Retrouvaille
Retrouvaille
Retrouvaille
(n) the joy of meeting or finding someone again after a long separation; rediscovery
It is a humid morning in Seoul. Summer practically came early and Chanyeol felt he wanted to go somewhere. His summer holiday just began 3 days ago, but until know he still doesn’t have a plan of how to use another 27 days wisely. His parents are travelling to another country, his sister are having her own holiday, and here he is, laying on his bed in the middle of 31 Celsius degree of Seoul. Chanyeol is thinking of visiting his friend’s place, but seeing the weather and how scorching hot today is he changes his mind straight away. There must be another place to go rather than malls or cafe, he wonders. Suddenly, he remembered how his life has been doing in his past two years in Seoul. How he began his life here.
How he found his current part time work place is one of the funny stories he had. It happened in his first year in Seoul for when he almost got lost on his first day for university. He discovered an old vinyl music store, small, and hidden, as if it didn’t want to get find. The only sign is only an A4 paper printed badly. Only later to find it’s located about two blocks from university. What’s so special about this store is, it has most of his favorite vinyl collections.
Chanyeol and music has been friends since childhood, so when he came to the store he finally found his own little sanctuary. Chanyeol then, unfortunately, forgot that he has to attend three subjects that day.
Chanyeol ponders silently. Everything that reminds him how life is so interesting is when he planned to do the unplanned. If he didn’t get lost that day, he probably won’t get a decent part time job in the music store (and stacks of records he’s been searching for). He also will not befriend with his first Chinese friend, Zitao, the one he got to talk in Dongdaemun months ago. (appearantly Zitao lost his wallet while he was shopping and Chanyeol helped him to find it). What makes it so interesting is how the friendship goes by breaking the language barrier. He smiled thinking how Zitao can’t speak Korean and Chanyeol himself can’t understand mandarin at all.
Life is interesting when you actually don’t know about what future comes. So Chanyeol thinks, for today, getting lost is probably a great idea. With his favorite hat, shirt, and a smile, he packed his sling back and walked to the station nearby.
.
Chanyeol arrives at the station minutes later and standing in front of the large map of routes in the subway. Closing his eyes, Chanyeol let his point finger choose a route for him.
Today his point finger chooses Seocho.
Seocho is located near Gangnam, one of the elite areas with Seoul National University of Education close by. He never went to Seocho before, and Chanyeol didn't even bother to Google what's there, so he taps his card and waits for the train coming.
Train to Seocho is quite empty that he is lucky to find a nice seat beside the open gate. But there is rush of people coming in when the train stops at Jamsil Station. The empty seat beside him is now occupied by a surprisingly tall man. As Chanyeol stole glances at the man, he notices that the man has a nice side how and looks really handsome. His brown hair fits his face feature perfectly. He looks intimidating at first because of his bushy eyebrows. On this summer day, he kind of wears simple white polo short with a brown chino and sleek sneakers that fits him really well.
Chanyeol doesn’t mean to keep staring but the man beside him caught his attention. He looks restless and anxious as he held his notebook. Chanyeol caught the notebook was written with hanja ('Is he Chinese?’), english (or is he foreigner?), and a scribble of ugly hangul writing.
Chanyeol wonders if he’d do something different today. Chose an unknown route was practically easy for him, so why not start a conversation with a perfect stranger. This guy probably will be the 2nd Zitao for him, a friend in the future.
Today is going to be an awesome day, he believes.
“Hello my name is Chanyeol, where are you from?"
The tall guy look startled at first. He blinks so many times; silence hangs between both of them. The guy’s lips are quavering like he wants to say something important but the words got stuck in his throat and he stares deeply into Chanyeol’s clear brown orbs as if he knew him.
"I'm sorry?", is the only word he releases after minutes of thought, leaving a dumbfounded expressions from the younger boy. The person beside him is speaking English! English!!! Okay, Chanyeol knows a bit English, don't worry.. Keep calm Chanyeol. He can rap in English. Sing in English, so talk in English is practically not that difficult.
"Name,", Chanyeol pointed at himself.
"Chan.", his tongue touch his upper teeth and Chanyeol noticed he smiles too wide,."..Yeol. You Name? Where? You?"
The stranger blinks for a second and then let out a small goofy smile,
“My name is Wu Yifan", he replied back in broken Korean accent.
"Nice to meet you Chanyeol"
-
Yifan met Cán Lié on winter. It was snowing that day. He remembered, he craved for a cup of hot coffee, so he stepped into his favorite coffee shop in Vancouver’s China Town. The place was packed with customers and couples. It was Saturday night and Yifan was probably the only one who sat alone in the corner of the shop.
Opening his notebook Yi Fan could only let out a sigh.
Today had been a rough day, he spent his last 12 hours revising his final project and it seemed like his work won’t finished anytime soon.
“One black Americano, sir”, a cup of his favorite coffee served on his table, intruding his thought. “And one hot chocolate lava cake”
“Uh sorry, I didn’t order this”, Yifan glanced up.
“It’s okay, my treat. You look really tired and chocolate is the best medicine. You should try our lava cake, this is the most favorite in our coffee shop”, she smiled, and before Yi Fan could say anything, she left and hurried to go back to the counter.
He still could catch the nametag though,
Cán Lié, it said.
--
“Oh, so there’s a concert hall in Seocho?”
“Yes, the best in Seoul, says everyone”
Chanyeol hums quietly. He had spent his first 30 minutes in Seocho to get along with the new stranger he just met. This is one of his favorite results of ‘planned the unplanned’, he muses.
Unlike Chanyeol who wished a short escape for his boring day, Yifan on the other hand actually wanted to meet a friend in Seocho. Too bad his friend cancelled the plan just as he arrived at the station. ‘And I haven’t been to Seocho before, so it’s probably a good idea to stop by’, Yifan had said.
Chanyeol considers this as one of the universe funny works. Both of them don’t have anything to do for a day. As travel companion, the two strangers that soon become friends, are now having lunch in a fast food stall.
Chanyeol learns that Yi Fan has just moved to Seoul 6 months ago, so that’s why his Korean is still bad. Sometimes he talks with half English and half Korean and Chanyeol replies back with (very) broken English. They begin conversation with music, and surprisingly, Yi Fan has similar music interests with Chanyeol.
(“You’re from Canada? Justin Bieber! I like Justin Bieber!!!”)
(“God, no, Chanyeol-sshi,”, he slaps his head. “You are the nth Korean who said that to me”)
“If you like music”, Chanyeol says while munching his burger. “You should come over to my work place, we have variety of vinyl though it’s a small shop”
“Really? I promise I’ll take a visit then”, Yifan smiles
“Yeah, it’s a really small shop though, so I doubt you’ll find the store. Just let me know if you arrived in the station and I’ll be glad to pick you up”, Chanyeol grins, as he prepares his bag ready to begin his journey in Seocho.
“Okay, so what’s your plan? Where do you want to go Yifan-sshi? The concert hall? Or just exploring the university there?"
Yifan goes silent for a bit and Chanyeol waits for an answer,
“You know what Chanyeol-ah, how about we go to the music store of yours and enjoy some music?”
-
“Oasis’ ‘Definitely Maybe’? Really Yifan?”, Cán Lié popped out behind Yifan’s broad shoulder. He was listening to his favorite album through his ipod with full blast while waiting for Cán Lié to finish her night shift at the café.
“This album is so old… I don’t know people still listen to Oasis these days” She placed herself in front of Yifan who was busy humming through Cigarettes & Alcohol.
“But this album is gold, Cán Lié”, Yifan smiled, pressing ‘pause’ on his ipod.
He glanced up and noticed that Cán Lié already wears something proper aside from her working uniform. Yifan smiled brightly, he never thought that seeing Cán Lié in her little black dress with his hair tied up in a bun would be this mesmerizing. It’s not like Yifan didn’t like Cán Lié’s usual tomboy attire (and her favorite street style fashion), but today is their 1st year anniversary after all, Yifan wanted her to be in her feminine looks.
“I still like Blur’s Blur”
“You and your Britpop mind”, he smiled. Yifan packed his ipod and notebooks inside his bag. He then grabbed the car keys and held Cán Lié hand.
“Shall we then?”
-
“So you actually went to Seocho by accident?”, Yifan asked him with surprised tone.
“Yes”, Chanyeol nods They are now in the subway train to Chanyeol’s work place, sitting side by side despite the unexpectedly empty train.
“I always love to discover something new. Well, I just learned that I actually like it when I moved to Seoul, I never had the chance back then in my small town”, Chanyeol explains.
“That is pretty interesting. I should try that sometime”, Yifan hums in agreement.
“Yes Yifan-sshi you should try it. The feeling is overwhelming”, Chanyeol nods Then he closes his eyes, as if he’s trying to recall something.
“Actually, I used to be a planner person. I always kept everything in my planner and I never missed a thing”
“Until one day I lost my planner when I was out of town, alone. At the same time too, my phone suddenly broke, ”,Chanyeol laughs.
“I couldn’t contact anyone and I was just dumbfounded. Do you know how universe act cruel sometime but it is actually its way to give you the best moment of your life?”
Yifan knew how that felt. He actually experienced it when he met her years ago in the coffee shop, about how bad things turned good in seconds.
Yifan nods wordlessly, giving Chanyeol time to continue speaking.
“So then I began to talk to people there, tell them how I’m desperately wanted to go home. And they helped me, something that I never thought before. They gave me directions to go home, helped me to find a station nearby, and someone even gave me pocket money! That was actually one of the happiest moment in my life”,
“..and that time too, I learnt that doing something out of your habit is actually not that bad at all”, Chanyeol happily speaks, but Yifan doesn’t let out a reply for a while. He is truly astonished by Chanyeol’s story. Ever since the accident Yifan never trust how universe works to him again. Well, he used to believe it, really, especially when Cán Lié often mentioned that her encounter with him was actually a sort of magic that comes to reality. But after universe tried to interfere with his life; how it was so easy to turn down the table from better to worse, Yifan never believe again about the irrational, out of mind, works of the universe.
“Ah sorry Yifan-sshi, I talk to much didn’t I”, Chanyeol cuts off Yifan’s train of thoughts.
“I don’t know it’s just..”, Chanyeol keeps talking. “We’ve just met hours ago, but I feel so comfortable sharing stories with you…”, Chanyeol mumbles.
“Okay I will keep silent now”, he lowers his head, suddenly feeling embarrassed because he already talked too much.
“No, no. it’s okay. It’s just..”,, Yifan goes silent for a moment, trying to find the right words, “..The way you speak and explain something remind me of someone.”
And there the words go, Yifan sincerely wished to find words that won’t remind him of her anymore. But seeing Chanyeol’s eyes light up while he speaks, and the bubbly tone he uses, Yifan can’t shove the thoughts of her that keep replaying in his mind. Chanyeol’s features and gestures, remind him a lot of Cán Lié. Something miles away from Vancouver.
“Really? I hope it’s not someone annoying.”, Chanyeol glances up, showing a worried gesture to Yifan.
“No, no at all, on the contrary, she is a very special person to me”, Yifan smiles.
“Believe me, it is not often that I actually find someone who can talk to me as easy as you, Chanyeol-ah.”, Yifan says carefully and seeing a confused look in Chanyeol’s face, he continues talking. “I mean, I have these scary features you know. Everyone used to back off for a while and scared of me.”
“You, in other hand, can talk to me easily.”
Just like you, since the first time we met.
“And that’s what makes you special too”, Yifan let’s out a genuine smile.
There is something between the lines that caused a deep pain inside Yifan’s heart. It’s like universe is playing with him again; ready to turn things upside down. His heart ached so bad because every memory of her forms a tight knot in his heart, as if reminding him that, I am still with you. It hurts so bad but he feels like he deserve this.
But today, when Yifan meets Chanyeol, he doesn’t mind the pain at all. The small prickle of pain is still there, but somehow he’s happy. Is Yifan a masochist person? He doesn’t like the idea of feeling happy while hurting himself. But it is what a retrouvaille like?
Nevertheless, Yifan decides to just go with the flow and enjoy every moment of it.
--
No one began conversation when Yifan drove to the secret dining place. The only sound was only Yifan’s Hyundai Elantra’s machine and the low hum of jazz playing on their radio.
It was usually Cán Lié who began the conversation, but today she’s unexpectedly silent and all. It was not usual of him seeing Cán Lié so content and calm, everyday Cán Lié always so bubbly and full of excitement. But somehow she looked calm and pensive, Yifan conclude she’s probably tired after long hours of work she had today. He didn’t want to think all the negative thoughts for tonight.
“How do you imagine future Yifan?” Cán Lié finally broke the silence.
It’s rare when Cán Lié ask something that is unlike her bubbly self. But Yifan replied with his honest answer,
“I don’t know actually, but I can picture us together. In my hometown; Guangzhou, China. We have this big pond of koi pool in the backyard, we can breed these fishes you know? You can also open your own café and you and I are going to live forever”, Yifan sang, he tried to cheer her up.
“God, you’re quoting Oasis again.. will you stop?”, Cán Lié let out a bitter laugh.
“But, that’s what future to me looks like..” Because being with you is always the best thing happens for me.
“What about you Cán Lié?”, noticing the absence of the answer, Yifan started to engage another conversation with her.
“Same with you, I don’t know. I honestly still see nothing Yifan”, Cán Lié sighed. Her eyes were wondering anywhere but Yifan’s.
“But no, it is not about I don’t want to spend my future with you. Please don’t think that way. In fact, I am so glad to meet you and how we can go through this to one year is something that I am so proud of”, she smiled. There was a hint of worry in her eyes, but Yifan knew she said the truth.
“Future is something that is so unpredictable and you know me Yifan, I always prepared something, and I am afraid I am not prepared enough.”
“But you have me”, Yifan said with reassuring words, he tried to bring her happy mood back. “Let us enjoying the present without overthinking about future okay?”
Cán Lié smiled,
“Yes, we could do that”
Yifan smiled slightly with Cán Lié’s reply.
Yifan considered leaving the topic of their conversation, perhaps talking to her and digging what’s wrong with her mood is not going to work. Yifan would let this conversation stop here, at least for now.
Because Cán Lié, the girl who he just met a year ago in cold winter of Vancouver, is the one who supported Yifan’s world after all this time.
She was the gravity that made Yifan’s stay still. She was the moon that keeps Yifan stays right in the place and balance. She was Yifan’s core, Yifan’s everything.
But alas, moon always has its dark side isn’t it.
--
They arrived 15 minutes later with Kyungsoo greets them behind the cashier area. Chanyeol salutes his small friend back and let Yifan wandering through.
The place is sure a nice place indeed. It is small yet comfortable at the same time. All the vinyl and cds are placed in alphabetic order and there’s also section with books of musician biography and music histories. They are welcomed by an old of 80s bossanova song, quiet old for a hipster-y place like this.
Yifan silently browses through the music section and wonders the actual reason why he wanted to go to here actually? He didn’t plan to buy anything after all. Maybe, it was none other than the strike of nostalgic feeling of her? Or is it because the conversation with Chanyeol about music earlier?
Or maybe Yifan is just missing her so much.
He steps into the pop/rock section slowly. In front of alphabet B section, his fingers pick a striking orange cover of vinyl. Yifan smiles slightly.
“Blur’s Blur? Wow you have an interesting choice of brit-pop music Yifan-sshi”, Chanyeol suddenly breaks into Yifan’s solitude, he pops behind Yifan’s broad shoulder.
“Ah, no, I actually never heard of the album though the songs are everywhere, they have interesting album cover and that’s it”, Yifan is not startled by Chanyeol’s sudden appearance. Well, she was too often appeared behind Yifan’s back too back then.
“Blur is interesting, really, I really like Coffee and TV.”, Chanyeol now is busy searching something in the vinyl rack. “But anyway I am fonder of this album, this is new, 44 tracks, and got re-mastered. The vocalist sneered about it though, but I have to disagree with him. This album is still awesome after two decades”
Chanyeol hands him a nicely packed album Oasis’ Definitely Maybe Deluxe Version, and Yifan takes it wordlessly.
--
Life is so full of surprises.
He remembered they sang together,
“Maybe you’re the same as me
We see things they’ll never see
You and I gonna live forever”
It was his favorite song; it was his favorite part of the lyric.
It was an irony too that the incidents happen when Oasis’ Live Forever blasted through Yifan’s car.
He recalled the screeching sounds of tires, the loud crash of metal sound, how he was that close with fire and iron so he could smell his skin is burning, and all he could feel is hurt, hurt, hurt.
The most painful thing he could picture is how Cán Lié just stayed there, beside him, eyes closed, with pool of blood coming through the back of her head. And Yifan cried silently. He couldn’t do anything.
Before everything turned black he could hear repeated line of “…You and I gonna live forever”, rang through his head like a broken radio.
--
Chanyeol see’s Yifan’s trembling hand when he take the album. His lips are quivering and his eyes turn a bit watery.
“Yifan-sshi..?”, Chanyeol tries to speak. But Yifan doesn’t seem to hear Chanyeol’s voice calling out to him. His eyes are focusing on the big vinyl, like the world is revolving around him only. Forgetting that Chanyeol is actually there.
Yifan places the copy of Oasis’ Definitely Maybe and abruptly walks out of the store. In shocked, Chanyeol chases him and shout his name, but Yifan just runaway ignoring the world; he tried to ignore him.
Chanyeol is rooted to the ground, standing awkwardly, watching Yifan’s back slowly fading through the corner of the street. Did Chanyeol make a bad impression so Yifan just left him like that without words? Or did he do something that he shouldn’t do? Or is there something that was bothering Yifan because of Chanyeol? Seeing a vinyl wouldn’t hurt so much, would it? But why Yifan’s hand are trembling like that?
‘He probably have something to do, Chanyeol. He’ll be back, don’t worry’, Kyungsoo breaks his train of thoughts. Notices how his friend looks so down when the tall stranger left the store, so he taps the shoulder of the taller man, giving him a reassuring touch.
Chanyeol lets out a shaky breath.
Today is the beginning of summer, yet Chanyeol already feels cold.
--
There will be rain today, says the app on Chanyeol’s phone.
It’s okay, Chanyeol muses. I’ve been so sad since yesterday I don’t even know why. I need gloomy day.
Chanyeol closes his eyes and he can’t help thinking about since yesterday, the day that he first met Yifan and the same day that Yifan left him just like that. He expects that they would form a friendship after hours of talking, but no, Yifan didn’t turn to be 2nd Zitao to him. There’s something hanging there, and Chanyeol doesn’t want it to happen.
He looks so sad.
Chanyeol can’t help but think of Yifan’s heartbroken expression, the last thing he saw from the other man. It is like all the weight of the world has just placed to his shoulder suddenly.
There is something in his unconsciousness telling him that Yifan is not stranger he randomly met today. There is this invisible line that attracts Chanyeol and Yifan since they met in the station. The invisible line that Chanyeol couldn’t ignore nor cut it off. Is there something that Chanyeol can do to share Yifan’s burden, even just a little?
Yeah, Chanyeol silently hoped. There must be something that Chanyeol can do to see Yifan’s happy face again.
--
“Hey Luhan, do you believe in miracle?”
Luhan almost choked on his tea and mockingly laughed. Luhan is the most realistic person Yifan’s life, so it’s not a surprise how he laughs at Yifan’s stupid question.
“How about reincarnation or sort of? The possible of meeting another person that looks exactly like another person?”, Yifan insisted.
“Yifan oh Yifan, are you reading too much comic books?”, Luhan answers as he sips his chamomile tea.
“Not at all Yifan, that is not possible”
“But”
“But—“, Luhan cuts off. “But still that is not possible. How could you portray reincarnation really? I just don’t get it at all”, Luhan drops down his empty cup.
Yifan on the other hand looks so determined as if telling him this is real Luhan you have to believe me. His eyebrows look like angry birds right now, and he pursed to form a pout. Luhan can’t help but to let out another laugh.
“I don’t believe anything until I’ve seen it by my own eyes. If you can show me what miracle you’re talking about, I’ll believe you”, he speaks calmly.
There’s a glint of happiness in Yifan’s eyes. He quickly packed his bag and tell Luhan to prepare his belongings.
--
Luhan wonders why Yifan take him to the vinyl store. They are friends since childhood and Luhan knows how Yifan is not that interested in music.
(Yifan just found about how good music is since the birth of ipod and intenet).
He’s greeted by a small man behind the cashier, and Yifan asks,
“Hi, um, is Chanyeol here today?”
The small man with Kyungsoo nametag looks up. His eyes lit a bit when he sees the taller man, “Oh, you’re the stranger yesterday, yes?”
“Ah yes, I am really sorry I just left without notice..”, Yifan bows.
“It’s okay.. Chanyeol has been wondering... He’s been sulking lately but it’s okay because you are here now-– Chanyeol-ah you’ve got someone looking for you!”, Kyungsoo shouts.
“Yah! No need to shout! I’m—oh. Yifan-sshi”
The tall man appears behind Kyungsoo’s cashier desk and Luhan can only stare open-mouthed at the boy in front of him.
When Yifan insisted about the miracle, he never thought it would be in the form of a big giant, as tall as Yifan, boy called Chanyeol. What’s more fascinating is how his presence is terrifyingly familiar with her.
The familiar grin and smile, and (Luhan didn’t want to admit at first, because he’s a realist, of course). How he emits to the people surrounding him is so much just like hers. Luhan can’t help but wince and wonder how could this be happen?
The first time Luhan had met Cán Lié, years ago in Vancouver. Luhan knew instantly that this girl would be Yifan’s everything. The way Yifan’s eyes glint in happiness when he looked into her eyes was something that Luhan couldn’t give in their entire life of friendship. Even after 6 months he lives in Seoul Yifan couldn’t let go of the memories.
But today, for the first time, Luhan is relieved that his decision to bring Yifan to Seoul is a right thing to do.
--
They exchange number that day. Chanyeol asks Yifan at first, insisting that I want to take Yifan-sshi to explore Seoul!. Yifan of course doesn’t seem to mind, Chanyeol is a nice traveling company after all. Chanyeol says that he will text him soon, and Yifan respond him with a short yes and his brightest smile.
Yifan bows as he and Luhan leave the vinyl store with a paper bag of Oasis’ Definitely Maybe held in his hand. Luhan smiled smugly when he saw Kris brought it to the cashier earlier, “I thought you didn’t listen to Oasis again, hm?”
“..I am… just feeling nostalgic that’s all, Lu..”, there’s heavy silence hanging in the air. They both know what Yifan means by nostalgic feels and all, but both don’t bother to bring the topic up back again.
The memories still linger there, both Luhan and Kris know. Dirty and untouched jar filled with memories of her were placed back behind. It is like a Pandora box to them, when you try to open it there will be a river of sadness flows through; and that is something that Yifan and Luhan wouldn’t want to experience again.
Hell, the reason why Luhan insisted that Yifan should move to Seoul is to save him from himself. So Yifan won’t even have a single thought of touching the jar of memories again. Luhan just couldn’t see another series of a zenith Wu Yifan when the accidents happened.
Will there be another jar of memories placed? Luhan didn’t even want to think about that months ago. But somehow he believes that another jar of memories is already formed inside of Yifan’s heart.
--
Yifan dreamt about her that day.
Cán Lié, his beautiful Cán Lié, in her work attire in the coffee shop, greeted him with her brightest smile. Yifan sat down in his favorite spot, and Cán Lié approached him minutes later with his favorite Americano coffee.
“How are you Yifan?”, Cán Lié sat in front of her.
Yifan sipped his coffee and said, “It’s not the same without you around, Cán Lié. I’ve been missing you.. so much”, Yifan tries to smile but it turns ugly and sad.
“It will be better, Yifan”, Cán Lié smiled back. She held Yifan’s hand, caressing it. “Everything will be better so soon, don’t worry too much about it”
“I.. doubt that… ”, Yifan let out a bitter laughed. Yifan just lived the dull months in his entire life after Cán Lié’s departure. He’s been so lifeless and until now he couldn’t find a way to recover himself.
“Everything is not the same anymore without you around.. I don’t know what to do..”
“You’re always like that Yifan.”, Cán Lié smiled. She tightened the grip in Yifan’s hand. “It’s not bad to try something new you know, hang out more with Luhan will you? Don’t be too comfort by sadness..”
“I don’t, Cán Lié. It’s just..”, Yifan stuttered.
“There there Yifan.. The world is not evolving around you and me; there are so many good things around. You just have to open your heart once again, just like you open it first for me”
“..and remember that you have my permission to let go”
--
The first thing Yifan saw was a blur face of his best friend, Luhan. He noticed the unfamiliar ceiling, an unknown sound of machines, and instruments attached to his body. His eyes hurt because of the blinding light, his throat felt dry, and more of all; he couldn't move his body.
Later, He barely noticed when Luhan gave him reassuring touch and a glass of water to drink.
“Where am I, Luhan?”, Yifan asked after taking his last sip.
“In hospital, you’ve been out for 3 days Yifan, everyone was so worried”, Luhan said worriedly as he helped Yifan to take a nice sitting position.
Yifan still couldn’t comperhend what was Luhan saying. Why was he in the hospital? Why was he hurt? 3 days? Isn’t it too long? He couldn’t even recall anything.
Luhan noticed Yifan’s confused face, so he spoke carefully.
“She didn’t survive Yifan. I’m sorry”
Luhan’s voice is low enough it was merely a whisper, but those sentences were fatal to Yifan. It stabbed him through his head and heart as the accident replayed in his head, the blinding light, the shrieking sound of the car carsh, the fire, Cán Lié’s sleeping face, and a pool of blood from the back of her had. In seconds Yifan’s world was instantly shattered to pieces.
It had been 3 days since he’s out. Yet no one, in any possible way, woke him up to tell him that she’s not here anymore.
That day, Yifan persuade Luhan to take him to a place where Cán Lié’s sleep.
Yifan was angry. He bit his lips so hard it bled and crying himself out in front of her small grave. The pretty bouquets of carnation still held in his arms were wet because of his tears. Didn’t anyone notice that Cán Lié’s was his everything? She was the light that warm Yifan’s heart, and when the light wasn’t there anymore, Yifan didn’t even know how he could continue living.
Yifan silently prayed.
If gods do exists.
If miracle does happens.
He wanted to meet Cán Lié again.
--
Yifan wakes up with wet tears on his face. After all these months, his dreams are so terrifyingly real. A presence of Cán Lié and jagged scars from her departure is still there.
It’s been 6 months, Yifan contemplates.
Six months with a dull life and loneliness. Luhan must have been so fed up with him. He recalls that it was his best friend idea to take him to Seoul, to get a new life and to witness of a new Wu Yifan, he said. But sadly, he has to admit; the old Yifan is still there. The Yifan that always longs for a presence of Cán Lié, a sad Yifan that can’t give her up.
He wakes up from his bed and washes his face. It is almost 6 months of her departure but nothing, no significant change in his life. He wakes up at 9 in the morning, wash his face, take a breakfast, study Koreans, and sometime meet up with Luhan.
“Let’s just do that for today”, Yifan mutters to no one in particular.
Yifan scrolled down to his phone. Old messages, old mails, old notifications until,
One message from Chanyeol
Hi Yifan-sshi!
It’s me Chanyeol.
Is it a bit early? Do I wake you up? I’m sorry for disturbing you >_<
Are you busy today?
Yifan eyes lit when he read the message. He can picture Chanyeol’s dopey smile as he read the sentences Yifan replies with big smile plastered in his face,
I’m free all day, Chanyeol-ah.
No, you’re not disturbing me at all. I just wake up. How are you :)
There’s a word of ‘online’ below Chanyeol’s name and change into ‘type’ in a flash.
Great!
Err.. Do you mind if we meet at Jamsil station this afternoon, lunchtime?
Yifan is relieved that Chanyeol respond this fast. So he types the reply as fastest as he can.
Sure, no problem.
What is the occasion Chanyeol-ah?
Yifan holds his phone and stare at his screen for 10-15 minutes, waiting for the message notifications like a teenager in love. Yifan wants to laugh at this point. God, does Chanyeol is the one who give him these flattering feelings to his heart after all this time? Yifan feels that he is actually happy today, a strange bubbly stupid feeling he hadn’t feels recently.
It’s a secret Yifan-sshi ! Hehe..
‘Oh yes! Finally a reply!’, Yifan shouts silently.
I don’t want to tell you until we meet! See you in Jamsil station okay :DDDDDD
Yifan smiles when he read the message again . Chanyeol presence always calms the devil in Yifan’s heart. The feeling was so, so much familiar it almost makes Yifan afraid. He remembers how Cán Lié’s held his hand in his dream; telling him to open his heart again.
After Cán Lié’s departure Yifan has locked his heart and throw the key away. He silently wished no one would found the key. He didn’t mind it anyway. Yifan would just keep her presence in his caged heart, safe yet cold at the same time.
But probably someone has found the key. That someone in a form of tall, good-looking boy with a familiar smile and kind heart just like her. He has the key, he just need to confirm if it is the right key to open Yifan’s locked heart. Could it be the key that Yifan dumped somewhere a long time ago?
Probably this is the right time for the boy to try the key to Yifan’s caged heart? Yifan doesn’t want to worry too much about it, he doesn’t care if the key that Chanyeol has found is the right one. Yifan could just break the cage from the inside and welcome him, right?
Yifan smiles it’s almost lunchtime. He should get ready to meet him.
--
When Chanyeol sent the messages, he doesn’t really know what he’s thinking about. He was so happy that Yifan approached him to the music store yesterday and how he braved himself to ask Yifan’s number so he could do the mission today.
Chanyeol has always been a helper; he always feels a bunch of happiness when he helps someone. Moreover, he would feel something more than just a joy, something more like a payback of doing well to someone. Chanyeo decided that this is the universe playing tricks on him.
When he met Yifan at the station for the first time, engaged him in conversation, and met him again yesterday at the music store, he knew that this would be a beginning of a deep friendship ahead.
Today he will take Yifan to a new place.
He wants Yifan to believe that when you brave yourself to do something new and unplanned, as cliché as it’s sound, it will lead to a glimpse of miracle.
He can’t wait to meet Yifan.
Epilogue
“Chanyeol-ah! I’m sorry for keeping you waiting!”
Yifan rushes to the tall boy who has been waiting for him in front of the ticket counter. Blame Luhan who magically appeared in his apartment and make fuss of his meeting with Chanyeol today.
(“You should wear something proper Yifan! After all it’s your first date with him!”
“Luhan it’s not a date!”
“Whatever! Here change this and this and this”)
It took almost half and hour of late and two apology messages to Chanyeol to make him finally arrives at the station. Yifan notices that Chanyeol look as fine as always, he wears a red plaid shirt with a nice chino and his hat attached to his sling bag. He welcomes Yifan with his signature big smile.
“It’s okay Yifan-sshi! Oh anyway here—for you”, Chanyeol shoves him an ice cup of Americano to Yifan’s hand. “I just bought it when I’m waiting for you and I thought I—“
Noticing Yifan’s surprised looks when he receives the coffee Chanyeol worriedly mutters lowly,
“--You don’t like Americano Yifan-sshi?”
Chanyeol deep voice brings him back to reality,
“Ah no no, in fact I just surprised. This is actually my favorite. I am wondering how could you know this..”
“I don’t know, I just do”, Chanyeol smiles with honesty.
Chanyeol smiles is contagious. Yifan smiles too along the way, the feelings that Chanyeol gives to is unbearable. He doesn’t mind a new happy feeling like this, days, months and years after. He feels secured with Chanyeol around, and he wants to treasure every of this moment.
“So where are we going Chanyeol-ah?”
Chanyeol eyes light up when he hears the excitement tone in Yifan’s voice,
“I am going to show you an interesting place!”, Chanyeol says happily as he leads the taller man.
--
Yifan is relieved that he doesn’t have to break his caged heart from the inside. He tried so hard to let go off the memories, but somehow he just can’t. The memories are too precious for him its eating him alive.
He notices that someone is outside, and by the dangling sound he knows that someone has the key, and that someone is trying to help him to get out; let him free. He is so glad when he hears the click sound. The lock fits.
He bid his goodbye with a beautiful voice of her telling him that, ‘It’s okay to let go.’ He observes the sincere trust in her voice, and how she’s telling him it’s okay makes his heart goes stronger.
As he held out the hand of the helper, he knows for that time and later one everything would be all right.
-
fin
MASTERLIST
Comments