It was the day of my solo concert. I decided to dedicate a ballad song to a special someone. I strolled onto stage after getting out of the tight leather clothes and into a flowy, white dress accompanied with a flower crown and a golden acoustic guitar.

“The next song I’m going to be singing is a ballad. I chose this song because it has a lot of meaning behind it, so I hope you all will enjoy it.” I cleared my throat before strumming the 6 string at once.

 

—

“I still love you…

I wanted to tell you,

the one who couldn’t take it anymore and

gave up in the end.”

“1, 2, 3, hello! We are Infinite!” The 7 boys chorused together as we all crowded into one small fitting room.

“Hello, I’m Yoo Jisung,” I bowed in reply.

My eyes locked onto Sunggyu’s and my heart picked up in speed as he stared at me with a cute gaze. I blushed faintly and bowed slightly, earning a large smile in return. “I’m Sunggyu,” he spoke as he approached me and held his hand out. “I know, I’m a huge fan of your voice,” I blurred. “I-I’m Jisung, Yoo Jisung,” I choked on my words as I nervously smiled and slip my hand into his. “I know, I’m a huge fan of your voice,” Sunggyu chuckled.

“You have a beautiful name,” he flashed a sweet smile towards my direction before one of s pulled him away. “T-thank you…”

“Here’s a copy of our CD, please enjoy it!” Woohyun handed me their signed CD while I handed them my signed CD.

“It was nice meeting you! Thank you once again,” Sunggyu said before the 7 of them bowed in sync before leaving the changing rooms.

"I miss you more than I hate you
I long for you more than I’m sad
Is this not it? Is this not it?”

"Jisung!" Sunggyu shouted as I reached backstage after a tiring performance on Music Bank.

"Oh oppa! Hello!" I smiled and approached him before we exchanged a friendly hug. "You done well out there," he patted me on the back, flashing a warm smile. "Thanks! I was about to faint due to how hot it was," I joked.

"Uh, before I go, I wanna ask you something," he said, grabbing my arm gently and dragging me to a place that wasn’t populated with people. "Jisung-ah… This may sound weird, but you’re a really beautiful girl with a magnificent voice," he began. "Whenever I see you around - whenever I see you smile and laugh, whenever I hear you sing, my heart starts to flutter like crazy. When you talk to me, my beat beats uncontrollably to the point where I think it’s going to jump out and chase after you when you leave," he slightly chuckled and blushed. I stood in silence, silently putting the pieces of his words together to create a picture of what he’s going ask me.

"Aish, I don’t know how to say it romantically," he laughed. "Long story short, I want you to be my girlfriend." He sighed. "Will you be my girlfriend, Jisung-ah? I may not be the perfect romantic boyfriend, or the guy who will always spoil you with random items, but I will definitely spoil you with my love." He looked longingly in my eye. "Of course I will, oppa." I smiled and hopped up onto my toes and pecked him gently on the lips. "And oppa, you’ve been spending way too long with Woohyun." We both laughed before sharing a few more kisses.

"It was so familiar from the start,
more than a long-time couple,
and now it’s nothing but insignificant memories.”

I was home alone and schedule-free as the manager decided to give me a break from all the photoshoots. I ended my promotions not long ago which means the photoshoots, radio schedules, interviews, etc. died down, but I still visited the studio for some recordings now and then.

A chorus of knocks were heard on the door and I looked at it in confusion.

“Who is it?” I shouted before opening the door. “Guess who~,” the voice sounded familiar. I opened the door with excitement and almost pounced on whoever was on the other side of it.

“Oppa~!” I squealed before dragging him into my house. Kicking the door shut, I pinned him against the door and stared into his eyes. “When did you get so fierce?” He huskily spoke before he easily flipped around, so that I was against the door and my wrist trapped in his hands. “That was pretty hot though,” he deeply spoke before teasing me by lightly rubbing my lips with his own. I gave up and finally enclosed that small little gap between us and his grip on my wrists fell as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

After a few minutes, we broke away and stared into each other’s eyes. “You’re beautiful, Jisung-ah,” Sunggyu sincerely whispered before taking my lips again in a more passionate way.

—

As I sang those lyrics, the memories played in my head like a movie. The pain dragging my heart down to the pits of sadness, knives impaling it on the way down. Word after word, the agony got worse as more of our most memorable memories flashed through my mind, building my tears up as the song continued.

Reaching the high note, my tears officially fell as I got further into the song. At this point, I forgot that I was performing in front of thousands of people; I just sang. I sang like I was telling a story. A story filled with happiness, drama, exciting, and most of all: love. A story that sadly, isn’t fortunate enough to have a happy ending. All my emotions poured out. All I wish for now is that Sunggyu will be able to see this.

—

“I worry throughout the day,

the medicine of time has passed,

but this isn’t it, this isn’t it, this isn’t it.”

On a cold Thursday afternoon, Sunggyu and I arranged a date at the local coffee shop - of course, with our disguises on, but instead of sunglasses I wore my normal glasses and went make-upless. Even though half of the nation already knows we’re dating, we can’t always be too comfortable.

I stopped by the bakery shop to lift a few of Sunggyu and I’s favourite buns and cakes before heading to the cafe. Checking the time and noticing that I was 5 minutes late, I rushed out and hailed a cab as fast as I could.

Stepping into the heat-blasting cafe, I looked around for a sign of Sunggyu, but no luck. I sat at one of the open tables and sighed. “Hello, what would you like?” A waiter stopped at my table with his old-fashioned notebook and pen ready to get my order.

“Oh, no I’m still waiting for somebody,” I nervously giggled as I glanced about nonchalantly.

“Okay, when you are ready please do not hesitate to call me,” the waiter bowed before walking away to serve another couple.

10 minutes. 30 minutes. 1 hour. 1 hour, 20 minutes.

*He wasn’t coming. It didn’t seem like he was coming. He’s never made me wait this long for him. What is he doing? Is he busy? He should have texted me or called me. Ah! I’ll ring him.* I thought to myself as I constantly checked my phone.

“The number you have called is currently unavailable. Please leave a message af-”  Of course. The answering machine.

I sighed and checked the time. 6:47pm. I have a recording session in two hours. Even though it is two hours away, I guess working early would be better than waiting more for Sunggyu. I sighed yet again, picking up all my stuff and heading out of the coffee shop into the bitter weather. So much for a date.

I decided to walk to the studio since it wasn’t a long walk, and also to relax my pulsing mind a little before getting it geared up and working during the recording. As I was walking, I heard a familiar voice to my right.

“I didn’t think you’d be free tonight, oppa.” A feminine voice was heard.

“The manager didn’t give me any schedules since the boys are doing their own stuff, so I decided to hang out with you.” A recognisable voice was followed by a female laughter. The male leaned in and pecked the young girl on the lips as they continued to laugh and enjoy the chill night. I glanced over and spotted Sunggyu’s easily noticeable bright red hair that was curled slightly and his common black glasses that costed him a fortune, with a grey snood. Despite being wrapped up in a large scarf and a hat, I could still hear him clearly.

I purposely bumped into his shoulder and quickly glanced at the girl he was with and then back to him, before bowing quickly and walked away. As I looked back at him, I locked eye contact with him and it felt like the world froze. His eyes spoke true feelings. He was shocked, confused and definitely afraid. I sent him a glare after I bowed and scurried away.

“I tried emptying out my heart that’s filled with you,

hoping something movie-like would happen to me.”

“Where were you yesterday?” I curiously asked as he came into my apartment. I was in the middle of writing my own music, just getting started with the chorus when he decided to show up.

“I-I was uh, at the company recording.” He replied.

“Really? I stopped by yesterday and you weren’t there.” I kept my voice straight. I walked back to the couch to my guitar and looked over the chord sheet.

“Oh your glasses, they’re out… You don’t usually wear them…”

“Yes I do, you just never see me with them, as a matter of fact.” My voice raised slightly along with my eyebrow.

“Sunggyu, I know you were out with that girl,” I sighed. I couldn’t stick it anymore. I put down the guitar and stood up.

“W-Wha-”

“I know you saw me too.” I finished off. Where was the need to lie anymore?

“I can explain!”

“No, there’s nothing to explain anymore. I’m sick of this, you haven’t even bothered to reply to my texts, or call me! Is that girl more important than I am? Your own girlfriend?” I bitterly spat as I shook my phone at him.

“No! No, no of course not! I-I just don’t know what has gone into me,” Sunggyu stepped closer to me but I stepped back.

“Forget it Sunggyu. We’re over,” tears pricked my eyes as I stormed towards the door. “Please leave.” I opened the door for him. “Look, can’t we ta-”

“We already have, Sunggyu. Now leave.” He hesitantly walked out of the door. “I’ll always love you, Jisung-ah…” He whispered. “You should have thought of that before you kissed her, you jerk.” I slammed the door shut and put my back against it, letting all the bottled up emotions of anger, jealousy and sadness overflow me and pour out.  

“Even I feel sorry for myself,

I want to bury this finished love,

but this can’t be it, this can’t be it, this can’t be it.”

—

After finishing the high note, a chorus of claps and loud cheers erupted the stadium as I bowed my head, the tears still coming. I sniffed and looked up, smiling towards the dark crowd as I stood up and bowed again before shuffling off the stage.

I can’t help but miss him. Is he eating well? Is he getting enough rest? Is he remembering to eat his vitamins? These questions filled my head almost everyday. It hasn’t been long since the break up. Is it selfish for me to think such a thing? After being responsible of the whole break up in the first place…

I want to go back running to Sunggyu. I want to go back and embrace him, crush him in a bear hug and shower kisses over him. Show him how much I’m sorry; but I can’t. The jealousy and pain of that night bites my backside every time I think of the possibility of me going back to him. But also, the fear of him cheating again strikes me at the most unnecessary times.

All he is to me now, is a melodic memory. A memory - that began with music, and has ended with something far from it. But throughout our relationship, it all had to do with music. We met because of music, we started dating because of music, and we broke up because of music. How? If I never had went to the cafe, or left at that specific time, I wouldn’t have caught him. Maybe it was just not meant to be. Either way, I will still cherish the memories we have shared with each other, even though we may not end up together as friends anymore, at least we had a chapter together that was brought together by music.