Yunho, the dancers and various members of staff had made their way out of the dressing room to prepare for the performance backstage at the concert, Changmin calling after them that he’d meet them out there in a few minutes. The leader of TVXQ paused in the doorway, they were going onstage in less than ten minutes, and Yunho liked Changmin to be by his side while he prayed before they performed. Once the room had cleared, Yunho approached Changmin, scrutinising the younger’s hunched over posture, pinch between his eyebrows and the full bottom lip caught between his teeth.

Changmin couldn’t look at Yunho, he’d been feeling a little off all day, but hadn’t mentioned it to his hyung. Sometimes, to be successful, they had to go to schedules tired, or with a cold, or with an upset stomach. So the maknae didn’t see any need to bring it up to Yunho or their manager, he didn’t want to stress anyone out even more, especially today. But this time was different, he didn’t feel sick, he felt… off. Something was wrong. And now he could feel Yunho’s piercing brown eyes on him but he couldn’t bring himself to meet them.

Damn it, he wish he’s told the leader earlier because standing there now, there was a stabbing pain in his gut that was slowly spreading and making him feel light headed. “Changminnie?” TVXQ’s youngest member recognised that as Yunho’s concerned leader voice; sounding quiet and comforting. But Changmin couldn’t move, not even to look at him, afraid that he’d throw up, or faint… or both. “Minnie-ah, look at me, please?” Changmin couldn’t ignore him again or else he’d hear Yunho’s voice change from concerned leader, to panicked leader. Changmin took a steadying breath and raised his head, forcing a smile and when Yunho smiled back a little of Changmin’s pain was relieved. “I’m fine hyung, I’m fine. Honestly I’m fine!” Yunho comically raised his eyebrow “You said ‘I’m fine’ three times in one breath.”

“I just... Hyung, I need a minute, please?” Changmin hated how shaky his own voice sounded. He flinched when Yunho clapped him on the shoulder, “Yah, its okay. I know you’re nervous. You haven’t even eaten today. But you have nothing to be nervous about, I’m going to be standing right next to you while we perform, okay? We’ll do it just like we practiced, but this time it’ll be different, better. I promise.” Changmin nodded slightly but it was clear that Yunho thought he had failed at eradicating the younger’s anxiety. “Okay, fine. I’ll give you some time to freak out here by yourself, if that’s what you need.” The maknae was grateful that his best friend sounded clam and teasing and not angry with him for causing such a fuss right before they were going to perform for the first time in two years. Just then a crew member stuck his head around the door “On in 4, guys!” Yunho nodded to him and turned back to Changmin, “I guess, I’ll see you out there, Min. Oh, and if it helps, I’m kind of nervous too, but I’m excited to sing with you again!” Changmin blinked at Yunho’s genuine smile, all he saw in his leader’s expression was love, but right now his guilt prevented him from returning the smile. He clenched his teeth and nodded slightly, watching the most important person in his life retreat from the dressing room.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Changmin gasped in pain, doubling over to the floor. His face crumpled in agony as the pain in his gut got suddenly sharper and more intense. Gasping for air all Changmin could think was that he was a coward, he couldn’t even trust his leader enough to own up to being in serious pain. Oh no no no… I’m going to be sick. I can’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe? I’m going to die here, aren’t I? Shut up and stop acting like a baby. Of course I can breathe. But I really am going to throw up. Oh my God. Am I having a panic attack?! Now is not the time Changmin! Changmin no longer had time to think as the need to vomit overtook the need to panic. Despite the excruciating pain Changmin managed to crawl on his hands and knees across TVXQ’s backstage dressing room, to the washroom tucked away in the back corner. He locked the door behind him so he can puke in peace. However the twisting, stabbing pain low in his stomach took over the nausea. Once gaining back control of his breathing, Changmin was finally sick, hoping that would make him feel better and he could make it onstage without being late. They’d all be mad at him if he was late. This was one of the most crucial moments of his and his bandmate’s careers. But Changmin had a feeling he wouldn’t make it on the SM Town stage anytime soon. The last thing he remembers is seeing not vomit in the toilet, but blood. As everything fades to black he hears “3….. 2…. 1….” in his ear.