When you think about the person you love, there would be only two possibilities on how you would react; one is whether you would smile in happiness or one you would wallow in sadness. Life was hard. There’s nothing easy in this world. Whether you got swallow by the harshness of the world or you fight through it.

Missing them was one of the things I wanted to avoid. I know that trying to erase them from my memory was not a good act but what can you do when everything that you feel while you’re with them was sadness? Never in my life had I felt happy with what I got. Those memories of the past always haunt me to the very end. I tried to run but still, running wasn’t the best option. I tripped, bruised and even out of breath. I always felt scared, looking behind me, making sure they weren’t there.

When I told people about my story, no one would believe me. For them, I was just some juvenile, some troublesome kid who knew nothing about hardship. But of course, they were wrong.

It all started when I was eight. Everything changed from that moment. I used to be happy, laughing all the time and never care about the world around me. But as I said before, life was hard, the world was harsh. Nothing will ever change the fact.

When I first saw them fighting, I thought of nothing. After all, it’s normal to have a fight right? Once in a while, you need to argue to liven up your life right? That’s how we, siblings, always act after all. But seeing my parents argued that day was a first. The next day was the same and the next, the next and the next until I couldn’t even count for how long.

Then one day, when I just got back from school, that was when my world started to actually crumbled to pieces. My mother was there, standing with tears streaking down her cheeks and her hand was holding a sharp knife covered with red thick coloured liquid. I was dumbfounded. The young me at that time couldn’t comprehend what was happening so, the clueless me just approached my mother asking what was happening. My mother stared at me with sad eyes which were the first she ever showed me.

She kneeled in front of me, throwing the knife as far away as possible and hugged me. She cried and kept saying she was sorry. Of course I didn’t know what she was sorry for. Do you want to know what I said? It was funny and kind of stupid of me. If I could take back the word, I would have. But nothing could change the past.

“Mommy, don’t cry! You didn’t do anything. I always forgive you.”

Stupid old me! If only I understand, if only I knew what was happening, my life maybe would have been better.

My mother took the knife, gave it to me and asked me to throw it somewhere else. As an obedient kid I am, I took it and brought it to the playground near our house. I buried it under a tree just like how my mother asked me too.

When I got back home, everything was back to normal. My mother had this usual smile she would always show when we got home. Her hand was not covered with red liquid anymore, her clothes had already changed. I don’t know how she managed to do it so fast but I have to give some credits to her for being a good actress. She approached me and told me to never say anything to anyone, not even to my brother. I just nodded.

Week passes and father hadn’t been home since that day. I was curious. I kept asking, so did my brother but my mother would brush it off saying that father was working outside. I let it slip because I know how busy my father was. He was a businessman, a CEO at that. He had to run his company and fed thousands of people.

But of course, he being missing for weeks was a bit suspicious. He never left his family for more than a week. He would always find a way to come back and stay with us even for just a day. He was a good father. He would take good care of us and fulfil all our needs. He never said no to us no matter how absurd our requests were. He would always find a way to make us satisfied. That was when I heard about the murder of my loving father.

It was said that my father was stabbed with a knife and his body was burned. It was a tragic death. We all believe that it was done by his competitors but we couldn’t find who. But, never did I know, this so call murder was actually done by my mother, the person I trust the most. Are you curious how I know? Well then, listen to my story more and you will know.