Sungyeol had always loved Myungsoo more than as a friend.

It was because Myungsoo could listen to him. Because Myungsoo let Sungyeol let out his emotions. Because Myungsoo comforted him.

There were some things that everyone knew. Stuff like Sungyeol being the most fragile in terms of emotions than everyone else. Stuff like Sungyeol hated being ignored. Stuff like Sungyeol had a soft spot for Myungsoo. Stuff like Sungyeol being the most insecure.

Everyone knew those. 

Sungyeol was the type to cry in someone's arms because of a television drama, or even over someone he barely knew as more than an acquaintance.

Myungsoo was the person Sungyeol would cry to. Because Myungsoo never complained.

Maybe it was because Myungsoo didn't mind the skinship. Maybe it was because Myungsoo was used to it.

Sungyeol had to rely on anyone other than himself. Sometimes he would wake up, and wonder how he was still standing after so long.

He always heard the incessant nagging at the back of his head.

"You're a nuisance. You annoy everyone."

He hated it.

It wasn't that Sungyeol wasn't used to the haters or the bullies. 

At least when he heard their insults, it was in their voices.

But when he was behind the screen or when he was alone...

The voices were always his own.

Myungsoo was someone Sungyeol relied on. Ever since they were kids, he'd curl up in Myungsoo's arms when things got tough and he'd cry it all out and Myungsoo wouldn't push him away or get annoyed.

Those days were gone.

It was a phase. Sungyeol told himself.

Maybe it was just Myungsoo acting up after a long day.

Or maybe Myungsoo had finally got sick of Sungyeol being weak.

But Sungyeol just couldn't bring himself to believe that.

∞ ∞ ∞

It began when Sungyeol started getting bullied for being gay.

He would have survived the day at the despicable school and tolerated the insults hurled at him.

Gay. Homophobic. Disgusting.

He should be used to it now, but he isn't.

He'd always taste blood from biting his lip so much. Just to hold it in.

He didn't want to cry in front of them.

That day, Sungyeol had just got back home from school.

He spotted Myungsoo sitting cross-legged on his bed with his iPad and Sungyeol's bottom lip quivered, remembering the day's events.

Sungyeol slammed the room door shut and flung over to Myungsoo. Hugging his waist as the tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Myung. Is it wrong to be gay?" 

His face was drenched in tears as he tried to laugh it off.

"Haha... I guess they can't stand me."

He heard Myungsoo sigh as Myungsoo peeled Sungyeol off him harshly.

Sungyeol stared back at Myungsoo in shock.

He'd never pushed Sungyeol away.

Never.

"Wh—"

"I'm tired, Sungyeol. Go cling onto someone else. I'm not in the mood." His words were sharp and stinging.

Sungyeol's eyes clouded with tears again as he choked out a barely audible reply but it was lost on deaf ears as Myungsoo pushed past him and grabbed his pillow and blanket before walking to the door.

Sungyeol's knuckles were white from clenching his fist.

His chest was filling up and he wasn't sure he could contain the new found tears.

"I'm sleeping in Sungjong's room tonight. Go cry somewhere where we won't hear you." 

And that was it.

The door closed behind Myungsoo as Sungyeol took a sharp intake of breath. Sliding his back down the wall as he hiccupped. Trying to calm his emotions.

"He's done with you. He's had enough of your crying and hates you now. Happy?"

The voices were back and he wanted to scream. To block them out.

But Myungsoo's words rung in his ears and he bit his inner cheek as he settled from covering his ears while he let out soft whimpers.

'Maybe it'll be better tomorrow.'

He told himself, letting the exhaustion from his crying take over and he collapsed in a heap at the corner of the dark room.

∞ ∞ ∞

It was about during the time where the everyone had ended school for their break. Sungyeol fought and braved a smile to everyone, pretending he was okay. Even though no one really cared.

And soon, he all together gave up pretending too.

∞ ∞ ∞

Sungyeol couldn't stop thinking.

Thinking about what he did wrong. How he'd managed to make Myungsoo snap.

He even tried apologisig but Myungsoo just waved him off.

He wanted to cry again but the tears wouldn't come.

He'd always thought to himself, maybe if he didn't cry so much, Myungsoo wouldn't push him away anymore.

At first, Sungyeol was okay.

Okay with just pretending no matter how tired he was with it.

The only thing that'd stuck around was the voice.

Sungyeol holding back his emotions and trying to calm the voice at the back of his head that always appeared in difficult situations.

But then he realised that Sungjong and Myungsoo had been hanging out a lot more often.

Myungsoo never asked if he slept well anymore.

Myungsoo had never even asked if Sungyeol wanted anything when he went out.

Everything to Myungsoo was Sungjong, Sungjong, Sungjong.

And Sungyeol was about to break.

∞ ∞ ∞

Sometimes, he'd sit in the bathroom at 2a.m.

He'd sit there on the white tiles and listen.

Listen to his own breathing.

And the voice.

"Lee Sungyeol, pick up the blade. You won't hear me while it bleeds. You won't feel and soon you'll be numb. Go ahead. You're not that much of a useless brat."

And so he did.

Every night he'd slip into the toilet and do it over and over again.

He didn't even have to bother covering them up because no one ever bothers to notice.

∞ ∞ ∞

Everyone was in the living room, minding their own business.

Woohyun was having a nice conversation with Sunggyu and Hoya and Dongwoo were dancing.

Myungsoo and Sungjong were sitting next to each other as they watched the latest Gag Concert together. Laughing and exchanging lingering touches.

Sungyeol's eyes burned at the sight and he excused himself.

But he doubted anyone heard him or cared.

He settled for cleaning up the house. He did the dishes, he arranged the vegetables in the fridge, he sweeped the floor.

At least when he was occupied, the voice wouldn't come back.

"Hey Sungyeol. Can you wash this for me? Thanks." Woohyun called and dumped the empty stained bowls into the sink.

He hadn't even looked at Sungyeol.

Soon, Sungyeol had become everyone's maid.

He kept to himself more than ever.

No one had heard him crying because he wasn't crying anymore.

His tears had all run dry.

No one ever asked for his opinion.

When Sungyeol wasn't there, he didn't even know if they'd realised that Sungyeol wasn't.

Sungyeol was already at his breaking point.

He couldn't stand it anymore.

He couldn't sit quietly anymore. 

He and Myungsoo's room had become Sungyeol's own. Since Myungsoo had practically moved to Sungjong's room now.

He'd done all the dishes again and walked past everyone silently, closing the door and collapsing onto his bed.

His bed felt cold.

Sungyeol stared at the luggage bag in the far corner and the voice came back.

"Go. Pack and leave. They don't need you here anyway." The voice said.

And so, Sungyeol slowly got off the bed.

He opened the cupboard and almost choked.

It still smelled like Myungsoo.

His eyes watered as he bit his lip and chanted quietly to himself.

'Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.'

He avoids Myungsoo's old clothes like te plague. Grabbing his shirts, jeans... Everything that Myungsoo owned.

When he was done packing all his stuff, he stared at his laptop on the desk.

Sungyeol has an apartment in the outskirts of Seoul.

His parents bought it before they left for the states but Sungyeol hadn't used it since he'd moved in with everyone in the school dorm.

He'd never thought he'd ever need it again until now.

Sungyeol's hand is on the doorknob of he and Myungsoo's— his room and he wants to turn it and leave.

But some part of him, the part that still thinks that they care, stops him.

Sungyeol finds his feet wandering to the laptop as he turns it on for the first time in months.

And he opens the Microsoft Word to type out his last message and then he leaves.

∞ ∞ ∞

"Sungyeol? The dishes in the sink are piling up..." Woohyun sighs and turns to Sunggyu.

"Where is he, anyway?" Sunggyu says, knocking on Sungyeol's door.

"Sungyeol-ah? Open the door." Sunggyu calls and by now, everyone was gathered outside his room.

"Come to think of it... I haven't seen him at all, lately." Dongwoo mutters.

"Lately? It's been a few weeks!" Hoya says after a while and Woohyun pales.

"What if he's been in there for a month?!" He cried out and Sunggyu runs to fetch the spare key.

"What's going on?" Myungsoo asks, arm slung over Sungjong's shoulder.

"Have you seen Sungyeol?" 

"No..."

The door unlocks with a click, and the shuffle in. They take in the neat but dusty room, feeling like it was significantly missing many items.

Myungsoo's eyebrows furrow as his arm drops from Sungjong's shoulder and he opens the cupboard.

"His clothes aren't here... Only mine." He whispers, turning pale.

Sunggyu's eyes widen and he walks in too, looking for any trace that Sungyeol had been living here in the previous month, finding none.

Woohyun picks up Sungyeol's laptop and beckons Myungsoo over.

"Did he have a password?"

"Yeah... I think. I never knew it, though..." He trails off and his eyebrows furrow even more when the laptop turns on without any passcode whatsoever.

There is no wallpaper or anything to show that the laptop was actually used except for a Word Document named 'Goodbye'.

Woohyun sits on the edge of the dusty bed and everyone comes closer to see the document.

It opens and Woohyun proceeds to read its contents aloud.

"Sunggyu-hyung. I hope you're taking care of everyone in the dorm well. School term has started again, right? It probably has... I don't know when you all will find this but i'm sure that when you do, i'll be long gone.

The gang is finally an even number now! It's easier for you without one more, right? I'm sorry that i'm leaving. I guess it's back to Woohyun doing the dishes, right? Haha... Please take care of your health... Okay? Don't overwork yourself..." Woohyun's voice gets softer as the words sink in.

"He left...?" Dongwoo mutters and Hoya grabs his phone to dial Sungyeol's number incessantly.

"Woohyun-hyung. Have you been relaxing these weeks? Sure you have... Besides, i've been doing all the chores, right? Haha... Take care of everyone for me. Hyung... I don't hate you, Woohyun-hyung. I could never bring myself to, no matter how badly you treated me these months... You're still my hyung and i love you all. Haha pathetic, i know. I don't tell you guys that enough. Maybe that's why you drifted away from me... Don't overwork yourself and help Sunggyu-hyung, okay?" Woohyun continues but stops short as his voice cracks and the tears roll down his cheeks. Woohyun shoves the laptop to Sunggyu and runs out of the room.

They stare after Woohyun and Sunggyu clears his throat before continuing.

"Dongwoo-hyung, Hoya-hyung. Keep doing what you love! Dongwoo-hyung, i hope you don't get sad over me leaving... Though i'm not sure any of you will. Hehe... Let me at least have the idea that you will miss me, even if you guys won't... Hoya-hyung, take care of everyone, okay? Sometimes i think you're more mature than most of the members...

Sungjong... I don't want to hate you. I really don't. But... I'm a selfish person up until now. You're stealing Myung from me, right? Haha... I guess its okay now. You're making Myung happy, right? As long as you do, i don't mind. I hope me leaving will make things easier for Myung and you... 

Thank you, everyone for putting up with me for so long but i have to leave now... I'm afraid i've been a hindrance for too long now... Good luck! Good luck! I'm sure it's easier now that you don't have a dead weight and a crybaby! Fighting!" He trails off as his eyes scan the last words and his tears fall too.

"Love...

Your choding, Lee Sungyeol."

The room is completely silent as Sungjong runs out too, silently crying as Dongwoo runs out soon after.

Myungsoo dosen't believe it. He dosen't want to.

He's frozen.

"Where's my message? He didn't leave one?" Myungsoo whispers and Sunggyu scrolls through the document again, shaking his head a little after.

Myungsoo's chest feels tight. 

Did Sungyeol forget him? But Sungyeol mentioned him in Sungjong's message...

Maybe Sungyeol wants to forget him.

After all, Myungsoo had been despicable these months.

Myungsoo wouldn't blame Sungyeol for wanting to forgt him.

Slowly, every moment where they'd ignored Sungyeol came rushing back and Myungsoo collapses in a heap.

Sungyeol heard Myungsoo sigh as Myungsoo peeled Sungyeol off him harshly.

Sungyeol stared back at Myungsoo in shock.

Myungsoo had never pushed Sungyeol away.

Never.

"Wh—"

"I'm tired, Sungyeol. Go cling onto someone else. I'm not in the mood." His words were sharp and stinging.

Myungsoo pushes past him and grabs his pillow and blanket before walking to the door.

"I'm sleeping in Sungjong's room tonight. Go cry somewhere where we won't hear you."

Myungsoo can't move. He can't breathe.

He regrets everything but it's too late now.

Sungyeol's gone.

A/N: Infinite live together in a school dorm, and they're not idols by the way! (i intended to write them as idols but thought better of it so i left out one part to change while editing!)

edited: 25/10/14