It's me again and I am back with a new story ! I had to stay home these last days because I caught the flu so I had plenty of time to write a new story :). This one is already finished but I decided to publish it in two or three parts. I hope you will like it and please comment ♥ ~

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Day 1

“- Kwon Jiyong! Time to wake up! You have a rehearsal today!”

Aaarg… My manager could be so annoying. I was still tired and I wanted to sleep more. It was our third concert in a row this week; why did we need another rehearsal? We perfectly knew what we had to do even if it was a different place.

After ten long minutes I managed to get my lazy body out of the bed and lead myself to the kitchen. Seungri, who was sharing the hotel room with me, was already up and eating his breakfast, or should I say playing with his food. I could see he was dozing off; his manager put his hands on his shoulders and shook him gently.

“-Come on boys, I know you are tired but this is your last day, after that you will have two weeks to sleep and rest as much as you want so just give one final effort, okay?”

We both nodded, not unhappy it was the last day. We loved to perform and were always energetic on stage but the day following the concert was physically hard. I took my already made breakfast in the fridge and sat at the table in front of the youngest. He was exhausted, his face looked so pale and his dark circles were not jokes; even his lips were colorless. His chopsticks in his hands he was staring blanking. I shook my hand in front of his eyes to catch his attention. He blinked and looked at me.

“- Are you okay Maknae-ah? Why aren’t you eating your food? You need strength to be able to do well at the concert.

- Yeah I’m okay. I am pretty tired today and I am not hungry, don’t worry for me, I will do well.”

He gave me a weak smile before cleaning his plate and going back to his room. I hated how he was always going away from me when something was wrong with him, afraid that I will ask too many questions. But since I was his boyfriend it was a completely normal thing for me to keep an eye on him and make sure he was alright. I could not help but be a little worried. He was not in his best condition lately and it got worse since the beginning of the tour. Even though he was doing his best on stage when he was appearing on the big screens he was breathless and sweating profusely off camera. I knew I was not the only one to have notice it but he was getting annoyed each time we were mentioning it. He was probably just tired after all, he had not work out much lately so his body could have a hard time adjusting to this new pace, it was not worth worrying too much; telling how tired I was, my face should not look good neither. I cleaned my plate too and went in my room to get ready. Five minutes later I was ready, I did not bother to make up or do my hair, I was too lazy for it; wearing a hat and a mask would do the job, the fans were used to see us wearing them and fortunately they were not too hard to please. I was quietly sitting on my bed, playing with my phone, waiting for my manager to come and get me when I felt the urge to see my beloved one. It was really hard to have intimate moments just between the two of us since the managers did not know about it and we were not ready to tell them; we were too afraid they might leave us after learning the truth.

I sneaked discreetly in the corridor and went into his room without being noticed by the managers who were talking in the living room. His back was facing me and I guessed he was making his bag with his earphones in his ears since he did not hear me entered. I smiled at the idea I got; I quietly made my way to stand just behind him and back hugged him and buried my face in his neck. He jumped and turned back to me, a confused look on his face.

“-Hyung! We are not supposed to do this… What if they see us? We have to be careful, we promised the other not to get caught, remember?” He whispered to me.

I giggled at how cute he was when he was scared. I pulled him back to me and kissed him before letting him go. His cheeks flushed. I gently laughed at him.

“-Stop nagging! See, you like it, you are flushing! I am being careful, nobody saw me going into your room. I just wanted to cheer you up a little bit!”

I wanted to kiss him on the lips but he pushed me back as my face almost reached his; I did not understand why he was acting this way.

“- We should not kiss, I don’t want you to be sick. I don’t feel that well today, I must have catch a cold but it is okay since today is the last concert. But you can’t be sick; you have to work on your solo album…” He said, looking down.

I put my hands on the back of his neck and forced him to kiss me on the lips. I did not let go of him even if he was struggling.

“- I don’t mind being sick if it means I can stay with you at home doing nothing all day! But why didn’t you tell me you were not feeling well? It has been several days right?

He nodded while closing his bag. He lifted it from his bed and pulled it on his shoulder before giving me a brief peck on the lips.

“-Don’t come to me ing if you are sick tomorrow, you are the one who wanted it. Come on, we are going to be late!”

He stuck his tongue out before opening the door and disappearing in the corridor. I waited few minutes before coming out too; we were always doing it this way when we were not at the dorms, in order not to be suspected by the managers. It was cumbersome but it was nothing compared to the joy I was feeling when I was with Seunghyunie. I joined them in the living room my eyes fixed on the maknae. We were ready to leave when Seungri’s manager handed him a bottle with yellowish water inside, he might have been worry about his health too to give him some vitamins. I looked at him and moved my lips to say thank you, he winked at me. I was happy, Seunghyun was well surrounded by good people, nothing bad could happen to him.

The travel from the hotel to the concert’s place was very short, well it was actually hard to tell since I was sleeping and so were the other. In the lodge everybody, except Seunghyun, was stretching their numb bodies before going on stage to check once again our positions, the lights, the sound and all the other things which were different from a place to another. After making sure their muscles were ready to perform the other members left the room, leaving the youngest and me together. I got up from my yoga mat and sat by his side on the coach. I put an arm around his shoulders and I touched his forearm with my hand; it was cold, maybe too cold.

“- Do you want to skip the rehearsal and take a nap? I will tell the staff you are not in your best condition to perform right now and they will understand. This way you can give…”

He cut me off by putting a hand on my thigh, it was cold, I could feel it even through my pants.

“- It’s nice to worry about me but I already told you I was alright; I will be better once I will get into the mood, I am just still sleepy.”

I pouted to show him I was not completely convinced by what he was saying but I could not do anything to dissuade him so I had no other choice than letting him go and keeping an eye on him from afar. Before he left I made sure he was wearing hot clothes; I wanted him to wear a mask too to avoid his cold to worsen but he rejected it saying that the fans wanted to see his handsome face, they were paying money for his face, body and talk. He could be so narcissistic sometimes but it was one of the reason I loved him. I lightly hit the back of his head and followed him on stage. It was really easy for me to stick next to him during concerts. Even if the fans did not know about our private relationship they were shipping the “nyongtory” and each time I was coming close to him they were screaming, they were screaming even louder when I was touching him or when my face was coming close to his. It was funny, I used to naively think they will accept our relationship but I was not really sure about it anymore.

My parents used to say they were really open about the ual orientation but it was different now that it was about me, they were not really accepting it. The first months after I told them were pretty hard because, except my sister, my family was not talking to me. After came the time when they blamed themselves “We should have seen it in your behavior, you were already effeminate when you were little”, Was I really ? And now it was getting better as long as we were not mentioning it. They were still uncomfortable when Seunghyunie was coming home, even though we did not dare to touch each other and show we were more than just friends. On my boyfriend’s side it was not a lot easier, he was too afraid to tell his family the truth, too afraid to disappoint them as he was the first child and the only boy. We fought a lot about this issue, I was mas to be the only one having a tense relationship with my family after being brave enough to say them who I really was; but I came to the conclusion I was just being jealous and thought he was better if at least one of us could remain close to his family.

We were rehearsing for one hour now, not taking a break during the MCs parts to end it as soon as possible and to be able to rest a little bit before the actual concert. “Love song” started playing, we were at the half of the concert, we started to move to take our places on the platform prepared for this song. I was standing next to the maknae, it was the time to show what we prepared for this performance. At each concert during ‘Love song’ we were doing a different act and Seungri and I were always doing ours together. It was our little moment. Tonight we decided that we will a “work out” act, I will do some push up, Seungri would do a handstand, Daesung and Youngbae will do sits up and TOP well, he will improvise as he always did. We were talking among each other, fixing the last details. I looked at Seunghyun and he was looking really exhausted even though the rehearsal was going quite smoothly. Before starting our little act I grabbed him by the wrist and told him not to do what he had planned, to keep it for the real show and to sit on me while I was doing pushups. He did not even try to protest and nodded at the proposition. I kept my hand on his wrist; his skin was so cold and so pale. I looked at his face and I could see beads of sweat beading on his forehead. I was about to ask him if he needed to take a break when our turn came and we took the positions we agreed on few minutes ago.

As we said, Seungri sat on my back while I was doing the push up, triggering a new wave of screams from the fans who were shipping “nyongtory”. After three push up the camera went on Daesung on Youngbae but the maknae was still sitting on my back. The strength was slowly leaving my arms and I was doing my best not to fell.

“-Seunghyun-ah it is not that you are heavy or anything but it would be nice if you could get off my back now…”

He did not get off but I thought I heard his voice. I could not catch what he said because of the sound of the music.

“- What? What did you say? My arms are about to give up Seung-chan!

- Hyung, I can’t stand, my legs are weak… Please let’s stay like this until the end of the song until the light switch off, I don’t want to worry the fans…

- Su…Sure.” I could not refuse.

I gave my best to end the song in this position and as soon as the song ended, I collapsed on the floor. I lied on the floor and took few seconds to catch my breath. When I turned my head, I realized the maknae was lying next to me, his eyes shut. I held out one of my arm and shook his shoulder. He did not move. I immediately sat up and shook him again. I saw his eyes fluttered and they opened. I crawled closer to him and put his head on my knees. I did not care about what the fans could see; only Seunghyun mattered at this moment. His face was now covered with sweat, I wiped it off and opened his thick jacket in case he was too hot but he stopped me.

“- I’m cold…” He said weakly.

Something was really wrong with him. I needed to get him off the stage and get checked by the doctor who was always assisting us.  I helped him sat and took his face in my hands.

“-Tell me what is wrong Babe, you are not only tired… Don’t lie to me, I beg you.”

He tried to talk but no words came out of his mouth. He tried again but still nothing. His body began to tense and he started panting. I could not wait anymore, I stood up and grabbed his two hands to help him stand.

“-God, why are your hands so cold? Come on let’s go, can you walk?”

He nodded and took a few steps before stopping. His breathing was uneven and he looked at me, terrified, not understanding what was happening. Suddenly he winced and put his hand to his chest, clutching to his t-shirt.

“- Wh-What’s wrong? Wait I…”

I could not finish my sentence that his legs gave up and we both fell on the ground. I knelt to his side and took his hands into mine, trying to reheat them. I shook him to keep him conscious; he winced in pain.

“- Tell me where he hurts Baby so I can help you…

- My… My heart… It hurts so bad, I… I can’t take the pain anymore… Hyung… I am too young to have a heart attack… Right..?”

I suddenly felt sick. No he could not. He was young, he was just fine. He could not have a heart attack, absolutely not. I let go of one of his hands and looked for my phone, hopefully I kept it in an inside pocket of my jacket. The light again in the dome and screams came out from everywhere but I did not care. I was trying to explain to the paramedics what was happening while opening my lover’s clothes for him to breathe more easily. Seungri was clunging to my hand and I did not know what to do to reassure him and make him feel better.

“- Hyung… It’s hard… To breath… Please…”

The only thing I could do was squeezing his hand and letting him now I was not going anywhere while trying not to show how panicked I was. I was still answering the paramedics’ questions, trying to give as much details as I could and I was so focused on what I was saying that I did not feel him losing his grip on my hand. I hung up and wiped the tears on my face. I waited until my vision was less blurry before looking at him. He was unconscious and I could not see his chest rising anymore. I put my hand in front of his nose and did not felt any air. Panic seized me. Wobbling, I put my ear on his chest, looking for a heartbeat but I did not hear any. I screamed for help. I screamed until my throat hurt me, tears streaming down my cheeks in torrents. I needed to reanimate him but I could not remember how to do it properly, everything mixing in my mind. I tried to blow some air into his lungs but I was cut by my sobs. I could not even do the cardiac message properly so much my hands were shaking. I felt someone pushing me away and saw my best friend trying to save my lover’s life.

The minutes passed one after the other, my gaze was fixed on the most important persons in my life. I was hoping to see our Makenae opening his eyes and starting to breath by himself but it was not happening. I did not want to imagine what could happen if Youngbae stopped putting air in his lungs and creating artificial heartbeats. Without me noticing really the dome was quiet again, the staffs had made the fans leave and all the persons who were still there were standing around five meters away from us with TOP hyung and Daesung, not really realizing the tragedy which was occurring.

The paramedics finally arrived and took charge of him. I stopped breathing, waiting to see if they could bring him back to life. And it happened, the continuous sound of the electrocardiogram changed into regular “beep”. My body accepted to move again and I rushed to his side. Behind the oxygen mask I could see his lips regaining their pink color; he was alive again. Still teetering, I followed them into the ambulance, not wanting to leave him alone.

Just arrived at the hospital the electrocardiogram’s beeping sounds became irregular and they took my lover far away from me into the reanimation room. They did not close the door and I stood in the doorway, watching them reanimating him once again. I was in daze, my mind was refusing to accept what was happening just in front of my eyes. I could not bear seeing Seunghyun’s skin getting burned the defibrillator, it was too hard to see his body taking off the table each time they were giving him an electric shock. What if…?

I felt someone grabbing me and I was forced into an embrace. I was used to this embrace, it was my best friend’s embrace. How could he come so fast?

“- I could not leave you alone Jiyong-ah. You can cry now, I am here.”