warning; really long and unedited.

also forgot to put the character death warning in the foreword whoops

 

---

 

A soft knock on the door echoed throughout the quiet household, alerting its inhabitant of the visitor. Sunggyu sighed to himself as he waited outside the door, his breath coming out like wisps of smoke from his lips. He gripped the plastic bag in his right hand tightly and the flower bouquet in his left hand just as tightly. He stared at the flowers almost pitifully, glancing sadly at the way its petals and leaves already seemed to shrivel from the cold. He felt a little bad for them.

It had been a while since winter had arrived. Summer had seemed so long ago. Before Sunggyu knew it, the sun and warm breezes had been replaced by gray clouds and crisp winds. He kind of missed it - the golden sunsets and bright blue skies. But at the same time, the purple streaked skies of twilight and the chilling winter gray clouds were still just as beautiful. It was much colder and desolate, but there was also a small sense of playfulness that made the glittering snow on the ground and plumes of smoky breath from his mouth whimsical. Even though summer was missed like a dear, old friend, winter was welcomed with open arms.

He found it ironic how he could welcome such a cold and lonely season with a warm embrace. Maybe it was the irony of it that he liked. Maybe it was that.

Realizing that it had been a few minutes since he had knocked on the door, he rang the doorbell. There was a small spot inside of him that hoped that Woohyun would actually open the door for once but even he knew that thought was a little too hopeful.

“Woohyun,” he said, knocking again. “It’s me, Sunggyu.” He cocked his head towards the door, listening for a reaction. “I’m coming in, okay?”

He reached under the welcome mat and pulled out the spare key. He placed it and twisted it in the keyhole, unlocking the door and swinging it open gently. “I’m coming in,” he said softly. A large gust of frost followed him in and billowed into the house like an unwelcome ghost as he closed the door shut. He locked it, putting the spare key on the counter nearby. “Woohyun?”

He searched the house with his eyes, a spark of worry starting to flare up before he spotted a blanketed lump on the sofa. He smiled softly and placed the plastic bag on the cold, marble countertop. Approaching the telltale lump on the couch, he nudged it with his hand.

“Hey,” he murmured.

A head of soft, black hair popped out from underneath the flannel blanket. “Hi,” Woohyun responded. “You’re back?”

Sunggyu smiled and sat down, Woohyun’s hair. “I’m back.” He leaned over to kiss Woohyun’s forehead. “How have you been? Feeling any better?”

Woohyun chuckled. Perhaps it would have been lighthearted had the cynicism in it not taken away any whimsical notions. “No,” he responded. “I’m not better.” He pulled the blanket down from his nose. “Do I look better?”

The older tried at a small smile. “The color has returned to your face a bit. Your cheeks are more pink.”

“My eyes are pink too, aren’t they?”

“Woohyun.”

The younger sighed, sniveling back under his blanket. “I’m not better, am I?” he asked drearily. Sunggyu knew he wasn’t expecting an answer in return. Woohyun seemed to already know his own answer. “I’m not.”

Sunggyu sighed, rubbing Woohyun’s back in an attempt at comfort. “I was hoping,” he admitted, “that maybe you had gotten a little better, at least.”

“Doctors say that I’ll get worse before I get better. If I get better.” He looked up at Sunggyu, a small glint of hopelessness reflecting in his sunken eyes. “I’ll get better… right?”

“I’m sure you will,” he replied, smiling softly. “You’re following all of the doctors’ orders and you’re doing your best. You’re sure to get well eventually.” He leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on Woohyun’s lips. “Smile for me,” he said.

Woohyun paused to stare at him for a moment before breaking out into a grin. “You know I always find a reason to smile for you.” He leaned up to return the kiss to Sunggyu’s cheek. “Especially if it’s you.”

Sunggyu smiled back at him, his cheek fondly. “I know, baby, I know. Your smile is my favorite so don’t stop smiling, okay?”

“Okay,” Woohyun responded, pulling the blanket back up to his ears. “Even though it’s as cold as hell in here, I won’t stop smiling. Sunggyu,” he said, “can you get me another blanket, please?”

Sunggyu’s smile faded as he stood up. “Another one? Are you that cold?” he asked, his tone distraught.

“Mm-hm. It got more chilly when you opened the door.”

Sunggyu frowned, going to the linen closet in the hallway to pull out another warm blanket for his boyfriend. He brought it back and spread it over Woohyun. “That’s the third blanket,” he commented.

“It’s fine,” Woohyun replied, pulling that blanket up to his chin as well and closing his eyes. “So long as I’m warm, right?”

“…I guess.” He shook his head haphazardly before bringing his arm up. “Anyways – look at what I got you.”

The younger opened his eyes and peeked from the top of his blankets. His eyes seemed to brighten the way that Sunggyu loved as he sat up weakly.

“Are these…?”

Sunggyu nodded. “Camellias. Your favorite, right?”

Woohyun nodded, his grin lighting up the dim room. He buried his nose into the flowers, his eyes closing as he breathed in the fragrant scent. The bouquet was a regal combination of white,  red and yellow camellias that reminded Woohyun of the red streaked sunsets of summer. He looked up at Sunggyu, his eyes twinkling with happiness.

“Sunggyu, you shouldn’t have gone out of your way to get me these.”

“I didn’t go out of my way. A new flower shop opened up around the corner and I just thought of you.” He smiled and ruffled Woohyun’s hair. “I thought it could lighten the mood in here a little bit.” He sat down and held the other’s hand, leaning forward to rest their foreheads together. “You know what else I brought?”

“What?” Woohyun whispered, the light smile on his face making him glow.

Sunggyu kissed the crown of Woohyun’s head. “I brought you some bulgogi.”

“From my favorite restaurant?” he asked hopefully.

“Yup. Just the way you like it.” Sunggyu stood up. “I’ll get us some plates, okay?”

Woohyun nodded in agreement. “Okay. That’s sounds really good.” He smiled down at the bouquet of lilies, the soft petals gently with his fingers. “It sounds amazing.”

Sunggyu smiled at him and ruffled his hair as he went towards the kitchen. “Okay, I’ll be back in a second.”

Finding the plates in Woohyun’s kitchen wasn’t difficult. Sunggyu had paid visit so many times, Woohyun’s home was like his own. Especially now since that Woohyun was barely up and about anymore, Sunggyu did many small chores for him. For the past few months, Sunggyu might have come to learn this house better than Woohyun.

He pulled the plates out of the worn, blue chipped cupboards. He remembered painting those together, thinking that the sky blue paint would brighten the house. Now the blue was dull and faded. It was anything but cheery. Maybe it would look nicer with buttery rays of sunlight brushing against it, but sunshine was rare now. It was winter.

“It’s been getting pretty cold out,” Sunggyu commented. “The weatherman says it’s ripe for snow soon.”

Woohyun scoffed from the couch. “Since when did the weatherman predict weather correctly?”

“Never,” Sunggyu replied admittedly. “But it is getting colder. Snow might not be so inaccurate.”

“I guess so. But we haven’t seen rain in a while.”

Sunggyu chuckled dryly as he brought plates of warm food to Woohyun. “That’s true. Maybe it won’t snow after all.” He leaned down and kissed him before joining him under the covers and snuggling to his side. “The restaurant made the meat just the way you like it.”

“Really?” Woohyun asked excitedly. “They did?”

“Yup. I went to the chef personally and told him you were sick. He was so upset that his favorite customer hadn’t been coming that he made you a free plate of bulgogi.”

Woohyun smiled brightly. “That chef is amazing,” he responded. “I’ve known him since forever. He makes bulgogi just the way I like it.”

“Yup - he made this one custom to all your specific tastes,” Sunggyu said. “The chef adores you that much.”

“And I adore you just as much for going in there and getting it for me.” Woohyun sat up to kiss him and pulled away with a giant grin.  “You know, you’re lucky that I’m not contagious,” he said.

“That’s okay. I’d still kiss you,” Sunggyu said, helping the other pull the blankets over his chest. “Then we could both be sick and suffer together.”

“Yeah? Then who would take care of the both of us?”

Sunggyu smiled cheekily. “My cousin could.”

Woohyun burst out laughing, much to Sunggyu’s delight. “You and I both know that Myungsoo would have absolutely no patience for taking care of the two of us. Let’s just not get you sick, okay?”

“Why not? Then I could kiss you all I want without having to worry about getting sick..” Sunggyu puckered his lips and leaned closer, to which Woohyun laughed and pushed him away.

“When did you become so greasy?” Woohyun asked, laughing.

Sunggyu smiled softly at him and ruffled his hair. “Ever since you got sick.”

Woohyun’s smile began to fade and he clutched the bouquet of camellias harder. “...I’m that sick, aren’t I?”

The smile on Sunggyu’s disappeared slowly as he held Woohyun’s hand in his own. “Hyun, you know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know you didn’t mean it but it’s just the truth, isn’t it? Ever since I’ve gotten sick I haven’t been the same. I’m not even greasy anymore.”

Sunggyu shook his head and Woohyun’s hand with his thumb. “No, Hyun, no. You’re the exact same amazing human being I first fell in love with.”

Woohyun smiled with a certain sadness, looking down at the bouquet in his hands. “Remember the times I would buy you flowers instead?” He laughed to himself softly at the memory. “I would get you all sorts of ridiculous gifts every time I met you.”

Sunggyu nodded. “I remember. The first time you got me flowers they were a big bouquet of roses.”

“You didn’t like them one bit,” Woohyun snickered. “And you got mad at me for treating you like a teenage girl.”

“Okay, seriously, who gets their boyfriend a bouquet of roses? I let the box of chocolates slide but a bouquet of the brightest red roses in the universe? No, thank you.”

Woohyun pouted, playfully smacking his shoulder. “You got me a bouquet of flowers!”

“Yeah, but these are a get-well present, not a date gift!” Sunggyu retorted.

“Fair enough,” Woohyun sniffed.

“Are you saying you don’t like your flowers?” Sunggyu teased.

“No, I love these!” the younger replied quickly, his eyes going wide at the thought of Sunggyu taking the flowers back. “They’re gorgeous,” he said.

“I knew you’d like them.” Sunggyu smiled.

“I should find a vase for them,” Woohyun stated. “One that makes them even more beautiful.”

“That would be nice,” Sunggyu agreed. “Do you have one in mind?”

Woohyun paused, staring at the silky leaves with moist eyes and for a second, Sunggyu thought that he was going to cry. But to Sunggyu’s immediate surprise, Woohyun pushed off his heavy layers of blankets and touched his toes to the drafty floor.

“I do have one in mind,” he said. “I’ll get it.”

“Woohyun, wait,” Sunggyu said, startled. He grabbed Woohyun’s arm, almost forcing him to lie back down. “I thought you were cold. Shouldn’t you stay under your blankets?”

Woohyun stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. “No,” he said. “I want to get up. I want to walk around a little bit.”

“But Woohyun, are you strong enough-?”

“It’s okay,” Woohyun said, smiling gently. “I will be perfectly fine.”

Sunggyu gave him a glance of worry and said, “I could go with you, you know. Just to make sure you’re safe.”

Woohyun shook his head politely. “It’s okay, hyung,” he replied. “Just stay here. I’ll get the vase real quick and be back to cuddle in no time.”

“I don’t know.” Sunggyu twisted his mouth in indecisiveness. “Where’s the vase you’re looking for?”

“It’s only in the other room, hyung. I’ll get it quickly, I promise.” Woohyun stood up, his legs wobbling for a moment before going steady. Sunggyu’s grip tightened on his arm but Woohyun only smiled at him playfully. “You know the longer you hold me back the longer I’ll be out from under my blanket.”

“But-”

“It’s fine, hyung, really. I’ll be okay. Okay?” He smiled brightly down at his boyfriend, whose resolve seemed to weaken by the second.

“...I still don’t know,” he replied. But Woohyun leaned down to kiss him softly and he hesitantly let go of the other’s arm. “Woohyun, call if you need help, alright?” he said sternly. “I really mean it. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt,” Woohyun assured. “It’ll only take a couple seconds.”

Reluctantly, Sunggyu’s fingers released themselves from the folds of Woohyun’s sleeves and settled into his lap. “...Okay,” he said. “Just hurry, alright? If you take too long, I’ll come to find you myself.”

Woohyun only chuckled to himself as he disappeared with the bouquet of camellias into the other room.

Sunggyu stared at his toes as he exited - they seemed cold. They moved a little stiffly and were a pinkish red. They seemed very cold. It worried Sunggyu. He could only imagine how cold they were under the blanket and how much colder they were now as they shuffled across the drafty floorboards. Sunggyu would buy him a carpet - perhaps a thermal carpet - so his toes could be warm on the floor.

It saddened him, how weak Woohyun had gotten in such a short amount of time. It seemed like only last year that Woohyun was strong and healthy and jumping on his back, swinging around while nuzzling him with affection. He missed that Woohyun. He missed that Woohyun a lot.

Woohyun was less noisy, the house was a millions times quieter, and the light that used to sparkle so brightly in his eyes had disappeared and were replaced by dark circles. The new silence that thickened the air was almost suffocating. If Sunggyu knew anything about Woohyun, it was that he hated silence. He couldn’t imagine how trapped he felt being sick at home all the time.

Crash!

Sunggyu jolted in his seat and froze in place as silence enveloped the house again after the sharp, resounding noise disappeared. It was so short and resonant like a strong hit of a deep drum that he wasn’t sure if he had imagined it or not. He stood up from the couch slowly, his sock covered toes making contact with the floorboards.

“...Woohyun?” he called out. The call seemed to echo and bounce along the empty walls and scattered picture frames. “Woohyun!” he called out again, this time searching worriedly for a response.

The house stayed silent and Sunggyu bolted into the room Woohyun had disappeared into. It was the living room, much like a parlor of sorts, where there were a few more soft sofas and a few shelves and glass cases of antiques, pottery and china. He knew Woohyun had always liked collecting fragile things to display.

He shook the memories out of his mind as he scanned the room for any sign of the other, his eyes immediately landing on scattered shards of broken ceramics on the floor and he ran around the sofa. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes blown wide as he stared down at the mess in front of him.

The remains of a white, shattered, china vase were strewn across the floor dangerously, the various sizes of glass making it difficult to avoid getting hurt. The bouquet of camellias had scattered, some looking more wilted having been bruised by the sharp shards of glass while others were still laying proudly against the debris.

But in the center of the wreckage lay Woohyun. He lay there, dangerously face-down and on his stomach. His face was cradled and tucked away in his arms and his eyes were wide blown while his chest was heaving. Panic didn’t even begin to cover the distress that emanated from his body.

Woohyun looked up from his makeshift nest for his face, his eyes spotting Sunggyu immediately. “...Hyung,” he whimpered out.

“Oh, my gosh, Woohyun,” Sunggyu breathed out panickedly, trying to move towards him while avoiding the glass. “What happened?”

“I-I… I thought I could do it,” Woohyun responded softly. His breathing was harsh and uneven. He brought his hands up to his biceps, as if a self hug. “I thought I was fine.”

Sunggyu got to him precautiously, sitting on his hind legs and reaching down to touch Woohyun’s arm. “Hey, hey - it’s okay.” He pulled his jacket sleeves down over his palms to sweep the stray glass off of Woohyun’s body without getting hurt. “Don’t worry about it,” he told him. After making sure there were no longer any dangerous shards littered on the other’s body, he helped him up to his knees slowly and turned around so that Woohyun could get on his back.

Slowly, but surely, Woohyun wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s neck and hauled the rest of his body on with some difficulty. With a short grunt, he successfully wrapped himself around Sunggyu, who stood up easily and precariously made his way out of the dangerous maze of broken glass.

Woohyun had buried his face into the crook of Sunggyu’s neck, breathing heavily and erratically and Sunggyu could feel it on his back. “What exactly happened?” he asked.

Lifting his head, Woohyun rested his chin on Sunggyu’s shoulder. “I was getting the vase from the cabinet. You know, one of the newer ones.”

“Yes,” Sunggyu replied, prompting him to continue.

“And then… I think I out.”

Sunggyu froze in his steps, turning his head to give Woohyun wide, panicked eyes. “You out?!” he repeated.

“Well, not all the way,” Woohyun murmured. “I was standing on my tiptoes cause it was on the cabinet’s highest shelf. I still couldn’t reach it, so I jumped for it. And when I landed on my feet, my head thudded and my vision went dizzy. I don’t remember what happened but when my eyes opened I was on the ground and surrounded by shards of the broken vase.”

Sunggyu pursed his lips together, on his teeth before he said, “You should have called me for help.”

“But I thought I was okay,” the other whispered defeatedly. “I thought I could get it.”

“You weren’t, though! Woohyun, you’re not healthy enough to be doing those kinds of things yet!” Sunggyu snapped. “Don’t push yourself!”

Sighing, Woohyun buried his nose back into Sunggyu’s neck. “I’m sorry,” he murmured softly.

“It’s fine,” Sunggyu replied, but much gentler. “You don’t have to be sorry. Just… promise me you won’t try anything like that again. And if you do, at least ask for my help. Deal?”

“Deal,” agreed Woohyun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you think birds ever get tired of flying?”

Sunggyu furrowed his eyebrows as he stared up at the blank ceiling in confusion. “What makes you ask that?”

Woohyun curled up to his side, pulling the bed’s comforter up to his chin as he looked up at Sunggyu. “Well, I was just curious,” he replied.

Sunggyu snuggled closer to him, his hair as he turned up the settings on the thermal blanket they were sharing in Woohyun’s bed. “Just curious?”

“Yeah.” Woohyun nodded.

“Hm,” Sunggyu hummed, his lips pursed in a wondering pout. He his side, using his arm as a pillow as he looked straight into Woohyun’s eyes. “Then… do humans get tired of living?”

Woohyun let out a short, breathy chuckle. “What kind of answer is that?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.

“A curious question gets a curious answer,” Sunggyu responded.

“Then… yeah. Humans can get tired of living… sometimes.”

“Well, then there’s your answer. Birds can get tired of flying… sometimes.”

Woohyun smiled, giggling softly and Sunggyu couldn’t help but feel the corners of his lips move upwards. It was always a treat when Woohyun smiled for him. He never got tired of it.

“How could birds get tired of flying?” Woohyun asked. “They’re so free, up in the air. Who would ever get tired of flying?”

“You could ask the same thing about living,” Sunggyu countered. “We get to walk, talk, fall in love. Why would anyone get tired of living?”

“I wouldn’t get tired of flying – not ever,” Woohyun stated. He to his back, staring up at the ceiling almost dreamily. “I would fly as far as I could and never turn back. I could never get tired of flying. I would never get tired of living either. What about you, hyung? Do you ever get tired?”

Sunggyu let out a long, thinking sigh. “Tired?” he repeated. “...Yeah, I get tired a lot,” he replied. “Maybe a little more than I should.”

Woohyun turned his head back to face him, a concerned, loving spark in his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I mean… sometimes I just feel like giving up, you know? Sometimes life gets so hard and I just don’t want to do it anymore.”

“So why do you keep going?” Woohyun asked, his eyebrows furrowing up at the ceiling. “Why don’t you just quit?”

There was a movement on the bed and Sunggyu propped his head up on his pillow, gazing down at Woohyun affectionately. “If a baby bird was trying to fly but couldn’t, would he give up?”

“...No.”

“No. Not if he wanted to be with other birds and fly with them. It was the same for me. I guess you could say I wanted to fly with the other birds. Or rather - you.”

A light blush dusted Woohyun’s cheek as he smiled. “You want to live with me?”

“For as long as I can,” Sunggyu replied earnestly.

“That’s real sweet of you, you know,” Woohyun whispered, turning on to his side to face away from Sunggyu. “It’s really sweet.”

Sunggyu smiled, moving closer to wrap his arms around Woohyun’s body, nuzzling his face into the other’s shoulder. “You think I’m sweet?”

Woohyun nodded without an answer. It stayed silent for a few more moments. The silence was warm, though. It wasn’t cold or awkward like it was when Sunggyu was alone with his boss or when he was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room. The silence was just warm. The air was full of unspoken words and maybe, perhaps it was just filled with predictable answers. Answers of love and affection that the cold right out of the atmosphere and left them with something comfortable.

But at the same time, it was too quiet - especially for Woohyun. Even when he was sick, Sunggyu knew that he talked quite a bit. Woohyun loved to talk about anything and everything that crossed his mind. Unless there was too much on his mind; then he didn’t talk.

“What’s wrong, baby,” Sunggyu murmured into his shoulder, tightening his grasp around him.

A small, breathless chuckle came from Woohyun, the feeling of his laughter shaking on Sunggyu’s chest. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“You’ve got something on your mind, haven’t you?”

“Perhaps I do,” he replied slowly, almost unsurely.

Sunggyu scooted even closer, taking Woohyun’s body into his arms completely and pulling the warm blanket up to their ears. “Tell me,” he said, muffled by the blanket.

And there it was again, the silence. But this time it was kind of deafening - it almost bothered Sunggyu. He was glad when Woohyun broke it, but he wasn’t very pleased at the other’s words.

“I’m scared,” Woohyun whispered out. “Because… what if I don’t get better?” He admitted his fears out with a shaky breath and Sunggyu only pulled him closer.

“It’s okay to be afraid of that,” he said. “It’s okay. But just remember that you don’t have to be.”

“I don’t have to be afraid?” Woohyun repeated almost incredulously. “How would that be?”

“You have me and a bunch of other people who want you to get better. You have us supporting you. You don’t have to be afraid, Woohyun, I’ll be right here for you.”

Woohyun nodded slowly. “I know, hyung, I know. But what if? What if I really don’t get better?”

Sunggyu kissed his shoulder affectionately, snuggling into him to keep him warm. “Everything will be okay,” he reassured. “Just trust me.”

It was silent once again before Woohyun let out a soft sigh. Sunggyu knew that he had dropped the subject at that point. But Sunggyu continued to comfort him, rubbing his shoulder reassuringly and leaving soft, lingering kisses on his neck. Soft giggles came from Woohyun and he turned around to face his boyfriend.

“You know, you’re really lucky I’m not contagious,” he laughed gently. He buried his face into Sunggyu’s neck, gripping onto his shirt tightly.

“I’d still kiss you anyways - I thought we went over this,” Sunggyu joked.

Woohyun curled into him more, finding comfort in his warmth. “We did,” he agreed. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Are you staying over tomorrow night?” he asked.

“Tomorrow?” he repeated thoughtfully. “No, I have work. But Sungyeol is coming over, right?”

Woohyun clicked his teeth. “I grew up with that booger, I don’t want him taking care of me at night.”

With a chuckle, Sunggyu replied, “Well, I can’t be here tomorrow, so he will. He shifted his schedule around just for you.”

“As long as he doesn’t come with Myungsoo, I’ll be fine.”

“What’s wrong with my cousin?” Sunggyu pouted.

“It’s not your cousin. It’s your cousin and my step-brother together that I will not tolerate.”

“Okay, that’s fair,” Sunggyu chuckled. “I’ll make sure they don’t come together tomorrow,” he promised. “But I’ll still be here tomorrow morning, so I’ll make you eggs, okay?”

Woohyun nodded in agreement, breathing through his nose quietly. “That sounds good.”

“Get some rest, okay? You need it more than I do.”

“Sing to me then.”

“...What?”

“Sing me to sleep, please,” Woohyun repeated. He looked up at Sunggyu, his eyes bright with hope. “You can do that for me, right? You’ll sing to me?”

It wasn’t something usually did. But then again, it wasn’t something that Woohyun usually asked him to do. He had never really asked Sunggyu to sing exclusively to him. They had sung with each other before, just for fun, but Woohyun hadn’t ever asked him to sing in this way. It was sweet, but it was a little embarrassing for Sunggyu. He wanted to decline.

But he took one look at Woohyun’s face and how much darker the bags under his eyes were than before and how much more sunken his eyes looked than before and how much more hollow his cheeks were than before and he didn’t have it in him to say no.

So he said, “Okay.” Then, after getting comfortable with Woohyun’s head resting at the base of his throat, he asked, “What would you like me to sing?”

“Anything,” said Woohyun. “A lullaby. Any lullaby. Anything.”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

“You’d be okay if I even sang that song you hate?”

“Which one?”

“That one Crayon Pop song.”

“You know what, I’d even be okay with that,” Woohyun replied, “as long as you sing to me.”

Sunggyu wasn’t really planning to sing that Bar Bar Bar song - not when Woohyun seemed so earnest. So he racked him mind for a lullaby and when his thoughts landed on one of their favorite ballads, he started to sing.

It was soft, but to Woohyun, Sunggyu’s voice rang loud and clear in the empty quietness of his room. It filled the air with something sweet, but inherently sad. Woohyun didn’t care. Sunggyu was singing to him and there was nothing more comforting than feeling the rumble of Sunggyu’s throat against his cheeks as he lay there with closed eyes. It was reassuring and Woohyun fell asleep within moments.

           

 

 

 

 

Woohyun woke up to the smell of eggs.

Opening his eyes, he noticed that Sunggyu was gone and so was the singing. His eyes hurt as they adjusted to the bright, cold light streaming from the window. The skies were gray once again. It was nothing new to Woohyun anymore. The winter gray skies were now the norm.

“Hyung?” he called out softly.

There was no answer. He looked around, noticing how his bedroom door was now open and how the side of the quilt that Sunggyu had slept under was rumpled and tossed up. It was easy to figure that Sunggyu had already woken up and left. He could hear the distant sound of the frying pan sizzling away in his neglected kitchen. Rubbing his eyes, he grabbed his blanket blindly, swinging it off his body and swinging his legs over the side of the bed and onto the floor. He pushed his toes gently into his worn slippers and stood up weakly. His eyes blurred for a moment but he shook the haze away. He would be fine.

He hugged himself tightly, fighting the chill in the air as he walked towards the exit. Pushing the door open slightly with his stiff fingertips, he peeked his head out. Sunggyu was walking down the hall towards him with a tray in his hands. Woohyun sighed in relief, glad that the other was still here and began stepping out of his room to greet him, only to be stopped by his boyfriend.

“No,” Sunggyu said firmly, gently urging him back into the room. “You get right back into bed and I will take care of you until Sungyeol arrives.”

Woohyun shot him a look. “But-”

“No buts,” the other said decisively. “I want you to get under those covers and get a bunch of rest after you eat this amazing breakfast I made.”

Staring at the misshapen omelet on the tray curiously, Woohyun obeyed and slid back under his quilts. He sat up as Sunggyu placed the tray on his lap and he looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. “Are you sure this is as amazing as you say?”

Sunggyu glanced at the tray, nearly sneering at the deformed omelet and the half burnt bacon and the broken yolks of the sunny-side up eggs that ran across the plate. He admitted it was kind of ugly but promised it would taste fine. He crawled into bed with Woohyun as he said that he would still eat it either way.

“Thanks for making me breakfast,” Woohyun told him and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I really appreciate it.”

Sunggyu beamed. “Well, you’re going to need a healthy a breakfast if you’re going to get healthier,” he said.

“I’m not sure if this is the healthiest breakfast ever,” Woohyun mused, lifting up a piece of badly charred bacon.

“Oh, shut up - it was my first time making bacon.”

“It’s not that hard, hyung. Really - I could have done it.”

“I wouldn’t have let you, though.”

Woohyun shook his head fondly, smiling down at the breakfast tray. “I miss cooking,” he said. “Do you think I could cook this afternoon?” he asked, looking up at Sunggyu hopefully.

Sunggyu only shrugged. “That depends on whether or not Sungyeol will let you.”

Woohyun sneered sarcastically at the thought of his step-brother, crossing his arms stubbornly on his chest as he told him that ‘no, he couldn’t cook.’

“There’s no way,” Woohyun mumbled begrudgingly. “Sungyeol is stricter with me than you are.”

“It’s only because he loves you and wants to make sure you’re safe and sound.”

“But that should be my job.” The younger pouted. “I’m his older brother. I should be taking care of him and making sure that he’s eating well and that he’s paying his bills and having safe .”

Sunggyu grimaced. “Please don’t bring up the topic of when it comes to your step-brother and my cousin. It brings up unwanted visuals.”

“You’re right,” Woohyun chuckled. “I don’t want those visuals either.”

Sunggyu smiled down at him and brought his head close to kiss it softly. “Neither of us do,” he agreed. “Let’s just leave it at that. Now - eat your breakfast! I spent a good forty-five minutes of my life making that for you!”

Woohyun chuckled to himself, picking up the fork in defeat. “Alright, alright,” he said. “I’ll eat. Thanks for making me the food, Sunggyu. Have you eaten yet?”

Sunggyu nodded. “Yeah. I stole plenty off of your plate while waiting for it to cool down some.” He pouted when Woohyun poked him with his fork.

“How dare you steal the food of a sick person,” said Woohyun. “Have you no sympathy?”

Sunggyu stuck his tongue out and snatched a piece of bacon off of Woohyun’s plate anyways. “I have no problem stealing if it’s from you.”

“How rude,” Woohyun chastised playfully as he grabbed the bacon back from Sunggyu’s hands. “I have to eat to be healthy, you know.”

Sunggyu smiled at him and snuck a kiss onto his temple. “Can’t have you falling over anymore,” he teased.

Woohyun loved that about Sunggyu. He always managed to look back on bad situations or unfavorable ones and seemed to make them much lighter. He could joke about them in a way that wasn’t offensive or hurtful, but instead it only made Woohyun feel warmer. It was one of Sunggyu’s undeniable charms and one of the reasons why Woohyun had fallen in love with him. So whenever Sunggyu about the time he tripped on his robe on Grad Night, or accidentally eating shrimp and ending up in the ER for a severe allergic reaction, or the time he was attacked by a monkey at the zoo, he could only smile and smack Sunggyu’s arm for bringing up such an embarrassing moment. And now the fall from the evening before had added to the list of embarrassing moments. Perhaps it was too soon to consider it an ‘embarrassing moment,’ but Sunggyu made it okay. If it was anyone else, Woohyun would have probably been offended.

But instead, he leaned up and gave Sunggyu a quick kiss to show him his appreciation.

“Ew, you haven’t brushed your teeth,” Sunggyu complained.

Woohyun scoffed. “Well, you forced me back into bed with food so now I can’t get up to brush my teeth.”

The older only laughed and pulled Woohyun closer in his arms. Resting his chin on Woohyun’s shoulder, he said, “And you’re not getting up while I’m still here. I’m going to spoil you until Sungyeol arrives.”

Woohyun laughed to himself as he ate some of the deranged omelet off of his plate. “When is he coming, anyways?”

Sunggyu shrugged nonchalantly, leaving a kiss on the nape of the younger’s neck. “He said he’d be here soon. I don’t know how soon that is, though.”

“The later the better,” Woohyun whispered, “because at least then I’ll be able to spend more time with you.”

“I still have to go to work, you know.”

“You should just stay here with me and tell Sungyeol to stay home.”

Sunggyu laughed and kissed Woohyun’s cheek. “If I don’t go to work then I won’t be able to come over and stay the night tomorrow. Plus, my boss will have my head if I don’t put in all my hours this week.”

“Your boss is completely irrational, though. He doesn’t deserve a hard worker like you. You should quit - find a job in the music industry instead,” Woohyun murmured. “You love music. And I know you hate engineering.”

“I can’t just quit my job to become a concert pianist, Woohyun. You know that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Woohyun agreed. “You can’t just get up and leave your job. I understand that.”

Sunggyu whispered a thanks, glad that his boyfriend was open-minded enough to accept his current position.

Sunggyu had always been a musician. When he was a toddler, he played piano; when he was a teenager, he was the lead singer of a band; and in college, he was already composing music. Woohyun had always praised him and told him that he was beyond talented. Unfortunately, he was never talented enough to make a living off of it. At least, that's what Sunggyu had convinced himself. So instead he had pursued a career in engineering, and truthfully, he hated it. But it provided a stable income, so he couldn’t complain.

“But,” Woohyun started again, “you have to promise me that you will try to find a musical career eventually, okay? For me.”

Sunggyu pulled away to stare at him with some sort of awe and adoration. “...For you,” he promised. “I would do it for you.”

The younger reached up and kissed him as a thanks. “Good. You don't have to do it soon – just in the future. Maybe once you have enough salary to slack a little bit,” he joked.

Sunggyu scoffed. “That probably isn’t going to happen for another ten years.”

“Then you better stay on top of your musicality for the next ten years if you don’t want to get rusty,” Woohyun said playfully.

“You’re such a dreamer.” Sunggyu smiled at him warmly. “But I like that.”

He bent his head to give Woohyun a kiss, keeping his lips there for many seconds. It wasn't long before their mouths started moving together in a well practiced harmony. Small giggles elicited from both of them between kisses, the lone feeling of each others' lips already sending their hearts into flurries. It had been too long since they kissed like this.

“You know,” Woohyun murmured in between pecks, “you’re really lucky I’m not contagious. You could be dead right now.”

“And you’re lucky,” Sunggyu countered softly, “that I'm still daring enough to kiss you while you’re sick.” He finished with one final peck and brushed Woohyun's cheek with the back of his hand. “Let’s just hope you’ll get better so that I won’t have to risk my health kissing you. Promise me you’ll get better?”

Woohyun bit his bottom lip, his thoughts hesitant and unwavering. Could he even promise something like that? It was a big promise to fulfill. So he said, “We’ll see.” And he left it at that.

Sunggyu frowned at him and was upset with his answer. “Don’t you want to get better?” he asked.

“Of course I do,” the younger reassured. “I just don’t know if all that willpower can get me healthy again.”

“Of course it will! Success is ninety-nine percent inspiration and one percent perspiration, right?”

“That’s backwards,” Woohyun corrected. “It’s ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration.”

“That’s not my point,” responded Sunggyu. “I’m trying to say that-”

A chime from his pocket broke his train of thought and he sighed to himself. Fishing his phone from his pocket, Sunggyu checked the screen with a click of his teeth. “Sungyeol’s two minutes away,” he said. “I better get ready to go, then.”

“Are you ready for a full day of work?”

Sunggyu scrunched his nose as he threw the blanket off of him and hopped out of bed. “Nope,” he admitted proudly. “Not at all. Unfortunately, that’s not something my boss cares about.” He leaned over to give Woohyun a kiss and tucked the blankets around him. “But I’ll be back tomorrow. Stay safe until then. I’m going to give Sungyeol very clear instructions on how to take care of you.”

“Can you please not - he’s already too protective as it is. He won’t let me out of his sight now.”

“And that’s exactly how I want it. It’s for your own good, Woohyun. Just cooperate. Promise?”

Woohyun sighed in defeat. “Promise,” he murmured.

“Good job, baby. Don’t worry; I’ll be back with you before you know it.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Don’t you dare let him walk anywhere by himself, do you understand me?”

“I understand, hyung,” Sungyeol replied earnestly, listening intently. “And no oily foods, right?”

“Yes. Last week doctors said that his sickness is taking a pretty bad toll on his liver. Don’t feed him anything too oily or greasy.” Sunggyu gave Sungyeol a sideways glance, trying to convey his seriousness about the situation. “And they still haven’t pinpointed what’s wrong with him yet, so we’re still waiting on that.”

“Yes, hyung. Does Woohyun know, or…?”

“No, he knows. He practically demanded to hear his state of health.”

Sungyeol smiled softly. “Typical Woohyun. I kind of miss how robust he was before he got sick,” he sighed.

“Me too. I’ve been trying to keep the atmosphere with him light but he seems so weighed down.”

“He would be even more weighed down if he knew how seriously you spoke about it,” Sungyeol commented as he unwrapped the scarf from his neck. “And how serious you’re making me be in front of him.”

Sunggyu continued, “I’m his boyfriend. If I’m not there to shower him with puppy love and kisses then he’ll get depressed.” Sungyeol cast him a look and he held his hands up in defense. “I’m not saying that loving him is a chore because I would love him the same way even if he wasn’t sick. He can’t go outside, he can’t cook, he can barely walk, for crying out loud. If anybody deserves sympathy and love, it’s Woohyun.”

“Of course,” Sungyeol agreed. “You think I wouldn’t know that? I’m his brother, I grew up with him! Don’t discredit me when it’s you that gave me the tough love role. If it was up to me I would spoil him also.”

“You’re his step brother. And he’s not going to get healthy from being loved all the time. You and I both know that he would get sick of it. He needs the tough love.”

Sungyeol pursed his lips into a line. “I don’t know why I listen to you…” he muttered.

“You listen to me because I’m right, Sungyeol,” snapped Sunggyu.

Sungyeol had been Woohyun’s step brother since the age of five. He was a cheerful and energetic boy that Woohyun took under his wing almost immediately. It was awkward between them at first, because Sungyeol didn’t want to share his mother with two new strangers, but Woohyun had proved to be a great hyung. Sungyeol adored him just about as much as Sunggyu did.

However, no matter how much they both loved Woohyun, it was clear that the two didn’t get along very well; even if it was Sunggyu who had introduced Sungyeol to his ‘hot cousin,’ as the younger had so often said. Myungsoo and Sungyeol may have met due to Sunggyu, but there was a bit of Sungyeol that didn’t really want to share Woohyun with Sunggyu either. And there was a part of Sunggyu that was a bit jealous from how much love Woohyun was willing to give Sungyeol. He may have been his boyfriend, but Sunggyu always felt the ugliness boiling in the pit of his stomach at times.

Needless to say, the two weren’t the best of friends. They had said rude things to each other before and called each other names. Sunggyu sometimes thought that if he and Woohyun weren’t a couple, he wouldn’t be nice to Sungyeol as often as he was.

But no matter what kind of internal feud went on between the two of them, Woohyun still managed to love them both without any conflict. He never chose between the two of them, but just decided to adore the both of them and they loved him right back. It created a mutual peace between them - a silent treaty, so to speak. To Sunggyu, it was just another aspect of Woohyun that made him amazing.

“Whatever,” Sungyeol grumbled. “Just go work and come back tomorrow morning like we agreed you would.”

“Fine.” Sunggyu swung the door open but turned back with one last hard look at Sungyeol. “But take care of him - do you hear me? I won’t forgive you if I come back and he’s worse.”

Sungyeol glared at him. “I’m supposed to be saying that to you! I’m his brother, for crying out loud! Not you! You’re his boyfriend!”

Sunggyu wanted to yell something back so badly to such a childish accusation but he bit his tongue because there was something about the statement and the way Sungyeol said it that reminded him too much of Woohyun. The way his eyebrows furrowed and the way his eyes lit in annoyance and the way he clenched his fists and curled his toes. They had grown up so close, they even talked back the same way.

Sunggyu swallowed his spit as a sudden feeling of nostalgia washed over him. Woohyun used to be just like Sungyeol. And seeing Sungyeol act like this in front of him gave Sunggyu so many flashbacks of times when he and Woohyun fought over insignificant things and talked back to one another. He missed it. Perhaps not the fighting - but he missed Woohyun’s old self.

“Well?” Sungyeol asked hastily. “Aren’t you going to say something back?”

Pursing his lips into a line, Sunggyu took a deep breath through his nose. “We’ll be lucky if Woohyun didn't hear our little spat down here, so keep it down. And like I said, I expect you to take care of him.”

Sungyeol scoffed and turned around, his hands clenched tightly at his sides. “Just leave already,” he bit out.

Sunggyu grumbled as he shut the door tightly, making sure it was tight enough so that no bit of frost could get in to bother the two brothers. Readjusting his scarf, he sighed to himself. He always felt a little bad, fighting with Sungyeol, especially when Woohyun was not a fan of it.

He knew that Sungyeol would probably march right up Woohyun's bed in a flurry of angry remarks and frustrated tears and Woohyun would comfort him and reassure him for the millionth time that Sunggyu was not the devil incarnate. He would also apologize on his behalf and try to convince Sungyeol to apologize as well. Woohyun would do that every time.

With another large sigh, Sunggyu heaved himself to work.

 

 

 

 

“I hope you’re going to apologize to him.”

“Why do I need to apologize?” Sunggyu asked, his eyes narrowed. “He started the argument.”

“Can you just stop being immature? The both of you. I already told Sungyeol to apologize to you also and he promised me he would. Now it’s your turn.” Woohyun took a deep, shaky breath, holding back the raspy cough that was about to erupt from his throat. “And I hope you're going to be the bigger man and apologize first,” he whispered.

The elder just sighed and made his way into the bed, right next to Woohyun. Sunggyu held him in his arms warmly. “I will,” he promised. “But I think we just both need some time to cool off before we speak again.”

Woohyun's eyes saddened, radiating with an elegiac glow. “Just apologize to him,” he pleaded. “For me, Sunggyu. I can’t believe I still have to do this.”

“Do what?”

“Be the mediator!” Woohyun exclaimed. The sudden yell made his throat clench and hurt, so he coughed in attempt to alleviate the sharp pain. “I still have to be the one to fix the situations between the two of you.” His voice cracked down to a murmur. “Why can’t you two just get along...?”

“Hyun, let's not talk about the relationship between Sungyeol and I. It’s just stressing you out. Remember, the doctors say–”

Woohyun interrupted, “I know what they say. Stress isn’t going to help me get better. I know that.”

“Then calm down, please,” Sunggyu whispered into his neck. “Please.”

The younger leaned back into his embrace and opted to focus on his breathing. The silence today was deafening and the tension was thick.

“Just make up and become friends,” said Woohyun, his voice barely above a whisper. “Is that so hard?”

“Woohyun, this is about you, okay – not Sungyeol and I.”

“What about me? Sunggyu, how is any of this about me?! This is about you and Sungyeol not being able to get along. I can’t hang out with my step-brother and my boyfriend at the same time!” he exclaimed hoarsely, his voice coming out in a pitchy scratch. “Don’t you realize how much that tears me apart?! Can’t you two just get along for me?!”

“Woohyun, calm down, please.”

The sparkling tears threatening to spill from Woohyun’s eyes were anything but calm. He was scared, he was upset and he was angry. And Sunggyu wanted to do nothing but help him and understand him. But there was something in this moment that just didn’t allow him to.

Woohyun turned away from him and hid his face; Sunggyu knew he was crying. He didn’t want Woohyun to cry. He wanted him to smile.

“Woohyun,” he begged softly, urging him to turn around. “Please.” But Woohyun stayed facing the other direction, refusing to turn at all. “Come on, Woohyun, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to me.”

“Don’t do this to you?” the younger repeated spitefully. “Sunggyu, you and Sungyeol don’t understand what you’re doing to me. The two of you not being able to get along - not even temporarily in my presence - just tears me apart. Sunggyu, it breaks my heart. Can’t either of your two see that?!”

“Woohyun, lower your voice. You’re going to damage your throat.” Sunggyu tried to soothe him.

“No!” Woohyun snapped, his voice cracking. “I heard you two arguing yesterday, Sunggyu - I heard every word! Do you expect me to be unconcerned that the two people I love the most in my life aren’t willing to be friends?! Even if it was just temporary, I’d be content. Just in front of me, at least, please try to get along with Sungyeol! I know you don’t like him and I know you don’t-” Woohyun’s voice cracked down into nothing, the mere sounds of hoarse breaths being pushed from his throat. He broke out into a series of coughs and muffled them in his blanket.

Sunggyu furrowed his eyebrows in worry. “I told you to lower your voice,” he said gently. “I don’t want you straining yourself.” He picked up Woohyun’s glass of water from the nightstand and brought it to the other’s mouth. He helped Woohyun drink it and set the glass down before rubbing a comforting hand on Woohyun’s back.

“I know you’re feeling discouraged by the relationship between Sungyeol and I. But I promise I’ll try to get along with him more around you, okay?”

Woohyun could only shake his head. “Whatever, Sunggyu. Just… let’s leave it alone, okay? Forget I brought it up.” His voice was coarse and raspy.

“No, I’m sorry. Woohyun, let me apologize-”

“Sunggyu, I said to forget it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He rolled over and ducked under the bed covers.

As Woohyun’s face disappeared under the thick pile of blankets, Sunggyu felt bad. He wanted to comfort him, to kiss him better. But with how tense Woohyun was, Sunggyu decided against it. Instead he got off the bed gently and walked towards the doorway.

“I’ll make you some tea,” he said softly. “Your throat sounds like it needs some.”

Woohyun only gave a soft grunt in response to which Sunggyu sighed. Exiting the room quietly, Sunggyu wished that he could have fixed things; wished that just once he would fix things instead of letting Woohyun fix them himself.

At that moment a chime came from his phone and he brought the screen up to his face. Biting his lip, he read the the text on his screen.

sorry hyung; from Lee Sungyeol

Sunggyu walked quickly back into Woohyun’s room and crawled over to him. He embraced the large lump on the bed in a warm hug and buried his face into Woohyun’s shoulder.

“You’re too kind, you know,” he whispered into his neck. “You’re too nice to me even when I’m not nearly as nice back.”

“I thought you were getting tea,” Woohyun murmured. His voice cracked as if he was crying.

Sunggyu kissed the top of his head that poked out from the blankets. “You can cry, Woohyun. It’s alright if you cry over me. It’s alright if you cry over Sungyeol. It’s okay to cry over the two of us fighting.”

There came a loud sniff and a choke from under the quilts. Sunggyu peeled back the many layers of quilts to come face to face with Woohyun’s wet eyes and tear stained cheeks. With a soft sigh Sunggyu pulled him into his arms and kissed away the little pearls of water that still lingered on his face.

Woohyun began crying harder in his embrace, the soothing and comforting arms making him feel like breathing was easier. He couldn’t even figure out the reason why he was crying. Perhaps it was the fatigue, maybe it was the pain in his throat or maybe it was just the frustration.

Sunggyu ran his fingers through Woohyun’s brown hair as he hushed him kindly and kissed his forehead repeatedly. There was a part of him that made him feel like it was his fault. It was his fault for not getting along with Sungyeol and irritating Woohyun. He should have known better than to stress Woohyun out when he was so sick.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” Sunggyu whispered against his hair. “I’ll try to make this easier for you, okay? You don’t have to be the one fixing things anymore. I’ll act like an adult around Sungyeol now. You won’t need to worry.”

Woohyun buried his face into Sunggyu’s neck, his muffled hiccups the only sound in the dry, silent air.

“I’ve made it hard for you, haven’t I?” Sunggyu murmured softly. “I haven’t helped you in the least bit. All I do are small physical things that you don’t care about. And the one thing you actually care about me doing is the one thing I resist. Woohyun, I’m so sorry. I’ll patch things up with Sungyeol, okay? I promise you. You’ll live to see the day when Sungyeol and I become friends.”

After heavy moments of thick silence, Woohyun’s hiccups slowed and stopped, decreasing into nothing but short shallow breaths. Sunggyu’s shirt was damp with his tears but he wouldn’t worry about that. That was the least of his worries.

“Are you okay now?” he asked once Woohyun’s breathing had regulated.

The younger nodded, sniffing away his last hiccups and wiping away any evidence of wetness on his cheeks. “Yeah,” he croaked out. He looked up at Sunggyu and blinked a moment before asking, “Will you sing me to sleep?”

“Again?”

“Yeah. Please, if you will… just… sing me to sleep. And I’ll sleep.”

“Alright. I can do that for you.”

“Thank you. You wouldn’t believe how much it means to me,” he whispered, his throat raspy from his tears and coughs.

“Don’t feel burdened,” Sunggyu responded. “I would do anything for you.”

That afternoon Woohyun fell asleep to Sunggyu’s melodic voice caressing his ears and urging him to slumber.

 

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu had gotten the call while he was at work.

His day had started completely normally. That morning he had left Woohyun’s home early, sure that Sungyeol would come any minute to care for the other. He had kissed his forehead and whispered his good-byes and Woohyun had woken up just before he left to leave him kisses as well. It was like every day for the past four months. There was nothing to worry about or anticipate. It had been a regular morning.

So when Sunggyu had answered his cell phone hours later to the sound of Sungyeol sobbing hysterically he knew something was wrong. It took him a few minutes to decipher Sungyeol’s garbled language over the receiver, but once he understood the message he grabbed his coat and bolted out of his office promising his boss to explain later.

“Sungyeol, calm down and tell me what’s wrong.”

“H-Hyung! Woohyun is in the hospital! He can’t… he says he can’t feel his legs.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Where is he?! Tell me where he is!”

“Sir, you’re going to have to calm down. We cannot tell you where to go if you cannot give us the name of the patient.”

“I already told you who I’m here for! Let me see Nam Woohyun, dammit!”

“Please calm down while we locate him, alright sir? Take a deep breath.”

“I’m not going to take a deep breath until you tell me where they’re keeping Nam Woohyun, do you hear me?! Get Sungyeol! He’ll know who I am! He’ll take me to see Woohyun!”

“Nam Woohyun is on the fifth floor in room 507.”

“Took you damn long enough!” Sunggyu cried as he sprinted to the elevators.

“Hyung!”

Sunggyu turned around at the cry, surprised to see his cousin come bounding towards him out of breath. “M… Myungsoo! Why are you here?”

Myungsoo came to a stop next to him, taking deep breaths. “I got a text from Sungyeol. Is Woohyun alright?!”

“I don’t know - I just got here. I got a call from Sungyeol too.”

Myungsoo nodded in understanding and began walking swiftly towards the elevator. “Let’s go then. I’m sure your boyfriend needs you just as much as mine needs me.”

They both ran into the elevator and Sunggyu pressed down on the button for the fifth floor. The ride up was nothing short of stressful and he could hear his blood rushing to his ears. The way his heart pounded against his ribcage agitated him and made him worry.

“Do you know why Woohyun had to go to the ER so suddenly?” Myungsoo asked.

The elder nodded. He did know why. Sungyeol had said that Woohyun couldn’t feel his legs.

Woohyun couldn’t feel his legs.

As if a sudden punch had knocked the wind from his stomach, Sunggyu doubled over with a strangled gasp and clutched the elevator walls haphazardly.

“Hyung!” cried Myungsoo as he tried helping him stand properly. “Hyung what’s the matter.”

Sunggyu shook his head, his voice cracking and his breathing shallow and uneven. “He must be terrified, Myungsoo - just terrified. And I am too. I-I… I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

“Hyung, breathe in and out, okay? Calm down. Just breathe. We can’t say anything about Woohyun until we see him. Okay? I’m sure he’s… fine.”

Sunggyu seethed, “Myungsoo we both know that’s he’s not fine. He can’t feel his legs, dammit, he can’t feel them!”

“Maybe it’s temporary!” his cousin said, trying to alleviate the stress settling on Sunggyu’s shoulders. “For all we know the feeling in his legs could be back tomorrow.”

Sunggyu wanted to believe him with all of his heart and soul but there was just no denying the looming fear that Woohyun wasn’t going to get better.

The elevator doors opened and they were met with an uncomfortable silence. Myungsoo helped his brother stand up and together they began to walk down the hall.

Sunggyu hated hospitals because the quietness. It was too quiet - almost scarily so. There were so many people yet it was just silent. Occasionally there was light chatter coming from a few rooms but Sunggyu could still always hear the faint echo of his footsteps down the sterilized halls. His mother had died in a hospital. He hated them.

But instead of silence, there was a clear sound of crying coming from around the corner. Myungsoo rushed down the hall and Sunggyu followed hastily. As soon as they turned the corner, they were met with the image of Sungyeol crouching on the floor, hugging his knees and crying.

“Yeol,” Myungsoo said immediately, rushing to his side. He gathered the other up in his arms and comforted him with soothing words and reassuring gestures. “Hey, shhh… okay, I’m here now. Everything will be fine.”

Sungyeol buried his face into Myungsoo’s neck and cried harder. The way he gripped the fabric of Myungsoo’s jacket was a giveaway that he scared and upset. Sunggyu had no choice but to prepare himself for bad news as he rushed past them and into room 507.

“Woohyun!” he exclaimed upon his entrance. He easily spotted Woohyun lying on the hospital bed, an IV in his arm and his face in a breathing mask. “Woohyun!” He would have all but sprinted over to Woohyun’s side had the doctor in the room not stopped him.

“Will you state your relationship to the patient please?” asked the doctor.

“My name is Kim Sunggyu,” he replied. “I’m… his boyfriend.”

“I see. Well, you may call me Doctor Lee. I will be the doctor watching over him from now on so any concerns you may have you may take up with me.”

“Understood. Now if you don’t mind my asking,” Sunggyu breathed heavily, “what’s wrong right now? Why… why is he here.”

Doctor Lee pursed his lips into a troubled line, the wrinkles on his forehead deepening. “It’s… not a simple answer,” he responded. “He was in the emergency room earlier because he couldn’t feel his legs. He was crying violently at the time so we had to sedate him temporarily.”

“Temporarily? He’s still out cold.”

“Yes, I am aware of that, Mr. Kim Sunggyu. But while scanning him we discovered that he damaged a nerve near the nape of his neck, causing him to lose all senses in his legs. It would appear that he fell down somewhere. Factor in that he’s sick and pain would be completely unavoidable.”

“But it’s just his legs, isn’t it? So why is he attached to a breathing mask.”

“He was in the middle of an anxiety attack when he arrived and could not breathe properly. On top of being sick, it almost damaged his lungs if we didn’t give him a mask.”

Sunggyu let out a heavy, defeated sighed, running his hand through his caramel hair. “Well… I guess I can’t really help him in this state. When do you think his legs will get better?”

“Excuse me? May I ask you to repeat that?”

“His legs. When do you think the nerve will heal and his legs will start working again?”

Doctor Lee looked at him with surprise, as if the question was childish. “Mr. Kim Sunggyu, I don’t believe you understand. With this kind of nerve damage done, the patient will not be able to regain leg control ever.”

Sunggyu’s eyes widened as his throat felt like it constricted on itself. “...What?”

“I’m very sorry, but Woohyun will not be able to walk again.”

 

 

 

 

Woohyun had been devastatingly broken when he was told the news. He started crying and sobbing in such a hysterical mess that it just about tore Sunggyu apart. Sunggyu wanted to gather him up and his arms and kiss his tears away and tell him that it would all get better but he couldn’t. He didn’t even have it in him to lie to Woohyun for the sake of his comfort. But the way Woohyun sobbed and screamed and clawed at his legs made him want to. He really wanted to lie. He wanted to lie so badly.

“So I can’t walk,” Woohyun whispered out fiercely. “I can’t do anything anymore?!” His voice was filled with anger, bitterness and loathing. He wiped at the never ending tears on his face to no avail, the salty streams only coming down harder. It was when he began choking on his sobs that Sunggyu decided to intervene and try to calm him.

He rushed over to the side of the bed and bent down to look up at Woohyun tenderly. “Woohyun, baby, listen to me.” He tried wiping at his tear stained cheeks and held the other’s face in his palm gently. “You’re going to be fine, alright? You’re going to be absolutely-”

“No!” Woohyun cried, pushing Sunggyu’s hand away. “I’m not fine, Sunggyu - I can’t use my legs anymore!”

The way his voice scratched and screeched made Sunggyu’s heart lurch into his throat, stopping him from being able to say anything. “Woohyun, please,” he croaked. “Just… calm down for me, okay?” He pushed the tears from his own eyes back, not wanting to cry in front of his boyfriend.

But Woohyun only turned away and buried his face into his arm, sobbing violently and choking. Sunggyu looked at him sadly, placing his hand on Woohyun’s side as if it were consolation. “Woohyun…” he whispered defeatedly. “Please.”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Doctor Lee gazing at him with sympathy. He whispered gently that he would be going to give them some privacy and Sunggyu only nodded his thanks. Once he heard the door softly click closed he tried speaking to Woohyun again.

“Woohyun,” he murmured gently, brushing the other’s shoulder. “Hey, listen to me… okay? Everything will turn out fine. You’ll… you can get back on your feet again.”

Woohyun let out another cry and turned to face Sunggyu with bleary eyes filled with a bitter rage. “Get back on my feet?! Sunggyu, my legs are dead! Didn’t you hear him?! I-I’ll never be able to walk again!” He finished with a defeated crack in his voice and covered his face with his hands.

It hurt Sunggyu so much to see Woohyun like this - so helpless and fragile. Vulnerable. Woohyun’s confidence and brightness had disappeared and the disappearance was too noticeable. Sunggyu took one glance at the shape of his now useless legs under the thin cotton hospital blanket and felt a sharp stab within him. Here, his boyfriend lay, unable to walk ever again. Unable to get around with the help of a wheelchair. It hurt because he realized that Woohyun would no longer be able to be independent. Woohyun - kind, confident and individualistic Woohyun - was now helpless.

Two tears dripped from Sunggyu’s eyes and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. Who was he to wipe away his tears. Instead he chose to climb onto the hospital bed next to Woohyun. The fit was tight and he had to avoid all of the wires, but he wrapped his arms around Woohyun and cried with him. He had wanted to be strong and support Woohyun, but now he felt that crying was okay. Crying would be okay.

He cradled Woohyun against his chest and shed tears with him. Woohyun was angry, beating Sunggyu’s chest, saying words that lacked hope and perseverance. He cried and cried and cried and whimpered helplessly against his boyfriend’s chest. His tears glittered sadly in the dim light of dusk that filtered through the window blinds next to his bed. So Sunggyu his hair and hugged him tight and whispered soft, soothing nothings into his ears as they cried together.

By the time Woohyun’s tears had reduced to shaky hiccups, the sun had set. His cries were hushed and quieter and it made him sound all the more fragile and weak. Sunggyu didn’t like it; he knew Woohyun was never fragile nor weak by nature or will.

He kissed the crown of the younger’s head and swiped a stray tear away with his thumb. Woohyun looked back up at him and reached up with his own shaking hands to wipe the wet trails off of his cheeks as well. It made Sunggyu smile softly.

“Do you feel better?” he asked in a low murmur.

Resting his cheek on the base of Sunggyu’s throat, Woohyun shook his head. “A little I guess,” he croaked out hoarsely. His voice was meek and strangled from crying so long. Sunggyu was surprised he hadn’t lost it. “But not really.”

Sunggyu asked softly, “Would you like me to sing to you?”

After a moment of hesitance, Woohyun nodded so Sunggyu began to sing. It was the same song - the same, crisp sound of Sunggyu’s voice that echoed against the too white walls of the hospital room. Woohyun found comfort in the way Sunggyu’s throat would rumble warmly against his face, in the way the song sounded so clear in the heavy silence, in the way Sunggyu held him tightly as if he didn’t want to ever let go of him. And Woohyun gripped him tighter because he didn’t want to let go either.

“Hyung,” he said brokenly. Speaking hurt his throat. “Remember what you said about getting tired of living?”

Sunggyu paused his singing. “...Yes.”

“I get it now.”

 

 

 

“We don’t know how to help him.”

Sunggyu furrowed his eyebrows at the doctor. “What?” he hissed, trying to keep his voice low. Woohyun had just fallen asleep and Doctor Lee had called him outside to speak.

“As I said before, we believe Woohyun has a disease. The problem is that we have never encountered it before and we don’t know how to help. We’ve started treatments that we think will be able to help counter this virus but only time will tell.”

“So what - Woohyun is some kind of experiment now? What kind of rare disease is this?”

“We don’t know. We only know that his body is slowly deteriorating and his organs are functioning slower than normal. If things go badly it will be difficult for him to breathe and pump blood on his own.”

Sunggyu shook his head and stared at his feet. He couldn’t take Doctor Lee’s serious demeanor well - it made him anxious. And truthfully speaking, he didn’t want to hear what the doctor had to say. He just wanted to know:

“How safe is Woohyun? Tell me.”

“Assuming our treatments work, he will be safe. We’ll need him to stay in the hospital for us to monitor him.”

“He won’t like that. He hates hospitals.”

“I’m afraid to say that he doesn’t have much of a choice,” Doctor Lee replied firmly. “Nam Woohyun will not be going anywhere.”

Ruffling his hair, Sunggyu bit back a sigh. “I understand, doctor. I just want him to get healthy again.”

“He should be fine. He may be sick right now but hopefully we shall reverse it. He currently stands at sixty percent chance at surviving.”

Sunggyu froze, a glare beginning to form on his face. “...Wait. What do you mean ‘sixty percent chance?’ I thought you said he would live.”

“Assuming that our treatments work, then yes - he will live. But considering that we’ve never dealt with such an obscure disease, we’re only guessing. If our procedures don’t work-”

“Then what, he has a forty percent chance of living?!”

“Mr. Kim, please listen-”

“No - you listen to me. The boy that’s lying powerlessly in the bed in the room behind me deserves to live more than anyone. Woohyun is a bright, strong and talented individual that can only make this place we call Earth better. He has to make it through this, doctor. He’s too kind and good to die.”

Doctor Lee gave a close lipped sigh through his nose and tucked his clipboard under his arm. “I understand that you are passionate about him. I understand that he does not deserve to die, but then again does anyone?”

“Promise me,” Sunggyu seethed, glaring into the doctor’s unwavering eyes. “You promise me right here, right now - for the love of all things good - that Woohyun will make it; that you are going to keep him alive.”

“I apologize but I cannot promise that. But I trust you will inform him.”

“He just learned that he’ll never be able to use his legs again - I can’t tell him this.”

“You must. It’s only fair that the patient knows where he’s at.”

“I’m not going to rain on his parade harder.”
“Sir, I understand your concern for his mental well being but he needs to know what will happen to him.”

“I refuse to bring Woohyun down any further! He’s-”

“Hyung, I’ll do it.”

Sunggyu turned to his right, where Sungyeol had been listening silently with puffy eyes and a pink nose.

“I’ll tell him,” Sungyeol repeated. “The doctor’s right, hyung - Woohyun deserves to know.”

“Of course he deserves to know but just not right now.”

“They’re going to start treatment on him soon. He should know what it’s for.”

Sunggyu sighed at how unrelenting Sungyeol sounded. “Okay, fine. Just tell him when he wakes up okay?”

Sungyeol nodded. “Yeah. I think it’s better for Woohyun to deal with it all at once than one at a time.”

“...I suppose.”

“I’ll tell him, okay? I can do that. He’ll… he’ll be okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

Woohyun looked up from the Rubik’s cube on his lap when he heard a knock on his door.

“Hey.”

He sniffed and looked back down, turning one of the sides to match a whole line of blue squares. “You know you don’t have to knock if the door’s open.”

Sunggyu smiled softly as he strolled up to him, taking a seat on the chair next to the bed. “But you looked so focused. I didn’t want to be rude.”

A light scoff came from Woohyun as he rolled his eyes. “I’d rather focus on you than this Rubik’s cube. I’ve been meddling with it for three hours now. No progress.”

Sunggyu took the intellectual toy in his hands, rolling it around his palms before twisting it a few times. “It does a good job of keeping you occupied.”

“Not really. It doesn’t hold my attention for long.”

“You don’t want to complete the puzzle?”

Woohyun bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “No.”

“Okay. You don’t have to finish it then.” Sunggyu placed the toy on the bedside table and turned to Woohyun apologetically. “Sorry I haven’t been able to visit the last few days. My boss is really cracking down on my attendance. It’s so annoying.”

“Do me a favor and punch his mouth someday, okay?” Sunggyu chuckled at Woohyun’s comment. “I’m serious. The guy needs to be punched.”

“Woohyun, I can’t punch my boss.”

“Sure you can. That way you can be fired instead of quitting and you’ll still get your pay for the rest of the week; opposed to quitting, where you don’t get paid at all anymore. Being fired sounds better if you ask me.”

“Maybe to you, but I’d rather not go home and tell my family that I had been fired from the firm. Oh, and speaking of my family - this is for you.” He held out a store bought card, the front embellished with ‘Get Well Soon!’ in shiny gold letters. “It’s from my dad and little sister.”

Woohyun reached for it, a touch of a smile gracing his face. “Aw, that’s sweet. I haven’t seen them in a while.” He opened the card to read the contents. “How are they doing?”

“They are well. Dad’s a lot happier now with his girlfriend. I’m happy for him.” He bit his tongue from saying anymore.

Woohyun put the card down and looked at him sadly. Reaching out his palm, he held Sunggyu’s hand in his own. “Do you still miss your mom?”

Sunggyu looked up at him, the melancholy in his eyes clear and yearning. “...Yeah. Sometimes. But if my dad’s moved past it then I have to also.”

“Maybe not at the same pace, though. You were really close to your mom, Sunggyu. I think her passing away affected you the most in the family.”

The elder shrugged. “I don’t know, Woohyun, I really don’t. I can’t hate my dad’s girlfriend because he seems so happy but at the same time, I do hate her because she’s not my mom. It’s just… I mean, you get what I’m saying, right?”

“Of course I do,” Woohyun said with a soft, raspy chuckle. “I’ve had a stepmother since I was five. It wasn’t easy at first but I learned to love her like a real mother.”

“Yeah, I suppose. But enough about me. How have you been doing here in this oh, so exciting hospital room?”

“Fine, I guess. Not quite as exciting as I would like, but… I guess the Rubik’s cube is pretty exciting.” He smiled warmly at Sunggyu. “It feels better now that you’re here. It’s been lonely without you.”

Sunggyu grinned at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Well, I’m here now. Talk to me about anything you like because I’m going to call in sick to work tomorrow.”

Woohyun let out a soft, wheezing laugh. “You’re so bad, you know - lying to your boss and all.”

“That’s funny, because I recall you saying that I should punch my boss in the face quite calmly. And yet lying to him is appropriate?”

“Of course,” Woohyun responded cheekily.

Sunggyu was about to respond when Woohyun broke out into a fit of coughs. The coughs shooks his lungs and felt as if someone was punching them out of his stomach. Even Sunggyu winced; the coughs sounded like they hurt.

Sunggyu reached for the glass of water the nurses had left on the table and brought it to Woohyun’s lips. “You don’t sound too great,” he murmured. “Are your treatments helping at all?”

After taking a sip Woohyun pushed the glass away from his face. “Honestly? I don’t feel a difference. I have no clue what they’re doing to me.”

“But it will help you get better.”

“Sunggyu, you were there with Sungyeol, weren’t you? Then you would have heard the doctor. He said I have a sixty percent chance of living. Not through the treatments, Sunggyu - through my sickness.”

“Hey, sixty percent isn’t that bad. That’s considered a pass in school, isn’t it?”

“I always considered it a fail actually.”

Sunggyu furrowed his eyebrows with uncertainty. “Since when were you so negative? What happened to the Woohyun looked at the world in rose colored glasses and had faith in humanity?”

Woohyun stared down at his lap emotionlessly, a snicker and scoff of disbelief coming from him. “What happened to the Woohyun that could walk around? What happened to the Woohyun that knew what it was like to wake up in the mornings without feeling the need to barf? What happened to the Woohyun that didn’t need a catheter to excrete - I don’t know, Sunggyu.” He looked up from his lap with eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall. “I… I-I really don’t know. Maybe he’s part of the forty percent chance that dies.”

“Woohyun, you and I both know that that is not what Doctor Lee means by a sixty-forty survival chance.” He gripped Woohyun’s fingers in his own. “You’re going to live. I know you will. That sixty percent is going to grow in a seventy percent and then after that an eighty percent! Woohyun, you’ll be okay.”

“I don’t know, hyung, I-I… I guess I just really haven’t been feeling well and with me not getting any better… Things look kind of bleak.”

“Chin up, baby. They’ll only look bleak if you see it that way. Put your rose colored glasses back on for me.” Sunggyu smiled at him softly as he attempted to rekindle hope in Woohyun. “Besides - where’s the Woohyun that loves me?”

Woohyun broke into a small smile. “He’s still here.”

“That’s what I want to hear.” Sunggyu grinned. He leaned over and placed a kiss on Woohyun’s lips. “And you’re going to be okay. Okay? You’ll get better. And if it makes you feel better than you do right now, I have an interesting story for you. ”

Woohyun grinned that lovely toothy grin at him. “Yeah?” he asked. “What story?”

“Down at the reception desk just now. A nurse thought I was single and tried asking for my number.”

“No way!”

“Way! You should’ve seen the look on her face when I told her that you were my boyfriend!”

Woohyun chuckled at that and Sunggyu was happy to see his quick change in mood. “Speaking of nurses,” Woohyun whispered. “Are any of them out there right now?”

Sunggyu shook his head. “I don’t believe so.”

Woohyun smiled at him before shifting his body aside to make space on his small, white bed. Patting the empty spot next to him, he whispered, “Come here.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Where’s somewhere you would like to travel?”

“Me? Hm… I don’t know. Somewhere I haven’t travelled. What about you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Hawaii. I’ve always wanted to visit.”

“Yeah, Hawaii seems lovely. Year round tropics.”

“Or maybe the moon.”

“The moon?”

“Yeah, the moon. I’ve always wanted to travel there. It seems so… mysterious.”

“I don’t think it’s somewhere that I would prefer travelling to. The moon is so far away.”

“It’s far but… outer space is nice. The view would be gorgeous… and it would be silent. So wonderfully silent. Just me and my thoughts.”

“Wouldn’t you eventually go insane?”

“Hyung, don’t ruin this for me.”

Sunggyu snorted softly. “Sorry,” he whispered. He cuddled up closer to Woohyun, resting his cheek on Woohyun’s firm chest to listen the deep, steady beat of his heart. He was much fonder of this than the shrill corresponding beep that rang throughout the room. He kissed Woohyun’s clothed chest gently as if an apology.

A silence shrouded them lightly like an early morning mist. Their breathing patterns intermingled, creating the sound of a strange song that echoed softly throughout the small room. It was dark in the room, since Woohyun had requested a nurse to turn off his lights. There was no light in the room aside from the tiny fluorescent bulbs of the machines that Woohyun was hooked up to and the small, milky rays of moonlight that streamed in. It made the IV needle in Woohyun’s arm glint.

Sunggyu touched the needle gently, retracting his hand even though Woohyun did not flinch. “Does it hurt?” he asked. “The needle?”

Woohyun glanced down at his arm blandly, spotting the small sliver in his arm. “No. Not anymore. It hurt a little when they put it in but I got used to it.”

“As long as you’re not hurting, I’ll be fine.”

“...Hyung?”

“Mm?”

“What if… what if I don’t get better?”

“You will,” Sunggyu reassured, drawing sleepy circles on Woohyun’s abdomen. He let out a large yawn. “I’m sure of it.”

“But I’m saying if. What if the odds turn on me…?” He gripped Sunggyu’s body close to him, as if afraid to let go. “What if I have to...leave…?”

Sunggyu’s mouth turned into a frown as he sat up to look down on Woohyun’s moonlit face. “Woohyun, don’t say that. You’re not going anywhere.” He the other’s hair gently, combing his fingers through the dark mane. “You’ll be fine, remember?”

“I hope so because… I don’t want to leave,” he whispered. “I really - really - don’t want to leave.”

Reassuring him, Sunggyu smiled at him softly and responded gently, “I know you don’t. I don’t want you to leave either.”

“What will you do if I go?”

“Woohyun, that’s not-”

“Hyung,” he repeated, looking him straight in the eye with such conviction that Sunggyu couldn’t talk back. “I know that’s not what I should be focusing on. But what will you do, if I go?” he repeated. Sunggyu stayed silent as he stared at him. Woohyun’s eyes were yearning and almost pleading him for an answer. “Won’t you…” He paused and swallowed. “Will you miss me?”

Sunggyu let out a small breathy sigh through his nose, knowing that there was no winning against Woohyun’s persistence. “I will miss you,” he stated surely and soundly.

“Will you remember me?”

Sunggyu nodded as he brushed the younger’s hair out of his forehead. “I will always remember you.”

Woohyun bit his bottom lip, his eyes staring up and Sunggyu with a certain hopelessness that only the elder could grasp. “If I should leave… will you still love me?”

Sunggyu paused his hand in Woohyun’s hair and after a moment of hesitation he said, “I will.” Then he leaned over to place a soft kiss on Woohyun’s forehead. “I’ll love you until the end of forever.”

“Promise?”

“I Promise.”

“Pinky promise?” Woohyun raised his eyebrows and lifted his hand up.

Sunggyu chuckled as he laced their pinkies together affectionately. “Pinky promise,” he repeated. He kissed their intertwined pinkies lovingly. “I’ll love you forever.”

“That’s a bold task, you know,” Woohyun teased, “loving me forever.”

“It’s not that hard,” Sunggyu said, laying back down on Woohyun’s chest. “If I can still love my mom even though she’s gone then I can definitely love you forever.”

Woohyun let out a contented sigh as Sunggyu settled down on his ribcage. “Do you remember a lot about your mom?”

in a deep breath, Sunggyu replied, “...Yeah. Sort of. But my memory always seems to fail me when I need it the most.” He let out a breathless chuckle. “But I always remember her kindness… her compassion… her love. She was amazing.”

“Do you remember anything you used to talk about with her?” Woohyun asked, his eyes trained on the ceiling.

“Actually I do. It was about week… a week before she passed away.” Sunggyu looked up in thought, fighting to pull the memory from the depths of his mind. “She was comforting me. She told me that she would be okay. She would end up in a better place. She told me she wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

“She sounds like a kind lady,” Woohyun murmured into Sunggyu’s hair. “I wish I got the chance to meet her.”

“Me too,” Sunggyu laughed lightly. “You two would have gotten along really well. You’re both kind and wonderful.”

“Oh, hush you,” Woohyun chuckled. “But continue with your story.”

Sunggyu shrugged. “There’s not much to tell. She was comforting me and making me accept the fact that… that she wouldn’t be around much longer. I had to take care of my father and my younger sister for her. I had to be strong for her.”

“Were you strong?”

“Not at first. At first I struggled with keeping my emotions at bay. I just missed her so much.” He smiled gently at his mother’s memory and reminisced in the melancholic nostalgia. “But then I remembered something she told me before she passed. She told me that when she died, an angel would come to her and take her hand and guide her safely to where she belonged. So I told myself that she was okay. She was fine and that she would hate to see me cry. And then… I was kind of at peace after that.”

Woohyun smiled softly and said, “She sounds like a wonderful woman, Sunggyu.”

“She was,” Sunggyu agreed. “And now that I know that she’s watching over me, I feel much better.”

“Weren’t you ever scared for her? Since you wouldn’t know what would happen to her?” Woohyun asked, his voice shaking slightly.

Sunggyu looked up at his face for a moment before lifting himself up and switching their position so that he was eye level with Woohyun.“Of course I was,” he whispered. “I was so terrified for her. But she didn’t seem the least bit scared.”

“At all?” Woohyun whispered, turning to rest their foreheads together. “She wasn’t even a little scared?”

Sunggyu shook his head. “No. But you want to know what she told me instead?” Woohyun nodded earnestly, linking their hands together as he stared deep into Sunggyu’s tired eyes. “She told me - ‘Baby. If you think about it, death isn’t so bad. No one can hurt you anymore… no one will make you sad. No one can make you angry or upset. You’ll just be at peace. And everything will be okay… everything will be fine.’” He let out a sleepy yawn as he brought Woohyun closer to him. “Everything,” he repeated, “will be fine. You’ll be okay, Woohyun.”

“Will I be okay though, hyung? Will I really be okay?” he asked softly.

Sunggyu closed his eyes and nodded briefly, the smile on his lips fleeting away after a moment. “I’m sure of it. You’ll be okay.”

Woohyun smiled at him lightly and brushed his cheek with the back of his hand. “You must be tired,” he whispered. “You came here straight from work and you probably haven’t eaten anything either… get some rest, Sunggyu. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

Sunggyu smiled drowsily, his eyes half asleep and his eyelids drooping dangerously. “Are you sleepy yet?” he asked out of concern.

“Yeah,” he lied, “I’m sleepy too. Let’s sleep, okay? You look really tired.”

Sunggyu let out a large yawn and stretched his arms around Woohyun’s body. “Shall we sleep then? We’re both tired.”

Woohyun stared at his shut eyelids and wondered momentarily what it would be like if they didn’t open. “Yeah… let’s just both get sleep.”

Sunggyu opened his eyes slowly and gave Woohyun a smile before leaning forward to press a kiss on his forehead affectionately. “Good night,” he whispered.

“‘Night…” Woohyun responded.

Sunggyu seemed to fall asleep within moments, his light snoring being the only sound accompanying the insanity inducing beeps from Woohyun’s heart monitor. But Woohyun couldn’t sleep; he stared up at the ceiling helplessly as the beeps of his heart seemed to get slower and slower and slower by the second. He could feel himself slipping away. Sunggyu might have tried to be reassuring but Woohyun knew. He knew that he wasn’t going to make. It was just a matter of how long. He just hoped that his time would stretch out for as long as possible and until his time came, he would believe Sunggyu. He would believe that he would be okay.

The room was silent once Woohyun learned how to tune out the beeps and whirs and the heavy breathing. So in the stark silence, he looked out his window to the big, full moon.

“Hey, Mr. Angel,” he began softly, almost feeling ridiculous. “If you’re out there… please just give me more time. Don’t come for me just yet. Let… let me stay a little longer.” He looked at Sunggyu face and kiss the other’s nose and smiled gently when the older scrunched it up. “Just a little longer,” he repeated. “That will be okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

Woohyun thought he had come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t make it but he clearly proved himself wrong when Doctor Lee told him that his sixty percent chance had dwindled in half and was now thirty percent.

Thirty percent. A thirty percent chance of survival.

Sunggyu had been holding his hand when Doctor Lee told him the news and he had never felt more hopeless and devastated in his life. He had burst out crying immediately and he felt so embarrassed that he couldn’t control his own emotions. Muffling his wretched sobs with his blanket, he shook silently as Sunggyu was saying some things to the doctor, looking angry and hurt. The doctor only spoke back to him calmly with sad eyes saying something along the lines of ‘the good always die young.’ Sunggyu had yelled back something ferocious.

Woohyun didn’t want to hear; he had tuned everything out.

The doctor only spoke more in detail - how Woohyun still had some hope, how Sunggyu should please calm down and how there was still time left to make him better.

Woohyun couldn’t hear; he had tuned everything out.

Soon after, Doctor Lee had left and Sunggyu was at his side immediately; comforting him and telling him to not trust the doctor.

But Woohyun didn’t hear; he had tuned everything out.

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu did his best to comfort Woohyun to the best of his ability but the younger’s tears were relentless. The look on Woohyun’s face was betrayed and unforgiving and Sunggyu didn’t want more than for him to smile.

“Woohyun,” he whispered, wiping away the other’s tears haphazardly. Woohyun hadn’t responded since he had started bawling. “Woohyun. Hey, look at me, baby.”

But Woohyun remained still, his loud cries drowning out the sound of that incessant beep that refused to be quiet. Sunggyu noticed the way Woohyun’s eyebrows furrowed in anxiously and how he cried and stared down at his lump of legs and he felt terrible.

“Woohyun,” he called again, hoping to somehow reach the younger. He sat right in front of him but yet he seemed so far away. “Hey, talk to me… okay?” He touched his cheeks softly. “Don’t cry by yourself. Let me cry with you.”

But Woohyun shook his head fiercely, swiping away angrily at the tears that just wouldn’t stop. He hiccuped loudly and started crying harder.

Sunggyu grew worried more and more as the seconds passed and Woohyun kept crying. He took Woohyun’s face into his hands and turned it towards him gently as he tried to shush him with soft whispers. Woohyun tried to wipe away the tears that dampened his face but Sunggyu didn’t let him.

“Shhh, Woohyun, it’s alright,” he whispered, kissing the tears away. “Don’t cry, okay? You’ll… You’ll be fine.”

“No,” Woohyun’s voice cracked miserably. “I won’t be fine! You heard Doctor Lee, Sunggyu - I’m a thirty percent chance of surviving!” He let out a choked sob and covered his face with his hands. “Nothing is fine! Hyung, I’m going to die!” he wailed out.

Sunggyu lifted his face up, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Woohyun, don’t you dare say that,” he reprimanded gently. “Don’t beat yourself up.”

Woohyun’s sniffling softened up as he held eye contact with Sunggyu. But there was something in him that snapped in that moment; staring into his beloved boyfriend’s eyes and imagining leaving him. It brought him to a whole new level of panic where he grabbed Sunggyu’s hands and held them tightly against his own face, refusing to let Sunggyu let go. He cried, then.

Maybe it wasn’t that important because he had been crying for a while. But Woohyun felt absolutely crushed and heartbroken at the thought of leaving Sunggyu; of leaving love. He couldn’t handle it - he wouldn’t handle it.

His tears dripped onto Sunggyu’s soft hands and Sunggyu was slightly astonished by Woohyun’s sudden reaction. He didn’t dare move though - not when Woohyun looked so dependent on his mere presence alone.

And then hesitantly, after a few moments of quietness, Woohyun whispered out, “Hyung, I’m scared.”

Sunggyu’s heart shattered. Pulling Woohyun’s face closer, he kissed his salty cheeks affectionately. “Don’t be,” he murmured back tenderly. “You have no reason to be.”

“What’s going to happen?” Woohyun squeaked out, his voice cracking erratically. “What’s going to happen after I’m gone?”

“Woohyun, you don’t know that you’re going to die yet.”

“Sunggyu - thirty percent,” Woohyun reminded, his voice barely above a breathless whisper.

“Just keep holding on,” Sunggyu replied, kissing his forehead. “Hold on for me.”

“I want to Sunggyu, I really do. Especially if it’s for you.” Woohyun shut his eyes, three tears squeezing past and onto his cheeks. “But I just don’t know if I can.”

Sunggyu kissed his eyelids lovingly, taking time to wipe away the tears from his face. “You can,” he told him. “I know you can.”

Woohyun shook his head defeatedly. “Sunggyu, I’m so scared.” His bottom lip shook dangerously, and he bit it to keep it still. “I’m terrified.”

“Why?” Sunggyu asked, kissing the side of his lips. “What’s there to be afraid of, Hyun? Tell me.”

Woohyun inhaled deeply and opened his eyes slightly to stare down at the bar on the hospital bed that separated him from Sunggyu. “I’m scared,” he began, “of leaving. I’m scared of not knowing what's going to happen. I’m scared that people will forget me. I’m scared of leaving you. Hyung, I just feel so anxious – I hate it.”

“You don’t need to be afraid,” Sunggyu whispered back, brushing Woohyun's hair back. “You’re a wonderful person. People who love you will always be here and will always remember you. You're kind and honest. No one will forget you easily.”

“Good,” Woohyun repeated almost bitterly, his frail hands clutching at his thin, cotton blankets. “Why do the good die young, hyung? Doctor Lee said that. So why is it the good people that have to die young?”

Sunggyu looked up at the ceiling in thought. “You know… Earth isn’t the best place in the universe. Our universe probably isn’t the best universe either. The good don’t belong on Earth. They belong somewhere better.” He looked down at Woohyun’s face, smiling at the curious expression upon such a tired and hollow face. “The good die young so that they can grow old somewhere better than this.”

“Then what about you?” Woohyun asked, searching his eyes. "You’re good too. Why wouldn’t you be taken to a better place? Why can't you grow old somewhere better than this?”

“Woohyun, I’m not that good,” Sunggyu murmured softly, caressing his face carefully. “I’m not as good as you.”

Woohyun choked on his throat, the tears in his eyes glistening more than ever. “But I’m not good either! I’m awful, Sunggyu, I’m terrible!” His tears blurred his vision and he breathed with shallow gasps. “I kick puppies and push the elderly - hyung, I don”t deserve to go somewhere better! I shouldn't-”

Sunggyu shook his head and kissed Woohyun's shaking mouth. “No, Woohyun. You’re wonderful. You pet puppies and help the elderly, Woohyun - you’re much more kind than I am. You’re good.”

But Woohyun kept shaking his head. “I’m not good,” he cried desperately. “I’m not, hyung. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not…”

“Shhh,” Sunggyu whispered as he kissed Woohyun’s forehead tenderly. “You are, Woohyun. You’re more than good.”

Woohyun cried silently, the tears streaming down his cheeks profusely as Sunggyu quieted him and reassured him and told him he was good. He was good and it would all be okay. It was a while before Woohyun had calmed down again, reduced to nothing but breathless hiccups and shallow sighs.

“How about we do something different tonight?” Sunggyu said, his voice hardly above a whisper. “How about you sing me to sleep? Hm?”

Woohyun stared down as if he was ashamed. “I don’t… I don’t remember how to sing,” he answered shallowly. “I haven’t sung anything in so long, I’ve forgotten.”

“That’s okay.” Sunggyu smiled. “We’ll sing together then. We can sing something really easy.” He lifted his chin in thought for a moment before smiling. “Like that sunshine song we used to sing.”

Woohyun’s eyebrow rose incredulously. “That song?” he asked, his voice cracking down into a cough. “Isn’t that song too old?”

“No,” Sunggyu responded with a shake of his head. “It’s simple and slow so you can sing it. We can switch off lines.”

“But… there are only four lines in the song,” Woohyun whispered.

The elder shrugged. “That’s okay,” he responded with a grin. “As long as I get to hear you sing a little. You start, okay? Ready?”

After a hesitant moment, Woohyun nodded and began to sing softly, “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…”

“You make me happy,” Sunggyu continued, tapping their noses together affectionately, “when skies are gray.”

Woohyun broke in a tiny, soft smile. “You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you...”

“Please don’t take… my sunshine away…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Woohyun got weaker as days went by. He was talking much less and his face and body had grown thinner by too much. His eyes rested sadly in dark hammocks that proved he was lacking sleep and his chapped lips showed how little hydration he was getting. He got worse and worse by the minute.

Sunggyu visited him as often as he could, constantly trying to lift his spirits and lighten his mood. Woohyun used to be able to verbally thank Sunggyu, but nowadays his vocal chords were weak and he could barely manage a nod at the other.

Sunggyu was a little scared. Everytime he visited, Woohyun seemed to have something more attached on his body. First it was bandages, then it was tubes through his nose and now he had been attached to a breathing mask. Sunggyu couldn’t kiss him anymore, but that mask was the only anchor Woohyun had left. So Sunggyu never complained.

Time was running out. There was no doubt about that. Woohyun’s time was starting to run out.

But then there were days when Sunggyu would ignore that fact and just meander in gracelessly and talk to Woohyun. That’s all he seemed to do these days - talk and talk and talk. Woohyun didn’t talk back much anymore, but that was okay. Sunggyu’s heart soared whenever Woohyun would utter out a small sound of interest or agreement. It was the best when he let out a raspy chuckle that seemed both muffled and magnified at the same time by his breathing mask.

And then there were days like today, where Woohyun was sleeping when Sunggyu arrived and he didn’t have the heart to wake him. So Sunggyu just sat on the side of the bed and stared at Woohyun.

The younger seemed to be sleeping peacefully, the sound of his wheezing breaths sounding loud in the room. The sound seemed to bounce off the white walls haphazardly and get louder each time. Sunggyu almost wished that the heart monitor was louder so that the beeps could overpower the breaths. But instead the heart monitor beeped slower now; slower than ever and Sunggyu was anxious because he knew Woohyun would be leaving any day now but he didn’t know when. He savored his time now like a sweet pastry that was delicate, crumbling and too gone too soon.

“Hey,” he whispered, staring at Woohyun’s closed, sunken eyes. “You’re still hanging in there, right? That’s good. Hang in for as long as you can for me - and if you can’t… well, that’s still okay.”

He chuckled to himself and reached to hold Woohyun’s cold, limp hands in his. It made his insides shiver. “You’re so cold, baby…” he murmured sadly. “So cold. It’s scary to imagine that this time next week, you might not even be with me anymore.” He shook his head, a bitter grin present on his face. “Life just so cruel, isn’t it? You deserve so much better but you can only do so by being taken away. How unusually cruel.”

He sniffed to himself, the humidifier in the room making his nose damp. “I know you’re going soon,” he whispered with difficulty. “And… I know that we’re going to have to seperate soon. But when you go, remember me. Remember me and all the people here that love you. Remember Sungyeol, remember your father, your mother… remember us all.” He paused for a moment and listened to the beeping of the heart monitor. “And… if you happen to run into my mom up there, give her a hug and a kiss from me and tell her I miss her. She’s got eyes like mine that sparkle the same way you like it.”

Sunggyu brought the cold, frail hand up to his lips and kissed it ever so gently. “And don’t be afraid. I’ll be here when you wake.”

 

 

 

 

 

The doctor had said that Woohyun had a week left.

Sunggyu got the call three days later.

 

 

 

 

 

“Out of my way!” he hissed to the nurses and doctors in his path as the elevator doors opened.

He needed to get to room 507. He sprinted down the hall, his jacket half on and his socks mismatched, and skidded around the corner. He needed to get there now.

By the time room 507 came into sight, there were doctors coming out of it solemnly and Sunggyu hoped and hoped that he wasn’t too late. He ran up to a doctor urgently.

“Where’s Woohyun?” he asked panting feverishly. “Is he…?”

The doctor shook her head. “Not yet - he’s still in the room. Take as much time as you need. He’s waiting for you.”

Sunggyu nodded his thanks before rushing into the room. As soon as he entered he noticed Woohyun lying in his bed, his breathing mask gone, and the most terrified look on his face that made Sunggyu’s heart and soul collapse.

Woohyun stared at him, unable to lift himself up and only reaching out towards him with a weak hand. “Hyung,” he croaked. He looked as if he was about to cry.

“Woohyun,” Sunggyu gasped, immediately going to his side and holding his hand. “Baby, you’re okay,” he said briskly, trying to reassure him with a smile. “You’re okay, Woohyun. I’m here now - you’re fine.”

Woohyun sniffed, the tears in his eyes falling down to his cheeks as he stared up at Sunggyu longingly. Choking back a cry, he said, “Hyung, I’m scared. I’m so, so scared, hyung. And I know I shouldn’t be, but I still am because I still don’t know what’s going to happen.” His voice cracked down into a whisper, his tears evident through his voice. “Hyung, I’m terrified.”

“Shh, babe, it’s okay,” Sunggyu murmured to him, his hair and his face lovingly. “You’ll be fine.” He tried at another smile, but the tears falling from his eyes betrayed him. “You fought so hard, Woohyun - I’m so proud of you.”

“I don’t want to go,” Woohyun cried desperately. His hands clung on to Sunggyu’s in a last attempt - as last hope - to stay alive. “I don’t want to go; and I know I have a million reasons to go but I have a million reasons to stay,” he sobbed out, his tears dampening his cheeks. “You’re at least half of those reasons, hyung.”

Sunggyu bent over, pressing their foreheads together in a way that he hoped would last longer than it would be. “You don’t need to be afraid,” he whispered, holding back his own tears, “because no matter where you are, I’ll be with you forever and always. I will love you forever and always.” He kissed Woohyun’s forehead gently and sweetly, lingering as long as he could. “And I will never - ever - forget you in a moment of my life, Woohyun.”

“You promise?” Woohyun asked, his voice filled an anguished honesty that stabbed at Sunggyu’s heart.

But Sunggyu nodded, ignoring the little droplets that slid down his cheeks. “I promise,” he whispered. “I promise, I promise, I promise.”

Woohyun coughed out a sob, the sincere and raw emotions from Sunggyu’s words tearing his heart apart. “Hyung,” he cried, his voice shaking unstably, “I don’t think I can last much longer. Hyung, I’m going to go soon.”

The grip on Woohyun’s hand tightened and Sunggyu nodded his head shakily. “I know, baby, I know. You can do it. You’re brave - I know you are,” he murmured. “I believe in you. I know you’re going to be okay.”

Woohyun closed his eyes, the terror in them being momentarily shielded as he reached up to tangle his hand in Sunggyu’s soft, caramel hair for one last time. “I love you,” he breathed out tenderly. “Hyung, I love you so much.” He inhaled a sharp gasp as more tears squeezed past his closed lids and ran down to his chin. “I-I… I’m so sorry to leave you.”

“No, don’t be sorry,” Sunggyu hushed, trembling. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything. Just close your eyes and rest,” he said. “You’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be fine,” Woohyun repeated, his eyes still shut. “I will be fine. As long as you promise to remember me-”

“I promise.”

“-to take care of Sungyeol-”

“I promise.”

“-and to be as kind and loving as you are now-”

“Woohyun, I promise.”

“-then I’ll be fine,” he breathed out slowly. “I know I’ll be fine now.” He brought Sunggyu’s face closer to his and kissed his nose tenderly. “We’ll be fine.”

Sunggyu nodded fervently as he cried, tasting the salty streams on his face when he opened his mouth to speak. “We’ll be fine,” he repeated. “We will be fine.”

Woohyun’s mouth curved into a small smile as his breathing became heavier and heavier. “Hyung, I just have one last request,” he croaked. “Sing to me, please.”

“Sing-?”

“Sing me to sleep,” Woohyun said. He reached his head up with difficulty and pressed one last, lingering, soft kiss onto Sunggyu’s lips. “Sing me to sleep and I’ll sleep,” he heaved.

And so Sunggyu sang.

He sang his song filled with love and hope and watched painfully as Woohyun’s eyes drooped low before closing. He sang his song shakily and unsteadily, the tune wavering unsurely and unstably as listened to Woohyun’s heavy breaths slow down. He sang his song to the slow, slow beep of the heart monitor until he couldn’t hear it anymore. And he sang his song until his tune turned into desperate cries and the sheets below him were damp with his tears and until the doctors had to pull him away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“...Hello?”

“Hello, is this Lee Sungyeol? Step-brother of Nam Woohyun?”

“Yes, this is he.”

“This is the local hospital, sir.”

“I-Is there something wrong?”

“We are greatly pained to say that Woohyun has passed away today, March 20th, at two-fifteen in the afternoon.”

“Woohyu-...”

“On behalf of Doctor Lee and the hospital, we would like to-... Hello? Sir? Mr. Lee Sungyeol, are you alright?! ”

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you ready to go?”

Sunggyu looked up from his untouched bagel and coffee to meet the weary gaze of Woohyun’s father. He nodded silently in response.

“You should eat before we go,” the man whispered out, eyeing Sunggyu’s cold bagel. “You might need the energy.”

Sunggyu chuckled humorlessly, bring his elbow onto the table to rest his cheek his palm. “Don’t take this personally but I’m just not finding anything appetizing right now,” he said out raspily.

“Don’t worry.” Woohyun’s father tried to smile, his eyes crinkling sadly. “I don’t think any of us do.” Sunggyu smiled in appreciation and the man continued. “I’ll gather the rest of us up. We’ll leave in ten minutes.”

Sunggyu nodded and Woohyun’s father left the room. The only sound left was the sad occasional sniffs from the sofa where Woohyun’s mother sat with a handkerchief covering . Her eyes and nose were red from days of crying. Sunggyu sniffed as he stared down at his coffee, the reflection of his own red eyes and nose staring back at him.

He stared at his bagel unfondly as he fixed the tie of his formalwear. “I miss you Woohyun,” he whispered almost inaudibly.

It had been a week since Woohyun had passed. Today was the day of his funeral. Sunggyu and Woohyun’s family had all met up at Woohyun’s old home, deciding to spend some final moments in it before it had to be put up for sale. Soon they were going to drive to the funeral home, where they would say their eulogies and final goodbyes before going to the burial. Sunggyu was dreading it.

Woohyun’s father came back into the room, his eyes looking tired and weary. “I can’t find Sungyeol,” he said. “Has he come down yet?”

“No,” Woohyun’s mother sniffled.

The older man sighed and ran his hands through his graying hair. “Sunggyu,” he asked, “do you think you could-”

“I’ll find him,” he reassured as he stood up from the small kitchen table. “We’ll be able to leave soon, don’t worry.”

Woohyun’s father looked at him in thanks as he went to go join his wife on the sofa. Sunggyu travelled through the house in search of Sungyeol. The younger couldn’t be too far; he hadn’t left the house on his own for all Sunggyu knew.

Suddenly he heard the soft sound of crying coming from Woohyun’s old room. Pushing the door to the room open slowly, he peeked inside.

“Sungyeol?” he asked to the air.

The crying got louder; Sunggyu knew he was in here. It took him a few minutes to locate him exactly, but once he did, he felt his heart wrench in his gut.

Sungyeol had hidden himself in Woohyun’s closet. He sat on the ground, curled in a ball as he cried into one of Woohyun’s old shirts. The shirt was wet and damp from the tears and Sungyeol didn’t look like he was going to stop soon.

“Oh, Sungyeol,” Sunggyu sighed, bending to the ground immediately.

As Sungyeol choked on his sobs and gasped out in heartache, Sunggyu gathered him in his arms and hushed him. “Shhh, Sungyeol - it’s okay. You’re okay, Sungyeol. Why are you hiding in here?”

“I-I don’t…” he hiccuped uncontrollably, “I don’t want to s-see them put Woohyun six f-feet under the ground,” he cried. “I don’t want t-that, hyung! I don’t want Woohyun there!”

Sunggyu his hair like he would with Woohyun. “Don’t cry, Sungyeol. Woohyun is okay. He’s fine.”

‘Hyung, I miss him,” Sungyeol sobbed. “I miss him so much it hurts.”

“I know it hurts, Sungyeol, I know. I hurt too.”

Soon after a few moments of gentle coaxing, Sunggyu helped Sungyeol to stand on his feet and brought him out. The younger dried his tears in the car on the way to the funeral home, wiping the wetness away on his black, jacket sleeves.

Sunggyu decided that he hated the funeral home. It smelled of incense and candles and flowers all at once and it made him sick to his stomach. There were mountains of flowers everywhere - red, orange and white camellias. Sunggyu wished Woohyun had been awake to see it because he would have adored it.

But Woohyun was also the worst part. Because amidst all the flowers was the big, open coffin where Woohyun lay in a sleep that he could never wake from. Sunggyu’s heart shattered every time he saw him in the coffin because here Woohyun lay in his Sunday best, his hair done and his eyes shut and his lips colorless and his body cold. Sunggyu wanted so badly to shake him - to wake him up somehow - but even he knew that those were selfish desires.

In front of the coffin was a small little table filled with vases of camellias, but most importantly, a portrait of Woohyun - bright, energetic and smiling. The picture was just so beautiful; Woohyun was grinning, the lighting was bright and warm and he wore colors that made him look so alive. The juxtaposition of it was so cruel to Sunggyu, he almost couldn’t make it through his eulogy.

When he finished off shakily, he stepped down from the wooden podium to stand by the coffin and he almost started crying again, just from the look of Woohyun’s sleeping face. He tore his gaze away to stare at the rows filled with guests, crying over the death of someone so young and wonderful.

Sunggyu was given Woohyun’s portrait to hold when Sungyeol began his own speech, as he was supposed to hold it when they processed to the cemetery. He couldn’t help but cry as he looked at it; it was such a beautiful portrait.

Sunggyu’s head whipped up when there was a concerned gasp from the audience and he felt his heart lurch. Sungyeol had broken down in the middle of his speech, his crying so hard he was unable to go on. Having fallen to his knees, his palms were pressed against his face as he sobbed out Woohyun’s name over and over, unable to handle the reality of his brother’s death. Myungsoo had gone up to help him, to hush him and to kiss him better.

And in that moment something sharp struck Sunggyu’s heart. His hands shook around the picture he held in his arms and suddenly he found himself facing the ground on his hands and knees, the picture strewn to the side. He had begun sobbing, coughing and choking and calling out for Woohyun, begging him to please come back.

A few family members had gone over to help him stand back up and tried to soothe him even though they were crying as well. He clutched on Woohyun’s picture as harshly as he breathed as he found himself in someone’s embrace.

“It’s okay,” Sungyeol cried, Sunggyu’s face resting on his shoulder. “Woohyun is fine,” he hiccuped. “Woohyun is fine.”

Once they had both calmed down and all the eulogies were over, it was time to go to the burial grounds. Woohyun’s parents had started crying again as the uncles moved to close the coffin.

“Wait,” Sunggyu squeaked suddenly. His voice sounded unfamiliar to his own ears.

His body seemed to move on its own as he removed one bunch of camellias from a vase from the small table and walked over to the coffin. Crying, he reached in and placed it under Woohyun’s cold, folded hands. Sunggyu his hair one last time and bent down cautiously to leave one last, final, lingering kiss on Woohyun’s pale forehead.

He bit his lip as he backed away from the coffin, crying. Woohyun’s uncles, blotchy faced and tear-stained, shut down the lid of the coffin with a thud that resounded hauntingly in Sunggyu’s ears.

They processed out with the coffin in tow and Sunggyu cried and cried as he followed them to the burial grounds where they would say their last and final goodbyes before burying Woohyun six feet under the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunggyu sat down, cross-legged, in front of Woohyun’s grave. He placed a small bundle of flowers next to the ever present portrait of the beautifully smiling boy and smiled to himself.

“Hi,” he said softly, staring at the picture. “How have you been, Woohyun? I hope you’re well. I have been well. It’s a little lonely without you, but… all is well.”

The wind breezed gently across his neck and Sunggyu chuckled.

‘It’s been a year,” he sighed. “A whole year since you left. Is that crazy or what? You know what else is crazy? The fact that I’m talking to myself in the middle of a cemetery,” he laughed.

“You wouldn’t believe what’s been happening around here,” he said. “Myungsoo and Sungyeol got engaged around five months later. They’re getting married soon. Sungyeol is devastated that you can’t go, but he learned to deal with it.

And remember that bulogogi chef that loved you? Well once he heard that you were gone, he made your special bulogogi one of the special menu items. It’s even named after you! Woohyun’s Bulogogi,” Sunggyu recited with a smile. “It’s actually a customer favorite and all the money goes towards researching diseases and viruses similar to yours.”

Sunggyu’s traced the engraving on the tombstone fondly, his eyes following his finger pattern.

“And me?” he continued softly. “I’ve been missing you a lot, baby. Some days aren’t as bad as others but when I’m lying alone in bed… it just makes me miss you that much more.” He let out a melancholy sigh. “I really miss you, Woohyun. I wish I could kiss you again, or hug you again. I really wish I could hear you sing again, even if for a short amount of time.”

With a small sniffle of tears, he smiled broadly. “I did what you asked me to, though. I finally punched my boss - not in the face, but it was still just as satisfactory. And like you said, I got fired! Now I have a job in music,” he said, his eyes swimming with tears of happiness. “I compose now. It’s mostly for smaller unknown artists but hopefully I’ll be writing for bigger names someday.”

“I sound lonely, don’t I?” Sunggyu chuckled. “Some small record song composer that lives by himself. Do you ever worry about me? I worry about you sometimes. I wonder how you’re doing. But at the end of the day, I know you’re fine.”

After a few moments of silence, Sunggyu spoke up one last time. “I love you. I love you lots, okay? Never forget that and I’ll never forget you. And we’ll be together forever and always. You won’t have to worry about me anymore, Woohyun. I’ve found another ‘Hyun’ that I can share my life with.”

Sunggyu crouched over and placed a kiss on the tombstone and then another kiss on the portrait. With one last bow, he stood up, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

“Hyun!” he called out, grinning happily as ‘Hyun’ came bounding towards him.

Hyun ran towards him rapidly, his eyes bright and sparkling and his barks loud and clear. The small brown honey colored puppy jumped happily into Sunggyu’s arms, his face all over. The puppy reminded Sunggyu of Woohyun by tons. Their eyes sparkled the same, they jumped around the same when they were excited - it made Sunggyu ecstatic.

“Hi boy!” he cooed, kissing the top of Hyun’s head. “How’s my Hyunnie doing, hm? Are you tired now that you’ve run all around the cemetery?” He laughed when Hyun his nose affectionately. “Okay, I get it! You’re not tired at all!”

The dog let out a content, high pitched bark that brought a large grin to Sunggyu’s face.

“Hyun,” he said softly. “Look there. That’s Woohyun. He’s the one I named you after,” Sunggyu whispered to the dog.

The puppy looked to where he was pointing and let out a small whine as if out of concern for this Woohyun’s well being.

“Are you worried for him?” Sunggyu asked, scratching behind the puppy’s ears. He chuckled wholeheartedly when Hyun the puppy whined once again.

“You don’t need to worry one bit. Woohyun is fine. He’s absolutely fine.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

---

(A/N):

good to see you’ve made it through! after two months of terrible writer’s block and more, i finally was able to post this!! ^^

it turned out much sadder than i planned ; u ; but i hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! i enjoyed writing it! //forgive me for killing hyun. 

please leave a comment down below as comments are loved :))) and upvote if it pleased you <3 but if you’re not into leaving comments, try hitting me up on twitter! (@_fabyeolous) or leave anonymous comments through my ask.fm here!

anyways hope you enjoyed! :))) love you all to bits!

+ Quinnie