{ This story was inspired from the poem of Lang Leav "Loving You" from her book, Lullabies. }

 

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Sehun covered his eyes as he felt the sunlight hits his drawn and pale face at such ungodly hour. He slowly opened his dark brown orbs that once contained of happiness and love but now, it showed sorrow and emptiness. He sat up, groaning at how numb his back felt but nothing could be ever compared the way his heart was feeling. He darted his gaze at the empty space beside him, where he was expecting a pair of warm slender hands wrapping around his waist, wanting to cuddle. The pair of sparkling and beautiful doe eyes staring into his. The enchanting smile that would always greet him every morning once he opened his sleepy eyes and the soft pink lips crashing with his that would always left him breatheless. He blinked as he could feel the the prickly sensation in his eyes that threatening to fall again.

 

He was alone. Again.

 

 

"Luhan.." He whispered as the tears slowly slid down his eyes, streaming down on his cheeks; uncontrollably.

 

 

He looked at the picture on his desk, there it was, a picture of a brown haired boy smiling happily at the camera and another boy staring at him with a loving and adoring gaze. You can see the love surfacing by looking at them. But sadly, some things are meant to be end.

 

 

And, Sehun was very sure that he never wanted the ending they had.

 

 

Sehun doesn't really know what happened to his relationship with Luhan. They were inseparable. He knew that Luhan loves him so much more than anything in this world and vice versa. Their life was almost perfect- almost, until the day Sehun didn't expect, came.

 

 

He lets out a heavy sigh as he wiped his tears, he stood up and grabbed his phone; hoping for a text or a call from him. Every seconds, hours, days, and months that passed by, he hoped and hoped that his lover would call or text him. But, it never came. He stared at the screen for a few seconds but realizing that it would only make him feel more pathetic than he already was, he placed it back on his desk and did his daily routine.

 

 

Sehun had somehow managed to live normally without Luhan but of course, it will never be the same anymore. The memories with his lovely boyfriend will never be forgotten. As he made his way to the kitchen and started cooking breakfast, he would- without realizing, cooked heart shaped pancakes with strawberry syrup, which is Luhan's favorite. Sehun felt another pain in his heart upon noticing this. He sighed sadly and throw it in the trash bin. He never liked strawberry, anyway.

 

 

After eating his breakfast, he went to the living room and sat on the long white couch- where a lot of memories with Luhan reminded him. He looked up at the ceiling and reminisced the day he met him.

 

 

 

It was raining that time when he met Luhan. His last class was finished and luckily, he brought an umbrella with him. He was standing at the bus stop, patiently waiting for the bus to arrive when he saw a honey brown hair boy running to his side using his bag to cover his head. He was awestruck when the boy was so close to him. He was very beautiful. His cute button nose, his doe eyes, his soft plump pink lips and everything about him just made Sehun's heart beats eratically against his ribcage. He heard the angelic face boy cursed in such a funny accent but he find it cute, though. He lets out a low chuckle, making the boy looked at him weirdly. He cleared his throat when he felt his eyes focused on him.

 

 

"Um, let's share an umbrella." Sehun unknowingly said and moved closer to him.

 

 

Luhan blinked at him. Sehun silently cursed himself. He must find me creepy.

 

 

"I- I mean! If you don't mind, my umbrella is quite big and me, sharing it with you doesn-"

 

 

He stopped talking when he heard the boy laughed. Luhan smiled at him.

 

 

"No need to panic, Sehun. Thank you."

 

 

Sehun gaped at him. He knows my name! He freaking knows my name! His mind went insane because this beautiful creature right here knows him. But, how..?

 

 

Upon sensing Sehun's gaze at him, Luhan smiled once more and said,

 

 

"Oh! I didn't mean to scare you that way. I know you because you're the team captain of the basketball team, so yeah."

 

 

Sehun nodded and lets out a small smile. "What is your name?"

 

 

"Lu Han."

 

 

"Lu Han? Chinese?"

 

 

"Ah, yeah."

 

 

Their talk was interrupted when the bus stopped infront of them. Luhan turned to Sehun and smiled at him.

 

 

"This is my bus, so. Thank you again, Sehun."

 

 

Sehun smiled widely and nodded. "It was nice meeting you, Luhan. See you."

 

 

Luhan entered the bus then gave him a wide smile.

 

 

 

Sehun swore, it was the beautiful smile he had ever seen in his life. And at that time, he didn't know - love already came by his side.

 

 

 

Sehun smiled at the memory. He looked at the jar that were filled of paper stars and hearts on the table beside him. He looked at it and sighed. He didn't bring it with him. It was the gift he gave Luhan when he asked him to be his boyfriend.

 

 

 

"You are so in love with him, Sehun." Baekhyun, his older cousin, rolled his eyes at the sight of his baby cousin smiling dreamily.

 

 

Sehun snapped out and chuckled. He took another paper and started shaping it as a heart. "Yes, I am."

 

 

"Hm, when do you plan confessing to him?" Jongin, his best friend, asked as he watched the younger took another paper and shaped it as a star.

 

 

 

"Tomorrow night. I'm very sure he will like this." Sehun said with a bright smile on his face, putting the last paper heart in the jar.

 

 

 

Baekhyun eyed the jar then to his cousin. "And, you are a hundred percent positive that he will say yes?" He smirked in mischief.

 

 

 

Sehun stopped. He looked at his cousin and then to his bestfriend. "I don't really know.." He sighed. "But, I felt it. I know that he has feelings for me, too. For the past months we're always together, I can feel that there's something between us." He said confidently, a fond smile escaping his lips.

 

 

 

"But, what if you turned out to be wrong? You'll get hurt." Jongin worriedly said.

 

 

 

Sehun smiled. "At least, I tried, yes? And you know me, I'm never going to give up."

 

 

 

"Oh my little feisty baby cousin. Good luck. I'm sure he will say yes." Baekhyun smiled and gave Sehun a pat on the back.

 

 

 

"Yeah, bro. Just don't get screwed."

 

 

 

Sehun nodded and lets out a small smile. He prayed, in his heart, that Luhan would accept his love.

 

 

 

That night, Sehun took Luhan at the cinemas. His hands were absolutely cold and sweating when they got out and went to the park for some walk. Luhan was smiling all day long and Sehun couldn't just get a hold of his heart anymore. They sat on the bench and an awkward silence filled the atmosphere. They were just a bit people in the park since it's night already. Luhan, noticing that Sehun doesn't talk that much, decided to break the cold silence.

 

 

 

"I really like the movie! It was really funny. Right, Sehun-ah?" He said happily then turned his head to look at the boy beside him who was actually staring back at him too.

 

 

"Luhan.. I have something to tell you." Sehun nervously said, swallowing hardly.

 

 

"What is it, Sehun-ah?" Luhan blinked at Sehun who was currently avoiding his stare.

 

 

"I..." Sehun stuttered.

 

 

"You..???"

 

 

"I... I li.. I.." Dammit Sehun! Just spit it out! He yelled in his mind.

 

 

Luhan giggled when he heard the boy stuttering.

 

 

"Okayyyy, you what? Just take a deep breathe and tell me what you want to say.” Luhan smiled at him.

 

 

Luhan’s smile had somewhat made Sehun a whole lot better. He exhaled heavily and looked at him straight to the eyes.

This is the right time, Sehun! Tell him what you really feel! Don’t get screwed up!

 

 

 

“I like you, Luhan.”

 

 

Luhan widened his eyes. He wasn’t expecting this.

 

 

 

Sehun took the both of his hands. “Scratch that- I love you, Luhan. I’ve always loved you since the day we met at the bus stop. There won’t be a day that I wouldn’t think of you.  You are always in my mind and in my heart.  Heck, Luhan. I am so in love with you that it makes my heart go crazy. Whenever I see your smile, it always brightens up my day. You gave me a reason to live tomorrows. For the past few months we’ve spending together, I realized that my heart couldn’t hold my feelings anymore. I just need to let this all out and tell you what I really feel. I am serious, Luhan. I love you, so much. Words couldn’t express how much but I just want to let you know that. It’s okay if you are not ready, I completely understand. I just want to tell you that I love-“

 

 

 

A pair of soft lips were pressed against his. He was astonished. He looked at the boy infront of him and the reality hit him- He is kissing me! Luhan… He closed his eyes and respond with the kiss, slowly, passionately and with love.

 

 

 

Luhan breaks the kiss a minute after, his cheeks tinged pink and he was smiling so wide. Sehun rubbed his nape shyly.

 

 

"So, I guess.."

 

 

Luhan looked at him then grinned. "Hm?"

 

 

 

"Will you be my other half?"

 

 

And once again, a familiar lips attacked his. Sehun smiled. I could get used to this for the rest of my life.

 

 

Walking hand by hand towards Luhan's house, both were silent but it's not that uncomfortable silence, it's more like a serene silence and both are contented with this. When they stopped in front of Luhan's house, Sehun had the urge to not let go of his boyfriend's house and take him away. 

 

 

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot." Sehun said as he opens his bag and handed him the jar.

 

 

 

From the moment Luhan saw the paper stars and hearts, his eyes glinted in bliss. He jumped onto Sehun and hugged him very tight. 

 

 

"Sehun-ah! I really, really love this. Thank you so much." Luhan beamed, giving him a soft peck on the lips. 

 

 

"Yeah- since, you've always begged me to do that for you." Sehun joked, making Luhan hits his arm gently.

 

 

"Hey, I do not beg!" Luhan responded with a huff.

 

 

"Cute." Sehun pulled the boy in his arms again. He inhaled the sweet scent of Luhan. He smiled. 

 

 

"I love you, Sehun-ah."

 

 

"I love you too, Lu."

 

 

And, everything was just perfect.

 

 

 

He got up when he heard his phone rang, he quickly ran towards his room and picked up the phone.

 

 

"Hello?!" Sehun asked. He was hoping to hear the voice that he missed the most.

 

 

"Oi, Sehun. Want to get some drinks tonight?" Jongin asked on the other line. Sehun lets out a sigh in despair.

 

 

"I'm gonna pass. Sorry."

 

 

 

"Sehun, don't be like this. It has been 6 months since Luhan had left you. I'm gonna pick you up tonight and there's nothing you can do about it." Jongin said and hang up.

 

 

Sehun ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. It has been 6 months... 6 months without Luhan. He doesn't even know how the hell he managed to survive without his lover. He sat down on his his bed, buried his face on his palms and lets his tears rolled down again. He had been asking himself if it was something he did that made Luhan left him for another man. Was his love never enough? As far as he remember, he always made Luhan happy and Luhan knows that. He never made Luhan cried nor sad, before. Was it his fault for not noticing that his boyfriend wasn't happy with him anymore?

 

 

"Luhan.... I need you. Come back to me.." Sehun whispered between his horrendous sobs. 

 

 

He felt nothing but emptiness and loneliness. He needs Luhan back to his life. It is the only way to get himself together. To fix the broken pieces of his heart. Luhan is only the answer.

 

 

---

It had been a year since he last saw Luhan. No texts, no calls, no signs of him. Sehun was somehow dealing with the reality that, Luhan, left him and he's probably happy right now with that man. He smiled bitterly at the thought of Luhan being happy. He's hurt because he knew, he's not the reason of Luhan's smiles anymore. He placed his hand in his pockets as he made his way to a familiar park- the park when Luhan accepted his heart. He sat on the same bench a year ago when he was with Luhan. But today was different, he was alone. For a few minutes, he was just there, thinking of what would possibly happen if Luhan didn't leave him. Of course, Sehun wouldn't be like this. Sehun would be very happy with him. But unfortunately, things didn't turn out to what Sehun is dreaming of. The break up was bound to happen. Sehun was bound to get hurt.

 

A very familiar laugh snapped Sehun out of his thoughts, he turned his gaze to his right side and his eyes roamed around to find the person he had been waiting, in the arms of the man. They were walking towards his way and they were laughing- Luhan looked very happy. Sehun just stared at them, the tears are forming on the edge of his eyes. He closed his eyes when the man kissed Luhan on the lips which result the boy to kissed him back. Sehun couldn't take the pain anymore so he stood up and was about to leave when he heard, the voice... the voice he haven't heard for a year, spoke his name. 

 

 

"Sehun-ah...."

 

 

Sehun looked at him, his eyes filled with sorrow and pain. His eyes, met with his were slow in their recognition.

 

 

I wonder if he still remembers what he once told me. Sehun thought.

 

 

 

"I will love you forever, Sehun-ah." Luhan said softly, he snuggles closer to Sehun. His arms were wrapped around his waist and his head resting on Sehun's shoulders.

 

 

 

Sehun smiled sadly and hugged Luhan tighter. He runs his delicated fingers through the strands of his honey brown hair and placed a soft kiss on his forehead.

 

 

 

"But, I am so afraid you may one day stop.. Lu."

 

 

Luhan lifted his head up and looked at Sehun. He smiled and shook his head, his hands finding its way to Sehun's and interlocked their fingers together. 

 

 

"That will never happen, Sehun-ah. You will always have my heart. It's for you and only you." Luhan said and kissed Sehun's lips softly.

 

 

Sehun smiled in the kiss. "Promise?"

 

 

"Yes, Sehun-ah. I promise."

 

 

 

"Luhan..." Sehun finally said after a minute. A smile on his lips.

 

 

"Who is this?" The tall man beside Luhan, asked with his expression totally befuddled.

 

 

Luhan turned his gaze to his boyfriend, biting down his lower lip nervously. "This is Sehun. My... my old friend. Sehun, this is Yifan. My fiancee."

 

 

Fiancee.... Sehun looked at Luhan, trying to find the answer if this is really happening. Luhan, just looked down, trying to avoid Sehun's gaze.

 

 

"What happened to us, Lu? You left me for this man? Really, Lu?" Tears are making their way down to Sehun's cheeks already. He tried to grab Luhan but his fiancee stepped in between.

 

 

Sehun pushed and punched the guy. Luhan gasped, he tried to help his fiancee but Sehun had held on him tightly like his life was depended on him.

 

 

"Why?" Sehun stared into Luhan's teary eyes. Luhan just shook his head, his body was trembling, unable to look at the younger male's solemn face.

 

 

"I'm sorry.."

 

 

"Why do you have to do this to me, Luhan? Why?"

 

 

Luhan was crying already. He didn't intend to hurt Sehun so much. He doesn't want this to happen, too.

 

 

 

"Sehun, I've moved on." Luhan sobbed and cupped Sehun's face. He looked at the man he once loved. He wiped the tears on Sehun's face and smiled at him sadly. "Some things must come to an end. Move on and let me go, Sehun."

 

 

Sehun shook his head and hugged Luhan tightly. "I can't, Lu.... I can't. Don't do this to me. Please." Sehun buried his face on Luhan's shoulders but Luhan pushed him gently.

 

 

"Sehun, I'm sorry. You'll eventually let me go, okay? Live a new life again." Luhan kissed Sehun's forehead.

 

 

"I wish you happiness." Sehun whispered and walks away.

 

 

Luhan watched Sehun walks until his out of his sight. He wiped his tears and smiled sadly.

 

 

Sehun, I'm sorry.

 

 

Sehun places his hands on his heart. He could feel the remaining pieces of his heart, crashed. Just like his hope for Luhan to go back to him. 

 

 

But one thing he knew, for sure.

 

 

I will never stop loving Luhan. I don't think, I ever will.