Snowflakes pirouetted to the ground in their own style of ballet. Winter showcased its own colours, the calendar in the lobby showed only a few weeks after New Year. Fresh in her mind, Yoona had those headlines etched there.” Jessica and Taecyeon, witnesses say they could be sure that they were seen at a cinema together.”

Yoona was unsure; her feelings had finally grown towards him, close to love even. But after years of pursuing he chose to experiment with her sister? Or was Jessica his original target anyway?

Her feet fidgeted nonstop drawing weird holes in the snow blanket. The breeze danced into the scenery with the arrival of Ok Taecyeon.

“Hi” Yoona began, back to the awkward start of the game.

“Hey, so why did you call me today?

“I just… heard some rumours….” The park around her seemed to have frozen over, motionless, still, lifeless making her shiver whilst thinking about what she was about to say.

“About….”

“Well, I guess, I’m interfering or is playing the role of an obstacle towards your new path of love…”

“Yoona, what do you mean?”

“Here,” she reached into her hoodie pocket and pulled out something unseen. Securely clenched in her fist, she revealed the hidden treasure. It kind of glowed under the street lamp. The gold ring, attached to a shining sterling silver chain, it dawned on Taecyeon that his place in her heart had finally shifted as he had dreaded it would. The ring had become a pendant around her neck instead of a token of love embracing her finger every moment.

“I believe you know right? It’s not as how you planned to place it on my finger.”

“Yoona ah…” his palm sweating, facial expression stern, worried.

“Taecyeon oppa,” she cut him off reinforcing her voice.

“Why?”

“Please, just take it before I stop calling you oppa”

“Yoona, Just listen to me, I know what you hear, I’m sorry, I respect your decision but I beg you to do me a favour. Treat it as a token of the memories, something that reminds you of what feeligns I have for you”

“Taecyeon ssi… I think you’ve misunderstood, it’s the feelings you HAD for me” warm fluids gathered behind the scenes in Yoona’s eyes. It pained Taecyeon too, his pulse was cutting his breath, his vision was blurring.

“you promise not to forget this feeling?”

“I promise,” Yoona vowed, raising her fist up with pinkie out. Linking their fingers and allowing their thumbs to kiss, Taecyeon had the urge to gently but firmly pull Yoona into his embrace. His heart told him to do so but his mind had forbid him. She was grateful that he didn’t make it difficult for her. 

As they parted, Yoona looked up at him for maybe the final time with sincere eyes; Taecyeon could read pain in them. But he could not let his leader down; he just had to pray that Yoona’s pain would gradually wash away like the sand on calm seashore.

***

Slam, Yoona entered the SNSD apartment, with the rest of her sisters, huddled in the lounge to check out their new 3D glasses, the echoes of the slam seemed to have less of an impact.

“Sorry unnie, my hand slipped” she whispered in response to the questioning look Hyoyeon had given her.

“Yoona ah, is everything alright?” Taeyeon quickly led the other members rushing to her.

“Yes, I guess so,” she tried to mask and nose, however tear tracks were definitely evident behind those fingers.

“Unnie, why are you crying?”

“Seohyun ah, I’m just tired”

“But, Yoona where’s your gold ring?” Sooyoung asked noticed the missing symbol of importance from her fingers.

“Lost it”

“But last time you lost it, you spent two entire nights staying up to find it” Yuri added

“Lost importance”

“Why?” Tiffany tried to observe the subject.

“Sorry Unnies, just let me sleep, too tired to keep my eyes open.”

With that she left the rest of Girls’ generation confused and worried, however, inside her room, she was completely the opposite of what she claimed she was.

“Stay strong Yoona…But Why Taecyeon oppa? Just when I think I’ve started to search for those reasons to the tingling feeling when I see you?” she sobbed to sleep.

***

Yoona was struggling; sweating rolling around in her bed, with only a few hours of sleep, SNSD had to pull a few all-nighters since the first music bank performance of their comeback. They were due for a radio schedule in one hour. Yuri woke up to the feeling that something was wrong. Having no experience with Yoona’s unusual behaviour, she went up to pat Yoona to check up on her. Of course with this busy schedule, the girls did not have the time to stop and think or even care for their health. Yuri had the instinct to feel her sister’s forehead, it sizzled against her hand. A dropping feeling occurred at that split second for Yuri’s insides. It’s the second time within a fortnight.

Yuri emergently jumped into the kitchen in search for her first aid kit. Luckily she had the last packet of cold medicine left. Stock was running low with Taeyeon with an irritated throat affecting her confidence in her singing, Hyoyeon with a recovering running nose since recording, and now Yoona with an extreme fever. Yuri was close to tears worried about her sister’s health.

Yoona woke up barely able to stand ten minutes later, as she slipped her feet into her cosy slippers; she dropped to the ground just near the door, attracting attention from all directions of the corridor maybe except for Sooyoung. The girls rushed to attend to the sick battler.

“Yoona, your fever hasn’t gone down at all”

“You should stay at home unnie”

“Should we call a doctor?”

“But I have filming as well as the radio shows and Inkigayo, I’ll be fine”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure unnie”

“Yoona ah it must have been how you walked into the rain the other day at the hair salon”

With only half an hour till they were due to depart, Seohyun had to wake Sooyoung up. She ran onto her bed and lifted her blanket semi aggressively.

“Unnie wake up wake up”

“Yah,” Sooyoung suddenly opened her eyes and glared at Seohyun “Mind your own business”

“Fany unnie sunny unnie, Sooyoung unnie is doing it again” she called for help

“Yah Choi SOOYOUNG” Tiffany stormed into her room

“EVEN JESSICA IS AWAKE, SHE’S GOING To EAT YOUR BREAKFAST!!!” Sunny yelled. With this, Sooyoung had finally woken up.

“Yoona is sick…” Tiffany folded her arms at the door, when Sooyoung was finally dressed.

“What?” she ran out quicker than she had heard food.

***

SNSD were at MBC radio station recording for a show. Yoona was feeling colder by the minute although she had ensured she had worn enough. With the wrap up, SNSD went to thank the hosts and some went for canned coffee at the vending machine. All members were alert about Yoona’s situation however they let their guard down when Yoona was the last to collect her can from the drop depot. When they looked back, Yoona was leaning on the wall for support, looking as if she was drained of energy. Her eyes were closed, her cheeks had lost its blush, and lips had lost its lustre. Inside, she felt cold to the bone; however on the outside she was warm her hands had not been depleted of body temperature, instead it was burning.

“Unnie!!!” Seohyun had gasped

“Yoona” they all called so abruptly it had attracted maybe too much attention, the preparation room which was next door had heard and come out.

“What’s wrong?” Taecyeon had rushed out at the sound of her name, without a reply the girls continued, so he rushed over from the door.

Yuri touched her forehead,

“Yoona, you have a fever,” tiffany quickly responded, as her hand sizzled against her forehead.

“Girls, get her back to the room first.” Hyoyeon gestured, as the others followed including the 2pm members.

“Guys what are you…OMG” Taeyeon quickly ran to Yoona as they entered the room,

“Bring her down here, unnies.” Seohyun quickly patted the couch as Yuri quickly ran for water.

“Yoona are you okay?” Jessica urged Yoona to talk

“I don’t feel too well, unnie” her breathing had become prolonged.

“We have to tell the manager first” Sunny ran out of the room

“What are you guys doing here?” Taeyeon finally turned to the 2pm boys, intentionally catching a glimpse of Wooyoung on the way.

“We thought we could help, coz some of our schedules are free,”

“Wait, what are you talking about? Only Taecyeon is free” Nickhun knocked Junho on the head. But before Taeyeon could respond, their manager’s arrival had seemed like a beam of hope on them.

“Yoona, do you need to see a doctor?”

“I think I’m alright…”she dragged off her sentence as her energy used up with every word.

“What do we do manager oppa?” Sooyoung quickly shook him on the arm begging for help for her struggling sister,

“She has to visit the hospital at this rate or at least see a doctor…” Hyoyeon cut in

“the thing is, all the schedules next are nearly all scattered, and I only have a few cars in hand, even with some of you driving…”

“Ok, so who has schedules?” Jang Wooyoung interrupted as nearly all of them had put their hands up, Jessica, Yuri, Sooyoung and the weak Yoona who had separate dramas to film, with Sunny and Hyoyeon going to Invincible Youth, Tiffany was to perform her musical debut of ‘FAME’ and Taeyeon was about to sign a contract with her first drama opportunity. Only Seohyun was free, but she had already missed enough classes, therefore she had scheduled it in for today two weeks earlier.

“Yoona is our priority no matter what!” Taeyeon stood firm

“How about, Unnie, can I borrow someone’s car and drive her to the doctors?” Seohyun pleaded.

“Seohyun ah, you have to go to school”

“but…”Seohyun muttered, but Yoona had refused to comply.

“Yoona you must do something about it,” some of the 2pm boys said together

“Yeah, you can’t leave yourself in such a condition”

“come on Yoona, I’ll take you to the hospital first and then I’ll bring Tiffany and Sooyoung”

“manager oppa, it’s prime time for SNSD, everybody is busy and if something spoils it now…”

“I’ll take her” Taecyeon had suddenly said, out of the blue attracting all the attention of the eyes in the room. Tiffany eyed Yuri, not sure what their next step should be but when they were wavering between their decisions, it was decided with Taeyeon

“Omo, I don’t know how to thank you Taecyeon ssi, I’ll have the rest of the day under control” SNSD’s manager sighed his relief wiping perspiration from his forehead.

“It’s settled, thank you first Taecyeon ssi.” Their leader bowed

“Kamsahamnida,” SNSD bowed to them

“Girls, let’s get going before the media catches up with us”

“Please take care of our Yoona,” Jessica patted Taecyeon on the arm, Yoona had seen this and she clenched her insides, and closed her eyes unable to watch. She felt the cold multiply inside her.

“Yoona ah, you have to let him take you” Tiffany and yuri consoled her.

“Neh, unnie” she sighed and looked up at them energylessly she slowly rested her eyes.

“Then Wooyoung ssi, can you help Taecyeon ssi take Yoona down please?”

“I’ll bring her things”

“Taeyeon unnie, wouldn’t it be better if we took it down since you’re in a hurry?” Yuri asked pleading Tiffany to help her with her eyes.

“I’m going down to our van anyway. Its ok girls, wouldn’t want to be late for your drama filming right?”

“Well I guess… Bye unnie, careful Yoona” Yuri admitted defeat

They all bade goodbyes to each other as Taeyeon picked up Yoona’s things as well as her own. Taeyeon was beyond worried. She knew that each and every one of those seven girls wanted to follow Yoona, take care of her, but their situation had prohibited them from doing so. She was on the verge of tears for her friend’s condition. 

As SNSD left their room, 2pm had settled down, each and every one worrying if the others would end up somewhat close to Yoona’s condition.

“Thanks boys, you can go back to your room, didn’t you have schedules?”

“Yes, boys you should leave now” Taecyeon and Wooyoung had hurried the others whose spirits followed the departure of the girls.

“Right, bye girls, and bros” they took turns saying.

Yoona was trying to hold in her laughter at how funny they were, instead it resulted her to slightly cough. She hadn’t laughed from the bottom of her heart for so long maybe it was because of his presence, she was a girl after all. Now she was in the arms of her beloved sister and a man that she had eventually fell in love with.

“Yoona, be careful with yourself, have as much rest as you can get” Taeyeon patted her sister lightly on the shoulder as soon as the boys left.

“Yah, Kim Taeyeon ssi, you know how awkward this looks for me?” Wooyoung complained as they entered the second corridor.

Taeyeon simply giggled and kept walking on with her sister. Taecyeon was just speechless, he couldn’t think of anything to say ever since the incident at the salon where Yoona had declined his heart. Yoona was too tired to think of anything, she was grateful that not many people had been in the building they had passed as they approached Taecyeon’s car.

“You better thank me by calling me Wooyoung oppa,”

“Why should i?” Taeyeon retorted, as she helped Yoona into the car.

“Yah, Jang Wooyoung, stop playing around would you?” Taecyeon turned around after safely setting Yoona in the front seat of his car.

“I just want some words of thanks” He followed Taeyeon to the back of the boot.

“Taecyeon ssi, can you please open the boot for me?” Taeyeon said

“Yah Kim Taeyeon!”

“Yah Jang Wooyoung” she e eighty degrees on the spot stopping dead in her tracks at the door where Yoona had her window open.

“Unnie,” Yoona lightly laughed,

“Alright, alright, thank you Wooyoung Oppa” she said it in a unique but cute way, where she flared her nostrils. She received a pat on the head, as Wooyoung laughed. Taecyeon couldn’t help chuckling whilst watching from inside the car. Satisfied, both of them had finally resorted to saying goodbye happily chatting their way back into the car.

After Taecyeon drove off out of the car park, he couldn’t help but chuckle as he turned the bend, thinking about how cute his brother and Taeyeon were. Yoona had not dared to look across to him as she was afraid she would melt into tears once she looks into his eyes, but there was still the same feeling that he was able to give her. She felt warm, comfortable and safe around him. She wanted time to slow down although inside there were feelings of anticipation for a miracle, pain for what might be in front of her that she didn’t realise, and the deep exasperating love that was still not extinguished inside her burning heart . Would she be selfish and just wish that these moments would last forever? However no matter how tangled her feelings were, this time tears could not come up, maybe the pain was too overwhelming or that plain happiness to be able to spend at least a moment with him again that healed part of the pain as it was seeping deeper as if those tears were acids.

 As they drove off from the doctors, confirming that Yoona was too stressed and was overworked, needing some rest, Taecyeon decides to take care of her for the rest of the day as Tiffany had texted him that their schedules were going to take longer than expected, asking him to please be Yoona’s guardian today. Yoona’s phone had received text messages nonstop from each of her unnies, each asking and telling her the same things.

“Isn’t Wooyoung and Taeyeon just so cute together?” he suddenly giggled thinking of the incident earlier making Yoona look up from her phone as she was replying to Jessica. She turned the phone over; discarding the message she was in the process of typing. Yoona seemed to have also forgotten her pain in her for that stanza of her poem of pain. She was once again asking if she was guilty.

“I realised that ever since they started the performance for Gayo Daejun, 2009,” she giggled, hiding her contemplating thoughts, it comforted her this way.

“How come I didn’t see it coming?”

“You need glasses don’t you?” letting out a silent giggle, but inside she was whispering to him wordlessly, with her gaze, you don’t know how much I wish we could be like that again.

“Not funny, Yoona,” As he looked across to her, catching her gazing at him, she quickly diverted her eyesight to the rear mirror,

“Why are you staring at me like that? A ghost?”

“You always were one!” she teased energylessly causing him to giggle a little.

“Yah, You should be resting Yoona.” He said in a more serious tone but maybe it was intentional, it seemed like he saved her from an explanation for that gaze.

 “Yoona ah, You don’t talk much these days,”

“What do you mean?”

“It seems your…”

“Taecyeon ssi… when you’re sick you don’t really want to open your mouth that much do you?” Yoona replied without opening her eyes.

“Oh right, now I’ll be back after I get your prescriptions” he said as he parked the car smoothly, looking watching the back and taking a glance at the beauty next to him.

“Don’t you dare open them!” he said as he parked the car. He was peeking around playfully to check if she could see him.

“Neh,” just before she felt him leave her side and close the door. She peeked through her eyelids, cheekily, her chest feeling lighter, bubbly inside, has her wounds healed or were they just deepening? She watched as he walked away towards the pharmacy. In her eyes, he was always charming. She couldn’t help but release her radiant smile. Suddenly she felt the sensation that she was going to sneeze, rambling in her weak state, for any sign of tissues in his car, she reached into the seat pocket behind her, pulling out a tissue box, but managed to drop something else with it. She removed her back off its comfort position and peeked what it was, with the sneeze backing out on her.

Curiosity electrified her at that moment, what was it? The box, allowed her to journey back to a memory of Family Outing when she got one of her mostly treasured birthday presents. Now she was asking mentally, Could it possibly be? She shook off the idea, and picked up the box, just about to return it into its position, but as she found that the box was not fully enclosed, maybe because of the drop, she was obliged to fix the arrangement of the contents inside.

As she opened it, she gasped, it was simple, but breathtaking, a work of art, a necklace that reminded her of that particular birthday gift she had received.  Just by looking at it, she felt sincerity something like a message that the message would bring… love. But placing all thoughts aside, Yoona quickly regained her position to fool Taecyeon. Inside her heart throbbed, raged, quivered, hoping that it would be for her. As she closed her eyes, weird thoughts accumulated in her heart, the longer he took, the more upset and stirred in emotions she was. She pleaded inside that it would be for her.  Suddenly a picture of Jessica wearing the necklace had appeared in her mind. Her facial features shone, glowed, radiated.  As she drifted off trying to regain trace of her thoughts, the last thing she remembered was the sound closing of the car door, and then she felt safe and comfortable again.

Later on…

Taecyeon pulled over in front of the entrance to SNSD’s dormitory, memories abruptly rushed back into his mind flourishing with the scene when he was waiting for her for family outing. That feeling of waiting had internally killed him that morning, he was excited yet keeping calm to conceal what how he felt towards this angel. Today, a year later, he was once again in a position that was hoping, waiting for her, to love him again. He took the courage to glance over at Yoona, her tired, almost lifeless expression had caused his heart to almost stop. He questioned himself “how did she get so pale although I was keeping an eye on her every single minute?” Maybe he wasn’t observant enough.

Reaching over, his hand brushed aside her fringe gently to reveal the remaining hidden beauty, he couldn’t help but smile, even in a situation like this. ‘Am I going crazy?’ he whispered to himself.

“Omo, Yah, Im Yoona, how can you have such a high fever and still not wake up?”He raised his voice in attempt to wake her up because of his overflowing worry after confirming her fever was still intact. Panic, woe, anger filled him.

“How come the fever has not gone down even after taking medicine?” he raged and hit the steering wheel, something had caused him to lose control over his patience and mind.

He instantly removed the jacket he had blanketed over her, and managed to place her securely on his back, he liked that feeling, to have her in his arms, his care, and his love. Although Yoona was asleep, she was semiconscious that she was in the care of someone. She loved this feeling, unable to think, she couldn’t realise whom it was. However, it was the feeling that made her feel as if she belonged, soothing her breathing, her pain, her sickness. He swore to himself, as he accused himself of not keeping an eye on her frequently enough.

“Yoona, Please be alright, please be alright,” he whispered under his breath as he made his way towards their apartment.

As Taecyeon made it outside the door of Yoona’s dorm, he tried to look inside her bag for her keys, failing to locate them even though the contents were not complex, lacking in quantity. He turned around unwillingly, he tried to wake Yoona up, but only dared to gently pat her, and afraid he’ll harm her in this fragile state she was in.

“Yoona ah, where’s your keys?” he gently asked still afraid that he would hurt her in this delicate state. She reminded him of a rose, beautifully mesmerising however, unknown to the beauty, she was protecting herself with those thorns in hope not to get hurt.

Yoona seemed to have responded to his request, she reached for her necklace and pulled out her pendant and showed him. He was glad to see it, the gold ring which was once a property of his, now it was in possession of Yoona, his love as a token of memory for his feelings for her. But he couldn’t help but laugh to himself,

“Yah, Im Yoona, that’s not a key, I can’t believe you… seriously, you can do this in your sleep?”

He waited, but still no reply was heard. His only way out was to re-search her bag again. He gently gave it a shake, then he found them, her keys, glad and relieved her allowed himself into their dormitory, allowing his instinct to guide his way, he had surprisingly found the correct room which somehow had given him the right feeling that it was here. Luckily he had recognised a perfume bottle placed on her bedside table, it seemed unused, unopened, untouched.

As she placed her on the bed, along with her keys, he was able to realise that the keychain was a ‘Y’ reminding him once again of a memory that they had once shared together. Those memories held his pride, his happiness, his possible future.

Once he covered her with her blanket, she was able to snuggle cosily under that warmth, her facial colour and flush returning with her soul, maybe it was his imagination, but he felt as if she smiled.

“Yoona,” he whispered, reassuring that she was not awake.

“I just wanted to tell you all this time, it’s not how you think it is, my feelings never swayed, never budged, never changed, you don’t realise how much I beg for you to realise that… I love you” he closed his eyes and softly planted a friendly kiss on the sleeping beauty’s forehead.

  Yoona’s eyes flickered, her fingers twitched, the warmth had regained in her hands. She felt like she wanted to stay in that dream she just had, forever. Although she couldn’t remember what it was, something in that dream seemed too realistic; it warmed her heart, making her smile. She looked outside the stars seemed like they weren’t glimmering with hope anymore, they seemed dull, had lost their shine. She started counting them again, as usual, she stopped at three.  She gave up turning her attention away from the window, her room was illuminated by her bedside lamp, her room seemed more comfortable today. She could feel as if her limbs were full of energy again, maybe it was the medicine, she thought. She looked down at the table; it was the rilakkuma sticky notes that she had bought from japan. How did it get there? Looking closely, gaining focus, there was a message written on it.

Sorry I couldn’t stay long; I hope you get well soon,

Don’t forget to take your medicine, please be alright, your sisters will worry about you

I hope you can still call me oppa

  >.< Almond

P.S When you’re asleep you’re as cute as this bear

After reading it, Yoona couldn’t help but smile, the sweetness in this note had melted the bitterness in her heart. She sighed; she stopped and thought for a while, she was glad, satisfied at the thought of which he still cared for her as a dongsaeng however at the thought that he was moving on, her tears strained her breath once again.

“Taecyeon oppa,” she sighed looking up at the night sky “Because of you I can’t do anything anymore, I am so weak that I can’t even take care of myself, I can’t even get angry at you or myself. Can you not be so charming? Because I can’t control my painful love for you…” she wept hugging her blanket hanging her head, which was all she thought she was able to do.

Suddenly, she heard the sound of keys, she wiped the tears off, with her blanket as there was a sound of the door opening and closing, she had managed to recover into a sleeping position but scared that she’ll be found out, she had left her lamp on.

“Who could it be? Were her sisters back from work?  Or was it Taecyeon oppa?”

Her heart was about to explode, as she still tried to get rid of the evidence that she was awake and crying.