I need to kill you. That's the only way to get you out of my head. To silence those sweet things you said to me. You promised you wouldn't leave me. And now, here you are...leaving me behind. You promised me, Luhan, that you'd take me with you if you left. But you're gone and you didn't even offer me your hand to follow you. I understand why you left...I do. But you didn't even give me a chance to lift a finger to fight to keep you. 

So I need to kill your memory. I'm calling out for you, but you aren't calling back to me. You're dead to me now. I'm sorry.

No... I'm not saying sorry anymore. I'm tired of being the apologetic one. I didn't do anything this time. I'm not saying sorry for the stupid you do anymore. I'm not apologizing anymore. I've surrounded you with blackened roses, rainy days, and black umbrellas. 

Luhan...didn't you understand how much I loved  love loved you? It doesn't matter now. You're dead to me...

But at the same time, you aren't. I'm crying now, Luhan. Do you know that? You would if you'd answer your phone or even your text messages. Why'd you tell everyone else goodbye and then left me with nothing? You didn't even give me the courtesy of a ' you'. 

Do you know how much you've hurt me?

I don't think that you do...and you won't ever hear these words from me... no matter how much I want to say them. I can't do it. I just can't do anything that would hurt you. Not like how you've hurt me. That's what you do when you love someone, Luhan. You go out of your way to make them feel safe and loved and worth something. You put them before yourself; you think of their feelings before your own. That's what I do for you. It's what I'll always do for you. So, even though I've written these thoughts down, I'll never show them to you because I don't want to hurt you. Because, even after all of this... I still love you.

Sehun looked up at the sudden ringing of his cell. Glancing at the notebook in his lap, he threw it away before leaping across the room to answer his phone. There was only one person with that ringtone in his contact list.

"Luhan" he breathed out as he answered his mobile. "How are you?"

There was a pause, as he listened to the response on the other end.

"Yeah, I miss you too." Here, he wiped his eyes silently, hoping the other boy wouldn't notice any change. 

He listened again and nodded, but realized that the person on the other end couldn't see him anymore. So he said, "I promise, Luhan. I will."

Another pause. "Yeah, Lulu. Wo Ai Ni."

The phone went dead on the other side. Listening to the silence, Sehun let himself cry. Sometimes, promises get broken.

End.

 Author's Note: Hello. This was kinda fun to write. Since I found out that Luhan was leaving, it's been bugging me on how Sehun was going to react since they were so close. When I saw him break down on stage in front of a HunHan sign... my heart hurt for him. So, this was my attempt to try to put myself into his position and write out the feelings that went with it. I will admit that I was depressed myself when I wrote this, so it's not exactly the happiest story on the site. But it is definitely not the saddest that I've written by far. The title and much of the theme comes from Melanie Martinez's song Dead to Me. I reccommend that you go back and reread the story while listening to that song. I think that it adds something to it; puts you in the right mind to read it. 

Well, that's all I have for this note aside from the usual; "Hey, if you liked this story, and you maybe want to read more like it, subscribe to me and visit my page. Those who send me prompts will get a special thank-you from me, as well as the story being written. Today's proverb: Look to the North. Keep Looking. There's nothing coming from the South."

If you've read this far, congrats~ You find out that there is an extra bit down here for a bonus~ So, enjoy your reward.

The Phone Call:

"Luhan."

'Hi, Sehunnie.'

"How are you?"

'I'm doing okay. Getting used to being alone again. It's so strange. I miss you so much, Sehunnie.'

"Yeah, I miss you too."

'Hey, Sehunnie, don't cry okay? Promise me you won't cry. And don't forget me. Wait for me, okay? i haven't forgotten my promise to you. So wait for me.'

"I promise, Luhan. I will."

'Please forgive me for not saying goodbye. I didn't want this to seem like a goodbye forever. It's just an I'll see you soon. Do...Can you forgive me?' :a pause on Luhan's end: 'I gotta go, Sehunnie. They're calling me back to the patient ward. Saranghae'

"Yeah, Lulu. Wo ai ni."

'See you, Sehunnie'