I decided that even after what had happened last night, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone.
As I walked into the trainee camp the next day, I remembered to keep a smile plastered right onto my face, so that I could bury the memory like it never happened.

"Hey, what happened last night?" Soojung asked as I came and sat next to her. "You never came by.

"Ah, sorry." I laughed, unpacking my bag. "My mom needed me to do something for her last minute so I couldn't make it. I think she's coming down with a cold."

"Oh no, tell her I hope she feels better!"

Before I could reply, the sound of Jinhwan's voice echoed throughout the class, "Alright, everyone, we're going to start with some partner dancing at first, and then we'll get into singing later."

"Hey, they're finally doing a singing lesson. This is your chance." Soojung nudged my shoulder as we stood up, a cheery grin stamped across her lips.

I simply laughed as everyone began getting together with the opposite gender, knowing that partner dances required a manly structure sometimes in order to hit certain moves. Immediately, I noticed Junhoe walking towards me. 

"So we have to free style this again. I was thinking we do more advanced lifts." He spoke as Soojung left my side to find her own partner. "Let's go into the other room and practice so we don't hit someone."

As I looked up at him, I couldn't help but feel...Disappointment. I had no idea where it came from, but I didn't want to make it apparent on my expression that I was acting odd. 

"Yeah, sure." I responded as we walked towards the side door, stepping into the small frame which led to a reasonablly sized area for small time dancers.

"Alright, we'll start with a simple body roll." Junhoe directed once we got into the small room. I didn't know why, but I was beginning to get more anxious by the minute. It was like I felt unsafe.

He pulled me towards the center of the room by my arm and placed me in position. Gradually, I felt my head becoming dizzier and slower. I clenched my fist to steady myself, but it was just barely working. The sound of Junhoe's footsteps seemed to pound into my ears as I felt him come behind me.

"Can we do less touching stuff?" I asked as he got ready to place his hand on my shoulder.

Junhoe seemed surprised at this, but simply laughed it off and replied, "What are you talking about? Partner dances aren't interesting unless you touch the other. I'm your teacher so let me teach."

"I'm not feeling it.." I began slowly, but he merely ignored me as he placed his right hand on my shoulder, with his left on my collar bone. "Junhoe..Seriously.."

His hands moved back from my body as he grabbed my hand and twirled me around, making me feel even more uneasy. My heart rate began to get faster as he finally pulled me so that our chests were touching.

At this moment, flashbacks of those boys touching me came back into my mind.

"Junhoe, I really don't like being touched." I said as Junhoe continued to move me around.

"Calm down, it's not a big deal." He responded.

Why wouldn't he stop? Why wasn't he listening to me? I didn't want anything near me..I didn't want anything to touch me.

Then, the moment Junhoe's hand held my back, I immediately shoved him backwards and shouted, "I told you to stop!"

My breathing had become ridiculously heavy, while I could already feel the red rushing up to my face. I was holding my arms together, as if protecting myself from something, but I didn't understand why I was acting like this.

Junhoe's eyes were wide with surprise, but I didn't even have time to read his expression. He immediately responded with, "What's wrong with you? Are you insane?"
I watched as he came closer and placed a hand on my shoulder, but that only caused me to freak out even more.

"I told you to get the off of me!" I shouted as I slapped his hand away furiously. Wasting no time, I took the chance I had and ran off, the horrifying images of last night coming back to haunt me. My feet bolted through the baffled dance class as I made my way out of the studio and towards another area of the trainee camp building, my heart rate pounding against my chest.

All I could think about was last night.

All I could sleep and dream about was last night.

All I could see was last night.

I wished I never had to experience that. So I could talk to somebody about it without feeling like an absolute useless little girl. Of all people, it had to happen to me.

Finally finding a spot near a hallway, I carefully slid my back down against the wall and sat down, spreading my legs out in front of me. A long sigh escaped my lips once I gradually began feeling more at peace. Getting out of that crowded area was enough to lower my heart beat.

"Way to make things worse for yourself." I said quietly as I fixed the laces of my combat boots.

"You did make it pretty bad."

My head immediately shot up towards the voice, while my feet quickly shot up from the groun so that I was standing. To my dismay, there was THE Hanbin standing right before me. I couldn't understand why my luck was so bad.

"Didn't I already give you a chance before? With Junhoe?" He asked as I ran my fingers through my hair. 

"Yeah. I know, I messed up," I began anxiously, "I'm just not feeling well and I couldn't take the crowded-"

"I can't keep giving you chances." Hanbin suddenly interrupted, his eyes becoming solid. "You haven't given any good reasons for you to debut since the beginning of training. Why are you here?"

I wasn't an emotional girl at all, but that stung a bit. Being told that all of your efforts since you've been here have been completely useless? And that you weren't capable of debuting because of it?

We stood in silence for a few moments, while I simply stared aimlessly at Hanbin, completely absorbed in all of my thoughts. I was ruining my chances...No, actually, I've already ruined them.
All of that hard work for nothing.

"You're not acting how you usually do, and if you keep going like this, you're going to fall behind in class and get dropped from camp." Hanbin said bluntly, shocking me back into reality.

"I'm off, then,"

After saying this, I even shocked myself. I hadn't realized the words had come out of my mouth until the uncomfortable wool of silence draped over us once again, except even thicker than last time. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, or how I was supposed to handle this situation, and that wasn't like me at all.

Then, the feeling of a warm hand touching my shoulder caused my gaze to dart up.
I immediately jolted backwards at the touch, shaking subtly while Hanbin stared at me in surprise, clearly not expecting my spontaneous reaction.

"You wouldn't give up on something so easily," He said slowly as he took a step towards me. "why are you acting like this?"

"You don't know me, so please stop trying to pry as if we're in some kind of drama." I snapped back, shooting him a menacing look. 

Hanbin simply looked at me with what looked like a mixture of confusion and shock, but it only lasted a mere heartbeat. There was something else mixed in there, but I couldn't exactly tell what.

Then, he said something that completely turned me upside down.

"Alright, I guess you need to get packing then." 

I watched in silence as the boy band member his heel and began walking away, looking so casual in the process. He was walking away from me..And he told me to pack my things. I must have completely messed everything up for myself.
After all of this.

And at that moment, my lips slowly parted, and I called over,
"I almost got last night."

His footsteps immediately stopped, time feeling like it was moving in slow motion. It felt as if he hadn't moved for at least 5 minutes, and I wouldn't have expected him to. I just blurted out such serious and private information to a guy I didn't know at all.

After what felt like hours, Hanbin finally turned to look at me with wide eyes, his feet still sold in place. I didn't know how to react, but tears began to well up in my eyes at the sheer thought of what had happened.
All he did was look at me, so I assumed he was just shocked as to why some girl he didn't know would tell him such private information. He probably thought I was lying so he wouldn't kick me out of camp. I didn't even want to know what he was thinking right now.

And, in less than a second, I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, pulling me in a tight embrace. That, is the moment I finally let down my stone wall, and allowed myself to be cared for. My entire life, I have rejected help because I was too busy thinking of my pride or how other people would feel.
But today, I finally felt true help.

~~


B.I. (Hanbin) and I had moved over to a different room in the mean time, where we began talking. I watched as the popular kpop star sat in front of me on a couch, while bringing over a small drink.

"So that's why you've been acting strange?" He asked as I crossed my leg over the other.

"You could say that." I replied dully. "I didn't want to bother anyone with my problems by acting upset, but I guess I failed."

"You can't hide something like that." Hanbin suddenly said in a much more angry tone, taking me by surprise. "That's not something that would bother anyone. That's serious."

I simply stared at him with slightly widened eyes, still holding the drink in my hand. I never expected him to be so worried or feel so passionate about such an event..It didn't seem like him. But then again, I had no idea who he was.

Deciding to change the subject, I kept quiet and reached my hand over a counter for a napkin, when Hanbin suddenly grabbed my wrist with his hand, bringing it closer to his sight.

"Yah!" I said, obviously surprised. 

"This cut is huge." He said quietly, looking at my arm up in down. "Did you get this because of what happened?"

I remained silent as Hanbin held my hand gently, placing his cold fingertips against my skin, while dragging them down across the wound. I slightly mumbled something, trying to hide the pain.

"You're getting some ointment. I can't believe you didn't even do that much." Hanbin shook his head in annoyance as he reached over to a separate drawer and pulled out a small medicine kit, picking out a few bandages and neosprin.

I opened my mouth to argue with him that it wasn't necessary, but I realized that I should probably be thankful he's even listening to me right now. He could have already sent me packing if he'd wanted to.
In no time, Hanbin carefully rubbed the ointment in while placing the bandaid over my cut, sealing it tight. 

"You have more, don't you?" He asked, as if psychic.

"Look, that's none of your business." I responded almost immediately, giving more attitude in my tone.

Without acknowleding my requests, the ignorant boy band member stood up and walked over to where I was sitting, plopping himself down on the seat next to me. He quickly examined my body like some kind of human x-ray, checking for more injuries.

I rolled my eyes, thinking that he was wasting his time. Why was he being so extra over a simple cut?

And then, I saw the look on his face when he was done examining me.
"You've got cuts all over your shoulders, and a few on your thighs. You've got a bruise on the side of your neck, too." Hanbin said dryly.

My eyes slowly widened as I looked down. Incredibly, he was right. I guess even thought I was wearing a loose sweatshirt and spandex, he could see everything. That must mean I was attacked gravely..More than I'd originally thought.

"Stop looking at me like that. It's pissing me off." I said coldly as I adjusted my sleeve. 

"You're pretty rude for a maknae. You understand I'm your elder, right. Your Oppa, to be exact." Hanbin spoke, giving me a look.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm from America, okay. I may speak Korean to you but I don't follow your traditions." I laughed as I stood up and began walking towards the door.

"Yah, where are you going?" He asked in confusion, standing up as well.

"We're going back to class, aren't we?" I responded.

All I saw was Hanbin smiling at me before we finally began walking out of the small room's doors, and back towards the class.

~~~

"Hyong, where have you been?" Chanwoo asked the moment Hanbin and I stepped into the class together.

Thankfully, everyone was busy doing a routine, so not much attention was focused on us. Hanbin simply shrugged and responded, "Sorry, I had to go fetch Michelle. Everything went smoothly though, right?"

"Yeah, but just explain to everyone else later." Chanwoo chuckled.

I looked at Hanbin as he grinned at me broadly, for some odd reason. I couldn't tell why he was being so kind towards me. I'd been giving him trouble the entire time I've been here, and I just made him miss a portion of class.

"Michelle!"

Great. 
My head slowly turned to see none other than Junhoe walking towards me with an angry expression on his face. "What's wrong with you? Why'd you run off like that?"

He glance over at Hanbin for a moment before looking back at me and adding, "And why'd you come back inside with him?"

"He helped me out. I'm sorry, I've been going through stuff." I replied quickly, trying to avoid him. The only reason I didn't want to talk to him was because I felt there was no need to. 
In the moment that I pushed him away, I realized I wasn't comfortable enough to tell him about what really happened last night. He probably wouldn't care anyway. Based on the fact he didn't even take the time to listen to me last night because he was...
With Jennie.

"Yah-" Junhoe began, but I immediately interrupted him and barked,

"Why don't you go bother Jennie or something? I'm busy."

And with that, I my heel and began walking away, not even taking a second glance back.