1,444 words. And this is the video I mentioned in the foreword: click here.

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“Why? You’ve always been acting like I’m not here anyway.”

Hakyeon was meant for it just to be a mere joke but clearly, he didn’t really think this one through. Judging from the other members’ reaction, his statement was threw out there as more pitiful than he intended to, and it had made s felt uneasy about what he said. And Cha Hakyeon hated to become the source of s’ uneasiness. So he tried it; Laughing and stating whatever that came to his mind to somewhat erase the awkward air that’s longing in between them. They’re currently in front of a camera, on a live show at that, after all. Thankfully, the maknaes who sat beside him played along, although he could still clearly see in Sanghyuk's and Hongbin’s faces that they felt genuinely uneasy.

It was past 1AM and the live show had finally ended with their new song and mini-album "Error" had finally been released. So now it’s time for the whole group to head back to their dorm to get a two, or maybe three-hours sleep before they had to get up again and go to the broadcast station to record their first comeback stage.

Along the way back, Hakyeon was quiet, and so did the rest of the members. It was so awkward and was eerily silent that when they finally arrived at the apartment’s parking lot, their manager even felt the need to ask them what’s with the odd atmosphere. But Hakyeon could only laugh awkwardly, knowing full well that he was the one who caused it. Taekwoon saved him though, quickly saying that the kids were tired, that they need their sleep soon, and with that he sent the four younger members to go back up to their apartment first. And their manager seemed to believe what the soft-spoken vocalist had just said, so he just nodded at the two oldest, telling them that he’ll be back to pick them up at 5AM.

After bidding his manager a goodbye and noticing that the car had completely gone out of their sight, Hakyeon sighed. He took a glance at his lifelong fried for brief while, like he wanted to said something but decided not to. So he said nothing and only walked away towards the elevator, already thinking to have a warm shower once he was back to their apartment which maybe would help him in chasing away his uneasy feeling. That was when he felt a hand gripping on his right arm though, and it made him stayed where he stood.

“Hakyeon-ah.” A soft voice coming from his same-aged friend called him, “It’s okay.” Taekwoon stated knowingly, like he had already knew what Hakyeon was feeling and thinking. Truth to be told, he knew indeed. Because Taekwoon always did. It was also like that with Hakyeon, he would always know what the quiet vocalist was feeling and thinking without having him to say it out loud. That’s just how their relationship had always been.

Taekwoon reached out his hand towards the slightly shorter’s head and patted it. It made the dancer reacted to the touch and turned around to face his friend, with his head hung down, eyes staring on the ground. “I shouldn’t have said it, should I? Woon-ah? It was a joke… A really bad joke.”

Hearing the statement lurched out from Hakyeon, the soft-spoken vocalist was now the other’s head softly. “That’s okay. I’m sure they understand that you were just joking.”

And this time, the younger of the two decided to take his action a bit further by wrapping his hands around the smaller figure in front of him and enveloped his leader in a hug, in which this action visibly startled the other. Taekwoon was never the kind of person who would show any kinds of affectionate gesture in public, and there they were, currently standing in the middle of their apartment’s parking lot, with Taekwoon hugging the leader of the group in such a warm and welcoming embrace. Hakyeon soon relaxed and gave in to the warmth of his lifelong friend’s hug though, and he returned the gesture by leaning his head on the taller’s broad shoulder.

“Sometimes…” Hakyeon started, “Sometimes it feels like there’s a gap between me and the rest of you guys, of me being the leader and the oldest… Especially with Sanghyuk.” He breathed out a long sigh. “It’s not his fault though. I tried my best to reach out to him, but maybe what I did just make him feeling uncomfortable around me instead.”

“It’s different with you…" The leader continued again, "I don’t know, but the way the kids view you is different from how they view me. That’s why I sometimes feel lonely. Like I'm invisible.” Another sigh. “But still, that’s not a reason for me to justify what I said today though. And I said that during recording… The kids must felt really uncomfortable, aren’t they?” A forced laugh suddenly escaped from the leader's lips, “I feel like a pathetic leader right now.”

Hakyeon nuzzled his face further into Taekwoon’s shoulder. It felt so comforting and comfortable for him, being able to be embraced by his lifelong friend like that. Taekwoon had been always Hakyeon’s resort to find a comfort, to find a consolation, to fnd a way back when he felt lost. Because even though he had only known the quiet male during their time as trainees, Taekwoon somehow always managed to make Hakyeon felt like he’s home, like Taekwoon was his shelter, like they’ve known each other since forever. It wasn’t for nothing that Hakyeon called Jung Taekwoon as his lifelong friend.

“Hakyeon-ah, stop being so hard on yourself." Finally came a reply from the soft-spoken vocalist after holding his silence while listening to the older's confession earlier. "It’s fine if you feel like that, it’s understandable… Especially when the kids’ joke can get way too far sometimes.” Taekwoon chuckled, and it also was followed by a chuckle from the leader’s lips. The younger of the two finally felt a bit relieved.

“As for today, like I’ve said, I’m sure that Jaehwan, Wonshik, Hongbin, and Sanghyuk understood that you’re only joking. Besides, maybe they do need a little bit of that. To scare them a bit, you know?” The taller of the two now finally released his hug from the leader and smiled, “I’m pretty sure what you said today would make them stop teasing and annoying you for several days.” He chuckled again.

Mirroring the action of his friend, Hakyeon smiled so wide, feeling quite relieved that he finally managed to say what he had been feeling for the whole night to the person he trusted the most, that it looked like he was almost grinning.

“You think?” The leader laughed at last, “Maybe they’ll start to tease you instead.”

“They won’t dare.”

Hakyeon chuckled, “You really are a scary father.”

“I am.” Taekwoon nodded, a proud feeling was blossoming in his heart, half was from the fact that Hakyeon just said that he was the father of this little family they called VIXX and half was from the fact that he managed to cheer up his precious friend when it’s usually the other way round. “And that’s why the kids felt closer to you than me, you’re the soft mother of this group. Though they didn’t express it much, the kids do care a lot about you. All of the teasing and the joking around thing was their way to show their affection. So don’t worry about it too much, will you?”

Taekwoon hugged the slightly shorter leader again after the other nodded as an answer to his question, “But if occasionally you’d still feel lonely, please know that I’m here for you. That is the least thing I can do as your member, isn’t it?”

The vocal couldn’t see it, but he felt warm cheeks once again nuzzled against his shoulder and a wide smile spread across the leader’s lips. His normal Hakyeon was back, and Taekwoon was happy to know that he was the one who caused that.

“Thank you, Woon-ah.”

Hakyeon simply stated as the taller stared into his eyes with a soft gaze filled with adoration and care after he chose to let go of his hug. He then planted a quick kiss at the leader’s forehead, “And that’s the least thing that I can do as your lover.” Taekwoon smiled.

“Just remember, Hakyeon-ah, your lifelong friend is here… Your other half is still with you... And he will always love you.”

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So there's that. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I've told you it's not an angst. It was actually more of an attempt for me to make myself feel better because I felt really bad for Hakyeon after watching the video I mentioned above. Oh well. Cheers!

The difference between actor Cha Hakyeon and Idol VIXX N is?

"Ah, Idol VIXX N and actor Cha Hakyeon... Actor Cha Hakyeon is... a maknae. But VIXX Leader N is someone who wanted to be the lead (of the group) and also the oldest hyung. So while there haven't been moments of loneliness as Cha Hakyeon yet, as Leader N it seems like there would be times where I'm lonely. That kind of differences does exist, isn't it?"