t look forward to me. Been busy lately.

Take care. Don’t catch a cold!

 

She tapped the send button and put her phone back in her bag. She smiled, selfsatisfied.

She was about to across the road when she didn’t see the coming of a car with full speed, directing towards her. The people around her shouting ‘watch out!’ to her but when she finally turned her head, the last thing she could do was screaming.

 

 

Chanyeol cursed under his breath. He knew he wouldn’t make it. It was already more than one hour since the match began. But he was gonna reaching there anyway. He should apologize to his team about the unexpected situation he was just experienced. his dad! He restrained Chanyeol from going to the big match however Chanyeol explained to him about how important the match was. His dad claimed that Chanyeol’s scores becoming worse because of his activities.  He then locked Chanyeol inside his room. But of course Chanyeol would find other way to out from his house. He sneaked out through the window and jumped down to the ground. Carrying his bike with him, he sped up to the stadium. Whatever how late he was.

Chanyeol kicked his bike at the side of the road. His back tire was deflated. He couldn’t use his bike anymore. Chanyeol digging his bag, searching for his phone that he was carelessly left in his room.

“! ! !”

Chanyeol messed his hair, not knowing what to do. Finally he left his bike behind and he started running. He should reach there whatever happens.

Moreover, he knew Nana was there too. He had to meet her. He didn’t want that girl to be worried.

So Chanyeol increasing his speed until he was few meters reaching the stadium. He lowered his pace, not because he was tired. But the crowd in front of him forced him to pause his movement.

What is this…

Curious, Chanyeol walked closer to see what happened. He made a way from the bunch of people that gathered around.

“Excuse me. Excuse me.”

When he finally entered the crowd circle, he threw his looks first at Jongin and his other friends. They were all standing together and silently watch at the ground. Jongin was the first one to be aware of Chanyeol’s arrival. He called for Chanyeol slowly.

“Chanyeol…”

Chanyeol felt something weird. He directed his eyes towards what his friends saw. To the ground.

There, a body was lying with dark bloods covering the head and the road around it.

Chanyeol’s breath quickened and he could feel his heartbeat increasing.

It couldn’t be…

The male dropped onto his knees. He reached the dead body, hand removed the hair away from the face.

“No…” Chanyeol whispered.

Jongin stepped closer. “Chanyeol.”

“No! No! No!” Chanyeol cried out loud. “No, Nana! Wake up!”

Chanyeol held Nana’s cold hand tightly.

“Please. Please, please, please. Nana, please! Don’t leave me like this!”

Jongin closed his eyes. His heart aching.

---

---

 

 

Chanyeol runs and runs no matter how hard he is catching his breath. He runs ‘til he feels like dying. Oh, if only it happens. Chanyeol will gladly offer his body and soul to be taken away. If that means he can reunite with his girl again.

He stops, leaning his body weight onto his knees, trying to catch a breath. Then he looks around him.

“Nana!” Chanyeol calls.

Nothing but the wind.

“Nana, where are you?” Chanyeol asks in a louder tone.

“Please come out!”

“Nana!”

Uncounted Chanyeol’s calls for Nana but nothing in response. The boy falls on his knees, his fists tighten.

“I’m sorry.” His voice is low. “I’m so sorry.”

Chanyeol burst in tears.

“It’s all my fault. I should have let you go, but I didn’t.”

His tears dripping from his face. His heart is aching as he can barely breathe. But still no answer.

“I’m sorry…” Chanyeol gives in.

Then he feels something touch his head, makes him look up. Nana smiles at him.

“Na-Nana…” Chanyeol mumbles.

With her hands, Nana cups Chanyeol face, wiping away his tears. “Don’t cry.”

Chanyeol tries to back on his feet, with his trembling hands he hugs Nana so tight.

“Nana, I’m so sorry! I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeats. He holds Nana so hard in his embrace, afraid of losing her.

Nana can’t help but also sheds tears. Of course she is sad. She is hurt. But what can she do?

“If only I could make it that time. If only I came sooner. If only I didn’t leave my phone at home. If only i…”

The girl hushes at Chanyeol, telling him to stop. “Not all your fault, Chanyeol. Stop blaming yourself. It’s just me who was careless.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “But if I could turn back the time…”

“It’s my fate. I won’t put the blame on you. I’m just…” Nana pauses. “I’m begging you, please let me go.”

That nightmare finally appears in front of his eyes. The nightmare that he can’t avoid of. To let her go. No, Chanyeol can’t do that. If he ever let her go, that means he won’t be able to see her again. Her existence.

Chanyeol shakes his head firmly. “No.”

“Chanyeol, please…” Nana begs.

“I said no!”

“So you want me to feel hurt? You want that, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol downs his head deep. Of course he doesn’t want that to happen. But on the other side, he doesn’t want to lose her.

“My feeling fades away by a little everytime you tried to hold back me. Me, too. I want to keep this feeling towards you ‘til death, Chanyeol!” Nana cries. “But I can’t manage to save this feeling if you still restrain me.”

“Please… let me go…” Nana calls out for the last time.

All of those words, Chanyeol can only listen. His mind is in a mess right now. He can’t think properly. His heart and his mind are fighting.

“I can’t see you again after this, right?” Chanyeol finally opens his mouth.

Looking at the broken boy in front of her, she steps closer.

“Here.” Nana touches at Chanyeol’s chest. “You will have me. All of me, and my heart. All of it.”

Chanyeol grabs Nana by the wrist, pulling her even closer. He leans in, closing his eyes. And when their lips are connected, Chanyeol almost can’t feel anything.

“I love you,” Chanyeol whispers. “Now and forever.”

As he finishes his words, Nana’s figure starting to fade away. Becomes one with the wind and flying high into the sky, joining the white clouds.

Chanyeol can recall how sweet her last smile was.

There, I let you go.

 

◊◊◊

 

 

sorry it took me so long to update again ((and i know this is not a read-worthy ;c))

thank you for those who still subscribing this T__T

i'd like to know your opinion abt this fic and suggest me for the upcoming chanana fics ((maybe? won't promise, though))

so, hv a nice day! //runs away