I groaned as I shifted uncomfortably around the couch. I finally found a less-irritating position – lying on my back so I was staring at the ceiling.

Saturday mornings weren’t exactly the best, unless someone was there to enjoy it with you. But, for my case, no one was there. Everyone had their own agenda, and I was left alone in the dorm. I sighed and stared at the television set for a while. What to do, what to do…

Finally coming up with something, I jumped up the couch and grabbed my phone from the kitchen.

Come over.

I pressed send. Within a few seconds came the reply.

No.

I leaned against the counter – this was going to be a long conversation.

Cmon.

No.

Why

No.

Kyungsoo.

No.

COME THE HELL OVER

No.

Hyung.

No.

Please?

Okay. :)

I rolled my eyes as I read his reply and made my way back to the living room. My has just landed on the couch when the doorbell rang.

“This better be good,” was the first thing he said when I opened the door. I chuckled, stepping aside to give room for him, who was already roaming around the dorm by the time I closed the door. He was wearing jeans and a sweater, not much, but enough to make me stare.

“What are you looking at?” he glared. I can’t prevent the smile that escaped my lips as I strode towards him and took him in my arms. He was disapproving at first, but he hugged me back anyway, wrapping his arms around my torso. His touch was what I yearned for, the most.

“You’re being mushy, again,” he said. I could feel him chuckle against my chest. “Sorry,” I replied, pulling away but refusing to let go of his arms. He looked at me with those gentle eyes. I could see him, I could see the living room, I could see what surrounds us – but I was so lost in his eyes that it was all I noticed. They were full of so many emotions, communicating with me all at once. Love, happiness, warmth, guilt, fear… mostly, I could tell, fear.

He looked away but quickly looked back at me, a smile grazing his lips. “Let’s play Walking Dead.”

We were an hour and a half through the game, with me sitting across the floor, and him at the couch above me. Bowls of tortilla chips and salsa dips were scattered around us. I was clutching desperately at the controller, struggling to drill the hell out of the opponent with one hand as I tried to snatch a couple of gummy bears from Kyungsoo with the other.

“You still at this,” he chuckled, effortlessly running ahead of me and terrorizing those zombies. I scoffed and said, “I am improving.” I could feel him smirking as his virtual-self stabbed mine with his dagger, even though we were playing as a team. “You could play this game forever, and still have 0 improvements,” he said. I used both hands to handle the controller and snuck up behind him, failing to shoot him with a rifle. “I would only play this game forever if I was with you,” I said.

The game froze. I craned my neck to look behind me. “Why’d you pause?”

I could see him staring at the pause screen, but his gaze looked like it was way beyond that. He sighed, put down his controller, and slid down the couch beside me. I put down my controller as well, so I could put an arm around his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

“Jongin,” he looked at me with those eyes again, “You know I can’t do forever with you.”

I could feel my heart slowly clenching. It was like I was squeezing it, so I couldn’t feel the pain.

But, I still felt it.

“I thought we talked about this…” I mumbled, refusing to look him in the eyes. I can’t afford to get lost in them again – not in a conversation like this. He cupped my chin with his pale fingers and tilted my head to look at him. His eyes were watery. His vision was probably blurry. “We have to face reality, Jongin,” he said, his voice fragile, like the petals on a flower.

“You won’t leave me, hyung,” I declared. Reality was for the weak. Who cares about what’s real and what’s not? Life is all about faith. He, himself, told me that. Why is he telling me to face reality now?

“I love you,” he said. He was smiling now. His smile was so beautiful, I almost believed it.

“You won’t leave me,” I repeated. He ignored me, yet again, and gently placed a gummy bear in between my lips. He leaned forward, and we shared a kiss.

It was innocent, not much like most of our kisses, and he used his tongue to push the gummy bear inside my mouth. It wasn’t soon before my lips went out of control, and were already massaging his. He circled his arms around my neck and pulled me closer. I placed a hand on his waist as he tilted his head.

And, there, I realized. I realized what it was. I realized what this was. This was our reality. This was what I wanted to believe in – what I wanted to see, what I wanted to feel. This. Him. Us.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until he cupped my cheek and used his thumb to wipe my tears when we pulled away.

“When you think of me, I don’t want to see you cry,” he said. I could tell that he was smiling for real, this time, as I leaned my forehead against his. “I want to see you smile,” he continued, poking my nose.

This idiot, I thought. “I love you.” I smiled.

“I love you.” He smiled.  We shared our reality.

I smile down at him as he lay there. Everyone around me was crying, but I remained intact. I wanted to – for him.

“I bet you’re tired,” I say, chuckling lightly as he remains unmoving in his bed. He was just staring at me. There was a sad look in his eyes.

I reach down my coat pocket and fish out a pack of candies.  Ripping it open, I take one and place it in between his lips. The gummy bear was red, just like the one we shared that day.

I lean forward and kiss him. I don’t pull back. I stay there for a while, absorbing him while I can.

“Jerk,” he spoke, his voice soft and weak, “I’m dying, and you’re feeding me gummy bears.”

“Who says you’re dying?” I chuckle and try to ignore the lump in my throat. He chuckles along.

He attempts to raise his hand to me, though he knows he’s too weak for that. I take his hand and help him, placing it on my cheek. “I love you,” he smiles.

“I love you,” I smile. And for the last time, we share our reality.

#walangforever