Jonghun and Hongki had been friends since middle school. They were an odd pairing, Hongki being loud and sporadic and Jonghun being quiet and level-headed, but they worked so effortlessly together that people stopped questioning it soon enough. In high school, when they were experiencing hormones and “serious relationships” for the first time ever, Jonghun had told Hongki he liked him and then kissed him under the tree where they first met. But Hongki hadn’t liked him like that. For Hongki, it was easy to pretend it didn’t happen, because to him it didn’t matter. They were still best friends right?

            And so they went back to being best friends, terrorizing the school and dating around, well, dating around in Hongki’s case. Jonghun had no interest in anyone but his friends, and Hongki pretended he had no idea why, even when he caught Jonghun watching him with that weirdly fond smile or when Jonghun forced that small, plastic grin around Hongki’s girlfriends. Hongki pretended not to notice and Jonghun pretended not to care, and it worked. All the way into college where Jonghun got a scholarship to a prestigious university and Hongki got a part-time job and tried to make it big with his band, whom Jonghun was a part of.

            The only problem was, Jonghun had grown distant lately. He had skipped out on their weekly Friday hangouts three times in the past month and was constantly checking his phone when they did happen to get together. And when Hongki’s birthday had come around, Jonghun had given him a fleeting “Happy Birthday” before leaving their shared flat claiming he had errands to run but that he would see him later. Hongki was surprised he even remembered about his birthday to be honest. Jonghun was being incredibly annoying, suspicious, and evasive in Hongki’s opinion and Hongki was determined to figure out what had caused such a drastic change in his best friend.

            When Jonghun arrived home that evening, Hongki was dead set on figuring out what was going on, not that he hadn’t already asked multiple times before this, but now Hongki was really going to get an answer and Jonghun wouldn’t weasel his way out of answering with flimsy excuses as he had before.

            “Jonghun,” Hongki greeted from the younger’s doorway. The brunet spared a single glance up before he went back to tuning his guitar. From his clothes alone, Hongki could tell Jonghun had been out somewhere expensive and the mere thought that Hongki hadn’t known only added fuel to his quite fury. “Where have you been all night?” He meant for it to come out nonchalantly, but, when the words fell from Hongki’s mouth, they sounded more interrogatory than anything. Jonghun looked up at this, raising an eyebrow at Hongki’s tone and setting his guitar aside to lean back into his pillows.

            “Out,” Jonghun answered shortly, “nothing fancy.” Hongki gave his best friend a speculative glare.

            “You always seem to be out these days, hanging out with other people and running “errands”. Why is it you never seem to have time for me?” Jonghun rolled his eyes.

            “I have other friend’s Hongki, and I do like to see them every once in a while,” Hongki huffed and crossed his arms.                                                                     

            “But we always hang out on Fridays, and you haven’t even been around for that! You’re killing our traditions here,”

            “Oh come on Hongki,” Jonghun scoffed and rolled his eyes, “we live together I don’t think we need a day to hang out,”

            “But I’m your best friend!” Hongki nearly shouted, waving his arms around frantically. “You can’t just go around blowing me off without telling me why. You’ve been driving me up a wall with how much you’ve been pushing me away!” Jonghun sighed.

            “I just think it’s best if we have some time away from each other Hongki, I can’t spend every waking moment hanging off of you. People think I’m pathetic enough as it is. Maybe if I just stop clinging to some stupid hope we’d ever be something I can learn to stop being so dependent on you,” Hongki’s jaw dropped in disbelief. They hadn’t talked about this in years.

            “Jonghun, we’re best friends, we’ll always be best friends. You can’t just start ignoring me that’s unfair!” Hongki almost stomped his foot but resisted the urge. He was trying to get Jonghun to take him seriously after all.

            “No, Hongki! What’s unfair is that you’ve known about me having much more than platonic feelings for you for years and literally nothing has changed. It’s like everything you do is to taunt me I just-I can’t do it anymore,” Hongki felt his eyes prickle as he got more worked up. Hongki had been so stressed all week, and he hadn’t been able to go to his best friend because he was being actively avoided. And now Jonghun was here telling him he couldn’t keep their friendship going because of a stupid crush? Hongki wanted to both strangle the younger boy and collapse on the floor in tears.

            “So what, you want to stop being best friends, stop talking to each other and hanging out altogether? Why the sudden change huh? What happened to being best friends forever you ing-” Hongki stopped himself as the urge to cry grew stronger. Instead of breaking down in front of Jonghun, which he felt might actually make the feel partly sorry, he his heel and walked to his room across the hall, slamming the door behind him before collapsing into bed. Hongki buried himself under his pillows, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing shortly through his nose to try and force the burning at the back of his throat go away.

            ing Jonghun. ing stupid crush.

--0-0-0--

            The next morning he woke up with a particularly lovely headache and, when he was finally decently coherent, the faint sound of water hitting tile and Jonghun’s singing. If Jonghun was up and showering at-Hongki consulted his phone-9 in the morning he must be going to meet someone. It only took him 3 seconds of internal debate to decide to follow Jonghun so he could thoroughly him, and whoever he was meeting, out in public. Maybe he’d even slap Jonghun for good measure. Anything to get back at him for making Hongki feel like such . Hongki happily ignored the part of his mind nagging him about making Jonghun feel like as well, for many, many years with all the girls he dated and flaunted and talked about.

            He hastily shucked off his clothes from the day before and pulled on sweatpants and a loose shirt, shoving on a hat to hide his unkempt blond hair and sunglasses while he was at it. He sat on his bed fiddling with his phone while he waited for the shower to stop and Jonghun to leave the apartment. The minutes seemed to last forever, but soon the familiar swoosh-click of the door opening and closing met his ears and he quickly scrambled up to follow.

            The streets outside weren’t exactly bustling with people, but at some times Jonghun was hard to spot in the crowd. Hongki had to do quite a few duck-and-cover maneuvers that he didn’t know he was physically capable of doing when avoiding Jonghun’s wandering eyes, and he eventually ended up in a café, hidden in a back corner that gave him full view of Jonghun, who had just ordered. When the drinks came Hongki narrowed his eyes and hissed. Jonghun sipped on his coffee, the strawberry smoothie he also ordered remaining untouched until a tall and slender woman walked in, greeting Jonghun with a light hug before she gracefully sat down, taking the drink in hand as she began talking.

            Hongki wasn’t sure why he hadn’t done this before, he knew something was going on obviously, he should have put a stop to this before it became this out of hand. This woman is obviously evil, Hongki thought to himself as his mouth pulled down in disgust when she smiled sweetly at Jonghun, who was smiling back just as brightly. Hongki remembered when Jonghun used to smile at him like that. Hongki knew he was jealous, it wasn’t an uncommon emotion for him, certainly not uncommon when it came to Jonghun either. Hongki was very possessive of Jonghun, he always had been. Jonghun was his best friend after all, he didn’t want anyone taking him away. It seems that wasn’t the problem anymore however, as Jonghun had gone and removed himself from Hongki all by himself.

            As the two continued to chat and laugh Hongki got progressively more pissed off. He was so fixated on them that he didn’t notice someone sit down in front of him until they sharply tugged on his ear. Hongki hissed, turning to give the person, Heechul as it turned out, a heated glare.

            “How did you find me?” Hongki’s voice was flat but Heechul could hear the venom underneath it.

            “Well hello to you too, Sunshine,” Heechul retorted sarcastically. “Isn’t today just stunningly beautiful and happy?” Hongki only continued to glare, Heechul not looking the least bit effected as he ordered his drink. “So,” Heechul began when the server had walked off, “why are your so twisted,” When Hongki stayed silent, Heechul sighed. “So it’s about Jonghun dearest then is it? I figured as much. You always do seem to get the most dramatic about him,” Heechul gave the server a charming smile when she returned with his drink before turning back to Hongki. “Have you realized you’re totally in love with him yet?”

            “I’m not in love with him, Heechul. For the last goddamn time, we’re just best friends!” Heechul sneered.

            “Oh but Jonghun wants so much more than that. If I had that boy after me I’d jump on the opportunity, but you’re sitting around doing incredibly-gay-but-not-too-gay things and acting like you just want to be best friends,” Hongki ground his teeth together. Heechul was a great friend when Hongki wasn’t in a mood.

            “Shut up Heechul, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Heechul raised an eyebrow at him.

            “When I walked in here you were sitting alone in a booth glaring daggers at those two. You’re telling me you don’t want to kill a ?” Hongki looked down, studying the very interesting wood of the café table.

            “ you, Heechul,” Hongki finally hissed, hating the fact that he knew Heechul was right.

            “I think you need to Jonghun,” Heechul said flippantly, before getting up and making his exit. He hadn’t even left money to pay for his stupid drink. .

--0-0-0--

            Hongki had taken the long way home after he had left the café, waiting first for the girl and Jonghun to leave, and he was feeling like doing something drastic when he finally unlocked his front door and walked inside. Jonghun was standing in the kitchen when Hongki found him, and Hongki wasted no time in walking up to him and tapping on his shoulder. As soon as Jonghun turned around Hongki was on his toes and pressing his mouth firmly against Jonghun’s. Jonghun didn’t seem to think as he responded immediately, pressing into Hongki and winding his arms around his waist.

            Hongki pulled back slightly to whisper, “What will it take to make you stay?” and that seemed to force Jonghun back into reality. Jonghun wasted no time in stepping back so he was out of Hongki’s reach. He stared at Hongki disbelievingly, looking equal parts hurt and infuriated.

            “What the hell, Hongki. Do you find it fun to make a joke out of me?” Hongki quickly shook his head, stepping forward and grabbing Jonghun’s hand when he tried to move away again.

            “You’re my best friend, and I need you. I’ll do anything to make you stay,” Jonghun gaped at him.

            “Are you insane? You forcing yourself into any semblance of a relationship with me won’t make me stay,” Jonghun pulled his hand out of Hongki’s grip and Hongki could only let him. He was feeling so hopeless right now. “You don’t like me like that Hongki, you’re not even gay. Being with me won’t make you happy. It’d make you hate me and then we really wouldn’t have any kind of relationship left to salvage.” Hongki felt like crying again, but he wouldn’t because that would be pointless.

            “I could never hate you, Jonghun. You’re my best friend-”

            “Stop saying that!” Jonghun shouted, loudly and angrily. “We’re best friends, Hongki, I get it, nothing more. Stop, for the love of god I can’t stand this,” The pair fell into silence, Hongki looking at the floor and Jonghun rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

            “You were with someone today,” Hongki finally spoke up, “a girl, I saw you guys at the café on Hutch.” Jonghun was confused.

            “What you were following me?” Hongki just shrugged.

            “Well?”

            “Why does it matter? We’re friends, we met for lunch,” Hongki shook his head.

            “Is that all you are?” Jonghun looked more irritated than anything now, sighing heavily and going back to rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

            “Obviously, Hongki,” he said quietly, dropping his hand to his side, “I’m in love with you, how could I be with anyone else?” Hongki had never heard him say it out loud, and it sent a little thrill down his spine.

            “If you mean that,” Hongki whispered, grabbing Jonghun’s hand again and tugging him towards himself, “then let me be what you need.” But Jonghun slipped out of his grip again with a heavy sigh.

            “I can’t. I think…I’ll go stay with Minhwan and Seunghyun tonight. You need to clear your head Hongki. Don’t be so impulsive, you’ll end up doing things you regret,” and then Jonghun stepped around him and left quietly, leaving Hongki alone in the kitchen. After what must have been 10 minutes of staring at the floor, Hongki finally moved to go lie down. He felt numb in a weird way, like Jonghun had left and taken all of Hongki with him save his body.

            “Stupid Jonghun,” Hongki whispered to himself as he slipped through Jonghun’s door and buried himself under the sheets on the younger’s bed. “I don’t need him anyway,” he continued even as he shoved those sheets up to his nose and inhaled. He could smell Jonghun’s cologne faintly, and in the back of his mind Hongki wondered how long that smell would last if Jonghun had really left for good. The thought made Hongki’s nose itch and his eyes burn, but Hongki refused to cry. “He’ll come back,” he chanted to himself. Murmuring it over and over until his exhaustion finally got the better of him and he fell into a restless sleep.

--0-0-0--

            The next morning Hongki awoke to a disorienting beam of sunlight, something he wasn’t used to as the sun didn’t rise on his side of their flat. Hongki sat up, rubbing at his eyes and listening for any noise in the apartment. When all he heard was silence, Hongki deflated some, but he hadn’t really expected much else. With a sigh, the blond sat up and pushed himself out of the bed, not bothering to straighten the sheets which he knew would irritate the hell out of Jonghun. If he came back that is.

            Hongki’s mind was stuck on a constant replay of Jonghun: all the times they had ended up in detention because Hongki had mouthed off and Jonghun had backed him up, all the joint-birthday parties they had because of how close their birthdays were, the first and only time Jonghun had a girlfriend only to break up with her the day after they got together, the freak-outs and meltdowns Jonghun talked Hongki through, the kiss just a few minutes earlier…Hongki couldn’t stop thinking about him. He wondered if, maybe, Heechul had always been right. It would make sense wouldn’t it? Jonghun meant so much to Hongki, would a romantic relationship change that much?

            Breakfast was a quick affair, just a cup of yogurt and some toast, and soon Hongki was sitting on the coach in their living room wrapped in a blanket and staring blankly at the TV as it played cartoons. The sun was setting when the door of their apartment finally opened, causing Hongki to scramble up and to his feet. Jonghun walked into the living room only a few seconds later, pausing when he saw Hongki, who was currently at a loss for words.

            “I…” Hongki hugged his torso tightly, “I’m sorry, Jonghun,” and Jonghun sighed quietly and sat down on the coach.

            “It’s not your fault, Hongki. I wasn’t thinking of you when I started being a . Sometimes I forget you like having me around,” Jonghun laughed humorlessly.

            “But it is my fault that you felt like you had to isn’t it?” The blond settled on the opposite side of the coach, staring at Jonghun who was staring at the TV.

            “I decided to stay friends with you didn’t I? I knew what I was getting myself into,” Hongki immediately shook his head.

            “But I made it harder than you were expecting didn’t I? I talked about my girlfriends all the time, because I thought that maybe if I pretended it didn’t happen it would be like it didn’t. I acted like how you felt was nothing and I’m sorry,” Jonghun finally turned and met Hongki’s eyes.

            “It’s weird when you apologize,” he finally said, cracking a small, but genuine smile. “What happened to my best friend?” Hongki smiled back, scooting closer so he could press himself to Jonghun’s side.

            “Are we best friends again?” Hongki asked as Jonghun’s arm came up and gave him a brief squeeze.

            “Of course you dolt, we were never not to begin with. Best friends forever right?” Jonghun smiled down at Hongki and ruffled his blond locks. Hongki smiled, pressing into Jonghun some more.

            “So what about more than best friends?” Jonghun’s arm immediately dropped.

            “What?” Hongki looked up to see Jonghun’s eyes wide in disbelief. “Hongki we already talked about this we-”

            “We’re best friends. And I love you. And you love me,” Hongki pulled himself out from under Jonghun’s arm and scrambled into his lap so they were facing each other and Hongki was straddling him. Jonghun’s hands immediately went to the blond’s hips, his thumbs unconsciously pressing against Hongki’s hipbones.

            “It’s different though. You love me like a best friend and I-”

            “Isn’t it the same thing? I think it is,” Hongki interrupted, effectively shutting Jonghun up. “You know,” Hongki pressed on when Jonghun didn’t make a move to speak again, “last night, after you left, I slept in your bed. And when I woke up and you weren’t here, all I could think about was how I wished you were, with me. You mean so much to me, Jonghun. I want you to be with me forever and no one else,” Jonghun’s grip on his hips tightened.

            “But you’re not gay,” Jonghun stated weakly.

            “You’re right, I’m not,” Hongki said leaning in and pecking Jonghun on the lips before pulling back, “but you’ve always been the exception haven’t you?” When Hongki leaned back in Jonghun didn’t hesitate in closing the gap between them.

            “You’re not going to change your mind right?” Jonghun asked when he leaned back to catch his breath. Hongki immediately shook his head, leaning in to kiss him again.

            “No way,” Jonghun leaned back again to catch his breath, laughing when Hongki leaned forward again and whined quietly when Jonghun held him back.

            “I don’t have your mutant singer lungs, Hongki. I do need to breathe,” Hongki leaned back frowning.

            “Well fine, make me some food then. I’ve been sitting in front of a TV all day worried about you coming back,”

            “Right, I can do that. If you get off of me,” Hongki sighed dramatically and dragged himself up slowly.

            “I suppose I can do that since you’re going to cook for me and all,” Jonghun rolled his eyes and stood up, stretching out his back before walking to the kitchen with Hongki trailing after him. Hongki watched Jonghun move around the kitchen humming to himself and gathering ingredients. Nothing had really changed. Hongki felt like he should have known nothing would, but Hongki couldn’t help but feel comforted anyway. Hongki jumped up on the counter to continue watching Jonghun and started singing along to the song Jonghun was humming. The younger looked up and smiled at him, switching the tune to Hongki’s favorite song.

            Hongki sang louder, swinging his feet along to the beat. When the song ended and Hongki’s voice tapered off they were both still smiling. Jonghun was still focused on seasoning the sauce when Hongki spoke up.

            “Nothing’s changed see,” he said, giving Jonghun a bright smile when he looked up with a confused look. “We’ve totally made out and nothing changed,” Jonghun laughed.

            “I guess so, although, now I do get to ‘totally make out’ with you,” Hongki hummed, beginning a new song instead of answering. Jonghun was right after all.

--0-0-0--

            They were sitting on the couch watching Weekly Idol, Hongki leaning back against Jonghun’s chest, when there was a knock on the door. Jonghun nudged at Hongki until he begrudgingly got up and went to the door, rolling his eyes upon seeing Seunghyun, Minhwan, and Jaejin, but he let them in anyway. He shut the door behind them, following them into the living room and collapsing back into Jonghun’s arms. Hongki wasn’t in the best of moods today, so Jonghun and him had just sat around lazily all day doing a whole lot of nothing.

            “So…haven’t heard from you guys since Jonghun showed up at our apartment looking like a kicked puppy last week.” Seunghyun gave the pair a speculative look from his spot sprawled out on the floor (Minhwan and Jaejin having taken the remaining seats on the coach). Jonghun glared at the youngest of their group.

            “Shut up, Seunghyun,” he grumbled, pinching Hongki’s side when the elder started laughing. Hongki dug his elbow into Jonghun’s side in retaliation, eliciting a pained groan from the brunet in return.

            “So,” Jaejin stretched his legs out, his mouth pulled taunt as he watched the two eldest of their group, “do you guys have anything to tell us then?” Four pairs of eyes turned to him, all looking equally confused. “I mean, Heechul came over yesterday and was telling me about everything that happened last week,” Hongki rolled his eyes.

            “ing Heechul I swear that man can’t keep anything to himself,” Jonghun’s hand moved to squeeze Hongki’s wrist, which seemed to calm the latter down some. Jaejin’s raised an eyebrow when Hongki caught Jonghun’s hand before he could fully move it away and started playing with his fingers.

            “What?” Minhwan blinked owlishly. “What happened last week?”

            “They had a fight obviously. That’s why Jonghun came over and slept on the coach, duh,” Seunghyun said, rolling his eyes at Minhwan who still looked confused.

            “A fight? But you guys fight all the time,”

            “This was a more serious kind of fight, right guys?” Jaejin turned the attention back to the pair, Jonghun looking distinctly uncomfortable and Hongki still focused on the fingers in his hand.

            “So what?” Hongki drawled. “We’re good now aren’t we?”

            “More than good it looks like,” Hongki turned to glare at Jaejin.

            “Stop being so weird and just get to your point, Jaejin,”

            “Are you guys like…together?” Seunghyun and Minhwan looked at Jaejin like he was crazy and turned back to the pair waiting for them to deny it.

            “That was your question? Jeez you drew that out unnecessarily long. Yes, we are,” Hongki said, rolling his eyes and going back to playing with Jonghun’s fingers.

            “WHAT?” Seunghyun shrieked rather loudly, his face mirroring Minhwan’s as they both gaped at the pair in disbelief. “When did this happen?” Seunghyun shouted, now on his feet.

            “Last week after he came back from your apartment,” Hongki shrugged. “It was all very heartfelt and touching. Lots of deep insightful words and making out,” Jonghun tugged on Hongki’s hair to get him to shut up.

            “I don’t think it was necessary to include that last part, Hongki,” Hongki shrugged again.

            “They asked, they get the gory details,” Jaejin’s nose wrinkled at the thought.

            “Ugh, no, please keep those to yourself I don’t want to hear any of it,”

            “Don’t ask then,” Jonghun said, rolling his eyes.

            “You guys aren’t kidding? You’re completely serious? I mean, I knew Jonghun liked Hongki but-but when did-Hongki isn’t even gay! Are you?” Minhwan was pulling at his hair but stopped to address Hongki when he asked the final question.

            “No, not really,” Hongki replied. Minhwan opened and closed his mouth, trying to find words to accurately express his lack of understanding.

            “I-but…okay,” Minhwan sunk back into the coach, looking lost. Jaejin patted him on the back with a look of concern.

            “Well, good for you guys then. Probably for the best now that I think about it, Jonghun was so mopey when he came over jeez he killed the entire night’s mood for me,” Seunghyun pulled a face as he complained. Jonghun rolled his eyes is response.

            “Since you guys insist on invading our apartment, why don’t you order a pizza. I don’t feel like cooking,” Jonghun pointed the question towards Seunghyun, who pulled his phone out immediately and ordered their usual.

            “So you guys are happy then?” Jaejin asked, having turned to them once again. Hongki gave him a lopsided smile and let his head loll against Jonghun’s chest.

            “Yeah, Jonghun was basically my wife beforehand anyway,” Hongki stated, ignoring Jonghun’s indignant “Hey!” and laughing along with Jaejin. “Besides, he’s my best friend, and nothing’s really changed.”