Your Atmosphere

CHAPTER 5:

+ Black +

Jiyeon’s POV

It was endless. Once the doors opened, they began to stream in... faceless people... countless people... people who kept telling me they were sorry for my loss... people I didn’t know. Hundreds, though it felt as though there were millions. Some of them hugged me and cried, others shook my hand and gave me pitiful looks, and I wondered how many of them had known Hyo. Probably very few. 

It irritated me. This was not a funeral to honor him, no not really. Of course it looked as though it was, but most of the people invited were rich and famous connections to the company, business dealers of high status who had come for good appearances only. 

The funeral was being held at our house, making the entire event that much worse considering Hyo and I had never felt like we belonged here. Decked out in crystal and gold, the mansion glimmered from top to bottom, and everything was accented in black, including the people that came. It would have felt like a Christmas party perhaps, if they were not. But they were. Everyone was in black. Because Hyo, my big brother, the only person who had ever really understood me, had been hit by a car. At age twenty-two he was gone. 

I smiled, shaking the hand of another rich looking couple as they entered the door, though it felt more like a grimace at this point. My father had assigned me the task of greeting all the guests, saying that it would be good for me to feel comforted by all the caring people that had come... but I knew the real reason. 

“Congratulations on your promotion.” My eyes darted to the man standing before me, whose hand I was currently shaking. He was a puggish looking man, fat around the face and belly with a pushed in nose and wearing what looked to be a ridiculously expensive suit. He smiled down at me, a disgustingly sweet smile, and gave my hand a tight squeeze. Anger rose in me. Furious, uncontrollable, hateful anger. 

Congratulations? 

I released my hand from his, not bothering to appear peaceable as I glared at him. My body began to shake, and I could feel bile rising in my throat. CONGRATULATIONS?! I wanted to scream and curse, and tell him how much of a piece of he was. I wanted to tell them all, to throw them all out and then bury myself with Hyo, and never have to deal with this messed-up world again. My gut twisted in a sickening knot. I spun on my heels, abandoning my post by the door and practically running up the stairs towards my bathroom. I was going to vomit. 

I could hear some hushed voices of alarm coming from the entrance way where I had left, but I couldn’t care less. He was dead. My best friend was dead. And the only people here to remember him were wealthy pigs, who treated his death like a business deal. Congratulations on your promotion? 

you. 

I burst into my bathroom, barely managing to open the lid to the toilet before my stomach released what little I had allowed myself to eat that morning. I vomited. Again and again. Until there was nothing left... nothing in my stomach, and nothing in my heart except a numb pain and a sick, empty sensation.

I remained on the floor for a long time, as long as I could allow myself to be away from the circus downstairs, but it didn’t feel nearly long enough. Slowly I dragged myself off the floor, wobbling on the black stilettos I had been forced to wear, and flushed the toilet. I ly the hot water tap on, sighing at the warm sensation it gave me; everything had felt so cold recently. My eyes shifted to the mirror then, taking in the reflection before me. I looked good. Impressively so. The tight black-lace dress accented my figure, and flattered my chest. My hair was perfectly done up, not a strand out of place, the makeup too made my eyes and lips pop and accented my jaw line. All in all, I looked rather fetching... but it was all wrong. 

Cold eyes stared back at me... eyes that looked lifeless and empty, the black bags of exhaustion beneath my eyes still showed through the makeup. And I was pale. Sickly pale. To anyone who knew me and cared, I was obviously not okay. Shakily, I turned the water off, realizing then that I had burned my hands. Luckily none of the people at Hyo’s funeral knew me or cared. To them I was simply money. None other than my family had been invited out of all the people I knew. 

This is so wrong.

I stared into the mirror, straightening my back and pressing my lips together tightly. I had been away for too long. It was time to go back downstairs... but I couldn’t move. Paralysis took over at the thought of facing it alone. It wasn’t so much the people I was afraid to face, I hardly cared about them, but the death of Hyo... He’s gone Jiyeon. Forever. I shook at the thought... the thought of facing the black hole his death had shot through my heart, alone, that felt impossible. I’ll always be just a phone call away! Hyo’s words rang through my mind, from the day he had left home for university. No matter what, you’ll always have me on your side Jiyeon.

I air into my lungs, bracing my hand against the wall for support as I turned and stepped out of the bathroom, walking back towards the staircase. The numbness settled back over my mind as I saw people look up at me from their idle conversations, and smile. 

There was no one to stand by my side now. 

Today, I was completely alone. 

+++ 

Your Atmosphere. Chapter 5. Black. 

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