Your Atmosphere 

CHAPTER 3: 

+ Cruel Dreams +

Four Years Previously. Jiyeon’s POV

I laughed, trying to focus on the knot I had somehow created with my shoelaces. Suppressing the smile on my face, my fingers tried again, fumbling in the dim lighting of my car, and forcing my mind to focus on the task at hand. Pull your together Jiyeon! I air into my lungs, steadying the trembling in my fingers and trying to slow my heart, which was now hammering in my chest. 

“You look like you need some help with that.” A smile spread across my face, in what I guessed was the stupidest look possible, and my eyes automatically travelled upwards, betraying my decision to focus on my shoelaces. Brown eyes instantly caught mine and both my shoes and the need for oxygen were forgotten. He stood there, with the cockiest smirk I had ever seen on anyone’s face, eyes glued on me like he wasn’t aware of anything else in the world... and somehow it was the most attractive thing I had ever seen. 

I was sitting inside my trunk at the moment, still desperately trying to do up my stupid shoelaces and he stood facing me, arms raised above his head, fingers clutching the trunk door behind him as if he planned to shut both of us inside. It felt awkward to me... everything that was happening at the moment... I had never felt so completely out of control in my life and everything in me detested it. And yet...

He sat down next to me, far too close as if he had no spacial awareness at all, and reached across my body, deliberately brushing my leg. I stiffened, tingly sensations burning up my thigh from where his skin had met mine for that short moment, and my fingers froze on my laces. I stared ahead, looking at anything but refusing to look at him as his hands moved my own away from my shoes and he began to lace them up for me. I could almost feel his arrogant grin boring holes into the side of my face, and ever so slightly he leaned closer to me. 

“Your shoelaces are tied Jiyeon.” His hot breath blew against my neck, arms circling my waist and forehead pushing against my temple gently. All at once I was a complete mess again, embarrassed and not knowing what to do, just knowing that there was a part of me that loved every aspect of what was going on. “Look at me,” he whispered, and I suppressed a shudder that dared to race down my spine. 

“I- I can’t,” I barely managed to choke out. “We can’t be together.” The long, masculine arms that held me next to him tightened ever so gently, his lips pressing against my cheek. 

“Why not? You’re so ing gorgeous.” He murmured into my ear. My mind was overcome, coherent thought completely zapped as if I were drunk. I knew there were reasons... incredibly important reasons... but with him this close to me, not a single one was coming to mind; my heart felt as if it would burst. I sighed, letting my mind forget its duty for a moment I turned and buried my face into his neck. 

“Shut up Jonghyun,” my voice was nothing more than a whisper, and it sounded almost entirely unrecognizable even to me. I feel so weird but I don’t want this moment to end. A hand left my side then, gently digging itself into my hair. 

“Anything for you gorgeous.” 

Present Day. Jiyeon’s POV 

I jolted out of sleep gasping, though air seemed to hardly reach my lungs. Anything for you gorgeous. My entire body shook, sweaty hands clutching onto my blanket as the words from my dream echoed through my mind. 

“No! Get out of my head!” What had been a sweet memory when I was asleep, was a horrid nightmare awake- the cruelty of my own heart working against me when I was unable to control it. Reality was agonizing and for a long time the emptiness threatened to crush me. The space around me that was once filled with you, now just feels like a black hole my soul into nothingness... I laid back down, curling into a ball with my face buried in a pillow, until slowly, bit by bit the feeling of him dissipated...

Time ticked by. 

And then finally I was okay again- okay enough to get out of bed- okay enough to smile- and okay enough to pretend like I was more than okay. 

I sat up once more, slowly this time, stretching as I looked out the window and saw that today was bright and sunny. It was going to be a good day. Or at least it would have been... if it wasn’t the day of my older brother’s funeral. 

+ + + 

Your Atmosphere. Chapter 3. Cruel Dreams. 

This chapter is entirely based on real life events. If you’ve ever loved someone that you knew could never be yours, you know the feeling well. 

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