Every day when a person received a toy bear from someone they love, they care. Luhan will too but just from a person who treated him as if he was just another one of his friends, without any love given in the gift. Perhaps, it was just a token of friendship from him and nothing more.

Luhan and Sehun knew each other since young. They enrolled into the same elementary school, middle school and of course the same high school together. The three words 'I Love You' only came out of his mouth but never Sehun's.

*Luhan's POV*

"Sehun- I" He rolled his eyes coldly at me before speaking, "What do you want, don't drag, just say." He demanded.

"Erm.. I love you" I confessed once more. He half smirked. "Take this and go home. Bye." He handed me a small brown toy bear then patted my head before leaving me all alone. Once again, my three words was just rejected and ignored like this. Every time when I confessed to him, he will just do the same thing over and over again. 

*Maybe I shouldn't have confessed in the first place. Ever since I did, he started to give me all these meaningless toy bears, everyday. All I wanted was to hear the three special words from him. A simple and meaningful 'I Love You'. Is it so hard?* I questioned myself and threw the toy bear into my backpack as I headed home.

Sehun always talked to other girls or guys, as if he was somehow interested in them and as if Luhan was not there. In actually fact Luhan was beside him all along, faking a smile. Sehun never showed Luhan the same amount of attention as compared to the people he talked to. Of course, Luhan did get jealous over it. He just wondered why he could not get the same or at least more attention from Sehun other than just the meaningless toy bears he received from him. After all, they knew each other for a long time and Sehun should be closer to him than anybody else, that was what Luhan expected, at least.

*Luhan's POV*

"Hey, wanna grab lunch together. Maybe watch a movie afterwards?" Sehun shook his head at me. "Dude no worries just as a friend not something more than that, I promise." I assured him. That was my third attempt of the week, and again he rejected me.

"Sorry I can't" My heart sank once more as deeply, I would have treated it more than just a friend date, "Why, do you have to stay in school for revision or project?" I plastered a smile on to hide it.

"No I have to meet a friend of mine. Here take this, see you tomorrow" He handed me a toy bear again before jogging down the hallways, slowly disappearing from my sight. I sighed and threw the toy bear and textbooks, everything that I need for my revision into my backpack. I returned home, feeling tired and sad. I got rejected every time. I kept on think about what was it that I lacked that could not attract Oh Sehun. 

*Watching a movie as a friend only, that doesn't kill. Having lunch together won't take up too much of his time either, why can't he just give me that chance?* I asked myself as I stacked the toy bear he gave me today onto the others he gave me on the other days. It was a corner that I love the most because it was a stack of soulless and meaningless toy bears given by him. Though the fact is that it doesn't contain much meaning, or does it looked any special from those I had seen in my life, well I just love it because it is from him.

Day by day passed, I just felt as though I am wasting my time and my life as I chased after this hopeless relationship that I wanted with him. Countless rejections, countless heartbreaks, countless faked smiles and countless meaningless toy bears.

"Luhan get rid of those useless toys, they are collecting dust! I hate it, stop taking these useless toy bears from your girlfriends!" Dad yelled at me, he slammed the door.
I ignored him, as I looked at the bears. My heart felt guilty, I know it will be shocking if dad knew that those were from Sehun. He and mom would be disappointed and feel a huge disgrace if they knew I fell in love with a guy. They might even start to deprive me from seeing Sehun in school. They might even disown me in worst case scenario, I can't bare for that to happen. Even if that didn't happen, me and Sehun are seen as best buddies in school, some even though we are brothers. So imagine if they knew my crush on him, I would get bullied and I would get teased for it. Sehun knew I love him, he didn't tease me about it nor did he call me gay or horrible names. Either did he spread my confession to him to the whole school. He prevented those harmful thoughts that I imagined, maybe he do care. Perhaps as a good friend only. 

*Maybe if I ignore these feelings, it would all go away. Maybe if I really do, I can become straight again..* Luhan thought but he knew that would never happen because he love Sehun more than anything.

Everyday passed by like this, their goodbyes always ended with Sehun handing Luhan a toy bear. This continued on for the 150 days, the 250 days, non-stop, as long as they knew each other. Luhan just wondered why all the time. When he tried to ask Sehun the reason, Sehun will head off to somewhere else or ignore his question by changing the topic even before Luhan got the chance to ask.
On a special day, it was a big day for Luhan. It was the day when he turned 18.
He remembered how he help Sehun celebrated his 18th birthday some day in the middle of the year, before his confession. He remembered his sweet smile. When he asked Sehun what was his birthday wish, Sehun told him that he wished for more courage.

-Flashback-
"What did you wish for" Luhan asked cheerfully when the bunch of noisy teenagers ended their happy birthday song for the birthday boy.

"I wished for more courage," Sehun told Luhan with a bright smile. "What- Why?" Luhan asked, feeling totally amazed by his wish.

"Because he is going to a haunted house we set up for him and he is so freaking scare right now! Come on let's go, sissy!" Taehyung yelled and wrapped his arms around Luhan and Sehun as he lead them to the haunted house in the backyard along with the party people following behind them.

Luhan smiled to himself, recalling that wonderful day. The party started and ended till midnight. He waited for Sehun to come to join the party or even to call to just wish him a simple happy birthday.
*He wouldn't forget about it right because we are best friends!* Luhan convinced himself as he waited for the phone call from Sehun or his appearance at the party. He focused so much on Sehun's arrival, he didn't even enjoyed the party. But lunch passed, dinner passed. Still no sign of Sehun, not even a text message was send to Luhan. Staring at the phone got tiring, the party ended too. Luhan was disappointed, he could not believe his best friend forgot his birthday after so many years of friendship. Love was impossible for Luhan but now, not even friendship?
*Maybe he is just busy* Luhan went to sleep, convincing himself that his birthday just slipped out of Sehun's mind because he was too busy.

Two hours after midnight passed, Luhan received a call from Sehun. He was excited because Sehun told Luhan to meet him outside his house.

"Hey! Here I am, what is it you wanna tell me?" Luhan assumed that Sehun remembered his birthday and came all the way to wish him a happy belated birthday. "Here take this" Sehun gave Luhan a teddy bear. The same old ones Luhan had been receiving for the past few months.

"What is this for?" Luhan asked. Sehun sighed "I forgot to give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now." Luhan lower his eyes and bit his bottom lips *It wasn't for my birthday?* To Luhan, it was okay to receive the same thing for the past few months as a present from Sehun. "Do you know what day it was, yesterday?" 

"Huh what about yesterday? Is it a day I should remember?" Sehun asked with blankness written all over his face. "It is--" "Whatever, see you tomorrow. Bye." Sehun interrupted to say his farewell and turned to the opposite direction, taking his leave.

"Wait!" Luhan yelled. "Uh what is it?" Sehun turned his attention to Luhan. "Please tell me you love me," Luhan requested. "What did you said?" Sehun asked. "Please-- it is just three words." Luhan begged. He felt so heartbroken when his crush, his best friend did not even remembered his birthday. So hearing that three words even without a meaning could cheer him up even just by a little, it was fine for Luhan. Sehun remained silent for a while, looking right into Luhan's eyes. "I don't want to. I don't want to say I like or love someone so easily. If you are so desperate to hear those words, go and find someone else." Sehun told him firmly and walked away, slowly disappearing from Luhan's sight. That was what he said. Those words made Luhan's legs felt numbed, he was instantly glued to the path he was standing on. His tears fell, his heart dropped.

"He didn't want to say it so easily..” Luhan whispered out into the cold night. His words drifted away with the wind.

Days passed by like this, Luhan stopped his confession. He followed his other group of friends instead of Sehun. If Sehun were to tag along with them, he would excuse himself out of the group. Because he started to feel as if he was the that wanted Sehun's attention so bad, but it wasn't true at all. He wasn't sad, he just thought maybe he should stop 'seeking' attention from Sehun by asking him to confess, which only happened once or, for himself to confess again and again, which can be annoying. That would be the best for his relationship with Sehun to continue for a stable friendship, he thought.

"Damn it Luhan, where the are you going now?" Taehyung raged. Luhan smiled "I need to go meet someone, you guys have lunch. See you later" He walked away.

"That always disappears to somewhere when you appear," Taehyung joked and placed his arms on Sehun's shoulder and headed off to the cafeteria nosily.

Though Luhan avoided Sehun, Sehun would still haunt Luhan down at the end of the day and pass him the toy bear. Well and as usual, Luhan will accept them and head home alone. The pile of teddy bears built up, Luhan just stared at them, wondering why was it, even given to him when there is no meaning behind it. Though he still felt heartbroken when Sehun told him to find someone else if he was desperate to hear those words.

*No I am not desperate for it. I just wanna hear you say it. Do you hate me, am I too annoying? Is falling in love wrong too! Don't want to say you love someone easily, tch.. Are you ing kidding me!* Luhan smirked and ruffled his own hair as he walked over to the pile of bear and kicked it as hard as he could, lashing out all his anger. The bears flew in all directions in his room, landing everywhere.

"What am I to you, stop messing with my feelings! With these bears, representation of love and care for lovers! Don't give it to me, if you don't love me or care for me! Stop confusing me!" He yelled and sat down onto the floor, with a hand covering his eyes, and the other hitting the floor.

"Why--" He question himself. "What do you exactly want.. What exactly does your heart want?"

Days continued, the daily routine of Sehun handing Luhan the bear continued.  Luhan wasn't feeling sad when Sehun told him to look for someone else, he was angry. He confessed to him and yet, he ignored, which was fine but what he told Luhan made Luhan angry, and felt as if he was an attention seeking . He didn't felt sad but as day pass, he did. It hurts when he received the toy bear, that pain was felt daily. But gotten more painful as times passed, sometime while Luhan was showering, his mind slipped into deep thoughts.

*Am I an attention seeking fool? No I am not, I just confess my feeling to him many times and only one time, I requested him to say it and he called me a depressed person. Maybe I really am, ugh--* He held his burning heart while weeping in his shower.

School as usual, Luhan still avoided Sehun, he wanted to keep avoiding him until he figure out what he really is, a guy deeply in love or just another kind that wants his crush attention so much. Luhan hide and Sehun seek, this continue and only until Sehun found Luhan, he would stop and called it a day between him and Luhan by handing him the toy bear, otherwise he would called Luhan and made Luhan come and meet him, by force or threaten if he had too. Luhan wanted to avoid him but with those threaten such as "I will break our friendship." Or "Friend zone is already killing you, what if we can't even be friends anymore, you want that?" Sehun would use their remaining vapid friendship as threaten.
"Alright I will meet you there" Is what Luhan would say to Sehun after all threatens.

Just another boring day while Luhan was deep in his thoughts, he received a call. It was from Sehun.
"Yes?" Luhan asked. "Meet me at the ice cream shop, now." He demanded. "Okay sure.." Luhan replied and hung up the phone. He grabbed his jacket and headed out to find his heartbreaker.

Outside the ice cream shop, Luhan stared in. Looking for him through the wide glass window, but what he saw was heart breaking for him. He saw Sehun and a girl, the girl was talking happily with him. He was laughing and smiling while a toy bear that was meant for Luhan. Sehun had smile that he never showed Luhan since he received Luhan's first confession. That broke him into pieces, he ran home and sat on his bed full of thoughts.

*Those bears are probably from all those girls and they are probably useless so he gave it to me-- It doesn't have a meaning behind it, it is just useless toys as expected!* He tear up and buried his face on his knees.

Luhan was broken, broken for good. He felt weak and stupid. He knew this relationship he wanted never will happen but he still fall deeper for Sehun. Over again and again. Those feelings now and previously were slowly torturing him, slowly killing him. Sehun's words and his actions killed him. He spend that day crying but weirdly, he didn't receive a call from Sehun. Sehun didn't asked him to meet him for today's toy bear.

Until the next day. A beautiful Sunday.

"Meet me at the bus stop, now."

"Okay," Luhan replied his text. He claimed his feelings down, still hating himself for being so stupid. Still wanting to meet his heartbreaker again. Today, even after yesterday's incident.

*I will tell him, that I will give up. Friend zone is fine. Fine by me. It is for the best* He told himself as he saw Sehun from afar, standing at the bus stop, looking at his phone.

Luhan approached him, with his heart beat like the wild beats of African drums. Sehun looked up from his phone, spotting the little deer.

"Here take this, can't believe you are here, I thought you was upset from what you saw yesterday" Sehun half smirked and handed Luhan a huge white teddy bear. Totally different from the ones he received for the past few months. Luhan took it, with anger.

"I don't want these stupid toy bears! I hate them-- I hate you!" He shouted out loud and threw the white toy bear as hard as he could onto the road. Different from other times, Sehun eyes were shaky. His smirk disappeared, he bit his bottom lips and asked why.

Luhan rolled his eyes and held back his tears, "Why would I want it when they are just useless! Why would you give them to me! Toy bears are representation of love, of care! You don't even care or love me the way I do. You don't even give me the same amount of attention you used to! What happened to the Oh Sehun I knew. I know you don't have the same feelings as I do for you but, just as friend. You even failed to give me the friend zone attention! I hate you!" Luhan spat it out.

Sehun eyes were shaky and he replied in a tiny voice "I- I am sorry.." He apologized and walked towards the snow white toy bear. "No you idiot! Don't pick it up, I don't want it! Put-- Sehun step back! Move back here, hurry! Leave the toy!" Luhan yelled as loud as he could when he saw a truck spinning out of control as it honked to warned Sehun who was on the road, picking up the bear. Sehun looked at the direction of the truck but by the time, it was too late.

The sound of the crash was horrible. It was scary, horrible. His body laid there on the road frozen.

Luhan didn't care about the truck at all. All he did was care about Sehun. He immediately ran towards then kneeled down beside Sehun. He was afraid of what he might find but he only found Sehun's rapidly falling temperature body with blood oozing out of his body, bones broken.

"Sehun! Don't die, you don't have to say I love you! We could just be friends! I will take the bear, now wake up please! Please!" Luhan yelled, panic and guiltiness all in his tone as he pulled the bloody body off the road and against his body. "Oh Sehun! Please!" He yelled as his voice cracked.

"God damn it, Sehun wake up now! I will do anything you want! Just freaking wake up now!" He yelled, attempting to wake up the frozen body but none of them seems to work.

"Please just wake up, I can't lose you even as a friend.." He whispered with tears, mucus starting to flow out.

"Lower down, god I--" Sehun voice died down, last word drifted off with the wind, leaving Luhan forever.

Sehun was gone. Gone for good, Luhan knew it at that very moment. Feeling of guilt, sadness, anger and emptiness filled within the broken body of Luhan. That feeling was instant. He shouldn't have scolded Sehun that way, he shouldn't had--.

Years passed, Luhan had hard time facing Sehun's death and Luhan still clearly remember Sehun's shaky eyes. The sound of him when apologizing. He felt guilty, sadness and Luhan was angry at himself for letting Sehun here those last words before his leaving. He couldn't face his death at first hence Luhan hid the bears under his bed, but now. He now he learnt to face it and to give himself a one last time to do anything that has to do to Sehun. He didn't want to but he had to in order to move on. He took the toy bears out, and poured it on his bed. He counted one by one, counting how many days he had spent with Sehun ever since he confessed to him.

"One-- Two-- Three--" Slowly he counted out loud. From one to ten, ten to twenty, twenty to thirty. So on and so forth until he reached 587 days. He smiled to himself with tears "587 days of hopeless romance with you. I miss you, Sehun, my best friend. My crush--" He whispered out and hugged the 587th bear tightly and something shocked him. The bear spoke!

"I love you. I love you." It spoke to Luhan. Luhan stared at it with tears, he quickly took the other bears and place them against the wall. He leaned against them with his weight, all of them spoke, "I love you" "I love you" it echoed throughout his room, Luhan was in shell shock.

*All this time, he didn't said the three words. Was because he hid them in the bears. In fact he-- he did told me every day. He do care and love me..* Luhan thought and quickly took out the white toy bear with blood stains on the left side of it. It was what he lasted received from Sehun. Luhan pressed it's stomach and a familiar voice echoed in the room, the voice he missed the most.

"Hey Luhannie, firstly, I do remember your birthday. I felt like dying that day because I kept on delete the birthday wishes I wanted to send to you and retype and delete, I couldn't write in what I wanted so I decided not to even say a happy birthday to you but it has been 588 days since you confessed to me, since we have been loving each other. You know I actually can't say those three words because I was shy and afraid you aren't feeling the same way at first. Remember on my 18th birthday, I wished for courage. I wanted courage to confess to you but still, I failed to. Yes I love you even before you confessed to me. The first day of our 588 days, when you confessed to me. I was so damn freaking happy, I wanted to tell you too but I can't, I acted cold to you because I am worried about my feelings being revealed to you. I am mad to not be with you even when we love each other but I decided to use these toy bears to my feelings to you, hoping you will understand my feelings, but you are cute. You didn't knew they confess do you? Hahaha it is fine. I will do it now, I Love You Luhan. Forever and always."

"All these time.. and I didn't even notice. He loved me and I didn’t even knew." Luhan spoke out with his squeaky voice. His guilt increases, heartbreak decreases. He felt horrible, he should have known earlier. Sehun was that type of person. He was a person that does not dare to speak up for himself, ever since when they were young.

"Hey I am Luhan, can we be friends? I think you look really good. I always wanted a friend who look very handsome, as handsome as me!" The five year old Luhan squealed out happily while the fix year old Sehun looked away, ignoring. "You look lonely. I can be your friend if you want." Luhan tried to persuade the lonely boy again and this time he nodded shyly.
"What's your name?" He asked. "I am Oh Sehun" He softly replied with pink cheeks. "You are 'oh so shy', be more comfortable. We are friends now right!" Luhan cheered him and giggled. Slowly they knew each other day by day and by each day, they shared secrets. They shared their trouble and they shared their likes and dislikes together. They were nicknamed as the 'Astro Twins', 'Handsome Twins' and more than they could remembered. Their habits even grew to be more similar.

"I really hate our nickname. We even got shipped! I hate it!" The fourteen-year old Sehun, complained out of frustration. "I gotten used to it already, it is pretty funny if you think about it." Luhan lied, wanting to chill down the atmosphere, knowing that it is not the best when Sehun is angry or anything. "Dude, I am fine. I know you hate it too, I am not mad believe me. Don't need to lie for me to chill down, kay." Sehun half smirked and punch Luhan lightly on his shoulder. "Hmm.. glad you are not mad, I hate it when you do.." Luhan replied and kicked Sehun jokingly. "Jokes aside, promise me you always be my bro and nothing else okay," Sehun said and Luhan nodded.

Years passed and Luhan couldn’t keep his promise, he fell for Sehun and now, he knew Sehun broke his own promise too. Sehun was always shy, it was Luhan who took the first step to them becoming best friends but when he did took the first step for the relationship he wanted. Things turned out differently for him, tragedy happened. Not happiness. Their friendship bear into a sweet and juicy fruit however their romance bear into something Luhan or Sehun would never ever predict. It was bitter in everyone who knew their story but it was still sweet for Luhan.

Forgive me..

“For being shy, not able to speak out my feelings..”

“For misunderstanding your feelings,  I should have known..”

A/N

Hello finally the end of my one month writing. Guess what,

it turned out more horrible than I thought it would be T.T huhuhu

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Fun Fact: This is my second OTP fic. The first one was a Baekyeol fic.

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