He sees her for the first time at 15. She's a bright, beautiful girl with a powerful voice that comes straight from the heart and he's just a regular school boy with a charming smile and a slightly unhealthy obsession for girl groups. It's not the first time he has fangirled - fanboyed? - before but something about her is different. Something about her draws him in like a magnet.

Though he is staring at her through his laptop screen and the video keeps lagging – 'thank you ish wi fi' – she still manages to capture his heart, lock it up and throw away the key. He doesn't know why this is. Maybe it was due to her passion? Her smile? Her general existence? He's truly clueless, but Baekhyun's glad his friends mentioned this new group to him.

He spends ages getting to know this new group, going over the members again and again until he knows all their names and can label them to the correct faces. It's one hell of a challenge since there are 9 girls but he plays their debut song on repeat in the background as motivation. And maybe also tries to sing a long even though the pitch is way too high for him and he sounds like a dying cat, voice breaking left and right as he is memorising the curve of Taeyeon's face and her slightly lopsided smile instead of-- what was he meant to be doing again? The job lost it's importance while he lost himself in counting the number of freckles that dotted the girl's porcelain skin. 

Let's just say that Taeyeon's everything was inscribed in his heart before he could even tell Yoona apart from Yuri.

His friends always attacked him over his choice of bias.

( "Sure Taeng's cute-"
"Don't call her that. Only I can call her that."
"But Yoona, man. Urgh, Yoona..."
"What about Yuri? Damn, she's so y~"
"Sooyoung's legs though!" )

Baekhyun paid no attention to them. They're idiots if they can't see Taeyeon's charms. Sure, all of the other girls are beautiful and sweet but they're still inferior to the one that had taken over his heart. Though a part of him didn't really mind that his friend's chose one of the other girls over his bias, he didn't do well with sharing nor did he think he needed other people's approval on who he loved because Byun Baekhyun was cool like that. Insert victory sign. 

A few years down the road, school still continues to and he soon figures out that that fact will never change no matter how many years go by - and they go by pretty slowly, mind you. He finds himself thanking the gods that he'd survived until senior year despite having “one year left in this hell hole.” 

But of course, once he graduates school he will have to attend more school; medical school – as his parents quite fervently tell him – but he pays no heed to them.

'Deal with one problem at a time', he reminds himself through gritted teeth and balled fists as his parents show him – yet another – brochure for college. Famous for it's course in medicine, obviously. 

“Yes, you have gotten your point across,” he says apathetically, waving his hand around as if it will somehow make the conversation go away to no avail. 

They'd gotten their point across 10 years ago.

“Just to remind you, son, we don't want you going off track.”

He's out the stuffy living room as soon as that stupid lecture is over, running straight to his room and opting to drown out his thoughts like he always did. Shoving his headphones deep into his ears, he nurses his eardrums with the sound of Taeyeon's voice, ipod playing her newest OST - set to full volume, of course - that had been on repeat since the day it was released. He had not tried to argue with his parents that no Byun Baekhyun does not do medicine or blood or like that, Byun Baekhyun does Kim Taeyeon music because they'd stopped listening around the same time that he'd stopped trying.

The only thing that really keeps him going despite his life being a hell hole, is the fact that he can run home from school at the end of a ty day and stare at her face for hours on end. Kim Taeyeon is truly a work of art.

He doesn't care how many people call him a freak or shoot him weird glances, “it's true love, I tell you.”

Baekhyun himself has always been a good singer, and no I'm not just talking about the times he sings SNSD's latest song, 'Gee', at the top of his lungs while showering. Though his voice does still sound heavenly. I mean in the times when he's bored in his room and his ipod is in it's dock, playing one of those ballads that he likes or when the electric keyboard that's sitting in the corner of his room, gifted to him by his very own parents on his 13th birthday, seems to be calling out to him, begging him to place his beautifully slender fingers against it's keys and make sweet, sweet music. It always starts off with him quietly singing along, scared of his parents reprimanding him or some neighbor complaining for him being too loud. But of course after the second song or so, those thoughts are pushed out his mind and he is soon belting out the notes with no refrain. He sings until his throat is sore - due to him skipping on his warm up exercises that he's meant to always do because the urge to sing was too strong to be put off by something so stupid -  or until his parents call him down for dinner, and only then does he turn off his ipod and sigh happily. Singing always makes him happy.

He spends more time doing music nowadays: joining the school band, taking up singing and piano lessons, humming everywhere he goes. The more he does music, the more he comes to love it. The shouts of “Baekhyun, get away from the piano and do some real studying," only make him want to play more. Needless to say, he drowns out their talking by bashing away on the keyboard for a few more hours until his fingers feel like they're going to break. It doesn't help that he only knows 2 songs. 

She's got a huge part to do with it, he's not going to lie. But it's less him wanting to sing just because she does and in hopes that maybe there could be a chance of debuting and meeting her and maybe could they please keep in touch because Baekhyun really likes her face. No. It's more than that. It's way more than that. It's more Kim Taeyeon inspiring him and showing him that dreams really do come true.

Baekhyun has always shied away from letting people know about his talents – his passion - for music until now. Aside from the occasional humming and the singing in the shower, he'd never really let many people know. Whenever one of his family members asked what he wanted to be when he was older, he'd always shrug and give them a nonchalant answer of, "a doctor" in order to get some brownie points from his parents because he wanted a new pair of headphones or snsd's latest album. They'd always fall for it and smile like the fools Baekhyun accused them of being. "A musician" was forever on the tip of his tongue, but he'd always held back because people say art is beautiful yet ridicule you if you wish to be an artist. And, yes, Baekhyun did get that quote off of tumblr because he's an artist not a writer.

Kim Taeyeon is someone who'd shown and proved to him that following your dreams is worth it no matter what people say. Granted, her parents were accepting of her dream – he found out after staying up late to watch one of her live interviews – and his are more traditional, wanting for him to be a doctor no matter how many contests he's won, no matter how many hours he's dedicated to being in the school band. But Taeyeon's motto is 'don't do something you'll regret later' – says soshified – and she is the love of his life - says his heart. Her words make him realise that following the boring and dull path his parents have paved for him like every other child out there will definitely become something he will regret in 10 years time, maybe even sooner.

When graduation does finally come around, he decides being a doctor really isn't his thing - neither is walking away from his "destiny" in order to make other people happy - and throws the thoughts of normal college out the window. He decides on music college instead. 

How he managed to get his parents' consent, even he doesn't know. It was probably due to his temper tantrums persuasive arguments that went somewhere along the lines of "I don't care whether you support me or not, this is my dream and I shall follow it," ending with an indignant "hmph" because he likes ending things with a bang.  

---

He was only half a semester into his first year when it happened.

One minute he's rushing down the road on his way back from school, wanting to get back home as soon as possible - because SNSD had just released a new MV with a darker concept and asdfghjkl Taeyeon – and the next thing he knew, a tall, formally dressed woman had a business card under his nose, making him go a little cross-eyed as he peered down at it.

“I overheard you practicing, young man. You could be big one day,” she tells him, “if you're interested, call us.” Baekhyun's not really listening right now because all he really wants to do is watch that new music video, but how is he to tell this woman that he would rather be in his room, watching 9 goddesses strutting around on camera, dancing and singing and sending him into fanboy fits than listen to her? Don't get him wrong, if he was in the right state of mind he would be all over this opportunity. Too bad he isn't. When it seems like her introduction is finally done, he backs away with a polite smile and a bow – but not before taking the card because that would be a little rude – then promptly runs all the way home.

It is not before he actually finishes watching the MV, imitates the sound of a pterodactyl trying to give birth to an elephant, rolls around on his bed, falls on the floor and comes face to face with the business card from earlier that he spots the company logo on the top left corner.

First comes the shock, then the skeptism, then...

Give him a moment.

Then he proceeds to make dying whale noises and his mother has to rush up to tell him to stop otherwise the neighbors will complain. He honestly doesn't care right now, he has bigger matters to tend to. And besides, if the neighbors are used to the sounds he makes whenever he's on his laptop stalking Taeyeon – god, that sounds awfully wrong – then this is nothing new.

He immediately calls up the company, auditions and passes with flying colours. As expected, he's Byun Baekhyun for god's sake. Insert hair flip. 

When he moves out of Bucheon and into his new dormitory in Seoul, he's not sure if his parents are crying because he's leaving or because they'd never get the opportunity to tell him 'I told you so' when the day came - or so they hoped - that he would drop out of music school, tell them they were right and become a doctor like he should have right from the beginning. Something tells him it's the latter, but honestly he's too psyched to care. It's kind of funny and pitiful at the same time, to be honest.

He hops onto the bus heading for Seoul after exchanging farewells with his parents and reassuringly promises them to succeed in his dreams, which only seems to make his mother sob harder. Needless to say, he leaves Bucheon with a smile on his face.

--- 

SM Entertainment isn't known for coddling their stars, quite the opposite actually. Baekhyun is immediately pulled into a world he's never known before. It's only been a few weeks after being sent into training and he already feels a wall between him and all the other immensely talented people surrounding him. Every one he sees is treating training like it's a competition, working until they pass out from the weight of fatigue in their muscles, expectation on their shoulders and monsters in their heads. He learns that in a way it is a competition; only the best survive, only the best debut but even then you can't be guaranteed success. He must work twice as hard if he is to get anywhere near to the level of his fellow 'competitors'. He's not got enough experience and he can feel the obvious disadvantage anchoring down on his feet as he sloppily goes through yet another dance routine. 

The Baekhyun from a while ago would have wanted to run away but the new and improved Baekhyun knows he must keep fighting for his dream. He doesn't know when his state of mind changed, but it's suddenly not about debuting so he can meet Taeyeon anymore - well, a little part of it still is - it's now because he knows if he doesn't debut with the next group he will kicked to the curb and left to wither away along with his aspirations. It seems he's lost all sense of practicality because he only has a 1 in a million chance of debuting.

But I guess God is on his side since merely 6 months later, he is put into a debut team with 11 other boys around his age. At least he thinks they're boys, one looks awfully like a girl - rivaling Taeyeon's beauty - and Baekhyun will pretend he never thought that because Luhan, the boy is later identified as, doesn't like being told he's pretty. On a side note, another member seems to be going around calling everyone oppa. Of course, these are all things he has noticed from standing at the side and watching the others since none of them have really spared him a glance. It doesn't strike him as much of a problem right now, but that's probably because he hasn't been able to feel anything since he was told he would be debuting. Everything is numb but in the best way.

Too bad it doesn't last.

Only a little while after adjusting to life of being a trainee, he is suddenly, once again, thrown into the life of being a kpop star-to-be and straight after being introduced to his new team mates, the dance teacher pulls him aside for a one on one session as he is already behind on the choreography for their debut song.

"Don't worry," the male trainer reassures him, "the vocal teacher will teach you the song right after this." 

Baekhyun regains feeling in his body just in time for dance practice and by the end of it he kind of wishes he could go back to being numb.

If he thought training was hard, then preparing for debut is even harder. The fact that Baekhyun is one of the last members to join the group – labeled sonyeon cheonji (whatever the that means) for the time being – doesn't really make things any better because he feels pretty damn unwelcome right now. Usually he's a bright person who can melt anyone's heart with his eye smile, but these people are a little scary and crazily talented and handsome and - wow - Baekhyun doesn't feel worthy enough to be debuting with them. However, a tall, lanky boy with a kind heart befriends him at the end of practice, drenched in sweat and short of breath but none of that is taken into account because Baekhyun is happy he's finally being noticed. 

“I'm Chanyeol,” he introduces himself and Baekhyun instantly feels more at home. The lanky boy's thousand giga-watted smile is enough to make him feel more relaxed...and a little overwhelmed. They become fast friends and because Chanyeol was already close to everyone, he assures everyone that "Baek's cool." That is all it seems to take for the latter to be officially accepted by the rest of his future team mates. Baekhyun's not sure whether to laugh or cry. 

From that day on, all Baekhyun spends every single minute working on his vocals, dance and whatnot. It's hard to keep up with but now that he's no longer treated like an outsider, he's also no longer struggling alone. Everyone is working their socks off and offering support to each other. Chanyeol seems to be worse at dancing than him too, thank god.

--
 

It's some time in Spring and they've thought up some weird concept for them by now - which only means their debut is approaching - something to do with magical powers according to Chanyeol, but Baekhyun is too busy worrying over the fact that his voice is cracking all over the place to be thinking about how stupid their name and concept is. Even if they look like the frickin' illuminati.

They film individual teasers (Kai gets about 70 of them to himself, which creates some tension within the group) and the official music video is set to be shot soon. But as Baekhyun is forced to watch everyone else's solo teasers be released before his, he can't help but start feeling so inferior when compared to the rest of the members. He knows he shouldn't be. This isn't training anymore, there's no more competition left. He's already set to debut why brood over it? Yet the thoughts still embed themselves into his mind and he gets dragged deeper and deeper into a slump. Even after he finally starts getting the choreography right and even after his teaser is released. 

“At least you're not the last one,” Chanyeol says, in an attempt to comfort him in between rehearsals. “But of course, they were just trying to save the best 'till last,” he carries on, voice a touch quieter. This time he was more focused on consoling himself since he's still not been introduced to the public.

It's OK, Baekhyun thinks, hoping in a way his friend could telepathically pick up his thoughts, you're likable. You'll be the most popular one out of all of us. Me on the other hand...Viewers were probably more interested in the dog than me...

It's not just Baekhyun. They all fall prey to the pressure, to the insecurity. Darker thoughts such as: what if they don't become a success? Will this all have been in vain? It scares Baekhyun and he'd rather not think about it. He rather not think about how Joonmyun, who's waited 7 years for this opportunity, would feel if their entire debut was to be a giant flop. He'd rather not think about how Chanyeol, his best friend, has seemed to have lost his smile these past few days, which is something he didn't even know was possible. 

“Hey, Chanyeol,” he says hoarsely, breaking the silence that had fallen over them, knowing the taller had only stopped talking because he'd resumed entertaining those dark thoughts in his head. His throat is dry, his voice just isn't doing anything he tells it to today and he is finding it hard to even talk without straining but he doesn't want either of them to dwell too much on negative so he makes an effort to start a new, more upbeat conversation. That and he kind of doesn't want to go back to the dance studio. Joonmyun would have reminded them that d-day is way too close to be slacking off right now, but one more hour of dance practice would've done Baekhyun more harm that good. 

“Didn't you shoot a music video once with SNSD?”

“Yeah, I did. Their Japanese version of Genie,” the giant replies after one long gulp of water. 

“Were they nice?” he asks sheepishly, earning himself a low chuckle.

“Yeah, they all took care of me. Taeyeon noona looks even more stunning in real life, if that's what you really meant.”

It's been a long time since he's fangirled, really. He's changed from back then, when all he cared about was when SNSD were having a comeback and how hot Taeyeon looks in her new hair colour. Now his top priority is singing on key and dancing until he looses consciousness. He doesn't know which is worse.

omaigad why is this 3K

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