Here I am again...

Spending my days, nights, hours and literally every minute of my live, in the past 3 months, working in the damn studio.

Well, honestly not just in the past 3 months but that’s my live anyway. Dedicated every part of me to music. I simply love music and luckily music loves me too... nah, literally its people who loves and it gives me one of thousands reason to do music.

And now, I’m in the middle of producing my second album. I was really excited and I’m eager to gives my fans a good music. Sajangnim already gives me a lot of support, like he always did. And I definitely don’t want to make the people that support me down.

Sometimes it is really hard to fulfil people expectation when they expect you too much. I’ve been called of one of good musician in this industry, a good producer, a hit song maker, a genius, and another. I won’t lie that It makes me proud and happy, but it also burdensome at the same time. It’s a bliss and curse at the same time. People always expect me to produce a gold egg all the time. it’s challenging and worrying at the same time.

At least this is my solo album, not for the group, BIGBANG. At least when it gets bad, its me who’ll take the critique and . I just can’t take my band mate down with me. What kind of leader I am if I did. But it lonesome to work alone, well not practically alone when I had teddy hyung, choice, and all who help me, but still.

And the fact that I lack of inspiration is bother me. I’ve been doing anything to regain ideas and inspiration but still. None of it comes. My mind just went blank and all. Another fact that I stay in the studio for the past 4 days to find the idea but none of it comes is really frustration. I really can’t waste any more time. I had my deadline and its not good. Glancing at the clock that shows 9 pm. Should I sitting here alone, in the studio, having my own thought and talking alone, until I earn my mood and inspiration back, that I’m not really sure when.

Sighing, for like a million time, oh yeah million. I guess its time to seeking my inspiration in a best way. I pulled out my phone and dial his number.

He didn’t pick his phone on my first attempt. Aishh this kid really

‘Yes hyung?’ Finally!!!

‘Where are you now? Korea or Japan?’

‘huh? My apartment? in Korea.’ he sounds confused but I don’t take time for him to think, ‘Why Hyung?’

‘Good, I’ll come by. Don’t go anywhere!’ I replied him and hang up without give him a chance to reply

.......

‘eh, you really come?’ he said when he opened the door and welcomed me to come.

‘Yeah, and I bring pizza and beer’ I replied and put the pizza in the small table at his living room and sit on the floor.

‘You know, Hwangsabbu hyung just warning me for my eating habit, its unhealthy’

‘I know, and I also know that he warning you, which means that you should eat at least 3 times a day and not skipping any meals cause you looks skinnier and unhealthy. Besides its not like you can resist this food’

‘Hmm... maybe you right’ he nodded his head and shrugged

‘You know I’m always right. Anyway maknae just take care your own health, don’t wait until there’s people tell you to!’

This kid always takes his care lightly when he’s busy and it makes people worry with him all the time.

‘hmmm’. See?! he don’t take that seriously!!, ’ So what’s up hyung?’ he said while sitting on the floor with me, ignoring the sofa, and bringing a glass of water for me.

‘Why? I can’t visit you in your apartment anymore without any reason? I even barely seen you these days!’

I feel little disappointed towards his question, can I just want to meet him just because I feels like to. But then I remember that in fact I really need something with him right now.

‘Aigoo... that’s not it hyung. I know that you’ve been busy with your new album and I know you’ve been in the studio since this morning and beside didn’t we just met in the company this afternoon?’

‘well, that’s little hurt. But I do need your help anyway! Gives me inspiration for song’

‘What?’ he stares while munching the pizza that I brought. He do really looks like panda. Or maybe should I write a song about panda?

Damn Jiyong, you’re not making music for kids. But well, I had song called crayon and it comes pretty good. Teens, kids, and adults love it. Beside this ‘panda’ song probably making V.I.P happy cause the nyongtory thing eventually sailing.

‘Inspiration? Like ideas or what?’ he asked again

‘Don’t act like you don’t know. C’mooon this is not the first time. I’m really lacking ideas. Gives me some good story!’

I’ve once had this interview telling that my inspiration song came from Seungri, sometimes it is true though. Not in literally way but technically yes he did. He did gives me good story to become a song. From his own experience, his friends story, his own love, and all. It’s is not only him though, but I always asked all bigbang member to share me a story so then I can interpret it in a song. But Maknae always gives most interesting story, it suitable for his weird life maybe.

‘How ‘bout your own girlfriends? She always gives a lot of inspiration, I recall ’ he asked while munching his third pizza.

Said someone who slightly refused the food at first and now can’t stop eating. 

‘My relationship is too fine right now, almost flat, no sparks no problem. And I already have this song about how I love her and romantic and all. I need another theme. Enough being lovely dovey and all’

‘hmmm’ he seems thinking now. Thanks god he starting to use his brain. ’About my first love when he dumps me cause I being too busy? ’

‘I already make it in one or two song, remember?

Andwae goejitmareung baby anirago naege malhaejwo, gogaeeul tteolgun che amu mal motan chae wae nal bichamhage haneun geoya (Don’t lie baby, tell me this isn’t it. Your head looks down and you can’t say anthing; why are you making me miserable)’

I singing one of the song from that story

‘Besides its so last year, I know that story enough. And I’m being dumped enough in the past so I knew the feeling. C’mon maknae entertain me! ’

‘Hmmm’ he nodding his head while thinking any good story

‘how ‘bout your recent relationship with that girl. That celebrity girl, who cheat on you.’

I remember his last year love life and it doesn’t end good. He never tell me or another about his relationship, all we know that the girl cheat on him, and he really secretive with his relationship. Maknae can be so distant and secretive sometimes.

‘ahh... her. Nothing special, I being cheated and lesson learn, cute and innocent face is only outside’ he just shrugged but I guess he don’t like the subject. The relationship proven him that someone actually had guts to cheated and played on him while he always been the loyal one to the relationship.

‘Mind to tell me about it, you don’t have to if you don’t want to’ I tell him in soft tone and assuring him to trust me with his feeling. We always has this deep connection all the time. I trust him with all my live and I believe he’s too.

‘nah hyung. Its not like I’m hurting or what with her. It just... she makes me feels like a fool person for trusted and loved her in the relationship when she’s doing it half heartily. It’s more like hurt my pride that I can’t keep her love only for me ’ the way he explain and tell indicate that he’s not affected to the relationship. So I guess its fine to bring the subject.

‘hmmm..that’s how you feeling..’ I mumbled while writing anything that comes to my mind in my small note, while he drinking his beer.

‘Seriously hyung, that failure is giving me a really good lesson. And I actually should listen to my friends and hyungs and noonas more. They’ve been telling me bad things about her but I don’t listen. Well that love is right? You can be fool sometimes’

‘yes! And I’m also one of the person that telling you right!’ I remember telling him all the time about his girlfriend played behind his back and feels hurt that he’s being hurt, but he simply didn’t listen and I’m really angry at that time. Being the good hyung, I just support him no matter what his action is, and when he falls I will support him too until he stand up again, stronger and wiser.

‘sorry hyung’ he stared at the pizza and I doubt he apologize to the pizza

‘don’t focus on my feeling! At that time I was upset but when seeing you happy with her I just.. I don’t know what to do. You’re happy at least’

‘yeahhh, the time past and I don’t want to think about her, it waste of effort. I could find another girl’ he wink at me with his stupid grin.

And there’s my panda, twisting the situation with jokes and?? He just don’t like when people feels sorry or pity on him, so he always making things more lightly.

‘don’t wink me! You’re not looking cool or cute. Its disgusting’

‘ahh.. here we are. Famous G-Dragon knocking on my door at the night, cutting my rest time,  asking for inspiration yet he still bully me’ he mumbled and loud enough for me to hear that and I decided to ignore it

‘okay maknae, tell me more!’

‘what?! Ah hyung can we do this another time’

‘no time, no time’

‘Oh god i really wish in a song there’s “inspired by” section or maybe some royalties. I swear I’ll be rich all this time. You used my story many times’

‘Stop whining!’

‘Hyung don’t you tired? I had flight this morning to japan’

‘I know and i don’t care!’

‘You’ll always teasing me about my dark circles but you’re the one who caused it ‘

‘I only bother u tonight, and you wont come to korea until next week so be a good dongsaeng to me and help’

If this album come out success i’ll treat you one month

‘Let’s Work maknae! I don’t come here to have bickering show with you!’

...............