Alone.

He was always alone. No siblings, no friends. His mother would sometimes play with him, but he preferred going to the playground. No one came near him. He was weird, they said, they thought.

One day something changed. There was a new boy. New. Innocent. Ignorant. Oblivious to the truth. He didn’t know about all the rumours. He didn’t know that he shouldn’t go near Yoongi. That he was different, odd, weird.

“Can I play here?” Wrong question. Yoongi was confused.

1. The playground was for everyone; they didn’t need to ask permission to play.
2. No one should play with him.

There was a mistake. “Are you stupid?” he asked the boy, who looked confused. He didn’t understand that he was making a mistake. “Why do you say that?”

Yoongi sighted. Why did he have to explain this? “You shouldn’t play with me. It’s the rule. Play with the others.”

Yoongi was very surprised when the other boy disobeyed him. He sat in front of him. He was wrong. “You are making a mistake. You won’t have any friends if you stay with me.” Yoongi tried to warn the kid.

“You are the one that is making the mistake. If I stay with you I will have one friend.” Confused. What mistake? He was lost. “Who? I can’t see anyone you could be friends with.”

The boy smiled. It was brighter than the sun, sweeter than sugar and larger than the oceans. “You, you are going to be my friend.”

He took a bunch of grass from the field, and handing it to Yoongi they sealed a deal. They were going to be friends. Together, forever.

…

“You forgot my birthday?” Asked Hoseok. They were in class, waiting for their annoying maths teacher to make his appearance.

February 18. Yoongi would have never forgotten that date. Five days left. The counter was in his head. Tic Toc, Tic Tac. Five days more, five days left.

“Yes, did you really think I would remember?” His friend sighted. That was so typical of Yoongi. “Remember that if you still can’t remember it when we turn eighteen, you will have to tattoo the date on your arm.”

That made Yoongi smile, which was a big achievement on itself. Even though he had more friends than when he was a child, he was still pretty unapproachable. It was a mixture of his ‘stay away’ face and his constant critique that made people keep their distance.

But he obviously hadn’t forgotten, and Hoseok knew that. He knew that his friend was more ‘barks’ and less ‘bite’. He built walls around him because he was too afraid to disappoint other people. He believed the rumours there were running about him, even when he knew they were completely false.

“My present.” The younger boy demanded. “I know you didn’t forget my birthday.” Yoongi laughed quietly. Hoseok knew him way too much. Because he was his friend. His best friend. His only friend. Together, forever.

They were both watching the clouds move, lying on the grass. Feeling time passing over them. It was the same place they met five years ago, they were seven at the time, and now it was Hoseok’s twelfth birthday.

“Here.” Yoongi plug the earphones on Hoseok’s ears. “I made it myself. Happy birthday.”

Music.

Hoseok smiled.

One of the few things Yoongi really loved. Music.

And he was giving it to him.

“Thanks, this is the best present ever. You are my best friend, you know, you will always be.” Yoongi just gave him a small smile and threw a bunch of grass to him.

Hoseok was too cheesy for his own good.

…

Books.

Too many books.

Both boys were lying on the ground. They were done with everything. They wanted to escape, to stop.

Music and dance.

Try doing something real, something that will actually give you some money with which to eat. Their families tried to cut their dreams, to bring them back to reality.

Dance and music.

“Only the best succeed. The rest are just jobless wannabes.”  Faceless family members told them in every meeting when they heard the answer to the annoying ‘what do you want to do of your life?’ question.

“The problem” Hoseok started “is that they always say that only the best achieve their dreams. That the rest end up like trash. And when they say that, you see, they imply that I am not good, that I will never manage to be the best. They are not saying that my dream is not good enough, they are saying that I am not good enough for my dream.”

Yoongi nodded. “Have any of them actually seen you dance?” Silence. A silent yes, in a way. “You move like a fricking machine. They don’t see your talent, man. They should give you a chance.”

Hoseok smiled, he knew that he could always have Yoongi as his support. “Have you shown your family your music?” A sarcastic laugh, dry and joyless. “If they had even a bit of musical taste they would know that you have talent.”

They were silent again. Surrounded by the books that acted more as chains than as keys to knowledge. Two artistic souls trapped in a reality that only wanted doctors and engineers.

Time flows, and life never stopped. Ignoring their homework was going to make them fail their exams. But who cares? Ignoring your problems is not the best answer, but confronting them is sometimes not worth it.

Hoseok started making grass bracelets, adding some occasional flowers to the mix as decoration. Yoongi stared at him, puzzled about his friend’s behaviour. They were not six year old anymore. Years had gone too quickly, and now at fifteen, life seemed like it ruled by a broken clock that sometimes went too fast, that sometimes went too slow. Not kids anymore, but not adults yet.

“You are so weird.” Hoseok smiled at that. It wasn’t the first time that Yoongi told him comments like this, and it probably wasn’t the last one. “I know, that’s why we are still friends.”

Smiles.
Silence.

“You know I really like you, right?” Yoongi nodded. They were best friends after all. “No, I mean it. Like I REALLY like you.” 
Yoongi took one of the grass bracelets and put it on his wrist. “I do know. I also like you, you are my best and only friend, after all.” Hoseok smiled, but it was different to his usual smile. Smaller, less bright.

“Yes, friends.”

…

“So that’s what he meant at that time.” Namjoon eyed him quizzically. Yoongi was looking through the window in his room. “Look at that, quite an unexpected view, isn’t it?”

Namjoon left his favourite spot on the couch to join the host in peeping on the passers-by. He was terribly disappointed when the sight wasn’t Taehyung’s hot older sister who came to visit him from uni.

It was just Hoseok. Namjoon knew him from some of the classes he shared with upperclassmen. Quite a nice person, if he was honest. A bit too cheerful for his taste.

“What’s the problem?” There wasn’t anything particularly interesting, apart from the obvious lack of hot girls. “Can’t see anything.”

Yoongi sighted with annoyance. Was he the only one who could see it? It was the equivalent of there being a fat pink elephant on the street and Namjoon going ‘I see nothing, man, what should I be looking at?’

“He is holding hands with some random dude!” Namjoon looked carefully, and it was true. Jimin was short enough to be on a blind spot from where they were spying.  

“1. Why is that important? 2. He is in my class, Taehyung’s friend. Had to do a history essay with him once, history is definitely not his area of expertise. 3. Why unexpected? They are dating, aren’t they?”

Stop. Breath. Think. Repeat.

They are dating, aren’t they?
Stop. Repeat.
Dating.
Stop.
Think.
Hoseok was dating.
Hoseok was dating someone.
Hoseok was dating someone and he hadn’t told him.

Stop.

“Why haven’t you told me?” Hoseok was surprised. What was doing Yoongi sitting in front of his house at 11pm? “Told you what?”

Silence.

They stared at each other, evaluating, judging. It had been some months since the last time they had a proper conversation. Hoseok started to hang out more and more with the dance crew and Yoongi ended up being friends with Namjoon, a fellow music maker.

“He said you were dating an underclassmen.” Eye contact. Awkward eye contact, to be precise.

Sight. “I am going to assume that with ‘he’ you mean your new friend with whom you don’t seem to never be apart.”

Yoongi bit his tongue. He didn’t want to say that the reason he was hanging out all the time with Namjoon was because Hoseok left him. They slowly drift away, but it was mostly Hoseok gradually stopping to talk to him or just pop up in his house unannounced.

“Can we talk?” Asked Yoongi. “Properly, not the banal chit chat we sometimes have in class that are more uncomfortable than the jeans I used to wear in my emo phase.” Hoseok laughed. It had been a long time since Yoongi had heard such a pure and nice sound, but those jeans were indeed the most uncomfortable things in the world.

The park. Their park.

Stars were looking at them, welcoming them back again to the place that was once theirs. ‘Where have you been?’ they seemed to ask, ‘don’t leave us again’ they seemed to plead.

“It’s been a long time.” Yoongi sighted, Hoseok was right. I had been way too long. “Have you missed me?”

Think. Answer. Don’t lose your chance. Don’t lose everything you have just because you are too proud to admit stuff. “Yes. I have.”

Silence.

Only the stars were talking, in their enigmatic communication. The two sixteen year olds were just staring; hoping that time could go back and be the two young boys who became friends in some minutes again.

Two boys, surrounded by a sea of grass, observed by a sea of stars, that felt like there was an actual sea between them.

“Break up with him.” Both were surprised. Hoseok didn’t expect to hear that and Yoongi was really surprised about what he said.

“Why?” Hoseok is slightly offended. He never thought that his used to be best friend would be homophobic.

Yoongi thinks. Why? Why did he want them to break up? Why? “You deserve someone better.”

Hoseok laughs. He throws a bunch of grass to Yoongi. And smiles. Smiles because he understands that his friend is just worried. That he just wants to the best for him.

“Don’t worry, I really like him. He is really nice.”

…

“I hate him. He is the son of Satan, Stallin and Kim Young-min. No, even worse than that. He is the son of a Lego brick on the ground and a mosquito.”

It was the third litre of ice cream they had eaten in the last two days. It has also been exactly two days since Jimin broke up with the now sobbing guy.

“Don’t worry, I did told you, that you deserved someone better than that idiot.” Yoongi passed him another tissue, as the one Hoseok had in his hands was 50% chocolate, 50% tears, 15% tissue and a 3% in his last maths assessment.

It had been a bit more than a year since Jimin and Hoseok started dating, and around a year since Yoongi realised that he liked his used-to-be-best-friend-then-no-and-now-we-are-friends-again. Lots of things had happened in that time.

1. Hoseok and Jimin had broke up, obviously
2. Namjoon finally got a girlfriend
3. Taehyung’s ‘imaginary’ girlfriend ended up being real (online dating ended up being successful in his case)
4. Hoseok won some dance competitions
5. Yoongi realised that the reason why he wanted Hoseok and Jimin to break up was because he was jealous.

At first he thought it was just because he wanted his best friend back. That it was just the fact that he missed Hoseok way too much.

It took him a time to understand that it was not that. That: a) he liked boys b) he liked his friend and c) he was jealous of his friend’s boyfriend.

Truth be told, it’s not like he was unhappy when he heard that Jimin broke up with Hoseok. Okay, ‘not unhappy’ was not the correct term. Happy, content, pleased, glad, joyful, delighted. But at the same time he was angry. How did that annoying kid dare to hurt his smiling sun? How did he dare to make his Hoseok cry?

No one was allowed to make Hoseok sad.
Not even Yoongi.
And especially not the short ‘don’t call me short, you are as short as me’ of Jimin.

It was night. They were both sitting in the park where so much happened to them. Yoongi finally managed to get Hoseok out of his house and his well of self-pity.

Yoongi and Hoseok.

Hoseok and Yoongi.

It was back to the way it was meant to be. The two of them, alone, but not lonely. With only the stars as their witnesses, and with the park as their stage, both boys were timeless in a timed universe.

Grass.

There was grass all around them.

They say that your neighbour’s grass is always greener. It was wrong. Very wrong. Yoongi knew that the greener grass was the one that you wished for. So when he saw Hoseok giving his smiles and his laughs to Jimin, he knew that that was the greener grass. But now that he had it to himself, he realised that he had to water it and take care of it if he wanted the grass to be green again.

“You know,” started Hoseok, surprising Yoongi who was too deep into his grass analogies, “you are like the grass. I sometimes forget you are there, but when I remember, I realise that it is the most important part of the garden that is my life.”

Smiles.

Not awkward this time. Not really happy, either. Just smiles.

“No. We are like the grass. I don’t need flowers because I don’t want to stand out, and you don’t need flowers because you can stand out even if you are just plain grass.”

More smiles. Quiet laughs. What were they laughing at? Life, the stars or themselves?

“Then lets be grass together, forever.”

And so a new promise was made. Not to be friends. No. It was to be grass.

Because it is quite easy to pick up a flower, or to cut down a tree. But it’s not that easy to cut all the grass by their roots.

…

“Don’t be such a chicken, either do it or get over it.” Yoongi sighted. Namjoon was right. Even if he was only half paying attention to Yoongi’s half an hour rambling as he was texting Jin, his girlfriend for quite a few months now, he still gave good advice.

“But what if he doesn’t like me?” “He will…” “What if he doesn’t understand what I am trying to say?” “He will…” “What if he is not into guys anymore?” That question actually made Namjoon raise his eyes from his phone.

“Are we talking about the same person? As long as I am concerned we were talking about your mountain size crush on Hoseok, the president of the LGBT society in school.” Fair point. “Look, just do it. What could you lose? From what you’ve told me, he confessed and you didn’t realise.”

True. 
He could screw up his relationship with Hoseok, but they’ve been through so much that there could be nothing that could really stop them from being friends.

They had a history together. Their memories were meant to be told together, as most of them involved the other one.

“Look, it’s been nearly a month since he broke up with Jimin. They are friends now, so you don’t need to worry about him. I’ve heard that he is now trying online dating. He said that if Taehyung managed to trick, and I quote, such a cute and nice girl such as Jungkook to date him, he could also find someone.”

Yoongi nodded. It was true. One of the few good things about Hoseok dating Jimin (apart from the fact that it made him realise that he wanted to get into his used-to-be-best-friends pants) was that Jimin ended up being really nice. Obviously, after the ‘he is the reason why music is dying and why every single evil in the world exists’ phase that Hoseok had after the break-up.

“Then what should I do?” Finally, Namjoon smiled, the boy had taken a decision. “You should confess in the best way possible.” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “I know that, but how?”

Silence. Thinking time. Silent flow of ideas.

“I don’t know man, you know him better than I do. What is there that you both share and that he would love to see?”

“Sorry, we don’t do that in our shop.”
“Never heard of such an idea, I don’t have that.”
“Our most sincere apologises, but our shop does not provide that.”

Failure.

As his father always said, if you want to get stuff done, you will have to do it yourself.

“Hi, I know I just tried to buy a bouquet and you said that your shop does not do that kind of bouquets, but could you sell me a pot of grass, the biggest you have?”

Too short, too brown, too sad. Rejected.
Too long, cut it.
Too green, perfect.
Too lively, just the way he needed it to be.
Too short, too brown, too sad. Rejected.

His fingers hurt. His nose was itchy. Why was he doing that to himself?
Because he is worth it, said a little voice in his head.
And so he started again.
Too short, too brown, too sad. Rejected.
Until he had the perfect bouquet.

To: Horseok
From: myoongi
hey i know its crazy but need to c u in 5mins in park

Yoongi was never the first to text. Never. Never in all the long duration of their friendship or in the history of instant messaging, had Yoongi ever been the first one to text. So why now? What for?

Hoseok had many questions, but the most important one was how the hell he managed to get dressed in one minute and make a 7 to 10 minute journey in the other four.

Yoongi was already there, sitting in their usual spot. His nose was a slightly red, which made a cute contrast with his white skin, in Hoseok’s opinion.

When the older boy saw the other coming, he jumped to his feet. He was hiding something behind his back. It was quite obvious, but the taller one made no comments on it, as he knew that his friend would go into the defensive quickly.

“I need to talk with you.” Hoseok nodded slowly. That was quite obvious, but the issue was: what about. “You will probably think that I am crazy, but I need to ask for your advice.”

This wasn’t going in a good direction. No. Advice usually meant: I need your help because I don’t know what to do.

Yoongi always knew what to do. He never asked for advice, ever.

Therefore, the problem in question was something out of Yoongi’s level of expertise, and there was only one thing Hoseok could think of in which his friend needed help.

Love.

“What’s the problem?” He managed to ask at last, after going through the million of possibilities that could happen.

“Look, I like someone. I’ve liked them for a long time now. I finally decided to confess, it took me quite a long time, actually. So, what should I do? If someone confessed to you, what would you like to listen?”

Error.

Wrong.

Yoongi was not allowed to be in love. Yoongi was Hoseok’s and Hoseok was Yoongi’s. That was the way stuff worked.

But at the end of the day, Hoseok wanted Yoongi to be happy.

He wanted him to achieve everything in life. To reach the top, and be able to smile. To be able to die without regrets, knowing that his life was worth it.

“Well, if I was the lucky person, I would like you to say something like: I have been thinking about this quite a lot, and I think I like you. Would you go out with me and make me happy?”

Yoongi smiled.

It wasn’t his usual sarcastic or half smile. It was a genuine smile. In Hoseok’s eyes, it was brighter than the sun itself, even if no one else would even call it a smile.

A bouquet of the greenest and prettiest grass.

Because, hey lets be grass together, forever.

Hoseok was confused. He didn’t understand what was going on.

“I have been thinking about this quite a lot, and I think I like you. Would you go out with me and allow me to be happy with you?”