Jinhwan’s eyes never really left Hanbin. It was the same familiar flat, wide nose; it was the same pair of eyes but it wasn’t glistening with happiness and excitement anymore; it was still the same lip that was familiar in some corners of his mind; it was the same voice in a lower tone, it was the same familiar scent, it was everything that reminded him of his Hanbin. But with one sentence, Jinhwan’s hopes were dashed; everything was familiarly close to the heart except for the fact that he wasn’t named Hanbin.

Because Jinhwan knows that Hanbin would have returned if he wanted to.

“Jinhwan annyeong,” Hanbin whispered, still holding tightly onto that tiny hand, wondering if Jinhwan grew any in size over the years. He wants to see for himself, to see how the twenty year old Jinhwan looks like, to see the smile he had always missed and to see that pair of eyes he had always found himself lost in. He too, wanted to ask what happened through the years, why is Jinhwan in the wheelchair, and most importantly, did he miss him like he did? But the Hanbin that stood in front of Jinhwan was nothing different from a stranger, a newcomer in Jinhwan’s life; because he isn’t Hanbin to Jinhwan. He was a new friend made, with a whole new unfamiliarity named Kim Jiwon.

“Ann-annyeong, Jiwon?” Jinhwan greeted back. It is not that he doesn’t know the guy in front of him isn’t by the name Kim Hanbin. Neither is it that he doesn’t know Hanbin was gone eight years ago and whether he is going to be back is still unknown. But Jinhwan couldn’t shake off that attachment that Hanbin was giving; and neither is Jinhwan able to stop himself from seeing his Hanbin in the so-called ‘Kim Jiwon’.

“Bobby, you can call me Bobby.”

Jinhwan nodded as he watched Hanbin slowly turning his back against him. Why is it that the name Bobby sound too unfamiliar? He wondered why was it that every part of this man in front of him was screaming Hanbin, why was it that every action of this man in front of him was screaming Hanbin, but why was it that this man, does everything to tell Jinhwan that they only met today, that his Hanbin, hasn’t return?

“Do you, by any chance, like sunrise?” Hanbin’s voice trailed off, each word was spilled cautiously as he waited for Jinhwan’s answer. He was curious, curious about how many things could have change in eight years.

Jinhwan smiled bitterly as they both looked in the same direction of the giant yellow ball in the air.

“I love it.”

Hanbin’s heart almost stopped at that particular moment as he thought the both of them had returned to their childhood times. It was the same three words that screamed at him, convincing him that even after eight winters and eight Christmas, some things in his memories aren’t going to change.

“Is there a reason?” Hanbin questioned.

Jinhwan’s eyes remained fixed on the man in front of him. Of course there is a reason, a reason that signified how important that one person had even meant to Jinhwan. But Jinhwan wondered why this man by the name of Bobby reminded him everything of the Hanbin he had always known.

“I’m sorry I guess I probed too much into – ” Hanbin apologized, but Jinhwan’s soft voice that followed closely behind.

“A very important friend.” Jinhwan started.

“He brought me here ten years ago and I have to say, I fell in love with sunrise ever since. But I promised him, it won’t be my favourite thing,” the petite boy laughed as he looked at the friendship bracelet on his ankle. Hanbin smiled. Those memories were exactly the same. Nothing had really changed. And maybe that was why it hurts even more.

“Nice to meet you Jinhwan. I may not be able to see, but you’ve got to be a strong and lovely person,” Hanbin smiled as he said those words, heart aching with each syllables, tears falling as he wondered why is it that the reunion with Jinhwan seemed like a really faraway dream, even from today?

“Hanbin…” Jinhwan muttered. Was it his heart that was crying too loudly? He doesn’t know. But what made he stunned was that Hanbin’s legs were close to coming to a halt when he whispered that name. But for the second time today in his dream of Hanbin, Jinhwan’s hopes were dashed once again. There isn’t any Hanbin here; only a boy with the silhouette that reminded him everything about the Hanbin he once knew.

“Wait!” Jinhwan stopped Hanbin. The petite boy wheeled his wheelchair forward, towards nobody but Hanbin. Slowly yet bravely, Jinhwan grabbed Hanbin’s hand.

“Hand phone please,” he smiled. Not because he was happy to find a new friend, neither was it because the boy that stood in front of him was named Hanbin. But instead, it was because despite the uncountable number of heartaches and disappointments, Jinhwan had found the presence of Hanbin. Obediently, Hanbin’s hand reaches his own pocket as he took out his phone, ready to hand it over to Jinhwan. Because Hanbin knows that even though he is not going to be the Hanbin in Jinhwan’s life like he did before, he was ready to protect his Jinannie from a new perspective and with a new identity. Maybe, just maybe, Hanbin was ready for a new start with Jinhwan, a new start with the memories left behind, sealed in his heart till one day, or that forever when he is ready to open up to Jinhwan again.

“We are friends, right?”

Hanbin nodded. Truth to be told, ever since Hanbin’s sudden departure, Jinhwan had never really opened up his heart and world to anybody else, except the one or two who had taken a long time into his world. Not because he was anti-social, but because he was afraid to watch an important friend walked away like how Hanbin once did and never returned again. But this boy was different. He made Jinhwan forget about all his fears but Jinhwan only wanted to know more about this boy that fulfilled the resemblance of his childhood friend, Kim Hanbin.

“Gomawo, Bobby.” Jinhwan whispered as he smiled once again at Hanbin. The same smile that seemed so precious and foreign since eight years ago. Jinhwan’s wheelchair continued moving forward and his back view continued facing Hanbin. It was the same sunrise, same beach and the same surrounding. But this time, Hanbin was just a friend Jinhwan had newly made.

Much as we may wish to make a new beginning, some part of us resists doing so as though we were making the first step toward disaster.

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The snow continued falling, covering the streets with a beautiful white coat. The buildings and apartments along the way were draped with a new coat of paint, giving this Christmas season a new look once again. The falling snowflakes continued to keep the people in awe and fascination, hands stretching out as the kids try to hold it in their hands.

“It is just another Christmas without you, right?” Jinhwan sighed as he stopped by the park, a place that is probably going to be edged in his memories forever. He never fails to stop by as he eyed on the same bench, wondering if Hanbin will ever appear there again. If it wasn’t for that accident, maybe he could have seen Hanbin, know where he went and even demand for a date for him to return even when Jinhwan knew that Hanbin had always been taking up the dominating role in their friendship.

“Did Christmas come early this year or am I seeing a snowman out of nowhere?”

The tall and skinny guy j