On my fifteenth birthday, I was left alone at home. It’s not like I’m not used to it. I’d been celebrating my birthday alone since I was ten so it’s normal. Before, I had my family with me but now, my family didn’t even want me. My mother had remarried and she was living happily with her new husband and she even had two baby boys. My brother had moved out from the house. He’s nineteen, so he could do whatever he wanted too.

At least, her leaving me all alone prevented me from doing something horrible to her new family. I know that I wouldn’t be able to contain myself from hurting those two little angels. I know that I would definitely be clouded with jealousy if I see how much my mother pampered them. I know the fact that the love that used to be showered to me already shifted to my new little step brothers. Yes, I’m jealous with them but at least I know that they won’t feel the same way I felt. I hope that my mother would take care of them with care and love till they grow up. Please mother! Never abandoned them like how you abandoned me. Took care of them with love and care as they really needed it like how I needed it.

I was watching the television when my brother came. It was rare to see him here. He already had his own place, so why bother coming here. When I examined him, I know he was drunk. Along with him, there was another man. Maybe that was his friend. That friend of his was drunk too. They were too drunk to even notice that I was there staring at them. I don’t know why, but I had a bad feelings. I felt as if there was something wrong about to happen. I tried to dismiss the thought as I know I was being paranoid again.

But then, how I wish I listened to my mind. Something wrong actually happened; something that had changed my life upside down. I no longer had the will to live. I no longer longed for the love of my family. I no longer tried to reach out to the warmth that might come and greet me.

It all happened too fast. At one moment, my brother and his friend were joking around but at another moment, they were standing there in front of me with the look that I didn’t even understand.

“Is this your little baby brother?” his friend asked. My mind told me to run but my body wouldn’t cooperate. It was like as if I was glued to the couch. My brother nodded with a smirk on his face. His eyes never leaving me.

His friend then looked at me and smiled sweetly at me. My beating heart started to calm a little seeing those sweet smile.

“Do you mind if I sit here with you? Your brother is going somewhere so he told to stay here with you. Is it okay?” he asked in a soft voice. I looked at my brother and he was already leaving the house with a stranger there with me. I looked back at his friend and I could only nod. I didn’t think that I would be in danger at that time. After all, he looked friendly and nice.

His friend had this wide smile on his face when I nodded. He quickly sat next to me, too close for my liking.

“So, tell me your name?” he asked after a long silence. I tilted my head to the left, thinking. It had been a long time since someone asked for my name or even call my name. I was more than happy to answer his question. Maybe he would be willing to be my friend. After all, he was talking to me and till now, he hadn’t done anything that could harm me.

“E..Eric,” I stuttered. He nodded a few time and then reached out his hand for a shake. “I’m Edward. You could call me Ed, later on,” he said. I was too blinded with happiness to be having a new friend that I didn’t notice the smirk on his face.

We chatted and laughed. I felt really comfortable with him. At one point, he asked me if I would let him see my room. Of course I would say yes. I would never make anything that would make me lose my new friend.

Little did I know, he had something else in his mind. Something horrible would happen and I was still clueless of the danger. All of the sudden, I was pulled toward him. He held me tightly and from the way he held me, I know that he wouldn’t let me go at the moment.

“Is there anything wrong?” I asked, a bit scared. He just smile and whispered, “Don’t you know that your brother sell you for his own good?”

I was shocked to hear it. It’s hard for me to believe what he just said. It’s true that my brother didn’t care about me anymore but he wouldn’t sell me for his own benefits, right? I was speechless. I didn’t know what I should do. Before I knew it, I was thrown onto the bed. I tried to run but he was too strong. And at that day, I was by my own brother’s friend.

It was so sickening right. A guy had with another guy. But nothing is impossible in this world. When lust clouded our mind, we would do anything to satisfy it. Even animals didn’t do what human like us do. Just took my case as an example. Read my story and tried to understand. Then, you would be able to make a conclusion; a conclusion on life which the unfortunate like me had to went through.

This thing didn’t just occur once but more than twice. Every single week, my brother would use me whether as a toy or as a punching bag. I was sick of all this. I had long given up on life. I wish that all of this was just a nightmare. I wish that one day I would wake up and see my family’s there for me. I wanted to see them as one again. I miss them. I miss my father’s smile, I miss my mother’s hug and I miss my brother constant teasing. I miss my family, my once beautiful family.

Today, I had turned seventeen. Two years had passed since I’d been by my brother’s friend. After that day, they came like almost every day. I had gotten used to all those abused. I no longer react when they tried to do something to me. My soul had already left my body since the day of my father’s death. So today, I decided to end it all. Today, not only my soul but my body would no longer live on this earth.

I’d decided. Today will be the last day I breath on earth, the last day I see all these horrible things, the last day everyone could torture me and today will be the first day I’m going to meet my father at the afterlife. He was waiting for me and I know. There, he would take better care of me. He would never hurt me like how the others had. He would love me like how he always does.

To those who were chosen to read this story, my story, I hope you didn’t think of me as a weak person and a coward. Well, I might have to agree that I’m a coward but then, you should go through what I’d been through. Then, after that, you will understand. I had enough of it all. I had enough of my life. I wished I could change the past but I know I would never could. My story might have hurt me a lot but maybe this story of mine could help you to appreciate your life better.

When you think your mom don’t love you, remember back to my story. Does your mother acted like my mother. If you think you hated your sibling for being mean, does your sibling were as cruel as my brother. If you think that you have nothing that worthy enough in your life, think again because you never knew that maybe it was there, hidden somewhere. I ended my life as I was a coward. But please, I beg you. Never did the same thing that I would do.

Look around, see what you have. Is it worthy enough to leave all those things? Look at all the little things you have in life. Maybe then, you will find the meaning of life. Maybe now you would scoff saying that someone like me who didn’t appreciate life didn’t have the right to give advice. But please remember, now, you might hate your life but then, after you took it, you will regret it all. I have nothing left in this world but you, my dear, still have something. They’re just waiting for you to find and discover them.

After you read my story, bear this in mind, I will always be there by your side. I will always stay there with you and whenever you had the urge to do something stupid, I will be there to stop you, maybe not through physical contact but through your mind. This story of mine will haunt you forever as I will make sure you appreciate your life.