Under the Starlit Sky

 

 

Taeyeon’s Point of View:

 

Love

 

 

Is this what they call love?

 

 

The more I involve myself in this so called feeling,

The more I let myself drown in hurt and despair.  

 

 

Love

 

 

What’s so good about it?

 

You don’t always get to be with the person that you want to be with.

Thus, the longing is there to hunt you.

 

Pessimistic as it may seem, but I’m only basing it with reality.

 

 

Love Hurts.

 

Especially when you can’t be with the person you truly desire.

Why am I saying all of this?

 

 

 

It’s because my Love life, didn’t go so well; though technically I haven’t gotten myself a Girlfriend, yet.

I was planning to confess to a girl.

Not just any Girl I met in high school.

This Girl was special to me ever since I could remember.

This Girl was my Best Friend.

 

My Childhood Friend

My Neighbor

My Playmate

 

 

My First Love

 

 

We were 7 when her Family moved next door.

Our Family, especially our parents clicked right after they paid a visit to our house.

She was shy at first but being the friendly neighborhood kid that I am, I made sure she was comfortable around me.

After a few days of getting to know each other more, we became good friends and eventually treated each other as a Family as we grew up together.

 

Oh, where are my Manners, I’m Taeyeon Kim by the way, currently in my last year in High School.

My Special Girl is Tiffany Hwang, she’s a year younger than me and she studies in the same school.

I just turned 16 this year, sweet 16 supposedly but it turned out to be a bitter 16.

Bitter?

Definitely yes

Why?

Because I haven’t got that one chance in a lifetime to confess to the one I love.

 

 

Brother

I know she treats me only as her older brother.

But I don’t think of her as a younger sister

Family

Everyone thinks that I just treat her as a family

But definitely more than that

Lover?

Some think that we were dating

How I really wished that we were

 

 

I loved her ever since

But I haven’t got the guts to say what my heart truly desired.

 

Which was “her”

Only “her”

Always “her”

Forever it will only be “her”

 

Crazy

Yes I ‘am, for her

But I’m such a coward

I would have made a difference in our relationship if I was not a chicken

 

Sigh

 

So back to my main problem, Love, when will you ever play fair?

You have made a thousand of hearts to scream in pain.

Agony was your best friend.

Happiness was your greatest enemy.

 

When will you give Happiness to me?

I have always lived with agony, along with tears, racing down my porcelain skin.

Please give me happiness. Please give me Tiffany. Please Love, I beg you with my fragile little heart.

Just please let me be with the one that gives me happiness. Let me be with Tiffany.

I’m devastated for the nth time, ever since I came to know of my feelings for her.

Here I ‘am again, moping inside my room by the windowpane, looking out at the quiet and empty street of our neighborhood.

Every single day of my existence reminds me of the time that I spent with her.

I’m so stupid.

Stupid

Stupid

Plain stupid

Stupid hopeless romantic kid

 

 

“Tiffany, what have you done to me?”

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

 

I can hear the sound of a car engine stopping next door. Then I looked at the time,

 

“7 pm, must be Fany.”

 

I peeked outside my window, and true enough, I saw the brunette woman that I loved for years.

But who’s with her?

 

Oh, a guy.

 

 

“So it’s Nick huh, yeah. I knew it.”

Nickhun Horvekjul, the schools jock, Captain of the football team. He brought home numerous athletic awards and was about to enter the National Football team after he graduates. He was scouted when they were still in middle school, making him as the youngest player to have ever been scouted by the National Football Association. Pretty cool huh? Yeah he’s that COOL.

“I’m no match with that kid. *siiiigh*”

 

I closed the curtains before Tiffany can see me snooping around her and her boyfriend.

“Now what am I supposed to do? I’m too late again. Stupid Taeyeon, stupid stupid stupid stupiiid!” I hit my poor plushies that were lying on my bed.

 

“Ughhh. I’ll just sleep this off. Dreamland wouldn’t be such an to me unlike Reality is.”

Cause my dream is the only place where she can love me in return.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

I heard a constant knock on my door. I jolted up and tiredly looked at the clock above my bed.

 

“What the hell? It’s like 12 in the midnight already.” I mumbled as the knocking woke me up from my slumber.

 

I wasn’t scared or anything though. I had a hunch who the person was through the way the person knocks at the door. She’s like a part of the family wherein she can come in and out of our house, tonight was not an exception. Though I would prefer if she can come a little bit earlier, council meeting in the afternoon drained me so much adding to it was when I saw Tiffany go home with Nick.

 

The constant knocking is really bothering me now, how did she even get inside at this hour?

 

With no choice left, I heavily lift my tired body towards the door and hesitantly opened it. There I saw Tiffany clad in pink PJ’s with a black blazer to shield her from autumn’s cold temperature.  She wore her ever adorable eye smile and said, “Hey there sleepyhead, mind if I come inside your humble abode, It’s kind of freezing out here.” 

 

“Seriously Fany, it’s like 12 in the midnight for Christ’s sake.  Are you some kind of Vampire or something? How did you even get inside?” I said, trying to convey to her my current “tired” state.

“Chill will yah? Your sister was still awake and is lounging in the living room right now; watching some drama that kids are so hooked these days. I couldn’t sleep too. I wanted your company.” Tiffany said as she stared into my eyes, pouting her plump red lips.   

 

“*Sigh* how can I resist my little Tiffany if she’s being like this right now. Come in, come in, I bet you’re so cold.” I said playfully, trying to divert my sleepiness just to please this princess.

 

“It’s about time Tae Oppa.” She rolled her eyes as she enters my middle sized room compared to her larger one. 

 

“So what do you want to do now you’re Excellency?”

“Hmmm….Oh! Let’s look at the stars? Pretty please?” giving me her oh so irresistible puppy eyes.

“But it’s cold outside tonight Tiff.” I said, trying to convince her to stay indoors.

 

“But the sky looks so pretty tonight Oppa. Pretty please?, with cherry on top? And I know you’ll keep me warm, right?” she said as she held my hand tenderly.

 

 

God, that does it.

I just can’t say no anymore.

 

 

So I led her outside my room’s balcony and prepared some sheets for us to sit on.

We always did this stargazing thing when we were younger, but things just weren’t the same anymore.

 

It was the first time in a long while. Having her close to me felt so surreal as of this moment. I just don’t want this moment to end.

 

 

I lean on my room’s window as she leaned all her weight on me.

She was resting her head on my broad chest as she gazed up at the sky, marveling at the stars beauty. While me? I was observing her face. Every detail of her face made me realized how she became such a fine young lady. She was a beauty even before but I can’t help but see her as a full grown woman now.

 

Oh God, if you’re out there, hear out my plea and let me be with this angel that you sent here on Earth. I may not be the most deserving man in the world, but I have been good enough, right?

We were in a comfortable silence. I joined her as she enjoys the skies little show.

 

I was lost for a moment.

I was too preoccupied with school works to even enjoy the little things like this once in a while, with her.

 

I was staring intently at the sky without noticing the pair of eyes that are staring right at me, may be even right through my soul.

 

Realizing the intense stare that I’m receiving, I looked at her and boy! How I wish I didn’t do that.

Her face was just centimeters away from mine. I can feel her breath on my lips and I can’t help but feel all giddy at these rather intimate position that were in. 

 

“I miss you.” Tiffany caught me off guard with this confession.

 

She misses me? How come? I mean, she hangs around the house like almost every night. She sees me almost every day. Why?

 

“Uhh. Why? You know, we see each other almost every day at school and at home.” I asked, curiosity getting the best of me.

 

“W-well, I haven’t been able to spend time with you like this. With you graduating this year means tons of school stuffs to finish and fulfill, adding to it is your duty as the School’s Student Body President. I-I can’t help but feel lonely without you to play with.” Sadness was evident in her voice and I can’t help but feel sorry for not spending time with my princess.

 

“I’m sorry, I really am. I admit I was busy for the past few weeks but I assure you, once all of these are done, you have all of my attention.” I said reassuringly to her.

 

“You mean it?” clearly happy of what she just heard.

 

“Yes, I mean every single word that I say. It’s a promise.” I held out to her my pinky finger and swore to her that I’m going to give her the time that she wants.

 

“Yes! Don’t take that back okay? Thank you Taengoo Oppa! You’re the best always. I lo—“she stopped halfway of her sentence. Her face was flushed and was really turning into the shade of pink. What was it that she was about to say?

 

“You what? And what’s wrong? Are you not feeling well? Do you want to go inside? It’s kind of getting cold, you might get si—“I was cut off when she suddenly buried her face into my neck. Her vanilla scented shampoo invading my entire system. My heart was pumping so fast and I just can’t think straight. She was hugging me by the waist and her face still buried in the crook of my neck.

 

“T-tiffany? A-are you alright?” I was stuttering like hell and I can’t help but wonder about Tiffany’s sudden weird behavior.

 

“Don’t look at me!” she said, half yelling, half pleading.

 

“Why? Hey, look at me, are you okay?” I gently took her milky white face in my hands and soothed her rather pinkish cheeks. I could not tell the look that she’s giving me. It looks pleading, longing and wants to gain something. And is that love that I’m seeing? Or am I seeing things?

 

I her face gently, trying to relay to her that she can tell me anything that’s bothering her. I was supposed to be an older brother to her after all.

 

“T-taeyeon-ah? H-have you ever felt like you wanted something so bad but you can’t have it because of the fear of possibly breaking it or maybe losing it in the end? Wanting to own something precious but you can’t because you’re just too afraid to take that leap of faith? Wanting to be courageous enough to make a difference of everything?” she said almost carefully, as if she wants to tell me something.

 

I pondered for a moment.

Was I strong enough to want and have something?

What was that something that she was talking about?

 

Then I remembered what I fear of having the most because of the possibility that I might ruin years of love and friendship.

 

It was her.

It was wanting Us to be together.

It was wanting more than friendship.

 

Is this a chance? To tell her of the feelings that I have longed to convey?

It’s now or never.

 

“Tae? Its okay if you don’t want to answ—“

“You.” I mumbled. As I looked back up at stars that reminded me so much of Tiffany’s twinkling eyes.

“W-what? What about m-me?”

 

I closed my eyes and prepared myself for this moment.

Then after some time I slowly opened my eyes and looked at her tenderly. I searched for her hand and held it like it was going to be the last time that will ever hold it.

 

“It was wanting to have you Tiffany. It has always been about you. I love you so much. To the point of hiding these feelings just to preserve what we currently have. I want to be contented but you just have this strong effect on me that just keeps on making me to want you more and more as the days, months and years passes by. I’ve been in love with you, but I’m afraid, afraid that you only see me as a part of your Family, an older brother and nothing more. It breaks me so much to think that we can’t be together.” I was at the verge of tears but I held it in. I could not decipher the look on her face right now. I was starting to get worried and anxious so I was about to say something but the next thing she told me stopped me from saying anything.

 

“S-so you feel the same w-way, right? I’m not hearing things? Y-you love me m-more than being best friends?” she was stuttering and was fidgeting with our entwined fingers coupled with a tint of pink on her cheeks.

 

“I-I …. W-wait y-you w-what?!? Feel the same way?!? D-do you f-feel the same w-way?” my heart was about to go out from my chest, am I hearing things too? Or maybe I fell asleep while we were stargazing a while ago?

 

“I’m in love with you too idiot.” She said in a small voice but it was enough for me to hear it given the close proximity that we both have.

“What took you so long Taeyeon-ah.” She said in a relieved tone as she hugged me and cried silently.

 

I can’t believe it. She just said that she loves me too. We were on the same track all along, but wait!

 

“Wait! Tiff, w-what about Nickhun?”

“What about Nickhun?” she looked at me curiously.

“Nickhun Horvekjul,, you know, your b-boyfriend.” I looked down after mentioning the word “boyfriend”.

“Boyfriend?!?!? That Jock?!? No way! Nu-uh! He’s not my boyfriend Taeyeon-ah, what are you talking about? He just sent me home because he forced me too, saying I owe him for saving me from the other jocks.” She was so flabbergasted with what I just called Nickhun.

 

So wait, if he is not Tiffany’s boyfriend? That means, it was me she loves all along.

 

“I thought he was. I saw you a little earlier tonight with him.” I was feeling ashamed for assuming things. I looked down and didn’t dare to look at her in the eyes.

 

She lifted up my face and shocked me even more with what she did.

She kissed me, slowly as if I was someone who’s about to break at any moment.

My heartbeat found its rhythm when I felt how her heart was racing too.

 

So our feelings were really mutual.

Gone is the one sided love that I endure for years.

Gone is the agony that have stayed with me along with my fears.

 

Now, I have Tiffany with me, under the starlit sky where we shared our love to each other.