Jinyoung have decided to stay in Seoul for good. He officially filed his resignation in the city library back in Jinhae. He also gathered all his things from their old house and with the help of Yugyeom, they’re able to bring them all at Youngjae’s apartment. Jinyoung chose to spend his days in his brother’s flat; after all it’s more convenient for the both of them. He supports Youngjae’s needs and expenses; food, bills, and other stuff need in the apartment. It was really hard at first. He’s jobless, of course. Mark once offered him a spot in the architectural and design department of the Tuan Corporation but Jinyoung declined. He wants to get rid of all the issues first and at the same time, he needs to keep an enormous distance between him and the ill hearted duo that always crushes out his dignity.

“Yes, Mrs. Shin! I’ll be there in few minutes. Thank you!” Jinyoung said after pressing the end call button of this phone. It was a bright Saturday morning when Jinyoung found himself sprawled on the couch. He’s still having his yesterday’s clothes on. He sleepily stood up and headed towards his brother’s room. The cold breeze welcomed him upon pushing the door open. He tried to make it as silent as possible, making it a must not wake his brother from his deep slumber. Jinyoung went further, seeing Youngjae lying on Yugyeom’s arm with an arm wrapped around the waist of the taller guy. It’s been a week since the boy chose to stay in Youngjae’s apartment as well. With the three of them living together, they’re pretty much certain that they can make another home and fill-up the vacancies in their young hearts. Jinyoung treated Yugyeom as a younger sibling as well.

Planting a soft kiss on his brother’s forehead, Jinyoung slowly went out of the room. Taking a cup of coffee, he sat on the couch and grabbed his phone. He stared at it sadly. The communication between him and Mark were staring to get rough. Days ago, they would call each other numerous time a day, texts were somewhat flooding each of their respective inbox. But as they got busier with their new jobs, everything transformed into a foreign phase. Jinyoung dialled Mark’s number, hoping to hear from him. It’s been 5 days since their last conversation; it’s really short and quite unclear. Their situation is surely bound to kill either of them.

The phone kept ringing. Supposedly, Mark is at home today because it’s Saturday. After seconds of waiting, he gave up. His heart caved in for the nth time that week. The longing was undeniably painful. With all his courage, he just texted a good morning message, wishing that Mark could read it afterwards. As the clocked ticked 7:00 AM, Jinyoung sprinted to the shower and fixed himself. He grabbed the most comfortable clothes and sneaks, cooked breakfast for his brothers and left a note that says he’s already at work. When everything’s settled, he went out.

Having multiple jobs is simply one of the hardest things in the universe.  They say it is never difficult to adjust especially if you’re really dedicated and persevering. But it didn’t go that way for Jinyoung. After resigning, he applied to different agencies without completely telling his plans to Mark. He wants to send his brother back to school so he badly needed a highly paid job. Despite of his bachelor’s degree, he wasn’t able to find a decent job at first.

Early in the morning, Jinyoung would look after a kid, wake him up, feed him, prepare his things and send him to school. After that, he would work in a small laundry shop as a cashier. When the sun was about to set behind the thick clouds, he would pick the kid from school and look after him until his mother arrived from work. He serves as a second parent to the kid since he does all the duties that his parents were supposed to do. And when midnight comes, he works in a bar as a singer until dawn. Only getting 3-4 hours of sleep every day, it was inevitable for Jinyoung to feel sick at some instances, but he needs to push himself to continue.

Today, he’s heading to look after the kid for the whole day. The laundry shop is closed that day and the fact that he receives a double pay, every weekend, from Mrs. Shin simply ignites his desire to work. Instead of sleeping longer, he chose to get his hands onto something and make money out of it. He arrived at the condominium unit of the Shins. He took the elevator and went out at the designated floor. Once he arrived at the door, he rang the buzzer and Mrs. Shin greeted him in. “Thank god you’re here, Jinyoung!” she said, panicking and heading towards his kid’s room.

Jinyoung followed. As soon as we stepped in the room, a low cry was heard. He went further and stood near the boy’s bed. “Jinyoungie hyung!” the kid called with tears rolling down his eyes. He weakly tried to stand but his mother stopped him. “He’s sick, Nyoung. He said his throat hurts too. I really want to take care of him but I can’t drop an important meeting with our clients today. And besides, he wants to see you. Please look after him until tonight.” Mrs. Shin begged. It made him think about certain situations like this. Why do some parents prioritize their work instead of their children? It’s acceptable if his son is fine and well but the kid is sick! She’s the one needed there; her care was required. As Jinyoung sat on the bed, he immediately caressed the lad’s forehead and realized that his temperature is really high. Her mother left after handing the medicines to Jinyoung. “Hyung…” he cried, clinging on Jinyoung’s arm.

"It’s okay, Peniel. You’ll be fine." Jinyoung assured, reaching for the bottle of his medicine. He poured the syrup on a small spoon and asked Peniel to drink it. After sipping onto a glass of cold water, he laid back again. "Jinyoung hyung, don’t leave me. Please!" he begged, still sobbing.

Jinyoung kissed his forehead. “I won’t leave you. Stop crying.” and he wiped the tears away from his pale face.

For the whole day, Jinyoung stayed beside Peniel. He would monitor his temperature, make him take his medicine and cook some porridge for him. Every time Peniel was resting, Jinyoung would do the laundry and clean the house knowing that Mrs. Shin will surely give him a bonus for doing those chores. It was almost evening when he ended up lying on the couch due to exhaustion. His arms, his entire body to be exact, was already limping. He was about to close his eyes when the door of Peniel’s room opened. The kid was slowly walking towards him with a very gloomy expression. The elder was so worried so he ran towards him and carried him to the couch. Peniel sat on his lap, with his slim arms around Jinyoung’s body. “I’m sad, Jinyoungie hyung.” he whispered.

"Why is my Peniel sad? You’re throat still hurts?" he intrigued, pushing the bangs off his forehead. Peniel shook his head. "I miss mommy. Do you think mommy loves me?" Jinyoung was taken aback by the question. How can a 6 year old kid ask about this issue?

Jinyoung smiled. “Of course she loves you!”

"But she’s always at work. She likes going to work every day instead of staying with me. Am I a bad boy, Jinyoungie hyung?" he mumbled as tears pooled on his eyelids.

He hugged the kid. “Peniel, your mom loves you! She goes to work every day to earn money so he can support your living. It’s also hard for her to leave you every morning when you’re still sleeping and come back home at night when you’re already asleep. When a person loves someone so much, they will do everything to make that person happy even if that means sacrificing their own happiness. Some needs to leave, but as they go away, they keep the idea of their love one in their hearts. They held onto the reality that the sorrow of their departure is a just petty thing compared to the comfort that it may give to someone. You should be thankful; your mom is still beside you. Tomorrow is her day off, I’ll talk to her and tell her that you two should spend time together, okay?” While explaining, Jinyoung would sometimes stop and reflect with his own situation. He was so focused on his jobs that he rarely gave much attention to Youngjae, most especially to Mark.

The kid nodded and embraced the elder. “Tomorrow is your day off too! Spend time with your brother, hyung!”

"I will, Peniel."

The night came in swiftly. Peniel felt better after few hours and decided to go to sleep earlier than the usual. It was a huge relief for Jinyoung that his work ended early. He lied beside the boy and waited for his mother’s arrival. In less than 3 hours, Mrs. Shin arrived and handed a huge amount of money to Jinyoung. It was three times bigger than his normal monthly salary. Few more chats and Jinyoung left the apartment. 12:15AM. He’s already late for his midnight shift at the bar.

Mark was walking through the wide hallways for the Tuan building. He forced himself to stay at the office rather than staying at home. He’s been calling Jinyoung since lunch time but no one’s answering. For now, Mark was fully consumed by his work. He’s always stressed and worn out. Daegu is very different from Seoul. In Daegu, there’s no one to hug after a tiring day from the site, there’s no one to kiss before going to bed, no one to cry on when he’s breaking down; there’s no Park Jinyoung.

It was painful to deal with their current situation. No matter how much Mark wanted to go back and spend time with Jinyoung, he just can’t. Even texts and calls got limited. Their communication and interaction gets weaker after every day, in other words. It made him think what his lover is up to back in Seoul. Jinyoung never mentioned anything about work, although he said that he has a part time job. They’re both occupied by their overwhelming tasks, which clearly kills all the connection slowly, painfully.

He admits that those were days when he can no longer talk to Jinyoung due to stress. But at the end of the day, he still yearns for the younger. It’s just that at this point of time, Jinyoung became a less priority.

He was about to call Jinyoung again when his phone rang. “Hello?” he answered.

"Sorry for disturbing you, Mr. Tuan. It’s me Youngjae. Can we talk personally?"

Without thinking twice, Mark agreed.

Jinyoung got off the bus. He was trying his best to make it in the bar although his body was too worn out to function. Pushing the door open, the intoxicating smell of alcohol rushed within in senses and pulled him in. He’s used to it by now but way back then, he would vomit after staying in that place for hours. The club manager glared at him and he avoided her gaze. “Park Jinyoung!” he screeched. The man scratched his nape and walked towards his boss. “I’m sorry! Peniel was sick plus, his mom arrived late.” he explained.

Hani, the manager, rolled her eyes and nodded slowly. She knew everything about Jinyoung’s numerous jobs. “Whatever. Just… Just go there and perform. These people are waiting for you!” and Jinyoung beamed. He placed his bag at the bar counter and proceeded on the stage. It was an underground bar but many people go there every night because of the nice and cozy ambiance. Alongside with a guitarist Jinyoung would perform mellow and relaxing tracks which were loved by the customers. That night, Jinyoung performed 6 songs. His voice was not in proper condition; thank god the people didn’t notice it. They would clap their hearts out after every song. After 6 songs, Jinyoung requested for a break. He went off stage and occupied a chair at the bar counter.

"One glass of soda please!" he ordered, and Sungjae, the bartended smiled. Jinyoung felt so blessed that he keeps on meeting new friends in his jobs. They make his life lighter and easier. He was calmly waiting for his drink when he felt someone, not from afar, looking at him. "Nyoung?" a voice was heard. He glanced beside him and saw his best bud, Jaebum. He was so shocked that it left him speechless.

It’s been months since their last conversation and even though Jinyoung finally moved forward from that incident, he’s still feeling different around the man. “Hey—”

"How are you?! It’s been a while." said Jaebum, with a bright beam. Sungjae handed him a glass cola and Jinyoung instantly took a gulp to quench his thirst. Jinyoung examined Jaebum’s glass; the liquid was clear with a hint of light blue at the bottom. It’s probably a cocktail. "Y-Yeah. I’m good!" he replied, acting normal. He was glad that Jaebum’s back on track. Maybe he’s okay now. "You often come here?" he added.

Jaebum shook his head. “Nah. It’s my first time here. I just want to drink and unwind. You? What are you doing here?”

"I work here as a singer."

"Huh? Here in a bar? How about your work at the Tuan Corporation?" his friend intrigued as a soft music served as their background. Jinyoung took a deep breath and looked at the ice cubes floating on his soda. "There was a problem so I had to resign." he sadly responded. A short moment of silence, then Hani interrupted and handed an envelope to Jinyoung. She left after that, leaving the men both dazed.

Jaebum was the first to speak. “I don’t think that’s enough for you and Youngjae.” Unsure, he declared. Jinyoung had to fold the envelope and slipped it inside his pocket. He slowly nodded. “My brother was kicked out from the university. I have to work within every minute of the day to earn enough money for his tuition in an upscale university. I work in a laundry shop every morning, i look after a kid every afternoon and sing here every midnight. Can you imagine the fatigue that I deal with every single day?” he said as he tried to laugh the last sentence off. Everything left Jaebum speechless.

He patted Jinyoung’s shoulder. “I’m going to Japan this coming Tuesday. I got hired as an engineer in a huge company. As far as I could remember, they’re also looking for an architect. I can recommend you and once they found out that you’ve worked with the Tuans, I’m sure you’ll be accepted immediately. They will process everything so you can leave as soon as possible. And the salary, it’s pretty big. It can send Youngjae to school and there’s going to be some leftovers for his allowance and other fees.”

Jinyoung’s mind went blank for a couple of seconds. Japan. Work. Leave. Money. It all sunk in his brain agonizingly. It truly is a huge, nice and very profitable offer but the fact that he has to leave and work in a different country ate all the determination in his heart. He can’t leave his brother. He can’t leave Mark. “I’ll think about it, Jae. I don’t want to make big decisions at this time. Tomorrow, I’ll call you.” he replied.

Jaebum grinned and nodded. “I want you to think about it well. I know it’s painful to leave your brother and… ” Jaebum paused and sighed. “..your boyfriend but that’s life. We always have to sacrifice for the people that we love. But trust me, it’s going to be worth it.”

The people started cheering once again as a new singer, Ahyeon, came on stage and performed a ballad song. It was refreshing and it made Jinyoung feel better. He reached for Jaebum’s hand and caressed it lightly. “I know. Thank you, Jaebum. Thank you so much and… I’m so sorry about last time.”

"Past is past. It doesn’t matter if you love me or not, as long as you’re happy, I’m happy. But Nyoung, please let me love you. You don’t have to love me back. I’m fine with this set up."

Jinyoung furrowed his brow. He’s so confused at the moment. “But I have a boyfriend —”

The elder held his tears. It was getting to painful; he needs to end this conversation soon. “Hey! As I said, you don’t have to love me back. You’re my inspiration, Nyoung. I can never forget you and if I force myself, I might end up losing my sanity. So please. Just let me feel this. Please.” he explained as a droplet rolled down his cheek, which Jinyoung wholeheartedly wiped away. It hurts to know that his best friend is still affected with all the past incidents. He felt really guilty.

It didn’t take too long for Jinyoung to finally leave the bar. Jaebum offered to drive him home, but he declined for whatsoever reason. As he rode a taxi, he opened his bag and realized that he wasn’t able to touch his cellphone for the entire day. He was consumed with work so he totally forgot about it. He took the phone out and turned it on.

148 messages. 92 missed calls. All from Mark.

He felt so helpless when he called Mark back and no one answered. He tried for more times, but nothing changed. After days of being on the rocks, Jinyoung was happy that Mark makes efforts to reach him. But as of now, he’s afraid about something that he doesn’t even know what.

The next morning, Jinyoung went to the Tuan residence as Mark instructed in one of his text messages. As the boy went in, he noticed that no one is at home aside from Mark. He trudged towards Mark’s room and knocked. Mark opened it and asked him to come in. The coldness was felt in every aspect of the room. It’s not about the temperature, but the coldness of Mark towards Jinyoung. He was frowning when Jinyoung hugged him. He was unresponsive when Jinyoung kissed him. “I missed you! How’s work?” Jinyoung asked, holding Mark’s hands. Mark got thinner and he looked so stressed which bothered Jinyoung the most.

"Why do you have to keep everything from me?"

Jinyoung was caught off guard. Moving a step away, his eyes flickered and his heart raged wildly. Stuttering, he tried to response. “W-What are —”

Mark took a sharp inhale and looked at Jinyoung. He looks angry. “About Ken, Auntie Yewon and all the hell that you’re going through!”

The atmosphere suddenly sunk alongside with Jinyoung’s heart. He was never ready for this but now, it seems like his honesty is highly required.

AN; HEEEEEEEEEEEY :---) again, i wasnt able to put much markjin here huhu im sorry :( i will try to add more in the coming chapters. hehehe ill update soon plus the new fic this weekend! yey! ahhahahahaha. btw, too much markjin feels for the past days im so happy idk anymore ;;;__;;; so please do leave your comments, insights and suggestions below~~ hehehehe so yeah!!! stay safe! love y'all ☺♥