“I still get sad about everything that happened. Every now and then it just hits me. Sometimes, it takes days for me to get over it”

Seungyoon kindly thanked the cashier as they handed him two Americanos. He rushed out of the near-by coffee shop and to the balcony on the tenth floor of the abandoned building. He saw Minji waiting for him, leaning over the railing. Seungyoon quietly walked over to her and stood next to her, peering over the railing only to find nothing but some people passing by down below.

“What you are looking at?” He looked at Minji and saw the look in her eyes that he saw the first time he met her. He wondered what was running through her head that very second. Did she want to jump? Was he going to cross her mind at least once?

Minji turned around and leaned back against the metal railing. She slid down against the elevated ledge and her bottom hit the ground. She looked up at Seungyoon who was just staring down at her with a concerned expression. She scoffed in amusement, “Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to jump. I wasn’t even thinking about that. Is one of those for me?” She pointed to one of the cups.

Seungyoon sat down beside her and handed her a cup of coffee. He watched her take a sip. He took a sip of his own. He looked at her again and found her staring down at the cup’s lid.

“What are you thinking about?” Minji looked into his eyes with curiosity.

“If I tell you, will you promise not to run away like everyone else?” Seungyoon noticed how hurt she sounded. She looked very anxious as she waited for him to answer.

Seungyoon grasped her empty hand and smiled reassuringly, “You know that I’ll never run away. I promised I wouldn’t.” He felt Minji relax a little bit.

She took a deep breath before she began. She had tried to talk to people about why she was depressed. And why she contemplated killing herself so much. But people would run away and walk out of her life. They thought she was messed up. The past few months that she had been dating, if that’s what you could call it, Seungyoon, she had never opened up much to him. She just enjoyed his gentle company.

“There’s a reason why I’m so messed up.” Seungyoon shook his head, “You’re not messed up. You’re just hurt and your scars just haven’t been tended to properly.”

Minji smiled at his effort to make her feel better.

“I used to have an older brother. He was mom and dad. Our parents were still very much alive and they still are. But our parents were those typical strict parents that only wanted perfection. It was so hard for me to please them. And that was the thing, even if you had pleased them, they wouldn’t really care much. I guess you could say that my brother and I grew up starved of parental love. My brother pleased them easily. He was so perfect and I strived to be like him. He was kind and patient. And she showed me the love that our parents never showed us.

If it hadn’t been for him, I would have been depressed from the start. But he was always there to pull me back up if I ever fell down. He would catch me if I were falling and he was my crutch as I hobbled through my childhood.

And then, he died. It was an accident. I asked him to come pick me up from school. He was quite a bit older than me and he had a car so I thought it would be okay for him to pick me up. It was kind of late and I was scared to walk home alone, seeing as how I was in middle school, it would be natural to be scared, right?” Seungyoon nodded, agreeing with her.

“He hung up telling me that he would be there as soon as possible and that he loved me very much. I waited by the school gate but he never came. I became worried and I tried calling him but he wouldn’t answer. It went straight to voicemail.

I thought something happened to him and I ran down the path that he should have taken. I got to the big streets and that’s when I saw his car. It was upside down and there was blood smeared on the windshield. I saw people crowding around and when I got to the front, I saw my brother. He was practically dead.

The ambulance took him away and I was by his side. The paramedics tried to save him but they couldn’t. I saw him take his last breath in that ambulance. When we got to the hospital, my parents were already there. They saw me and for the first time since I was a baby, they held me. They cried and told me that it would be okay. They didn’t know he was on his way to pick me up.

I told them after the funeral. They stared at me like I was some kind of monster. My mom slapped me and my dad grabbed me by the hair and pushed me to the ground. They said that it was my fault that he died. They kicked me out and told me that I was dead to them. They said that I should have died instead of him because I was worthless. And until I met you, that’s how I thought of myself, worthless and unworthy of anything.”

Minji looked up and saw Seungyoon tearing up. He set down his cup of coffee and hugged her.

“They’re wrong. It wasn’t your fault. And you’re not worthless. You deserve to be loved and you deserve to live happily like everyone else.” Minji hung her head low.

“I still get sad about everything that happened. Every now and then it just hits me. Sometimes, it takes days for me to get over it. And then, it hits me again.” Minji scoffed bitterly at the thought of her brother’s death.

“I’m so sorry I’m like this, every night it is the same and I know you are getting tired of me I know it because I am getting tired of me too”

Seungyoon let go of Minji. He saw her staring down at the lid of the cup again.

“You must be annoyed with me.” He looked at her, surprised by the sudden accusation.

Minji sighed as she tilted her head back and stared at the vast sky.

“Why would you think that?” If anything, he thought that she was getting tired of him.

“I’m so depressing. I’m sure you don’t like to be around me. If I were you and I had to hang out with me all the, I would get tired of myself. You don’t have to stay with me. You’re free to leave any time.” Seungyoon shook his head, “I don’t plan on leaving. I want to stay by your side. I really want to show you that you can be at least kind of happy.”

Minji smirked, “Thanks for trying so hard all of the time. I really appreciate it.”

Seungyoon wrapped his hand over hers, captivating her attention. “I’ll never stop trying. I’m never giving up on you. I plan on bringing a smile to your face every single day. I don’t care how long it’ll take for you to feel like you belong here. If it takes a million years, then so be it. But just know that I’ll keep trying.”

A little spark of warmth flitted inside of her. She felt it for a few seconds, and then it disappeared. She smiled at him. It seemed like a smile that wished him luck. It was as though she were challenging him to change her. Her smile was that of a person who could not be saved.