"Wait."

"Bye"

"Wait. Why are you going."

"It's disgusting isn't it? A girl, not even a little boy but a girl. I don't care if you either think of this as a stupid kid's joke or forget about this. I'm sorry for causing you trouble and kissing you.. but i just want you to know that when I asked you to marry me, it was for real. Bye."

Bye. I couldn’t stop her at that word. I couldn’t even stop her with my hand when she slowly walked away from me. Was it because behind her long bangs I caught a glimpse of a teardrop? My arm went limp. 

When the door closed with a loud boom, so did my heart dropped with a loud boom that only I could hear.

Now I get it...

Why that silly first meeting kiss wasn’t gross, why those nonsense questions asking me to marry you wasn’t annoying, why those unbearable lunches were unbearable to me, and why that strawberry scent kiss wasn’t bad,

Why my heart kept beating happily.

Finally I got it. Those weird feelings that I didn’t know, why my heart felt like my messy room... I just got it when you said those words...

But now you’re gone.

***

I couldn’t go to school. After zoning out because I couldn’t stop the kid I looked at the clock, which was pointing at 12. Even if I did go to school I would still be marked as absent. I called my homeroom teacher and told her that I was sick and had a fever. just in case she didn’t believe I did some fake coughs. I also told her that I was living alone when she asked and it looked like she believed me. 

When she hung up I sat on my couch starring at the ceiling. I placed a finger on the lips that touched with the kid’s. They felt a bit warm. I took one hand on my fore head. Even my head’s warm... I guess I have a fever. I felt the tingling feeling I would get whenever I was sick. How'd I get sick? It may be early fall but it’s still hot like summer. I may get sick in the late fall or winter but never in early fall... To think of it the kid’s lips were a bit too warm... and so was her wrist when I was pulling her to my home. She must of been outside since early morning waiting for me to wake up. Although it is hot in the day, there’s a big temperature difference between morning and day so it must have been cold.

My head started to become dizzy ether because of the kid or my fever so I started to wobble to the bed room and flopped on the bed. The ceiling started to spin. I really wanted to fall asleep but every time I try, regret starts to hit me. What words did I say to hurt you? What did I do to make you cry? That tear... I could have wiped that tear. I didn’t even get to give you the lunch box. If I reached out to the ceiling and swayed my hand thinking that I could wipe your tear but all I clenched was nothing but thin air. Damn it. I said under my breath as my arm covered my eyes. I wished this fever would go down when I opened my eyes again. I wished today didn’t exist and tomorrow she would ask me to marry her as if nothing happened. Then for the first time I won’t laugh at her, instead I’ll hug her tightly.

###