Without You
Not Being Able To Forget [ One-Shot ]
Seeing the familiar figure in the distance brang a smile to my face. Her long wavy dark brown hair, milky white skin, and bright smile made me feel content. The white dress she wore swayed in the light breeze. Looking up from the white calla lilies in her hand, she smiled at me.
"Mino." Her gentle voice echoed in my ears and melted my heart. Every time she would say my name, I would be over flowed with happiness.
"Mino," she called out again.
I took a step towards her and smiled back. "Soo Yun."
As she giggled with her eyes closed, the sound echoed in my ears again. Opening her eyes to look at me, she then walked over to my side. She held my hand with her free one and gave it a light squeeze. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth from her soft hand.
Then the warmth suddenly disappeared. All I was grasping was the cold air. I looked down at my empty hand, palm facing upwards.
"Soo Yun?" I called out, trying to find the figure that was no longer there.
"Wh-Where are you?" I asked frantically, looking around. I noticed that the calla lilies she was holding a moment ago were now lying on the ground. They looked sad and helpless without the person that was holding them.
Picking them up, I continued to look for her.
"Soo Yun?"
No response. I looked in every direction before beginning to walk in a random direction.
"Where did you go?" I cried. My feet kept moving forward, but it didn't get me anywhere.
"Soo Yun!" I yelled.
~
My eyes snapped open and I quickly sat up straight. My chest heaved up and down as I wiped my wet cheeks. It took me awhile to regain my regular eye sight since everything was so blurry at the moment. Wiping my eyes, I realized I was still in class. I sighed in relief when no one was around. Looking out towards the windows, I noticed that the sky was already painted an orange hue.
Burying my face into my hands, I began to mumble to myself. "Why? ... I just want to ... erase it all ... "
Biting my lip, I took my time to gather my things. These dreams happened every night ever since that day. I tried to forget them too, but they kept flooding back. Each one became more vivid and so much more real than the one before it.
Two weeks of trying to forget. I hoped that the pain would numb all my feelings so I wouldn't care about anything anymore. I thought it did, but all these little things kept bringing my memories back. I didn't want to accept the fact that I haven't moved on. I probably never will.
Dragging my feet back to my apartment, I noticed a figure standing infront of the building. The hood of her jacket was covering her face but I could still tell who it was. She glanced at me then pulled the hood down even more before quickly walking down the street.
I opened my mouth to say something but then my voice got caught in my throat. I stared at her until she disappeared around the corner. Sighing, I made my way up to my apartment. So many thoughts were running through my mind, but I tried to push them away. Typing in the code to unlock the door, I pushed it open. My eyes immediatley fell upon a white envelope on the ground infront of me.
Dropping my bag onto the ground, I picked it up. I opened it as I walked into the living room. Taking out the paper that was inside, I stopped and stood there in the middle of the room. It was a letter in her perfect handwriting. I began to read it:
Dear Mino,
These two years went by so fast. Basically nothing went wrong. I thought that was the most wonderful part of it... I was wrong. Everything came crashing down on that one day. I guess I should've warned you more if that were to happen.
I haven't told you how hard it is for me to trust people. I've been treated badly in my life, and when I found you ... I honestly thought that it was too good to be true. That's why I tried pushing you away at first. That's why I gave you that warning. That's why I barely told you anything about me. I was afraid that the more you knew, the closer we would get, which would raise the chances of me getting hurt even more. I couldn't handle that. I was too afraid.
I know you gave up everything... your friends, your reputation... just for me. I was so touched, but at the same time, I felt so horrible. The fact that I'll be the reason for your sadness when we're not together anymore, caused a pain in my chest. And I was right, knowing that I'll become the source of your pain. I was also right that you'll become the source of my pain.
So this is the reason why I'm writing this letter. We have caused so much pain in each other's lives and I don't think either one of us deserves it. I think it would just be best if we were to forget about everything. We should just forget about each other and move on. I've already made my first step and it seems like you have too. I also wanted to apologize for everything. I'm sorry for you having to always deal with me. I'm sorry for making you so fustrated. I'm sorry for bringing so much happiness into your life then suddenly taking it away. I'm sorry for making it seem like I didn't care about you at all. Most of all, I'm sorry for having you fall in love with me.
I hope you'll be able to completely forget about me and live a very happy life. Goodbye, Song Minho.
~Soo Yun
The words became blurry because my trembling hands couldn't hold the paper steady anymore. A small wet spot formed in the middle of the paper, then another. The tears continuously flowed down my cheeks, making it drop down from my chin onto the letter. Some of the ink had already smeared from it, but it didn't matter.
"No!" I yelled, crumpling up the paper and throwing it to the side. All the memories that I thought I forgot, came flooding back. At this moment, I realized that I didn't want to forget her. I simply can't live without her. "No!!!"
Going on a rampage, I grabbed the coffee table and threw it against the wall. After it made a few dents, I punched it, leaving a deep hole. Walking over to the couch, I flipped it over while cussing underneath my breath.
Clutching a pillow with my bloody hand, I ripped it apart with the help of my other one. I flew the two pieces across the room as clumps of the cotton floated to the ground. I then spun around and punched the wall again. But this time it was with my other hand. I let out a yell as I ripped apart another pillow. The cotton soaked up the blood that was dripping from my hands before it silently fell to the ground.
I didn't want to forget her at all. I hoped that I wouldn't forget anything about her or the time we've spent together. Trying to erase every memory about the person you love is the most difficult thing ever. I knew I wouldn't be able to even though I've told myself over and over that I needed to.
"Damn it all," I spat before tearing up my living room even more. After a couple more minutes of trying to destroy everything, I dropped to my knees.
"Ahhh!" I yelled, hunching over before hitting the ground with my red stained fists. "Why don't you love me as much as I love you?!" I hit the ground again before sitting up straight, throwing my head back. "Huh?!" I roared towards the ceiling.
This whole time, the tears never stopped flowing down my cheeks. More started to flow as I sat here. "Why..." I mumbled before hunching over again. I gripped the carpet with my hands and sobbed out loud. My hands stung and the carpet was covered in tears, blood, and broken material.
I continued to cry for what seemed like hours. I haven't moved from my spot, but at one point, I fell down to lie on my side. A sigh escaped my lips as I finally settled down from the crying. Closing my eyes, I hoped that I was experiencing a really horrible dream.
~
For the next couple of days, I didn't go to school and I stayed in my apartment. My hands were in great pain and were bruised badly. I think I broke one of my fingers so I've decided to go to the hospital later on today. I spent these past two days trying to clean up my trashed living room. I thought I didn't do much but the damage was much greater than I imagined.
After some time of cleaning up, I changed the bandages around my swollen purple fingers. I winced everytime the material went around them. I then grabbed some of my things before heading out the door.
When I arrived at the hospital, I noticed that a handful of students from my school was exiting the building. I didn't know them, but I could tell they went to the same school as me by the uniforms they were wearing. As I entered, I saw more students were sitting in the waiting room. It made me wonder why they were all here. But what made me wonder the most, was why they were all crying.
After awkwardly sitting off to the side in the waiting room, it was finally my turn to get checked up. It didn't take that long for the doctor to tell me that I broke two of my fingers, badly bruised the rest, and what methods to do to get it to heal correctly. He put on a cast and bandaged them up before I exited the room. Then I bumped into someone that I would least expect.
"Mrs. Park?" I said in confusion before bowing for bumping into her. This woman standing infront of me is the person who gave life to the girl I came to love.
"Oh, Minho, hello," she sniffled, wiping her tear stained cheeks. She used the crumpled up tissue in her hand to wipe away the tears, mixed with her smeared make up, underneath her eyes. "So you must've already heard then?"
I gave her a confused look. "Hm? Heard what? Are you okay?" I fumbled in my pockets and took out a napkin, holding it out to her.
As she took it, she gave me a look filled with sorrow. "Oh Minho, sweetie, you haven't heard then..." More tears rolled down her cheeks as she tried to choke back her sobbing. I immediatley hugged her as a frown formed on my face. I was worried as to why she was like this. She was like a second mother to me, so caring and down to earth.
"What happened?" I asked before pulling away.
"Soo Yun," she sobbed "A few nights ago, she went out somewhere and as she was coming back home..." She wiped the skin underneath her eyes "A car... A car had hit her. She was badly injured but the doctors said she had a chance of surviving. But...I guess those chances were really low, so today..." She then trailed off.
I stood there in shock. My jaw dropped and my knees became wobbly. So thats why all the students were here... They were going to bid farewell to her.
Mrs. Park took me to the room Soo Yun was in. But I froze in the doorway. There she was. Limp and lifeless on the hospital bed. The nurse was unhooking the wires and turning off the machines around her. I didn't want to believe this. I didn't want to believe any of it.
I took off and ran out of the hospital. I ran all the way back to my apartment without looking back. As soon I entered my apartment, my knees suddenly couldn't support my body anymore. I collapsed onto the ground and began to cry like how I did the other night.
Just a few days ago, I saw her standing outside this building. Right after she left, that was probably when she got into that accident.
Knowing that I'll never see her again ... or hear her laugh ... or hold her soft figure in my arms ... My heart gave in and I sobbed loudly. I gripped onto the carpet and stayed in this position for hours.
In the corner of my eye, I noticed a crumpled up piece of paper against the wall. Taking it, I realized that it was the letter Soo Yun wrote for me. I was suprised that I didn't throw it away when I was cleaning up. I opened it up and ran my hand over it to straighten it out a bit from the wrinkles. The tears were never ending as I read it over again.
As I turned it over, my breath got caught in my throat and my lower lip quivered. I read the words written at the top of the paper.
I have never told you that I loved you, but I did. I still do. I always will. Even though we won't be in each other's minds, you'll always be in my heart... and I hope I'll be in yours.
My tears dropped onto the paper, falling around the words that were written right in the middle.
I love you.
"She did love me..." I cried "She did..."
~
Woohoo so I'm done with my first one shot ^^ I hope it was alright ... It took me forever to write it XD /was lazy .__.
Thank you for reading! :3 Check out my other stories too if you like my writing and have the time~ ^^v
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