Maybe this is little bit confusing, but once again this all was before they met when that accident happened, I just want you to know how Seunghyun feeling is. Aah..., its gonna little bit angst but don’t worry as you know they finally met right? ^^ Thank you for your supports and enjoy! ^^

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I closed my mouth, kept the secret, nobody knew my sin that I had excited feeling towards Jiyong. Honestly, it was torturing me, I didn’t know what was happening to me as if I was getting crazy and lose my mind.
 

I'm so ing weird ...
 

After I knew who was Jiyong, it didn’t make me feel better, thought about his name inside of my mind, it enough to make my heart pounding so hard, my blood pressure rose up too. And the funny thing was I often called his name accidentally in my breath, in my dreams. I guessed I got hallucinations, a lot.
 

Am I in love? But he’s a man ...
 

I wasn’t a fool, I ever felt in love before, I was aware what would happen when someone was in love, those symptoms but that time kinda little bit different. The big question, could I have that kind of feeling towards a man? I had no experience of it, not even once. Only Jiyong, the one and only who was making me felt that weird thing, the man who was able to catch all of my attention just for him.
 

It was only the admiration or love I still didn’t know yet but my feeling towards him so strange and special, it felt like he challenged me and got me hooked too, he was like drug who addicting me. On the other hand he made me felt so afraid to death and I didn’t dare say anything to Youngbae.
 

No one would ever believe me...
 

I started to find everything about Jiyong, of course no one knew about this. I was like a stalker or perhaps a criminal, if Jiyong knew, he would certainly put me into the jail. I didn’t have bad intention to him, of course I couldn’t never do that. I just wanted to know everything about him, even though I knew that was wrong.
 

I was such a coward, too scared to ask Youngbae or Daesung. I didn’t want them to think I was crazy or something like that. Anyway, I didn’t expect too much, there was not a single chance between me and Jiyong because I knew, he already had boyfriend and seemed like he loved him so much and I have Bomie too, so I should respect them and couldn’t screw up.
 

Whenever I had free time, I would stop by to visiting Jiyong, parked my car near his apartment building, watching him from a distance, though not a lot that I could see but sometimes he liked to stand on his balcony, enjoying the night sky.
 

I love to see him like that ... beautiful....
 

His boyfriend quite often drove him, couple times I saw their romantic moment and everytime I saw it, I felt something squeezed my heart. But I did really know that I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t have right to be angry right?
 

I'm just a stranger ...
 

"He won’t come" Youngbae slammed his body into the couch.
 

I swallowed hard, then took my beer sipping it twice. I stared straight ahead, I knew exactly who Youngbae talked about, Jiyong.
 

I whised I could meet him, looking to his face closer and thouced his hand. I thought, the night would be mine, had a chance to get to know him naturally.
 

"Who?" I asked, pretending that i didn’t know.
 

"Jiyong" Youngbae sighed,  staring at Daesung and others who laughed and yelled enjoying the stripper show in front of them. Tonight was Daesung’s bachelor party and next day he would get married. "His flight is canceled, there is a storm"
 

I was surprised and to  Youngbae sharply. "Is he alright?"
 

Youngbae nodded but I felt, he was trying to read my mind, probably because of my sudden reaction. I looked down trying to cover my ignorance.
 

"But he'll come tomorrow "
 

My heart was smiling, I struggled to keep my lips, I didn’t want Youngbae smell my secret that i kept from the start. Maybe I couldn’t see Jiyong but next day would be my beautiful day, we would meet at Daesung’s wedding party. But I knew, probably he would come with his boyfriend. Sadly, but I didn’t care and could accept that risk, at least I could see him.
 

"Hey! You two! Come here!" Daesung shouted waving his hand. "It's so ing great!"
 

Youngbae and I laughed, Daesung looked really enjoy his party and maybe if his fiance found out what he was doing now she would be super angry.
 

"Look at him" I got up as shook my head. " I guess his is getting hard now"
 

"Yeah, guess who planned this?" Youngbae smirked at me and I laughed being a little proud of my selft, the plan was successful.
 

"Hey, I'm a good hyung right?"
 

Youngbae got up taking his beer. "Yeah, whatever"
 

We walked over to Daesung and others but my phone was ringing, my mother called me.
 

"I have to answer this."

 

---8--

 

I skipped Daesung’s wedding party, my grandmother passed away at the same day as Dae’s Wedding. It was really sudden and surprising me and my whole family, especially my mother. My grandmother was a lovely woman, when I was little she always cheer me up and wipe my tears if something bad happened to me, only with her I dared to show my tears because I didn’t want to make my mother get worried if she knew I was crying. And now she was gone, and we would miss her so much.
 

After the funeral ceremony Bomie and I went back to Seoul together, I drove her. Bomie opened his apartment door slowly, I was standing right behind her. The door opened and she turned and smiled at me. "Do you want to come in?"
 

"You look tired, you should get rest" I rejected her offer nicely.
 

Instantly just her expression had changed, I guessed she was upset but this time I was not in good mood.
 

"Are you okay?" Bomie asked my arm and then getting closer. "You didn’t talk much ..."
 

"I'm fine"
 

I nodded touching her left cheek, hoping she would understand my feeling.
 

"I missed you" she hugged me and then kissed me little bit eagerly.
 

I put both my arms on her shoulders, gave her a smile, this time I was kind forced it. "Good night honey ..."
 

She frowned and then looked down for a moment and then back at me.
 

"You've changed ..." she said suddenly putting down her bag on the floor as if to tell me that she was upset, but I didn’t know what made her being like that and she never behave like that before.
 

"What do you mean?"
 

"You..., its so hard for you to meet me or even to call me. You're so weird now"  she was very annoyed now.
 

I laughed, I thought what she said didn’t make sense. "You know I'm always like that. And you never complain before"
 

Oh great! We’re fighting now
 

"But ..., but you're getting away now! There is something going on with you, I can feel it"
 

I took my breath, trying to control myself not to fall for her emotions because I didn’t want it getting worse.
 

"Yeah you're right, my grandmother just passed away right?"
 

Bomie looked surprised by what I said, maybe felt guilty. "I know probably it’s not the right time to talk about this. I just ..., I'm afraid ..."
 

"I'm just tired okay? " I rubbed her cheek, hoping her pique go away. She grabbed my hand, squeezing my fingers and then looked at me sharply.
 

"You're not cheating on me, are you?"
 

I frowned and very shocked. Out of nowhere she had thought it. But I didn’t know why suddenly Jiyong’s name seemed to echoing in my head, and it made me feel guilty.
 

"Of course not!" I managed to give her a smile even though I'm not sure about my answer. "You're my girlfriend, only you.."
 

Bomie hugged me tightly, feeling guilty increasingly dominate me. It was Jiyong who had changed me? Who took my heart from my girlfriend? Did I do something wrong? Did I cheat on her? Those questions popped inside my head.
 

I'm sorry ...
 

"I hope it’s true Hyunie...."

 

---8--
 

There was a big war in my heart, I should stop thinking about Jiyong and forget him. But it was really hard to do, Jiyong was getting colonize me. But I realized, I might end up hurting Bomie even though she didn’t know what really happened. But I couldn’t be like this anymore, not to Bomie. While I was still afraid hiding behind my vanity. I'm too scared to face what would happen to me if I said my feeling to Jiyong, to tell him that I'm real.
 

It seemed like the fate didn’t like that to happen between us, to let Jiyong and I get to know each other. As if there was a big wall that blocking up us, told me that I have to stay away from Jiyong. I didn’t know what was wrong, maybe I should never meet him.
 

"Why did you have to come here?" Seungri stood before me, wake me up from my reverie.
 

"As I remember that I didn’t come here to meet you!" I folded my arms across the chest, a little bit challenging him.
 

Seungri put my order on the table, a cup of hot cappuccino. "You can meet Zico in another place, I don’t want to get into trouble here"
 

"Do not provoke me, Seungri" I looked at him sharply, this time Seungri really annoyed me. He jerked. "I’m not like what you think"
 

I didn’t know, why did he really hard to tell. I didn’t have problems with him, he couldn’t act like that and should respect me, specially I’m older than him.
 

"Whatever ..." he turned his face and hugged the tray. I shook my head, I won’t spend my energy for that action. Seungri bowed at me. "Enjoy your coffee Sir"
 

He left me back to his work. Zico still not came yet, I have to meet him soon. I glanced at my watch for a moment and then looked around at the coffee shop. The place was really nice and also crowded, I've never been here before, though I knew Seungri'd been working here, I didn’t want us to make a fuss just because stupid things.
 

I sipped my coffee and looked at my watch again. I turned to my right side, there were two beautiful girls whispering to each other and smiled shyly at me, seemed like they tried to seduce me. They were cute but I didn’t have time for playing around. I smiled slightly at them and then turned to my left side.
 

I saw Seungri was talking to someone, they smiled at each other and laughed. Until I realized that I knew that guy who talked with Seungri.
 

Jiyong ...
 

My heart was pounding, and I was very nervous. Jiyong sat there, smiling with his pinky lips. I felt envy with Seungri, they were chatting comfortably with each other. If  I could, I wanted to replace his place with mine. Jiyong looked so stunning in his blue light shirt.
 

You’re always amazing, do you know that?
 

I kept looking at Jiyong, as if my eyes didn’t want to move away from that beautiful creature, he seemed like a magnet for me.
 

Seungri ended their conversation with him and left, Jiyong was alone now. He looked so busy with his papers, looking down and now the laptop covered little bit of his face. I realized, it could be my chance to talk to him.
 

Come on Seunghyun ...
 

I spent my coffee in one gulp, I stood up and my legs felt very stiff. I was unsure about what I wanted to do, but there was a strong impetus that forced me to do it right away.
I stepped closer to him, I didn’t know how strong my heart was ticking. I'd never been so nervous,  felt like I wanted to ask someone out with me.
 

Wait, you're not going to ask him for a date dude!
 

I was getting close to Jiyong but he seemed like still not aware of my presence. I blinked twice, biting my lip.
 

Jiyong started to move, I was so surprised almost losing all the oxygen from my lung. His elbow accidentally dropped a straw, but he didn’t realize it and he frowned looking at the screen of his laptop, so serious. I approached taking the straw that fallen not far from my feet.
 

"You dropped this"
 

I put the straw back on his table, almost touched his arm but he didn’t budge. Still in silent.
 

Of course you didn’t hear me ...
 

He was using earphones, I laughed at my own stupidity with a thin smile. It felt like I was drawning in the ocean, that feeling of shame eating me up and I felt like a loser. I stepped away from him, I felt the anger and disappointment covering all of me. I was ashamed of my own self, for what I just did.
 

Yeah ...
I’m not real for you...

 

---8--
 

I realized, I couldn’t be angry at Jiyong just because he didn’t notice that I was there, just because I couldn’t talk to him. I didn’t know why it was so difficult, I could never do that.
I wondered, what was wrong with me, with us, seemed like God didn’t allow that moment never happened between us.
 

It was so ridiculous and didn’t make sense, Jiyong was Youngbae’s cousin who obviously was my partner and he was quite often mentioned him but we never have time to meet.
 

Should I give up?
Forget this feeling.. Forget all about  him...
 

I glared at Daesung’s wedding ring which rounding on his finger now, I let out my breath very long.
 

"You should do it too" Daesung grinned realizing what I was doing.
 

I shrugged smiling at him. "How’s your feel now?"
 

"Until this second, I'm happy" he laughed.
 

"You should be huh?"
 

Daesung nodded, he was very confident with his answer. I must admit that this friend always sure with all of his choices not only about love matter and work but also about his life.
 

The football game still didn’t start yet, Daesung gave a can of beer to me and we sat side by side on the couch right in front of the television. We were gathering together in my apartment, but Youngbae didn’t come yet. I hoped Jiyong could join us, but it will never happen, impossible.
 

"Are you okay?" Daesung asked smiling. I nodded and took a sip of my beer, somehow suddenly he asked it. "Youngbae hyung said you were so different lately. Something happened between you and Bomie Noona?"
 

I rested my back to the couch. "Why did you think like that?"
 

"Suddenly you're asking about the wedding, and ... I think ..., I don’t know ..., it could be huh? " he said rambling, maybe he was afraid that I offended.
 

I laughed though no