107 days. 2,575 hours. 154,516 minutes. 9,301,232 seconds. 

Minhyun might have been counting down the time since his disappearance.

Aron had done this an uncountable amount of times before – not really uncountable; Minhyun had kept a tally of every one of his disappearances since they had begun their relationship three years ago. The count was currently at twenty-six, including the most current one. Most had lasted no longer than a week, but progressively; they grew longer in duration and shorter in time in between. This one was the longest Aron had ever gone without contacting him.

The splat of a paint covered brush against canvas. Coloured pigments blending to create shapes that seemed to stare back at their creator with an eerie realism.

Minhyun didn’t know where his boyfriend went during these sudden departures; he didn’t know what he did or who he was seeing. He didn’t even know why Aron vanished like he did. At first, he had asked but Minhyun was never given an answer. Asking resulted in Aron leaving more often so Minhyun had abandoned his curiosities. The older male would take nothing more with him than a small pre-packed travel bag and his wallet. Every one of his possessions in their shared apartment stayed in the same spot he left them in, untouched, as if their owner would be returning at any moment – which he did, always.

That sole fact was what saved Minhyun from drowning in his own abyss of anxiety, the fact that Aron always came back. He always returned, whether a few days later, or even a few weeks. The older male would suddenly show up again and their lives would continue like he had never left.

A pair of familiar chocolate brown eyes stared back at him from the stretch of otherwise blank canvas.

Most people would go mad with worry. Most people would never forgive and forget. Most people would get fed up and leave. Perhaps Minhyun wasn’t like most people. Minhyun had learned to ignore the fear in the back of his mind. He had always forgiven and forgotten, never asking questions or pressing for answers. He had never left, had never let Aron go regardless of how far the older male may have gone.

Minhyun loved him.

Aron was like the wind, constantly moving and changing direction, never stopping. If Aron was the wind, then Minhyun was like a rock. No matter the direction of the wind, the rock never moved, always stayed in the same spot. The wind couldn’t carry a rock with it. The wind was always changing, but a rock remained constant. But Minhyun, like wind against a rock, was beaten down, slowly, chip-by-chip, eroded as time when on.

The still wet acrylic paint shone a little under the overhead lamp. The browns of the irises swirled around the darkness of the pupils until they were hardly indistinguishable where they met.

Their days together heavily out-valued their days apart, even if their days apart were beginning to outnumber their days together. Their days together were cherished, preserved. Minhyun kept holding on, almost desperately. He kept his mouth shut and merely enjoyed the time he had with Aron, knowing it would always be limited.

Soft, bendable bristles applied the paint with an expert twist of the brush, creating thin, careful that soon resembled the hairs of thick eyebrows.

The notes left behind each time Aron vanished acted as Minhyun’s lifeline. Notes written on small, post-its or on the corner of a piece of mail; every single time he disappeared, Aron left a message behind. Sometimes they were silly little phrases from movies they had watched together; sometimes they were simply letting Minhyun know that money had been borrowed. But then there were times when they were song lyrics written in careful Korean, a few lines of a song Minhyun had been singing to himself the night before – easily forgotten and easily dismissed. These times, the times where effort was evidently shown; it was these times that Minhyun could really convince himself that Aron loved him back.

Lately, it was getting harder and harder to convince himself of this. Could someone as free as the wind ever truly love someone as still as a rock?

The eyes looked even livelier with the addition of their owner’s very prominent brows. Within the painting, a sense of childlike wonder and curiosity could be felt from the very depths of those eyes.

Aron stayed less often and left for longer. He never addressed the topic or shared any information. He had some reason, some deeper purpose that Minhyun was never allowed to know. The older male returned with no noticeable change; the same as how he left. Always the same quirky smile, always the same “I’m home” when Minhyun opened the front door, always the same chaste kiss on the forehead. As far as Minhyun could see, Aron never came back any different. Forever, the same reserved, mysterious person that Minhyun had met and fallen in love with years ago.

Perhaps being in love with such a person is what made this time of the year so hard for Minhyun.

Christmas, the season for lovers.

With tiny dots, a small brush created the reflection of little flecks of snow, crisp and white, in the otherwise dark, black orbs. The reflection mirrored the whiteness drifting across the small, icy window from across the room, chilling but peaceful.

The holiday festivities proved to be bitter when one’s lover was currently MIA. Regardless of the efforts of Minhyun’s coworker, Ren and his boyfriend Baekho, the holidays refused to be fun for him. Baby, It’s Cold Outside made him frown, stray branches of mistletoe made him cringe and Love Actually made him scowl. Minhyun didn’t have anyone to celebrate with this year. Christmas Eve had already snuck up on him and Aron still wasn’t around.

Minhyun kept the older male’s most recent note on his person at all times. The small, yellow post-it note was worn, the blue ink fading in places due to the constant unfolding and refolding.

Monday, September 8^th, 2014, was the date printed across the top of the note, meant to be used as Minhyun’s daily reminder but instead used by Aron in his haste to leave. September 8^th, the date for Chuseok.

Thank you for agreeing with yesterday.

I borrowed some money.

I love you.

-A

It was a simple message and hardly very personal, except for the last phrase. Those three words were what kept Minhyun from falling for the past one-hundred-and-seven days. It was his proof that their relationship hadn’t crumbled yet. They could still be salvaged.

With an almost frustrated , a thin line of black travelled from the corner of an eye, downward, almost like a tear of black ink.

“Minhyun.”

The greeting was different this time. No “I’m home”, no knocking, no waiting for the door to be opened.

Minhyun nearly dropped his paintbrush, his head turning slowly to look over his shoulder at the source of the sudden call of his name.

There he stood; having let himself in with the hidden key that had remained in the same spot as always. He wasn’t smiling this time and he didn’t make a move to approach Minhyun at all, just standing in the doorway, eyes dark and snow glistening in his hair.

For a long, silent minute, neither of them reacted. Minhyun didn’t know how to react.

Aron acted first, saying nothing as he moved closer and closer to Minhyun, until he could reach out and touch. The older male was still a few inches shorter, familiar baseball cap pulled backwards over his head and the small silver earring Minhyun had given him as a birthday present sparkled as he moved.

“Minhyun,” Aron said again, looking thoughtful.

Minhyun stood up and stared at him, eyes examining every inch of him, trying to find some small difference that could shed some light on Minhyun’s numerous unanswered questions.

His eyes were the same, warm and familiar but distant, always distant, like the dozens of unfinished canvases piled around their apartment.

A soft weight settled on Minhyun’s head, fur tickling the tops of his ears. He glanced up and saw red and white fabric swinging against his forehead. It was a Santa Claus hat.

Aron was smiling now, his pearly teeth gleaming. “Merry Christmas.”

Nothing was wrong in Aron’s eyes; this kind of event wasn’t strange to him. He remained completely unaffected as Minhyun was a churning mess inside. He was the passing wind, completely oblivious as he chipped away at Minhyun’s heart.

Ignoring the nagging voices cautioning him in his head and the swirling emotions constricting his heart, Minhyun felt a smile stretch across his face.

Aron was here now. Everything was okay for now.

The canvas could wait; the unanswered questions could wait; the lurking anger could wait; the world outside of the two of them could wait. It was Christmas Eve and Minhyun’s love had returned to him.

It didn’t matter that the wind would continue on without him, leaving him alone once again, with a new chip to his heart. Minhyun was a rock, always still, constant. Here he would stay, being shaped, chip-by-chip, by the ever-changing wind until he eventually fell to dust and was finally able to be finally be carried away by the breeze.